


Diamonds Don't Shatter, Beautiful and Battered

by closetbidisaster



Series: Diamond Heart [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), F/F, Non-Graphic Violence, Swearing, slow burn? slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 102,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21739207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/closetbidisaster/pseuds/closetbidisaster
Summary: Give you all I got (if I had a diamond heart)I'd walk straight through the daggerNever break the patternDiamonds don't shatter, beautiful and batteredOr"Welcome to the BAU"
Relationships: Alex Morgan/Kelley O'Hara, Ashlyn Harris/Ali Krieger, Julie Johnston/Alex Morgan, Kelley O'Hara/Hope Solo, Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett, Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Series: Diamond Heart [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1566424
Comments: 56
Kudos: 341





	1. Nevermind the Bruises

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Diamond Heart by Alan Walker.
> 
> Welcome to the show, folks.

**_“No one has gone through life without acquiring scars and bruises. Some wounds are hidden inside us and only we can feel. They are badges of our day to day struggle to learn and survive.” - R.J. Intindola_ **

* * *

_December 2015_

Shifting the bag resting on her shoulder, Kelley steps on the elevator and hits the button to take her to her new floor. It had been a little over two years since she had seen the inside of the Bureau, a very long two years.

  
  


_September 2013_

Fresh out of the Academy, Kelley had been contacted by Director Wambach for an assignment. She had been sent to Kansas City, assigned to infiltrate a sex trafficking ring. The Director’s reasonings for choosing her had been straight-forward and expected. She had no family; they had passed years ago. She typically stuck to herself and had an affinity for being able to read people like a book. And, her number one choice for where she wanted to work was undercover ops within the FBI. Director Wambach read her file and observed her over the course of a few weeks before greenlighting the operation.

No one had been sure how long it would last, but Kelley was okay with that. It wasn’t like she had anybody to get back to. Her cover ran deep, so deep that anyone in the Bureau who came after she left would only know her as Marlene McGarry, Kansas City’s newest shiny toy. She hit the ground running, infiltrating the scene faster than her handler could keep up. There had been more than a few very close calls in her two years undercover. The raid had come at the perfect time, the Bureau picking up half a dozen traffickers and rescuing dozens of girls.

Following her debriefing process, Kelley had been told she would be allowed to choose her next move. However, before she could make a decision, she was contacted by the new Director and told she had been personally requested by the BAU. So, Kelley had relocated from the midwest office and headed to D.C.

_December 2015_

The elevator dings and the doors open. Taking a deep breath, Kelley steps out and walks towards the transparent doors, pushing them open. She takes in the bustling office and realizes she recognizes absolutely nobody. Before she can dwell, or attempt to figure out who these people are, she hears her name.

“O’Hara! My office, please.” Becky Sauerbrunn, section chief of the BAU is standing near her office door and smiling slightly at Kelley. Kelley offers a small smile in return, once again adjusting the bag on her shoulder and walks up the stairs to greet her new boss.

“Agent Sauerbrunn, it’s nice to officially meet you. I’ve heard great things about you and your unit,” she shakes Becky’s hand.

“Please, call me Becky or Broon. We operate on a mutual trust and respect for each person here at the BAU. We like to keep it informal around the office if we can.” Kelley nods and follows Becky into her office. The section chief moves behind her desk and takes a seat, motioning to the chair in front of the desk for Kelley to take a seat.

“I’m fine standing, thank you.” Her time undercover has left her wary of letting her guard down. Always having to be on high alert, always ready to move at a moment’s notice, always looking over her shoulder. She still found it hard to relax; she had yet to reach out to her family and her apartment looked more like a staging area than a home.

“Alright, well, I just want to be the first to welcome you to the BAU. Your file is impressive. Your time at the Academy was….insane. Your time undercover was respectable and highly appreciated by everyone at the Bureau. The dedication you show to your work is admirable.” 

Kelley nods, hands stuffed in the pockets of her leather jacket. She’s never been great at accepting praise, always knowing she could work harder, achieve more.

“Now, I know you’re used to working alone for the most part. But, here at the BAU, as I said, it’s about respect and trust. We work as a team and we listen to one another. Nobody is alone, got that?” Becky studies her for a moment and her eyes soften. Kelley knows the section chief has been studying her since she set foot in the squad room and shifts on her feet slightly.

“If you ever need anything, my door is always open.” Kelley just nods in response.

Before either can speak again, the door opens and a pretty curly-haired brunette pokes her head in.

“Hey, Beck. Sorry for interrupting, but we got a case. Briefing room in two.” Becky nods and stands, the door closing. She turns to Kelley and gives a tight smile.

“I hope you came prepared to hit the ground running. Sounds like you’ll be learning on the fly.”

“Always be prepared, Becky.” Kelley glances towards the squad room.

“I know I’ve never really been an office person, but do I have a desk or…?” Becky laughs a little and nods her head.

“Your desk will be next to Solo’s,” she points to a vacant desk and Kelley studies the tall brunette who is standing from the occupied desk. Becky then points to two more desks and speaks again.

“Over there are Lindsey and Tobin. They just returned from an assignment in Paris. They’ll meet us in the room; you can all get acquainted on the jet.”

“Jet?” Kelley is unsure she heard correctly.

Becky flashes a smile before leaving the room. “Welcome to the BAU.”

Kelley scrambles to follow. When she enters the briefing room, she stands by the door, unsure of where to sit. She has a sneaking suspicion that everyone has their designated spots and she does not want to disrupt that. She watches Becky take a seat next to a blonde with short hair, Megan Rapinoe if she remembers correctly. To Megan’s left is a lanky brunette with an easy smile on her face who is speaking to an even taller built blonde. Tobin and Lindsey, she assumed, though she was unsure who was who. Next to the blonde was the brunette Becky had referred to as ‘Solo’ and next to that woman was the curly-haired brunette who had summoned them.

Becky stood and cleared her throat, drawing everyone’s attention to her for a moment. “Right, before we get started, Pinoe and I have an announcement.” The section chief looked to her senior agent who stood herself and nodded towards Kelley. Everyone’s heads turned around to face her and she shifted uncomfortably, fighting the urge to bolt.

“Agents, meet Agent Kelley O’Hara. Here with us from the midwest office where she spent two years operating undercover in Kansas City. You know the drill, you were all new at one point. Make her feel welcome, show her the ropes.” Megan smiled at Kelley and she smiled back slightly, giving a small wave.

“O’Hara, feel free to take Christen’s seat.” Kelley’s eyebrow raises, wondering why they just offered her a seat someone was already occupying. The curly-haired brunette, Christen, stood and smiled, moving her file and picking up the remote for the tv. Kelley decides to worry later and slips into the newly vacant seat.

Christen clicks the remote and the images in the file come on screen.

“Last night, we were contacted by Salt Lake City P.D. on a missing child’s report in the suburb of Sandy. Tommy Greer went to school yesterday but never made it home.”

“Last night? Why are they bringing us in for a single missing kid?” The lanky brunette questions, studying the file in front of her.

“Because it’s not just one kid, Tobin. He’s the fourth boy to go missing from the Sandy area in two weeks. All of the boys look similar-blonde hair, blue eyes, and they all come from wealthy families,” Christen responds. Kelley makes a note of the name, trying to memorize the file and get to know the squads’ names.

“Any bodies found yet? Ransom?” The blonde next to Tobin questions next. Christen takes a deep breath before replying.

“No ransoms have been given in any of the cases. Each body was found three days after the boy disappeared.”

“He’s getting rid of the boy when he finds a new one,” the stoic brunette, Solo, speaks this time.

“He’s moving quickly; we need to move quicker. Grab your gear. Wheels up in fifteen,” Becky says before standing and gathering her file. The squad disperses, heading to their desks to grab their go-bags. Kelley goes to her new desk, studying the empty space before deciding to head to the jet. 

She approaches the elevator and hits the down button. When it opens, there is a blonde standing inside the doors, studying a laptop she is holding intently. The blonde looks up when Kelley clears her throat, clearly unaware she had arrived at her destination. She looks to Kelley, the look of a confused puppy on her face. Kelley raises an eyebrow questioningly at her.

“Oh, hello. Sorry, I was distracted by this wicked coding I’m looking at. I didn’t realize I had arrived; I just wanted to see Lindsey off. Heard you guys are headed to Salt Lake City,” she rambles and Kelley just stands there, nodding when the blonde finally stops talking.

“Oh, right. I’m Emily Sonnett, but everybody calls me Sonny. Except for Lindsey; she calls me Dasani, even though I told her to stop.” Kelley feels a smile come across her face at the excited woman in front of her. She really is like a puppy, she thinks.

“I’m the technical analyst for the BAU. You’re Kelley O’Hara, right? I heard Broon talking about you the other day. It’s nice to meet you,” Sonny holds out a hand for her to shake, balancing her laptop on her other arm. Before Kelley can reach out and take it, there is a voice behind her.

“Dasani, I swear if you’re scaring off the new team member, you’re sleeping on the couch for a week.” Kelley turns to see the tall blonde, Lindsey she’s deduced, smiling teasingly at the shorter blonde who has started pouting.

“I wasn’t scaring her off,” she mumbles, kicking at the floor slightly, “and I have my own bed.” Kelley’s gaze drifts back to Lindsey, recognizing the twinkle in the blonde’s eye and it clicks. There is something going on there, but, from what she can tell, these two either don’t see it or are willingly choosing to play a dangerous game.

“Sonny, Linds, flirt on your own time. We gotta move,” Megan walks past and gets on the elevator. Both blondes blush and look away, taking a step back from each other. Kelley joins Megan in the elevator with Becky following her. Tobin and Christen come next with Tobin nudging Lindsey to get her moving along. Solo joins them last, face still unreadable, holding a crossword in her hand.

* * *

They are within forty-five minutes of arriving when Sonny video chats them. They all move closer to the laptop to hear the analyst.

“Alright, so the cops will be waiting for you when you arrive. There still has been no ransom call, no note, nothing. I’ll be monitoring the whole time. I will be here, ready for whatever you guys need from me whenever you need it. Rain or shine, night or day, I will be here. Ooh, Linds, bring me back some saltwater taffy!”

Kelley glances at the other agents and finds all of them sporting amused smiles at the young analyst, even Solo. She glances towards Lindsey and sees the fondness written across the blonde’s face. They sign off and each agent moves to a seat to prepare themselves for what is to come. Kelley finds herself gravitating towards the couch at the back of the jet, wanting to have some space to prepare for her first case.

She looks to her left when she feels someone sit on the other side of the couch. Once again studying her copy of the file, Solo is mouthing words to herself. Kelley finds herself studying the woman next to her. After a couple of moments, the other woman speaks to her.

“Stop profiling me.”

Kelley’s eyes go wide and she feels her cheeks start to burn. “No, I wasn’t-I mean I was just-,” she cuts herself off when the tall brunette lets out a small laugh.

“I’m messing with you. I know you’re not profiling me. Not yet, at least. But, uh, for future reference: don’t profile your teammates. Or your friends. Most don’t appreciate it.”

Kelley just nods in response, face still a little red. As the plane begins its final descent, she feels the nerves kicking in. She hadn’t felt nerves in a long time, but she also hadn’t done anything like this before. This was uncharted territory and unfamiliar people. She can feel the gears in her head turning and is shaken from her thoughts by a voice.

“O’Hara, breathe. You’re going to be fine. We’re all here for you. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, okay?”

“Okay.”

The brunette nods then reaches out a hand. “I’m Hope, by the way. Hope Solo.”

Kelley shakes her hand and smiles.

* * *

Megan, Hope, and Kelley head directly to the Greer’s house to meet the parents and the cops currently there. Meanwhile, Tobin, Lindsey, Becky and Christen head to the police station. Becky and Christen head to meet the police captain immediately after arriving while Tobin and Lindsey go to an empty conference room to set up the team’s workspace.

Kelley shadows the two veteran agents while at the house, watching their every move and listening to what they said. She also studies the house, taking in the decorations, the furniture, the entire layout. She studies the body language of the parents who are sitting on the couch. The mother hasn’t stopped crying for more than ten minutes at a time and her shoulders are constantly shaking. Her shoulders are tight as if she is trying to make herself smaller and her foot taps the floor nervously. The father’s shoulders were still widened, but Kelley could see the tenseness as if he was attempting to hold up the sky with them. His hands were clasped in front of him and his eyes stared out the window blankly. His jaw was rigid, but Kelley could see the unshed tears in his eyes. He was attempting to be strong - for his wife, for his child - but he was crumbling.

“We need to get to the station. Thank you for speaking with us; we’ll be in touch soon,” Megan stands and nods to the couple. Hope is leaning against the wall, also studying the couple. She pushes off and follows the senior agent out the door, Kelley following suit. As she steps towards the door, she takes a glance back to see the father’s eyes trained on her. There is a clear message in them.

_Find my child_.

Kelley turns back around and walks to the car.

* * *

“Hello, you are speaking to Saucy Sonny here. I live to fulfill all of your wildest fantasies.”

“Hey, Dasani, I need you to look you look up a number for me,” Lindsey cuts straight to the chase.

“What, no foreplay?”

“When I get home, you’re sleeping on the couch for the rest of the week. How’s that for foreplay?”

The line goes quiet for a moment and Kelley glances around to the squad who are all waiting patiently.

“Give it to me.” Lindsey rolls her eyes before relaying the number to the analyst who immediately gets to work. The squad waits for the name and Kelley can feel the tension growing.

“Alright, got it. It’s registered to an Aaron Henderson. Says here he’s-”

“A substitute teacher who has worked at all three schools,” Megan finishes for her. “Sonnett, I need an address.” 

The team moves quickly, grabbing their gear and heading for the cars. By the time they get to the lot, they have an address. Megan, Hope, and Kelley get into the first SUV with Becky, Lindsey, and Tobin following in the second one. They speed towards the house and Megan dials Becky.

“Broon, we’ll take the house. Sonny found a second location in his name; you guys head there.”

“Copy. We’ll let you know what we find.” The second SUV veers off and heads another way as the first one continues towards the house. When they arrive, they get out quickly and draw their firearms. They approach the house quickly and carefully, splitting up. Megan motions to Hope and Kelley to take the front door, signaling that she will take the back. Hope quickly picks the lock and she and Kelley enter the house.

They move through the front of the house, looking for any indicators that the suspect may be around.

“Hey,” Kelley turns towards her partner at the whisper. Hope nods her head towards a door that undoubtedly leads downstairs. They head down the stairs and Kelley is surprised by the sight they find.

Standing in the middle of the floor is Tommy Greer, looking physically unharmed, but definitely shaken. 

“Tommy, right? I’m Agent Solo and this is Agent O’Hara. We’re not going to hurt you. The man who took you, do you know where he is?”

The boy’s eyes have a terrified look in them and he whimpers as he lifts a hand to point a finger at them. No, not at them; behind them. Both agents roll to opposite sides and pop up, guns pointed to the spots they had just stood. Sitting calmly on the floor, smiling at them, is Aaron Henderson.

“Took you guys long enough,” his voice mocking. Kelley glances at Hope, not entirely sure how to plays this.

“You’re coming with us, Aaron.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. I’m sitting on a pressure plate and only I know how to safely disengage this thing. I get up, this whole place goes up.” Kelley and Hope share a look, knowing there is a catch.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t try and take the kid either. He’s on a pressure plate of his own,” the man smiles wickedly. Both agents slowly holster their guns.

“What do you want?”

“Aren’t you the profiler, Agent Solo?”

He is very clearly taunting them and Kelley looks at Hope, waiting for her to move.

“Power. You’re weak, you’re spineless, you’re impotent. That’s why you go after kids, specifically blonde-haired blue-eyed boys, and why you mutilated them. To get the power you never had a child. To rob them the way you were robbed.”

Kelley’s eyes flick between the two and her heart pounds. Aaron Henderson looks furious.

“You know nothing,” he seethes.

“I know you were neglected as a child. Bullied by peers, by your own family. Anytime you tried to have an opinion, you were quieted. So much so that you can’t even look me in the eye for more than five seconds.”

Aaron fidgets a little before remembering where he is. True to Hope’s words, he is unable to maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds at a time. As he visibly struggles to keep his cool, Kelley spots Megan at the top of the stairs. She holds up a paper and points towards Aaron, signaling she has the plans for the pressure plates and holds up a pair of wire cutters with a smile, making a _snip, snip_ motion.

“You think you know me, Solo? You think can get inside my head? You think you can beat me?!”

Kelley looks to Hope to find her eyes trained on Megan’s as well. She looks back at Aaron and smirks.

“I already have.” She looks to Kelley who pulls her gun again, training it on the man as Hope goes to grab the kid, lifting him carefully from his plate. Aaron’s eyes go wide when nothing happens and he makes a move to stand.

“I wouldn’t if you want to be able to walk,” Kelley growls and he glares at her but doesn’t move anymore.

* * *

“So, what do you think?” Kelley looks away from the window towards the direction of the voice.

“Of what?”

“The BAU, what we do, the purpose we serve,” Hope looks at her curiously.

“I think...the BAU will be good for me. And I hope I’ll be good for it,” she responds and Hope smiles at her.

“I think you will be.” She heads for the back of the jet and sits on the couch, pulling out a new crossword puzzle to work on. Kelley studies the woman for a moment before glancing around the jet at the rest of the team. Christen has fallen asleep in her seat while Tobin is in the seat next to her, reading her book. Becky is playing herself in chess across the aisle, with Megan sitting across from her, staring out the window. Lindsey has taken a seat at the back of the jet as well, across from the couch occupied by Hope, and is smiling down at her phone.

The jet begins its final descent into Virginia and Kelley looks out the window again, taking in the lights and contemplating her future at the BAU.

Yeah, she thinks. This will be good for her.

* * *

**_“Maybe life isn’t about avoiding the bruises. Maybe it’s about collecting the scars to show we showed up for it.” - Unknown_ **


	2. Bendin' Like a Tulip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why’d you do it?”
> 
> “Do what?” Kelley’s expression becomes confused.
> 
> “You had no way of knowing where I was. No way of knowing when, or even if, back-up would be there. Why did you take the risk? Especially being unarmed.”
> 
> “What’s life without a little risk?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 2.
> 
> I hope you guys are in for the long haul.
> 
> I'm not entirely sure how long this fic will be, but I have every intention of flushing out O'Solo's relationship and JJ x Alex's before embarking on Alex and Kelley's relationship development at the BAU

**_“There is strange comfort in knowing that no matter what happens today, the Sun will rise again tomorrow.” - Aaron Lauritsen_ **

* * *

_ February 2016 _

It has only been three months since she joined the BAU, but Kelley has found her bearings for the most part. Usually one of the first to arrive and last to leave, she pushes herself continuously to better her work, sharpen her skills, and to make sure they catch as many of the bad guys as they can.

She quite enjoys having Hope as her partner in the field. They both have great instincts and Kelley likes to think she has proven she is trustworthy; she trusts Hope at least. More than she has trusted anyone in a very long time. She trusts the whole team, to a certain extent of course, but something about Hope has helped her feel at ease since that first case.

It was now the usual tradition that after they wrapped a case, assuming it hadn’t been  _ too _ crazy, they would go out to Pete’s for a drink. Lindsey and Sonnett usually joined them, with the rest of the team tagging along occasionally. But, no matter what, no matter who all was there, Hope and Kelley could always be found next to each other.

Neither recognized, or rather accepted, the pull they felt towards one another. Their teammates, on the other hand, saw it straight away. After getting used to seeing Hope operate as a lone wolf, the team was initially shocked when they saw her joking with Kelley on the first jet ride. It wasn’t that Hope never smiled or laughed or felt joy (she is human after all); it’s just that it wasn’t all that common. Definitely not common with a new member of the team.

According to Tobin, Hope wouldn’t even make eye contact her the first month, while Lindsey swears that the stoic brunette hadn’t addressed her by name until she made her first official collar, and even then, called her Lydia. Christen disagreed with the stories, claiming them to be false and had reassured Kelley that they were only kidding, insisting that Hope had always been kind to her.

“Yeah, that’s cause you got a pretty face, Pressy,” was Tobin’s response. One Christen chose to ignore. Kelley had a hard time deciding if the usually joking partners were being serious or just pulling her leg.

After all, Hope had been very welcoming during that first case. And sure, it could have been because she knew Kelley was going to be her new partner. But, still, Hope had introduced herself with a smile on the jet. Before anyone else did. She had properly met Lindsey, Tobin, and Christen when the jet touched down and they waited for their transports.

So, yeah, Kelley trusted Hope. And Hope trusted her, at least she assumed she did. After all, they were friends, right?

“Briefing in five, BAU,” Becky calls from outside her office, heading for the briefing room. The team glances at each other and stands, wondering where they might be sent this week.

Kelley followed Hope up the stairs towards the room but tuned into the conversation going on behind her.

“Just ask her out, Linds, it’s not that hard.”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you, Heath.”

Kelley smiles to herself and turns around to glance at the bickering partners who fall silent when they realize she had heard them. They all enter the room and take their seats, Hope veering towards the coffee machine to get a cup. When she goes to take her seat, she places a cup in front of Kelley who shoots her a wink as a thank you.

It had started as a joke, really. Kelley had come in half asleep one morning and had collapsed in the briefing room chair, asking Hope to get her cup of coffee. The older woman had refused, saying she wasn’t a server. The shorter woman had whined and grumbled until Hope had caved, handing her a mug with a sarcastic bow and saying “Your Majesty,” as she handed it to her. The squad had laughed it off, but Hope kept the joke going for a week until it became routine. She no longer bowed or called Kelley that nickname, but she still got the younger woman’s coffee before every case presentation.

“Right, Press. What do we got?” Becky shifts in her seat and looks to the press liaison to start.

“Wait, where’s Pinoe?” Tobin cuts in before Christen can start.

“She’s running an errand; she’ll meet us at the SUVs.” The squad nodded, accepting the answer and looked to Christen to begin.

“Dead Petty Officer in Richmond, Virginia. His throat was slashed, almost decapitated. Dead about a week. We’re being called in because it’s the fourth body in as many months in the Richmond area, all nearly decapitated, all males, all with this carving on their right calf.” Christen clicks the remote and the carving comes on the screen. It’s nothing special, appears to just be a ridged oval.

“A dead Petty Officer? Isn’t that the navy cops’ territory?” Kelley doesn’t look up, reading over the file in front of her.

“Usually, yes, but since there is a possible connection to the other three bodies, the Director wants us on the scene.”

She hears a snort of laughter from Tobin and looks towards her to see her with a smirk on her face.

“Oh,” she says, “Sinc will be thrilled to see us.”

“Anything else, Press?” Becky is gathering her file.

“The bodies have been found on the sixteenth of each month. The department receives an anonymous call with a location and the body is always there. The coroner says each one had only been dead roughly forty-eight hours.”

Becky looks at her watch. “Alright, that gives us roughly four days to locate this guy before he hits again. We leave in fifteen. Someone call Pinoe and get her up to speed; I gotta call Sinc.”

* * *

“Alright. Press, Solo, O’Hara, you’re with me. We’re headed to NCIS headquarters to meet up with Sinc and her team. Heath, Horan, and Pinoe will head to the latest crime scene. See if there’s anything still there that will help us,” Becky tells each of them and they all nod. They know how this works by now. Each group gets in their vehicle and heads for their destination.

“Sonny, what do you have on the latest victim?” Megan is driving the other SUV, and talking to Sonnett on speakerphone.

“Um, well, NCIS already has all of the victim’s general info, so I put it in the files already. But I’ve already started looking into his financials and known associates; I’ll hit you back when I have something.”

“Sounds good, Son. Thanks.” She glances at Tobin is seated next to her.

“Text Hope and give her the heads-up. I know she already knows, you all do, but they won’t be thrilled when we show up. Make sure they know the info we’ve been given back and front. Any sign of hesitation and those navy cops will swoop in and try and take this case from us. We work with them, but we’re running the show.” Tobin nods in response and fires off the message to Hope who relays it to Becky, Christen, and Kelley. She’s never dealt with navy cops before, but Kelley imagines that if they’re anything like the Bureau, they won’t take kindly to another agency handling an investigation technically within their own purview.

* * *

They arrive at the headquarters of NCIS and speed through security, flashing their badges. They get on the elevator and head for the squad room. Becky stands in the middle, flanked by Hope, Christen, and Kelley and their standard-issued guiding NCIS agents. The blonde looks to her teammates, adjusting her visitor badge.

“I hope you’re ready to roll, ladies,” the elevator dings and the doors open, “it’s showtime.” The four agents step off the elevator and head for the bullpen. Standing in the center, staring them down is a brunette who is clearly the head agent in charge of this case.

“Sinc, it’s good to see you again. I’m sorry it has to be under these circumstances,” Becky shakes the agent’s hand before motioning to her own team.

“Agents Press, Solo, and O’Hara.” Sinc sizes each agent up, nodding curtly at them before turning to her own team.

“Agents Quinn, Lawrence, and Prince.” Kelley looks at each agent when Sinc points to them. The agents all give each other small nods, visibly studying each other. Becky rolls her eyes, suppressing a smile. She knows the NCIS agents won’t get an accurate read on her team, but her team will have gotten  _ something _ from their short encounter.

“Great, now that we’re all acquainted,” she turns to the lead agent, “Sinc, where’s your medical examiner?”

“Labbé and Scott are in Autopsy with the bodies. We had them all moved here. Prince will take one of your agents down there to see them.” There is an underlying message in the final sentence.

_ Prince will take you down there (and keep an eye on you guys) _ . Becky knows they aren’t exactly welcomed here at the moment, but this actually works for them. Hope knows the drill; she’ll have a partial profile on Prince done by the time they’re done with the bodies.

“Forensics?” Sinc’s eyes flick towards Kelley before going back to Becky.

“Jessie is expecting you guys.” Becky doesn’t even look Kelley’s way, but she gets the message and immediately follows Agent Quinn down to the forensics lab. Agent Quinn doesn’t say anything as they take the elevator down to the lab and she stands on the opposite side of the box. Kelley uses this opportunity to think over the case; she didn’t even realize she was scowling in the direction of the other agent until she clears her throat, an amused smirk on her face as she switched between fiddling with a ring on her finger and tugging at a necklace.

“Profiling me?”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Kelley quips back. “I have more important things to be thinking about than finding out that you’re afraid your girlfriend’s going to leave you.” The NCIS agent’s smirk slides off her face and is replaced by a frown.

Before she can respond, the elevator doors open and Kelley exits, walking towards the lab. She walks in to hear soft classical music playing and spots a young woman standing by some machine that looks like it belongs on a space ship.

“Who’s the kid?” Kelley looks at Quinn who opens her mouth to respond, but she is interrupted.

“The ‘kid’ can hear you,” she turns to face the agents, “I’m Jessie.”

Kelley blinks. “Wait, you’re the forensics specialist?”

Jessie ignores the question and moves towards her computer, motioning for the agents to follow her. Quinn steps up next to Jessie, looking over the shorter girl’s shoulder to study the image on the screen. Kelley stands on the other side, a half step away from the specialist and also looks at the image.

“So, I’ve been doing some research on this mark that’s been left on the victims. It’s definitely been carved in with a knife of some sort, but I haven’t been able to narrow it down quite yet. Though, if I were a gambler, I’d say it’s not your average kitchen knife. I’ll get a more definitive answer if you find me a blade to test it against.”

“Thanks, Jess,” Quinn goes to leave but Kelley stays put.

“She’s not done yet,” she speaks to the blonde agent before redirecting her attention back to the screen.

“Mindreader now, are you?”

Kelley looks at Jessie for a second before motioning Quinn back over; the agent stays by the door though.

“What else is there?” Kelley looks back to Jessie who turns and looks to Quinn who nods as a go-ahead.

“We got security footage from the park. The angle’s not the greatest and the camera lens has been deteriorated by the elements, but I was able to scrub the video a bit and I got this,” she hits a key and pulls up a still somewhat blurry photo of the latest victim and, Kelley guessed, their suspect.

“I’m running his face through every database possible. I’ll let you know if I get something.” Kelley nods, looking at Quinn.

“She’s done now,” she adds helpfully. Quinn rolls her eyes and leaves the lab.

“Thanks, Jeff,” she calls over her shoulder and Kelley walks quickly to join her by the elevator and smirks when she feels the blonde’s eyes on her, knowing the agent is wondering how Kelley knew that Jessie had more than one thing to say.

“A magician never reveals her secrets, Quinn,” she enters the elevator and does her best to keep from laughing when she sees the frustration obvious on the blonde’s face. Kelley loves this; she’s keeping the other agent on her toes while building her own profile about her  _ and _ she gets to have a little fun.

* * *

“Director Tancredi, it’s been a while,” Becky steps into the office and shakes hands with the woman. Christen and Sinc follow her inside and the four women take a seat around the table.

“This is Christen Press, she’s our communications liaison. When we go back to Quantico, she’ll be staying here. I expect everything to be routed through her and I want her to have full access.”

Director Tancredi nods and looks to Sinc.

“Sinclair, I expect full cooperation from you and your team,” the brunette agent nods, looking displeased but Becky knows she isn’t one to disobey orders.

“Right, well, I’ll get O’Hara and Solo, and we’ll move back to our headquarters,” Becky stands and looks to Christen, “I expect a call sometime soon with more information.” The section chief of the BAU leaves the office and Director Tancredi turns her attention to the liaison.

“Stick with Sinclair, Agent Press.” The Director then turns her attention to Sinc. “Full cooperation,” she repeats, maintaining eye contact with her agent. Christen wasn’t a profiler, but she has spent more than enough time around them to be tuned into the fact that Director Tancredi was simply relaying what the Bureau wanted to hear. She would have to be careful to make sure she doesn’t miss anything or get left behind by the navy cops.

* * *

“Emily Sonnett, aspiring sit down comedian at your service. How may I direct your call?”

“What have I told you about answering the phone normally?” Lindsey rubs her forehead as she speaks and Tobin just snickers beside her.

“You love my greetings and you love me. Don’t even try to deny it.”

Tobin is making a kissy face at her partner and Lindsey smacks her in the back of the head before responding to Sonnett.

“I need you to pull prison records from Richmond Correctional. Former inmates that have been released in the last six months that fit the profile that Pinoe sent you.”

“Anything for you, my lovely Lindsey.” Kelley has joined the partners and is smiling alongside Tobin, the two trying to contain their laughter.

“Call me back when you finish,” Lindsey ends the call and smacks both of them but can’t hide her red face.

“You. Two. Are. The. Worst.” She accents each word with a hit as the two older women laugh.

Hope walks up to the trio and raises an eyebrow at the situation. Kelley grabs Lindsey to go brew some more coffee while Hope leans against Tobin’s desk, watching the two retreat.

“Horan ever gonna ask Sonnett out?”

Tobin shakes her head with a smile. “Ah, hell if I know.”

“I mean, everyone can see she wants to. I know Sonnett’s not a profiler, but how can she  _ not  _ see it?”

“When are you gonna ask out Kelley?”

Hope looks to Tobin and lets out a disbelieving laugh.

“And why would I do that?” Tobin laughs this time and shrugs before answering.

“Everyone can see you want to, how can you not?”

“When are you going to make a move on Pressy?” She responds with a smirk.

Hope pushes off the desk and walks to her own. Tobin watches her go and sighs, leaning back in her chair. Hope has always been a tough one to crack and has never been good at letting people in. But Tobin has never seen her act the way she does with Kelley with anyone else.

Tobin hadn’t been joking when she told the newer agent it had taken Hope at least one month before the older woman looked her in the eye. And she knew she wasn’t the only one who had seen it. After all, profiling was what they did for a living; intentional or not, they all saw the shift in Hope when Kelley joined the team.

Kelley was the only one Hope would get coffee for; she was the only one Hope would ask to get drinks with; she was the first one to be invited to Hope’s new place. The little smile Hope would give to the other woman when she said something ridiculous, the one that said “I am so fond of you and I have absolutely no clue why”, it was reserved for Kelley. 

* * *

“Is it too much to ask that we never have to work with navy cops again?” Kelley follows her teammates out of the NCIS building. Hope, Tobin, Becky, and Megan all laugh at her.

“Hate to break it to you O’Hara, but that was them on their  _ best _ behavior,” Megan tells her.

“Most agencies don’t take kindly to having their investigations taken over by us,” Tobin adds.

“And NCIS  _ really _ hates when we get involved with them,” Hope rounds out the comments.

The ride back to Quantico is relatively silent for both SUVs, every member of the squad ready to return home and pass out in their respective beds. When they arrive, they head upstairs to grab anything they might need before going home. Kelley watches Tobin jog to catch up with Christen while Lindsey immediately heads for the elevator texting someone. Becky and Megan go to their offices, with Becky settling in for a long night of work and Megan joining her shortly after closing up her own office.

Hope and Kelley head to the elevator themselves in a comfortable silence. As they get in and begin to head down, Hope glances towards the shorter woman.

“So, no drinks tonight?”

“I’m about to drop right here, right now,” she laughs a little. Hope nods in agreement and the silence resumes until they get to the front entrance. The pair walk towards the parking lot, bundling up their coats to brace the wind that blows across the lot.

“See you tomorrow?” Kelley turns to the taller woman and waits for a response.

Hope looks at her for a moment and Kelley continues to wait, her head tilted slightly as she waits. The older woman opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out. A small, slightly confused smile works its way across Kelley’s face.

“Why’d you do it?”

“Do what?” Kelley’s expression becomes confused.

“You had no way of knowing where I was. No way of knowing when, or even if, back-up would be there. Why did you take the risk? Especially being unarmed.”

“What’s life without a little risk?”

Hope’s expression hardens slightly. “It was a dumb decision. You could’ve been seriously injured, or killed. I thought you knew by now, we’re more than just a team. We’re a family, and we protect each other. Most importantly, we never go it alone.”

“I was doing my job; I was solving the case. It wasn’t about the fear or about my possible injuries or whatever. It was about doing what I had to do.”

“You were putting yourself and everyone else in more danger!” Hope’s face is furious but the anger doesn’t reach her eyes. Kelley sees they’re full of concern and she takes a deep breath and counts to ten.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I should have waited for you guys.”

“Just,” Hope sighs and glances towards the ground before looking back at Kelley, “don’t do it again.”

“Why, Agent Solo, are you worried about me?” Kelley’s eyes are twinkling in the lot’s streetlight.

Hope groans and looks away. “You’re insufferable, you know that?”

“All part of my charm, Solo.” Kelley offers an exaggerated wink and a smirk. She gets in her car and pulls out, waving to Hope as she leaves.

Hope walks to her own car, head down against the wind, body vibrating from the cold. She reaches her car and takes a deep breath. Tobin was right, though she would never admit it to the younger woman’s face. She liked her partner, in more than a just-partners way. More than that, she knew one thing for certain.

Kelley O’Hara was going to be the death of her.

* * *

**_“But he'd learned long ago that a life lived without risks pretty much wasn't worth living. Life rewarded courage, even when that first step was taken neck-deep in fear.” - Tamera Alexander_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this latest installment :)
> 
> Next chapter will see us meeting one Alex Morgan, a rookie FBI agent assigned to the Los Angeles field office!


	3. You Are Everything My Dreams Made Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex blinks her eyes open and grabs her phone, shutting the alarm off before putting it back down and rolling towards Julie to wrap her arms around the blonde again.
> 
> “Relax, JJ. It’s just the alarm.”
> 
> “Why?” Her voice comes out in a whine and Alex smiles fondly at her girlfriend.
> 
> “Because somebody wanted me to make them breakfast this morning and I have every intention of spending the whole day, just the two of us.”
> 
> “Hm, this ‘somebody’ sounds like a hoot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 3!

**_“When you meet the one who changes the way your heart beats, dance with them to that rhythm for as long as the song lasts.” - Kirk Diedrich_ **

* * *

_March 2016-_ _Los Angeles_

The loud ringtone wakes them up, though neither of them moves.

“Alex, I swear, if you don’t answer your phone, I will throw it out the window.”

Julie’s voice is muffled against Alex’s neck. The brunette reaches blindly for her cell, blinking her eyes open when she struggles to find it. She sighs when she sees the name on the screen.

“Morgan,” she answers.

“We need you to come in, like, now. Boss needs us.”

Alex groans slightly and gets up out of bed despite Julie’s protests.

“Did she say why?”

“Just that we all need to get to the office ASAP. Ash thinks it’s got something to do with the body they pulled from the water a few weeks back.”

Rubbing the back of her neck, Alex heads for her closet.

“Alright, I’ll meet you guys in the parking lot. See you soon, Kriegs,” she hangs up and grabs her clothes.

When she’s ready, she walks back out to find her girlfriend still in bed, eyes closed. She presses a brief kiss to the blonde’s forehead.

“Leaving so soon?”

“Sorry, babe. Spend the night again tonight?”

Julie’s eyes open and she smiles at Alex.

“You’re being awfully clingy, Miss Morgan,” she teases.

“Fine, you can sleep at your place alone.”

Alex walks out of the bedroom toward the kitchen. She smiles when she hears Julie follow her out and leans into the blonde when she comes behind her to give her a hug.

“I suppose I could work something out to spend the night here again,” she kisses Alex’s cheek who smiles in return.

The brunette moves to get her coffee and grab her bag. Kissing Julie one more time, she leaves her apartment and heads for her car.

Another day, another case.

* * *

“Kriegs! Ash!” Alex approaches her fellow team members and smiles at the couple. 

She has only been a field agent since January and was immediately sent to the Los Angeles where veteran agents, Ashlyn Harris and Ali Krieger had taken her under their wing. Ali is Alex’s partner while her girlfriend, Ashlyn, is partners with Allie Long.

The four of them work under SSA Alyssa Naeher in the Los Angeles field office for the Bureau. Alex had been thrilled when she had been assigned close to home and her girlfriend had been even more thrilled she wouldn’t have to pack up her life and move across the country or do long distance.

The trio enters the building and they head to the squad room where they meet Allie.

“Anyone know why Boss called us in so early?”

Before any of them can venture a guess, they hear a voice.

“Harris, Krieger, Morgan, Long. My office. Now,” the commanding voice of their boss caught all of their attentions. The team shares a look before heading to the office. Upon entering, Alyssa closes the door and gestures for all of them to take a seat. They all obey and Alex finally speaks up, unable to help herself.

“What’s going on, Boss?” The four agents knew Alyssa didn’t exactly love being called ‘boss’ by them, but she also knew that, while it had started as somewhat of a joke, they did it as a sign of respect and she had long ago given up the battle of ending the nickname.

“What I am about to tell you does not leave this room. We are working this case off the record per the Director’s request.”

The team shares another look, but Alyssa keeps going.

“The body that was pulled from the water three weeks ago has been on ice until last night. It has now been positively identified as an NSA agent. Thomas Burkholder, a Middle East conflict analyst.”

“Why is it off the record if it’s not within the Bureau?”

“Burkholder was one of many agents assigned to the Middle East and any potential threats in that area. He was specifically handling threats within Pakistanian borders. The NSA doesn’t want news of his death to reach the area until we’ve determined if it’s connected to his work over there or not.”

Ashlyn stands and looks to Allie who follows suit. “Crime scene?” Alyssa shakes her head and holds up a file.

“Everything you’ll need to get started is in this file.”

“That’s all?” Ashlyn’s eyes widen a bit. “Seriously? We can’t even visit the scene?” Alyssa shakes her head.

“I don’t give the orders; I just make sure you follow them.” She goes to leave and pauses before opening the door.

“One more thing,” she glances to her team, “there are two agents flying in from Washington to join us.”

“Washington? Why the hell would the Bureau send agents from the other side of the country?” Alex knows she’s still somewhat new but that just makes no sense.

“They’re from the Behavioral Analysis Unit. It’s SSA Sauerbrunn and their technical analyst.”

“Whoa, wait,” Ali stands now too and holds a hand up. “Why is the BAU getting involved?”

Alyssa sighs and rubs her temple.

“Because, whether it’s connected to his work in Pakistan or not, we’re gonna need a profile if we want to catch whoever killed him before they do anything else to jeopardize our missions over there.”

Alyssa leaves her office, leaving her agents to look over the file. Allie removes all the photos and spreads them out, while Ali leaves to go make them some coffee. Alex looks out the window for a moment before turning to Ashlyn.

“Who are the BAU agents? Have you met them before?”

“Becky Sauerbrunn and Emily Sonnett. I’ve worked with Broon before; we ran an op together in Tampa before she was moved to go run the BAU. I’ve heard great things about Emily, apparently super smart, but I’ve never worked with her,” is the response given as Ashlyn moves to help Allie sort through the photos.

Alex has heard a lot of things about the BAU and all the ways they have helped thousands of police departments throughout the years. She loves Los Angeles, but if she were ever looking for a location change, she wouldn’t mind going to Washington.

For now, though, she is perfectly content where she is.

* * *

_Quantico_

“Alright, BAU, listen up,” Becky calls her team to attention.

“Sonny and I have been called to LA. Pinoe and Solo, you’re in charge while I’m gone,” Becky tells them before glancing towards Kelley, Tobin, and Lindsey. “Try not to burn the Bureau down while we’re gone.”

The three look mildly offended for a moment before accepting the fairness of the statement.

“Wait, why are you going to LA without us?” Tobin sits up properly in her chair.

“That’s classified,” Sonnett replies then grins, looking to Becky. “I’ve always wanted to say that.”

Becky rolls her eyes at the young analyst, but they can all see she’s trying to hide a smile. The two grab their go-bags and head for the elevator waving to their team. Stepping on the elevator and shrugging on their jackets, Emily looks to Becky.

“You owe me ten bucks.”

“What? Why?”

Sonny grins. “Hope and Kelley are officially dating.”

Becky’s face twists in disbelief. “I don’t even want to know how you know that,” she says as the door closes, face now etched with mild concern and underlying disbelief.

As the team watches their leaders leave, they all ponder the face Becky had pulled.

“What do you think Sonny told Becky?” Tobin looks to her team members.

“Maybe that Horan finally grew a pair and asked her out,” Kelley says before grinning at the blonde, “oh, wait. She hasn’t.” 

Kelley laughs and ducks away from Lindsey when the younger woman swats at her. “You guys suck,” she complains as Kelley and Tobin continue to laugh at her and Hope shakes her head, walking away.

She doesn’t miss the smile and wink thrown her way. They were keeping it quiet, especially since it was so new, but Hope was fairly certain everyone knew by now.

Kelley would likely be the death of her, but Hope figures there could be worse ways to go as she watches the woman continue to joke with Tobin and Lindsey.

Kelley meets her eys again and offers a genuine smile. The younger woman had let her guard down remarkably quicker with Hope than with anyone else on the team. She was definitely more comfortable around them all now, but there was something about the older brunette that put Kelley at ease more than anyone else.

* * *

_Los Angeles_

“Ok, we’ve already ruled out connections with his work in Europe. How are things looking over there for you with Pakistan?” Ashlyn looks towards Alex and Ali who are hunched over their files, laptops open in front of them.

“As of right now, it’s looking unrelated but we’re still looking,” Ali responds without looking up.

“And that, my friend, is why I’m here with some help.” The agents look towards the door to find two unfamiliar faces standing next to Alyssa.

“Agents, meet BAU section chief SSA Becky Sauerbrunn and BAU technical analyst Emily Sonnett.” Becky gives a small nod to each of them before walking with Alyssa straight to the whiteboard in the room. Alex looks at Emily who is looking around the room like an excited puppy. Something told her the young blonde didn’t get out of her tech room and into the field a whole lot.

“Are you gonna sit down?” Emily blinks at her, a crooked smile still plastered on her face.

“Right,” she moves to sit at the table and pulls out her equipment. As she gets set up, her brow furrows in concentration. Alex watches her, impressed with how quickly she moves in getting set up.

“I know Agent Naeher already introduced me, but you don’t have to call me Emily. You can call me Sonny, or Son, or just Sonnett,” she doesn’t look up from her equipment as she rambles and Alex feels a smile cross her face, amused.

“I’m Alex Morgan. You can call me Alex,” she replies. Emily looks at her and flashes another smile.

“Where are you from?”

“Here.”

Emily’s eyebrows shoot up. “So you must know all the places to pick up cute girls.”

Alex just stares for a moment. Her sexuality wasn’t widely known around the office. It’s not like she was hiding it; she just wasn’t that open about her personal life. Before she can respond, Emily keeps going.

“Tobin keeps telling me I need to get laid,” she pauses as if she wants to say more, but she stays silent. Alex has no idea who this ‘Tobin’ is but decides to put a pin in it, for now, focusing on the analyst.

“Why do you think I could find you somewhere to pick up girls?”

Emily shrugs with a smile. “I mean I’m no profiler, but if that framed photo on your desk is anything to go by, you’ve got yourself a nice looking girlfriend.” Alex feels her face grow warmer; of course, the analyst would have walked past her desk to get to the room and, with her curiosity, would’ve looked around the whole room. She spends her life working around profilers; it’s fair to assume that she has picked up a few skills along the way.

“Uh, maybe after we solve this case.” Emily nods in hesitant agreement and begins working again while Alex watches on.

* * *

“Honey, I’m home,” Alex calls jokingly into her apartment. She hears music coming from the kitchen and wanders in to find Julie cooking dinner.

“What are you making? Smells delicious,” she kisses the blonde’s cheek before moving the fridge.

“It’s a surprise. How was work?”

“It was fine,” she says as she goes to sit on the couch, pulling out her phone with a groan when she feels it vibrate.

“Shit,” she mutters to herself.

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing,” she stands and goes to the door to slip her shoes back on. “Hey, JJ, I’ve got to run back to the office for a bit. I’ll be back soon,” she slips out the door without waiting for an answer. As she walks to her car, she dials Ali.

“Hey, Kriegs, I got your text. Where do you need me?”

“Sonnett found the address for Briar. I sent it to you; we’re all meeting there to move on him.”

Alex pulls the phone away from her ear and inputs the location to her GPS before replying, “I’ll be there in fifteen.”

* * *

“Krieger, Morgan take the front. Long, Harris with me in the back. Rapinoe and Sauerbrunn are taking the garage. Any questions?” Alyssa looks to the agents who give no sign of question or hesitation.

“Alright, let’s move.”

Alex and Ali approach the front of the house slowly, Ali in front with Alex on her six. They reach the front door and Ali signals to Alex to wait before knocking and speaking.

“Adam Briar, federal agents. Open up.” They wait about fifteen seconds before Ali nods to Alex and the younger agent reaches for the doorknob. She shares a look with Ali when she finds it unlocked and the two move inside swiftly.

They find nothing in the entryway and proceed to the dining room. Again, finding nothing, they go to make their way to the kitchen before they hear Alyssa’s voice.

“Adam Briar, FBI.”

They immediately change direction and head for the living room. Alex had to give the man props; he was remarkably calm for a man who currently had at least a half a dozen guns pointed at him.

The man gave them a bored look as he put his hands up. “Wow, you guys take forever. I suppose this is the point where I tell you that I didn’t do it.”

“Yeah, they all say that,” Becky tells him and the man lets out a sigh.

“I knew you were coming here; I could hear your sirens. Don’t you think I would’ve left if I was guilty?”

Becky and Alyssa share a brief look before slowly holstering their guns. The other agents kept their guns trained on the suspect; they weren’t about to let their guards down all at once.

“Look, all of your evidence points to say that I killed him, right?” Becky and Alyssa glance at each other again before Becky nods in response.

“I didn’t do it, but I know who did.”

Becky studies the man, while Alyssa waits for her decision.

After a couple of moments, she nods to the head Los Angeles agent before turning back to the man.

“Who is it?”

* * *

Alex tiptoes into her apartment, praying Julie didn’t leave when she didn’t return soon. She kicks off her shoes and walks towards her bedroom. The lamp in the living room is still on and Alex’s heart flutters when she finds her girlfriend curled up underneath a blanket on the couch, asleep. She had clearly tried to stay up and wait for her but had lost the battle to sleep.

“Jules,” she whispers, kneeling next to her girlfriend and brushing the woman’s hair out of her face, “Jules, babe, you gotta get up.”

Julie groans in response and Alex chuckles softly at the woman.

“C’mon JJ, the bed is way more comfortable than the couch,” she attempts to coax the woman into moving the fifteen feet it would take to get to the bed.

“If that’s your way of trying to figure out if you’re getting some tonight, lemme tell you something,” Julie mumbles out, eyes still closed and Alex rolls her eyes, choosing to ignore the innuendo she had mistakenly made without thinking.

“If you wanna wake up with a sore back, that’s your prerogative. I’m going to go sleep in my bed.” She stands properly and walks to her bedroom, smiling to herself when she hears movement from the couch. She turns to find Julie still wrapped in the blanket and shuffling towards the kitchen.

“Babe, what are you doing? Bed’s this way,” she laughs and points towards the bedroom door. 

“I’m making coffee. I wanna hear about your day and where you disappeared to before dinner,” Julie says as she moves towards the coffee maker.

“JJ, it’s 2 am. I know I have tomorrow off, but I think we should sleep. We can talk in the morning.”

Alex turns the coffee maker off and grabs Julie’s hand, leading her to her bedroom. They climb in bed and Alex wraps an arm around her girlfriend’s waist, pulling her close.

“You’re making me breakfast in the morning,” the blonde whispers as she snuggles in closer. Alex lets out a small laugh and kisses the top of Julie’s head before turning her lamp off.

“Whatever you say, darling.”

* * *

_Quantico_

“Linds!” Emily launches herself at her best friend who lets out an ‘oof’ when she catches the smaller blonde.

“Hey, Son. How was LA?”

“No fun without you there,” the younger woman says as she buries her face in the older’s one neck. “I love you, Linds.”

“I love you too, Em.”

As Kelley and Tobin watch the two hug even tighter, whispering to each other, Hope walks up and looks at them before glancing back at the two blondes.

“Ten bucks Sonnett kisses Horan before the end of the month,” the older brunette states as she leans against Tobin’s desk.

“Fifteen says Linds makes her move in the next two weeks,” Tobin counters as she and Hope look at each other in a silent standoff.

“Twenty bucks says they’re kissing right now,” Kelley smirks and then laughs when Tobin and Hope whip their heads back to the blondes who have seemingly forgotten they’re in the middle of the squad room.

“About time,” Kelley calls to them. Lindsey and Emily separate, both blushing red and looking anywhere but at the three older agents.

“As much fun as it was to watch those two fools dance around each other, I’m glad they figured it out,” Kelley says as she turns back towards Hope and Tobin.

Lindsey tugs at Emily’s arm and the two leave hand-in-hand, completely wrapped up in each other, while Tobin, Kelley, and Hope watch, all three sporting smiles at the two youngsters.

“God, I thought they were never going to figure their shit out,” Tobin says before standing and walking to Christen’s office.

“Did she-did she seriously just say that? I’ve only been here for four months and I can see her heart eyes for Christen from a mile away. And Pressy’s no better,” Kelley turns to Hope who just sighs and shakes her head.

“For a couple of profilers, Heath and Horan can be sorta oblivious,” she replies, grabbing her bag from her desk.

Kelley raises an eyebrow. “Oh, and you were so on top of it when it came to us. I practically had to spell it out for you.”

Hope chooses to ignore the younger woman’s comment and walks towards the elevator and Kelley follows with a laugh, knowing she is right. Knowing Hope’s dislike for PDA, Kelley simply stands next to her and laces their pinkies together as they wait.

“So,” Kelley starts as they step onto the elevator, “my place or yours?”

* * *

_Los Angeles_

The phone wakes them up again.

“Seriously, Al. Out the window,” Julie mumbles, rolling over and burying her face in her pillow.

Alex blinks her eyes open and grabs her phone, shutting the alarm off before putting it back down and rolling towards Julie to wrap her arms around the blonde again.

“Relax, JJ. It’s just the alarm.”

“Why?” Her voice comes out in a whine and Alex smiles fondly at her girlfriend.

“Because _somebody_ wanted me to make them breakfast this morning and I have every intention of spending the whole day, just the two of us.”

“Hm, this ‘somebody’ sounds like a hoot.”

Alex laughs as she moves to stand from her bed and walks out of the room towards the kitchen to start breakfast. 

“Oh,” she calls back to Julie, “she’s a hoot and a half.”

She hears footsteps in the kitchen shortly after and sighs contently when Julie wraps her arms around her, hugging her from behind. As the couple stands in the kitchen, basking in each other’s presence, Alex feels at ease. She turns her head to kiss Julie before stepping out of the blonde’s arms to begin cooking while her girlfriend brews the coffee.

How good it is to have someone to love.

* * *

**_"I know I say that love is dead, but at the end of the day, love is a beautiful thing. It’s powerful, wonderful; most of all, it’s worth it.” - Unknown_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Next chapter will keep us with the BAU full time :)


	4. Hello, Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Becky looks up when Tobin enters her office. “Tobin,” she starts, “I thought I said no disturbances.”
> 
> “I know, Broon, but trust me, this is important.” 
> 
> Becky leans back in her chair, not missing the urgency in Tobin’s voice.
> 
> “What’s up?”
> 
> Tobin takes a deep breath.
> 
> “It’s Kelley.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey, hey! Chapter 4 is here!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

**_“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth.” - Oscar Wilde_ **

* * *

_June 2016-Washington_

“Excuse me, you’re what?” Hope’s hands are on her hips and her eyes are wide. Kelley sighs, rubbing her forehead in exasperation.

“Do I really have to repeat myself?”

“You can’t be serious,” Hope replies, taking a step closer to the shorter woman.

“I don’t really have much of a choice, Hope,” Kelley’s eyes flash with irritation.

“You do though! You could say no.”

“You know I won’t disobey a direct order from the Director,” she sighs, looking at the older woman, “I have to do this.”

Hope turns on her heel with her jaw clenched and walks out of the apartment. Kelley closes her eyes in frustration but makes no move to follow the older woman. She knows it would be best to let her be for a while. She heads to her bedroom and begins packing. She packs light; she knows the drill of undercover work.

The jet is set to take her to Kansas City as soon as she is packed and ready to leave. She finishes packing and grabs the duffel, heading to her living room. Hope has still not returned and Kelley knows it would be unlikely for her to return tonight. So she scribbles a note, reminding Hope that she is doing this for the greater good and promising to return to her before too long. She knows she cannot accurately predict when she will return, but she’s hopeful it won’t be too long of an assignment.

Taking one last look around her apartment, Kelley’s stomach twists slightly. She feels guilty for leaving without at least talking it through, but her loyalty lies with her job above all else. And that includes Hope. She debates calling the older woman, or at least texting her, but ultimately decides against it. She gets in her car and drives immediately to the airstrip.

Getting on the jet, she finds the Director and Becky already on board.

“Director Lloyd, Broon,” she greets the other women as she takes a seat with the women.

“O’Hara, I hope you know we wouldn’t be sending you back if it wasn’t necessary,” the Director says and Kelley nods in response before opening the case file in front of her on the table.

“Let’s do this.”

* * *

_Kansas City_

“Kelley O’Hara, I’ll be damned.”

Kelley’s face breaks into a huge grin and she turns around. “HAO,” she greets the woman as the two embrace shortly.

“I didn’t think I’d see you back here so soon.”

“Me either, honestly. Where’s Engen?”

Heather points over her shoulder towards the lead agent’s office. “Her office. I’m guessing she’s expecting you.” Kelley nods in response, flashing another smile before heading for the office.

“Whit, how you been?” Kelley enters the office, greeting her old lead agent.

“Been better, you?”

Kelley shrugs. She takes a seat in one of the chairs in front of Whitney’s desk and the two wait for Director Lloyd and Becky to join them.

“Washington is certainly different from KC.” Whitney studies her for a moment and opens her mouth to speak, but the door opens before she can say anything. Director Lloyd and Becky step into the room, joining the two.

Closing the door behind them, the two senior agents approach the desk.

“As much as I’d love to exchange pleasantries, we don’t have the time,” Becky says as she takes the seat next to Kelley. Director Lloyd moves to stand next to Whitney.

“Let’s get to it, then. I’m sure you studied the case file on the way over. I apologize for how small it is; unfortunately, it’s all we have to go on. That’s why we need you to go back in,” Whitney tells Kelley as she leans forward.

“Your backstopped cover is still intact. As far as the major players are concerned, you were simply relocated. You’re no longer returning as one of the women; you’re out of age range for that. As it is, you were out of the age range shortly after starting; they kept you because they learned to trust you.”

Kelley nods along, taking in all of the information. It’s been eight months since she’s been undercover, but she spent a little over two years working in this environment and she remembers most of her story.

“So what’s my story?”

“Your ‘buyer’ has sent you back to get him another girl now that you’re too old.”

Kelley’s face twitches as she tries to maintain a neutral expression. She wasn’t entirely comfortable with the assignment, to begin with. She had mostly agreed out of loyalty to the badge, to the Bureau. She knew that this case could potentially lead to the rescuing of even more girls and young women being trafficked through one of the sex trafficking capitals of America; she knew the case was bigger than her. So, she swallows her personal feelings and decides to comply.

She notices the Director, Becky, and Whitney all looking at her, waiting for her to speak.

“When do we start?”

* * *

“Marlene? Is that you?” Kelley approaches the man in front of her with a smirk.

“Hello, Todd.”

“Word on the street was you were sent to Portland.” It’s a relief to hear her cover is still intact, like Whitney and Director Lloyd had assured her. When the raid came, Kelley had already been removed under the guise of being sent to the Pacific northwest. Her cover had nearly been blown by a local Bureau agent and she had been kept away from the raid.

Kelley nods before replying, “I was. Martin, the guy I went to, was very...merciful once I aged out.”

She glances to the side, gathering her thoughts before continuing. “I’m still with him, but the dynamics of our relationship have changed a bit.”

“Open relationship?”

Kelley fights the urge to roll her eyes. It still baffled her that there were people who genuinely labeled what these men did to these women as a ‘relationship’.

“Something like that,” she says, trying to keep the anger out of her voice.

“Looking to buy more merchandise?”

Kelley doesn’t respond but looks off to the side. It’s a silent confirmation that that is in fact what she is looking for. Todd flashes a smile before looking around. He drops his voice a little despite the fact they are alone.

“Your man’s in luck. We’re low on stock, but, if his taste hasn’t changed...Boss may have something he’ll like.”

Kelley’s blood boils, but she manages to keep her cool. If it were up to her, she would put a bullet through Todd for his part in this. Counting to ten, she reminds herself of what completing this assignment means.

“I can give him a call in the morning and we can arrange a meeting.”

Todd smiles again and nods. “My number hasn’t changed; have him give me a ring after you two talk.”

Kelley gives a small nod before turning on her heel and leaving.

“It’s good to see you again, Marlene!”

Kelley keeps walking, trying to keep from visibly shuddering.

  
  


* * *

She regains consciousness as the door creaks open. The first thing she registers is the immense pain in her chest as she tries to take a deep breath. She definitely has a couple of broken ribs. The next thing her brain processes is that she has absolutely no idea where she is or how she got here. The last thing she remembers was meeting Todd at the predetermined location to discuss their business. She can taste blood in her mouth and her vision is sliding in and out of focus.

Her hands are tied behind the back of the chair and her legs are bound separately to two of the chair legs. The light above her crackles and flickers slightly.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” Kelley looks up at the shadowed figure. She cannot see their face as the room is too dim, lit only by the single light that hangs over Kelley. She looks down at her bound legs and then behind her towards her tied up hands before looking back towards the shadow standing near the door.

“This is a little cliché, don’t you think?” She hears a small laugh come from the stranger.

“Yes, I suppose it is. You’ll have to forgive my men; they tend to have a flair for the dramatic.”

The stranger steps closer, finally entering the light. Kelley focuses on his face as it shifts between being blurry and clear. She blinks rapidly a few times and once, hard, before it stays in focus. She doesn’t recognize the man, but he either knows her or really hates Kelley’s undercover identity and the life she lived out while working here.

“Do you know who I am?” Kelley stays silent; she knows it will be better to keep quiet instead of admitting she doesn’t know the guy standing in front of her.

“I know who you are, you know?” Again, Kelley remains silent.

“Supervisory Special Agent Kelley O’Hara of the Behavioral Analysis Unit for the Federal Bureau of Investigation.”

“What do you want?”

The man smiles, but it is not a kind one.

“Why,” he tilts his head to the side, still smiling, “you dead of course.”

Kelley spits some of the blood out of her mouth before smirking at the man.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.”

* * *

_Quantico_

“Hey, has anyone heard from Kelley?” Tobin looks around the office. Receiving no response, she frowns slightly. She turns to the tall brunette who is sitting in silence, zoned out.

“Hope?”

“Hm?” The woman blinks and looks at Tobin as if just realizing the other woman was right in front of her.

“Have you heard from Kelley?”

Hope shakes her head distractedly. “No.”

Tobin sits at her desk and leans back in her chair as she tries to figure out the situation at hand.

“Becky came back already. And so did Director Lloyd.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Tobin looks at the other woman, studying her. “So where’s Kelley?”

Hope shrugs. She doesn’t know. She knows Kelley had gone back undercover, had returned to somewhere in the Midwest, but she had no clue of the younger woman’s actual whereabouts. It was starting to get to her. She cares a lot about Kelley and she knows the lengths the shorter brunette will go to in order to complete an assignment, to serve her duty. The relationship is still (sort of) young, but Hope worries. Kelley has a tendency to dive headfirst into situations and doesn’t always think about the long term effects of her actions. Hope knows it stems from the fact that Kelley had no family and therefore didn’t feel obligated to come home to anyone.

Before Tobin can speak again, Lindsey comes in with a bright smile on her face.

“Good morning,” she says cheerfully as she drops her bag at her desk. Receiving no response, she looks between the two brunettes.

“Guys?”

“Have you heard from Kelley?” Tobin looks at her. Lindsey frowns and her eyes flick towards Hope for a second.

“Still nothing?” Tobin shakes her head, also looking towards Hope.

“Well, have you asked Becky?”

“She’s been closed in her office since she got back. Won’t talk to anyone except the Director.”

Lindsey hums in response, looking towards the closed office door.

“This month has been strangely quiet.”

“Yeah, I don’t like it,” Tobin says as she stands.

Hope’s phone starts ringing, grabbing all three agents’ attention. The number is unknown, so Hope lets it roll through. The phone rings again, the same unknown number, and Tobin looks at Hope hesitantly. The taller woman lets it roll through again. When the cell starts ringing for the third time, still with the same number calling, Tobin grabs the phone and answers it.

“Hello?”

Tobin’s eyes flick to Hope as she listens to whoever talks on the other end of the line.

“Uh-huh. Yeah, okay, I hear you.”

Hope watches Tobin closely, noticing the tenseness in the younger woman’s shoulders.

“Yeah, no, I’ll tell her right away. Okay.”

Tobin looks towards Hope again and then to Lindsey before she responds one more time, dropping her voice to keep the other two agents from hearing her.

“Kel...be careful.”

Tobin hangs up the phone and deletes the phone number before handing the phone back to Hope. She pauses as if she wants to say something but ultimately stays silent. She then heads immediately for Becky’s office, knocking on the door and stepping inside. Lindsey looks at Hope and the two exchange a glance. Whatever that had been, it clearly was not good.

Becky looks up when Tobin enters her office. “Tobin,” she starts, “I thought I said no disturbances.”

“I know, Broon, but trust me, this is important.” 

Becky leans back in her chair, not missing the urgency in Tobin’s voice.

“What’s up?”

Tobin takes a deep breath.

“It’s Kelley.”

* * *

_Kansas City_

Glancing over her shoulder and looking both ways, Kelley walks quickly towards the hotel. The gun tucked into the back of her jeans, presses against her lower back and brings her a sense of comfort. She hated being unarmed and she felt much better with a weapon on hand. She steps inside the lobby and approaches the front desk.

“Hi, how can I help you?”

“I need a room. No view, preferably near a quickly accessible exit.”

The front desk worker blinks in confusion but doesn’t question it.

“Okay, I think I found one that fits your...preference,” the worker says and flashes a small, polite, smile at Kelley while the agent taps impatiently at the desk. The worker hands her a keycard, smiling once more.

“Room 409.” Kelley grabs the keycard and gives the worker a small smile of her own. She turns and heads for the elevator.

When she reaches the room, she looks around the hallway for anyone possibly walking around. She eases the gun out of her waistband and unlocks the door, entering slowly. She finds the room to be empty and allows herself to breathe properly. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she taps the mattress.

She glances at the bedside nightstand and is relieved to find a phone sitting on it. She grabs it and goes to dial Hope, but pauses. Her first priority is checking in with Becky or the Director. She takes a deep breath and dials her section chief.

“Hello?”

“Broon, it’s Kelley. I need an extraction.”

* * *

_Quantico_

“Heath, Horan. My office, now.” Becky’s commanding voice grabs the agents’ attention quickly. Lindsey and Tobin exchange a look before standing and heading for the office. Hope goes to follow, but Becky shakes her head.

“Not you, Solo.”

Before Hope can protest, Becky has returned to her office with Lindsey and Tobin and closed the door behind them. Hope sits back in her chair, staring at the closed door.

Meanwhile, Tobin and Lindsey are standing in Becky’s office as the woman stands behind her desk, gripping the back of her chair tightly.

“This does not leave this room, do I make myself clear?” Lindsey and Tobin nod in understanding.

“Tobin, I know you know some of what Kelley has gotten involved in while she’s been away. Lindsey, I’ll fill you in completely on the jet,” Becky says as she moves back towards out from behind her desk. “Last night, Kelley called and requested an extraction from Kansas City. She wouldn’t provide any more than her location, the extraction request, and the insistence that we don’t contact her handler at the Midwest office without a secure line. The three of us are flying out there to get her.”

“Why no Hope?”

“Conflict of interest. I know Hope cares about doing her job, but I also know her personal involvement could make things more difficult should we hit any snags. As far as she is concerned, this mission does not exist.”

Tobin and Lindsey nod again, sharing another look.

“It’s just the three of us moving for her. As far as the Midwest office knows, Kelley is still off the grid. Ladies, there is a mole in the Midwest office. Kelley’s cover was compromised and she needs us to come get her before the Bureau launches an investigation into the Midwest office.”

“When do we leave?”

“Wheels up in fifteen. We need to move quickly.”

* * *

_Kansas City_

Sometimes, Kelley was grateful she had never broken the habit of falling asleep with her hand curled around the gun under her pillow. It made her feel significantly safer as she tried to get some rest in her hotel room. She hears the door start to open and sits up quickly, pointing the gun towards the door.

“Hey, point that thing somewhere else.”

Kelley breathes a sigh of relief and then grins. “You pointed yours at me first.”

She smiles at Lindsey and Becky. “Hey, guys. How you been?”

“There will be time for small talk later, O’Hara. We need to get out of here.”

Kelley nods, tucking the gun into her waistband.

“As far as I know, the office still thinks I’m off the grid, busy working. I don’t think they ever knew I was grabbed.”

“Well,” Becky nods to the door, “we better get moving.”

Tobin pats Kelley’s shoulder, offering a small smile. “C’mon, Kel. Let’s go home.”

“Home,” she echoes back before realizing something.

“Where’s Hope?”

“Conflict of interest,” Lindsey replies, glancing towards Becky as she does. Kelley frowns slightly.

“Alright, let’s move,” Becky says and the four exit the hotel room.

As the head for the stairs, Kelley taps Tobin’s shoulder.

“How is she?” Tobin looks at her for a second before reaching into her pocket and pulling out her phone. She presses it into Kelley’s hand and smiles.

“Why don’t you ask her for yourself?”

* * *

_Quantico_

“Kelley!” Emily runs at Tobin and jumps on her. The agent stumbles slightly but regains her balance, while Lindsey watches, mildly offended.

“What am I, chopped liver?”

“Oh, come off it, Linds,” the analyst rolls her eyes good-naturedly, “I saw you last night. I haven’t seen KO in a fat minute.” The agent and the analyst are sporting similar, goofy smiles and the blonde analyst has thrown an arm over the agent’s shoulders. The blonde agent smiles.

“I guess you can sleep next to me tonight.”

“Thanks, Linds, but I don’t think Sonny would approve,” Kelley teases, winking and laughing.

“Hey, back off my woman. You have your own,” Emily responds, poking the brunette’s side. Kelley’s laughter comes to a stop and she glances around the office.

“Yeah, where is she?”

“She left,” Christen says as she approaches. She offers a smile to Kelley. “It’s good to have you home, Kel.”

The shorter brunette doesn’t register the comment, too concerned with why Hope would have left when she knew Kelley was coming home. Christen takes a small step forward and looks at Emily. The analyst removes her arm from around Kelley’s shoulders and she walks to stand next to Lindsey.

“Kel,” Christen squeezes her shoulder, “go see her.”

Kelley nods and turns to leave. She pauses before opening the door and turns back to her teammates.

“It’s good to be back.”

* * *

_Washington_

Rocking back and forth on her feet, Kelley stands outside the door. She debates knocking but decides that it would be a little weird. She practically lived there before she had gone back undercover. It was a rarity that she spent the night at her own apartment anymore, but right now, she can’t decide if she should enter or not. She is tapping her key against her palm, debating what to do when she hears a voice behind her.

“You know if you stand there too long, someone might call the cops on you for loitering.”

“That’d be a shame. Hopefully, my girlfriend would post my bail,” she replies.

“Hm, doubtful. Something tells me she’s not too happy with you right now.”

Kelley sighs and leans against the wall, looking at the woman in front of her.

“I missed you.”

“I’m sure you did,” the other woman replies cooly.

Kelley takes a step forward.

“Hope-”

“What do you want, Kelley?”

The shorter woman flinches slightly at the cold tone of her girlfriend’s voice. She knew Hope hadn’t exactly been on board with her assignment, but she had hoped that the older woman would see her side of things while she was gone.

Hope, on the other hand, had hoped Kelley would come to see her side of things. She had hoped that Kelley would _finally_ realize that she was no longer a lone wolf; that she didn’t need to go it alone. She wanted her girlfriend to see that she had her, always ready to help her. She wanted Kelley to understand that if she continued to dive headfirst into these things, she would lose more than she already had.

“I-I wanted to come home to you. I wanted you to be the first one I hugged when I arrived back at the office. But you weren’t there.”

Hope stays silent, looking at Kelley. Or, rather, looking through her.

“You weren’t there,” Kelley repeats.

“You weren’t there,” Hope counters. She finally looks properly at Kelley.

“What are you talking about?”

“You ran off! You left, without even talking to me about it!” The anger in Hope’s voice cuts Kelley’s heart.

“I did what I had to. For the Bureau, for the badge.”

“That’s all it’s ever about with you, isn’t it?” The bite hasn’t left Hope’s voice, but the volume has come back down, reaching just above a whisper.

“Hope, come on-”

“Just go, Kelley. Please.” Hope’s voice sounds tired now and Kelley feels her heart start to break.

“Can’t we talk about this?”

“Not tonight. I need some time. Please, Kelley. Go home.” Hope walks past her and unlocks the door. Kelley wants to follow with every fiber of her being, but she knows better. So, she stays put and watches the door close. The sound echoes in her head as she sighs, turning around and walking back to her car. She had thought that coming home would put things back on track.

Nothing had seemed to change, but everything with Hope had.

* * *

**_“It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what has changed is you.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry your pretty little heads, my dears. I promise O'Solo will fix this :)
> 
> Chapter 5 should be up Tuesday or Wednesday!


	5. Into the Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “God, I hate profilers,” Kelley replies, finally lifting her head from her hands.
> 
> “Good thing you became one.”
> 
> “It’s nothing, Linds. I appreciate your support, but I’m fine.”
> 
> The look on the blonde’s face indicates she clearly doesn’t believe the words that just came from Kelley. Hell, she doesn’t believe them herself, but the last thing she wants is her teammates worrying about her personal life.
> 
> “You don’t have to talk to me but talk to somebody. Before you mess up something bigger than bus routes,” Lindsey says before standing and leaving. Kelley watches her go and sighs, knowing the younger woman is right. She needed to get a handle on this before it costs her more than a map.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome, welcome. Chapter 5 is now yours! Enjoy!

**_“I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.” - C.S. Lewis_ **

* * *

_Quantico-July 2016_

“Hey, Kel. How was your weekend?”

“Oh, hey, Tobs. It was...you know,” she shrugs. Tobin gives her a small, amused smile in response.

“Uh, actually I don’t know. That’s why I asked.”

Kelley takes a seat at her desk and throws an amused look at her friend. She then frowns at the desk next to hers.

“Trouble in paradise, still?”

“You could say that,” Kelley responds distractedly.

Tobin studies her friend for a moment. It had been hard to miss the fact that things weren’t exactly going well for the couple. They skirted around each other at the office and remained one hundred percent professional on cases, which sounded good in theory, but the team saw through the façade. There was zero flirting or joking between the two anymore. There was a tenseness when the two were left alone and everyone noticed that they left the office separately from one another.

“Tobin,” Kelley’s voice is full of warning, “stop profiling me. I’m not a case for you to break,” she says as she stands and heads for the kitchenette.

“Heath, O’Hara, briefing room in two,” Christen calls to them as she walks out of her office towards the room. Tobin stands and walks to the room with Kelley following behind. They enter the room, finding the other agents already seated. Kelley goes to sit before remembering she hadn’t gotten her coffee. She turns to go to the coffee maker in the back corner and nearly runs into Hope as she does.

She raises an eyebrow slightly at the older woman. Hope doesn’t say anything but holds out an already full coffee mug to her. Kelley can’t help but smile softly at the gesture. It’s far from fixing things, and they both know they have a lot to discuss still, but for now, it is a peace offering of sorts. An olive branch of sorts.

The other agents watch the scene unfold and Tobin leans over to Lindsey.

“Should we, like, give them a moment?” The blonde smacks her lightly, shushing her.

The two brunettes ignore them and take their seats, studying the case files in front of them. Finally, Becky clears her throat.

“Press, what do you got?”

“Tanya Porter was found by local LEOs last night after being reported missing last week by her fiancé. She’s the third woman in four months to be found strangled to death and dumped in an alley. All three had been missing for roughly three weeks before being killed and dumped. And all three were called in by an anonymous caller, all from a disposable phone.”

Tobin flips through the photos of the other victims. “They all look similar. Blonde, taller, thin. All about the same age, yeah?”

Christen nods in confirmation.

“Based on the timeline, whoever did this already has his next victim. Wheels up in twenty; we’ve got a killer to catch,” Becky says, gathering her file and standing.

The rest of the team follows suit, gathering their own files and heading to their desks to grab their gear. On the way out, Kelley grabs Hope’s arm and the two wait for everyone else to clear the room.

“Thanks for the coffee.”

“It was nothing,” Hope dismisses and goes to leave.

“It wasn’t ‘nothing. Come on, Hope. It’s been three weeks; can’t we talk about this?” Kelley gestures between them. Hope shakes her head.

“We have a case, Kelley. Maybe after,” she says before exiting the room. Kelley closes her eyes and sighs, but she knows Hope is right. They need to focus on the case at hand. The “maybe” gave her hope, though. It was the biggest budge Hope had given since their conversation after Kelley returned from Kansas City.

She exits the briefing room and stops by her desk, grabbing her things before heading to the jet. She uses the time it takes to walk to the airstrip to clear her head and prepare for the upcoming case. She and Hope will talk later; right now, she has a life to save.

* * *

_San Diego_

“Alright, we’ll be landing in ten minutes. When we do, Pinoe, Solo, O’Hara, you take the dumpsite. Press, Heath, Horan, and I will head to the station. Sound good?” The team nods in response to Becky and gather their things, ready to hit the ground running.

Exiting the jet, Tobin, Lindsey, Christen, and Becky get in the first SUV and head for the police station. Meanwhile, Megan, Hope, and Kelley get in the second SUV and head to meet the cops already at the dumpsite.

The drive over is silent for the most part. At least, until Megan grows tired of the tension in the car and speaks up.

“Ok, talk to me. What gives?”

Kelley, who is seated in the back, just stares out the window when Megan looks into the rearview mirror and tries to make eye contact. She then glances towards Hope who is staring out the windshield.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, and I’m a monkey’s uncle,” Megan responds sarcastically but doesn’t push anymore. She knows if she is going to actually get anywhere with this, she will have to speak to them individually.

Hope looks ready to retaliate but the sound of a phone ringing interrupts anything she may have said. Megan answers, putting it on speakerphone.

“Hello?”

“Hey, hey, party people. I have things for you,” Emily says in a sing-song voice.

“Alright, Son. Give it to us.”

“Okay, so, I’m running financials currently. So far, everything looks normal, but I haven’t finished yet.”

“Sonny, I thought you said you had things. That sounds like you have nothing,” Kelley speaks up from the back.

“You didn’t let me finish.”

Kelley bites her lip, resisting the urge to make the joke that’s on the tip of her tongue, knowing it wouldn’t be appreciated by anybody except the technical analyst who is back on the other side of the country. So, she stays quiet and waits for Emily to continue.

“As I was trying to say before I was so rudely interrupted,” Kelley rolls her eyes, but she knows the blonde woman is joking, “nothing has come up on financials so far. But, that’s not all I’m looking at. I pulled her work history; it turns out, she worked at the same company as the other two victims. They didn’t overlap in their employments, but still. I mean, the odds of that are...well, I don’t really know, but I’m guessing it isn’t a coincidence.”

Megan hums in agreement as the trio arrives on scene. “Alright, thanks, Son. Make sure you call Becky too. She’s at the station currently.”

“Roger, roger, Pinoe. Saucy Sonny out.”

Shaking her head slightly and smiling, Megan exits the car, followed by Hope and Kelley. The three approach the police tape and duck under after flashing their badges. They walk deeper into the alley and Kelley nearly visibly flinches at the amount of blood surrounding the area. She’s been at this a while now, but knowing that this much blood could come from a single person was still mind-boggling to her.

“Are we sure this is just a dump-site, Pinoe?”

“It’s definitely not where it started, but it certainly is where it finished,” Megan replies, still studying the bloody scene in front of them. The three spread out, looking for anything the police may have missed before regrouping.

“Let’s get to the station. The others are expecting us.”

* * *

“How are things going?” 

Kelley looks up from the maps she’s studying and tracing towards the blonde agent. She blinks at Lindsey a couple of times before returning her gaze to her work.

“I’m studying nonsensical bus routes on a map for a city I’ve never visited before this week. How do you think things are going?”

Lindsey goes to respond but Kelley keeps going. “I mean, seriously. Who made these routes? I’ve been copying them and they make literally no sense.”

The blonde moves to study the two maps the older woman has been working with and notices the mistake.

“Okay, I see your problem. You’re using the San Diego bus routes, but you’re looking at a map of San Marcos.”

Kelley frowns at the maps for a second before groaning and throwing her pencil down. She rests her head in her hands, frustrated that her mind is distracted. Lindsey looks at her and then pulls up a chair to sit beside her.

“Alright, Kel. Talk to me. I’ve never seen you this distracted.”

Kelley stays silent, head still in her hands. Lindsey pokes her shoulder, but the older woman just grumbles something incoherent.

“Look, Kelley, we all know there’s something wrong. Or at least something not right. We can all see it, and it’s starting to affect your work. You’ve obviously not been sleeping well, your mind’s split between at least two different things, and you, like, never mess around with Em anymore. What’s wrong? You know you can talk to us, right?”

“God, I hate profilers,” Kelley replies, finally lifting her head from her hands.

“Good thing you became one.”

“It’s nothing, Linds. I appreciate your support, but I’m fine.”

The look on the blonde’s face indicates she clearly doesn’t believe the words that just came from Kelley. Hell, she doesn’t believe them herself, but the last thing she wants is her teammates worrying about her personal life.

“You don’t have to talk to me but talk to somebody. Before you mess up something bigger than bus routes,” Lindsey says before standing and leaving. Kelley watches her go and sighs, knowing the younger woman is right. She needed to get a handle on this before it costs her more than a map.

“Hey, Kel, we got Sonny on the line. Come on over here.”

Tobin’s voice grabs her attention and she stands from her (now useless) work. She walks to join her teammates in the bullpen and takes a seat to listen to the analyst.

“Alright, Son. We’re all here; what do you have for us?” Tobin speaks for the group.

“I finished going through employment records for the company all three victims worked at. I cross-referenced all the names with missing persons reports filed in the last few weeks. I got a hit: Morgan Scheier. Been working there for a little over a year. She didn’t show up for work two and a half weeks ago. Parents got worried when she didn’t answer any calls or come visit for dinner. They filed a report last week.”

“Why are we just hearing about this now?” Becky sounds slightly irritated that the new information was just that. And she was rightly irritated; the fact that this had slipped through the cracks was frustrating in itself and it had potentially cost them another victim if they didn’t find her in time.

“It looks like it was only recently digitized. I-I don’t know why, but I can look if you want.”

“No, just...keep searching for any possible leads on your end to find her,” Becky responds.

“Got it, Cap.” Emily hangs up and the team looks to one another.

“Okay,” Megan starts, “based on the date of the initial report, we only have three days left to find her alive, assuming she’s with the unsub.”

“Back to work everyone; we’ve got a killer to catch.”

* * *

“Heath and Horan, take the back. Solo, you take the shed to the right. O’Hara, go left to the garage. Pinoe and I will take the front. This guy will not go quietly. Do _not_ try to be a hero; we take him out however we can, got that?” The nods she receives confirm her team’s understanding of her instructions.

“Alright, let’s do this.”

The team splits, approaching the house carefully. Kelley moved the left, quickly moving for the garage next to the house. She reached the door leading in and kicks it open, moving inside swiftly. She hears movement behind her and turns just in time to duck a swinging arm headed for her head. Her gun is then knocked out of her hand and scatters across the floor.

Before she can move for it, the man in front of her is swinging at her again. She does her best to dodge his hits and kicks while providing some of her own. He lands a hard kick to her abdomen and Kelley’s still injured ribs scream at her to stop fighting. She keeps pushing, knowing that if she stops, he will kill her.

She knows she likely will not overpower him physically; she needs to get her gun. The two are dancing around each other slightly, neither really making a move toward the other. She knows it is now or never.

She dives for her weapon, ribs still screaming in agony. She lands on the floor and rolls in one swift motion, pulling the trigger as soon as she turns. She puts four bullets in the man and he collapses next to her, unmoving. She stays on the floor, trying to catch her breath, which is incredibly hard with her ribs throbbing. The door that had swung back closed is opened again and Kelley tries to point her weapon, but cannot find the energy to do so.

She is beyond relieved when she sees Tobin and Lindsey come through the doorway, weapons drawn. They see her on the floor, next to the dead unsub and immediately Lindsey goes to check the man’s pulse to verify his death while Tobin moves to Kelley’s side. Megan and Becky come in next, quickly surveying the scene.

“Kel, you good?” Becky moves to her other side, kneeling opposite of Tobin. Kelley nods wordlessly, still trying to breathe properly.

“Fuck,” she finally manages to get out. “On second thought, I might need to see a doctor, Cap.”

Tobin and Becky both laugh a little. “You think?” 

The blonde woman pats Kelley’s head lightly and nods to Megan who pulls out her phone and dials for an ambulance.

“Where-” she starts before coughing and groaning as it shakes her body, shooting pain through her.

“Hey, hey, don’t speak too much. Breathing is hard enough for you with these ribs.”

“Where’s Hope?” She finally gets out, voice tight with pain.

“Right here,” a voice from the doorway sounds. Kelley doesn’t need to crane to see who it is, couldn’t if she wanted to regardless. The older woman moves to be next to her, crouching next to Tobin. She looks worried, so Kelley reaches the arm from her uninjured side and pokes the taller woman’s forehead.

“Don’t worry so much; you’ll get wrinkles,” she tells Hope who just stares at her, half amused and half concerned.

“Kelley O’Hara, I swear you are going to be the death of me.”

Kelley smiles as best she can as they hear the ambulance approaching.

“Oh, about damn time. I am in so much pain,” she groans out and Tobin shakes her head.

“Maybe if you stopped talking so much, it wouldn’t hurt as bad.”

Kelley doesn’t even retaliate because she knows it’s true. So she stays quiet as the EMTs approach. When they lift her onto the gurney, she reaches for Hope, speaking one last time.

“Come with me? Please? I hate hospitals and I don’t wanna go alone.”

The older woman grabs her hand and squeezes softly in agreement.

It looked like nothing, but it was everything.

* * *

_Quantico_

“Heath, Horan, my office.”

Hope didn’t even bother moving this time, knowing whatever Becky needed them for likely had ties to whatever mess Kelley had gotten herself into in Kansas City.

“Beck? What’s up?”

“I just got off the phone with SSA Engen. They want our help identifying the mole within the Midwest office. We need to be quick and discreet. We can’t risk spooking the mole. There are dozens of undercover agents from the Midwest office that could be at risk.”

Tobin and Lindsey exchange a look.

“When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow morning. And one more thing,” Becky looks both of them in the eye individually before continuing. “Not one word of this to anyone else. I mean it; not Solo, O’Hara, or even Pinoe. Am I understood?”

“You’re not leaving me out of this,” Kelley’s voice sounds from the doorway where she is leaned against the frame. None of them had heard the door open and Becky was now seriously considering buying a bell for the door or just locking it, which she really should have done anyway.

“This is not up for discussion, O’Hara. You’re still desk-bound until you’re cleared by the doctor for _light_ fieldwork.”

“You’re right; it’s not up for discussion. I’m going to Kansas City and I am finding this rat who blew my cover and nearly got me killed, with or without you.”

Tobin and Lindsey watch the standoff between the two silently. Neither is entirely sure what to do at the moment. Kelley is holding Becky’s gaze steadily while Becky struggles with a decision.

“You will not, and I repeat, _will not_ be in the field with us. Desk-bound extends to KC. And don’t think I’m happy to have you along; you’re coming only because I know you would follow us anyway and possibly interfere with the case, or worse,” Becky finally speaks. Kelley’s jaw is clenched, but she nods before turning to leave.

“See you tomorrow,” she says over her shoulder as she exits the room.

* * *

_Washington_

She’s about to give up working on her puzzle for the night when the doorbell rings. She glances at the clock and frowns at the time. It’s nearly one a.m. and she should really be in bed. She knows Tobin had a date tonight with some girl she met at the bar a couple of weeks ago and would be sleeping by now in preparation for tomorrow. Becky and Lindsey would be asleep by now as well and Megan was visiting her long-distance girlfriend for the weekend. It could be Christen, she supposes. Though, she highly doubts it is.

She can’t hide her surprise when she opens her door and finds Hope on the other side, rocking back and forth on her feet. The taller brunette had stayed with her at the hospital, but they had barely interacted outside of work since she was released.

“Hi,” the older woman speaks softly.

“Hi,” Kelley responds, opening the door a little wider. “Um, come on in.”

Hope enters the apartment and heads for the dining area. She sees the puzzle and turns to Kelley with a brow raised.

“Oh, that’s just...I get bored being desk-bound. There’s only so much I can do in the office without going crazy. The puzzle occupies my mind, keeps me sane,” she offers and Hope nods along.

“How are you feeling?”

Kelley shrugs. “Could be worse. More antsy than anything. I hate not being allowed in the field. My ribs are getting better, slowly.”

She moves to lean against the wall and looks at the taller woman, studying her.

“Not to be rude or anything, but what are you doing here?”

“I thought maybe we could talk.”

Kelley hums.

“If I knew it only took another rib kick to get you to talk to me, I would’ve done it a lot sooner,” Kelley attempts to joke, but Hope remains unamused.

“Can you be serious, please?”

Kelley nods, focusing on the woman in front of her.

“We almost lost you in San Diego. _I_ almost lost you in San Diego.”

Kelley stays silent, not really knowing what to say in response.

“I almost lost you and the only thing I could think about is how if you had died, I never would have gotten the chance to do this,” Hope says before walking forward and kissing Kelley.

The younger woman kisses back, her heart rate increasing. She had missed Hope like crazy. The older woman pulls back slightly, the fond smile reserved for Kelley on her face.

“I love you.”

“You-”

“Love you. Yeah, I do,” Hope whispers, almost shyly as Kelley’s eyes light up even more.

“I love you, too.”

“Come spend the night with me?”

The smile on Kelley’s face fades a bit. “I can’t, I’m sorry. I’m leaving in the morning.”

“Leaving? Where are you going?”

“I can’t say. I’m honestly not even sure how long I’ll be gone.”

Hope takes a step back. “Does this have to do with Kansas City?”

“Hope, you know I can’t answer that.”

“Who all is going?”

Kelley sighs and closes her eyes. “Tobin, Lindsey, Becky, and me.”

“So it is related to Kansas City.”

“Hope, please. Can we not do this right now?” Kelley pushes off the wall and reaches for the older woman, but she takes another step back.

“You talked your way into this trip, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” she admits, deciding honesty would be best.

“Why do you do this?”

“Do what?”

Hope starts pacing and gesturing, growing more frustrated.

“You dive headfirst into danger with zero regard for your own safety. You’re reckless, you don’t trust anyone, you’re completely closed off. I thought you had finally learned that you’re not alone in this, that you have all of us, that you have me.”

“Yeah, I dive headfirst into danger; that’s the job, Hope. We do it so no one else has to.”

Hope stops pacing and just stares at her for a moment. “That is not the job. The job is to catch some of the worst people on the planet, to keep others safe.”

“Which is what I do.”

“No. What you do is act without thinking about the consequences.”

“It’s called instinct.”

“It’s called getting yourself killed if you keep doing it.”

Kelley sighs and takes a seat at the table. She rubs her temple, trying to ease the oncoming headache.

“Sit down, please.”

Hope sits in the chair opposite of Kelley.

“Look, this is me. I told you going into this. I spent the first two years of my career working undercover, virtually alone. The only regular contact I had-other than with the people I was keeping tabs on-was my handler,” Kelley is trying to keep her voice calm, but she’s frustrated.

“I had no family, nobody to come home to. It’s an adjustment, coming from that. Until eight months ago, I didn’t even really have any friends, let alone a girlfriend.”

“I know,” Hope replies quietly. And she does know, but that doesn’t make it any easier for her to watch or be okay with it.

“I just need you to be a little patient with me. Please? Because I want this, us, to work.” Kelley reaches for Hope’s hand and squeezes it lightly.

“I want us to work too. So, please, don’t get on that jet tomorrow.”

“Hope…” Kelley trails off, wanting to agree, but also wanting to board the flight to Kansas City in the morning.

“Please, Kelley. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Hope, that’s a risk we take every day when we go to work. I’m going to Kansas City with Becky, Tobin, and Lindsey in the morning. You’re not changing my mind.”

Hope pulls her hand out of Kelley’s grasp and stares at the wall, jaw clenched.

“Becky might literally chain me to a desk when we get there. I won’t be in the field. And Hope,” Kelley waits for the older woman to make eye contact with her, “I promise I’ll come home to you.”

“Just try not to get kidnapped or beaten again.”

“Why, Agent Solo,” Kelley teases and Hope audibly groans, knowing what is coming next. “Are you worried about me?”

“I’m leaving you.”

“No, you aren’t.”

Kelley reaches forward once more and grabs Hope’s hand again.

“I’ll be careful. I promise. I love you.”

Hope smiles softly.

“I love you, too.”

* * *

**_“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face...we must do that which we think we cannot.” - Eleanor Roosevelt_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 was a tough one to write, in terms of figuring out how I wanted a couple of things to go. But, I am happy with my end result and I hope all y'all are too :)
> 
> Chapter 6 will see the beginning of the end for the KC story arc. I hope to have it up in the next couple of days or so


	6. Into the Poison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She spots Tobin’s notepad on the desk next to the case file. She knows she shouldn’t, she’s not even allowed in the field, but she can’t help herself. She reaches for the pad and flips it open, finding the notes from this case quickly. She glances towards the closed office door, debating whether or not to risk it.
> 
> She makes the snap decision to read it. She quickly scans all of the notes Tobin has taken since they arrived, once again glad she had learned to decipher the other woman’s weird shorthand. She reaches the last page and looks up to the office door again. Finding it still closed, she looks back at the notepad.
> 
> She sees the name written and underlined and feels red-hot anger spike inside her. Something in her snaps and she stands from her desk. She slips the notebook into her pocket and grabs her gun, but leaves her badge. She isn’t thinking rashly, but there’s no time for that right now.
> 
> Right now, she had business to attend to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished chapter 6!!
> 
> This one took a long time for me to figure out how to begin the end of Kelley's undercover story arc.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

**_“The past is never where you think you left it.” - Katherine Anne Porter_ **

* * *

_ Kansas City-August 2016 _

Kelley’s fingers drum against her temporary desk impatiently. It’s been a little over a month since she, Becky, Tobin, and Lindsey arrived to help identify the mole within the Bureau. The office was still under the impression that they were there for a BAU case. Kelley was tired of being tied to her desk, but she knew she was still on very thin ice with Becky. Her unit chief made sure to remind her that she needed to tread lightly while they were here. And tread lightly she did. She obeyed all orders and worked exclusively in the office, not daring to try to enter the field.

She was getting frustrated, though. She felt like they were getting no closer to finding the mole that had sold her out and was betraying the Bureau. She knew Lindsey, Tobin, and Becky were doing everything they could, but having to work so discreetly limited their reach and resources. They were risking exposing their real reason for being there, which also risked spooking the mole, which could be very dangerous.

More than anything, Kelley wanted to return to Washington, to Hope. The two had just started to work their way through things when she left. She wanted to home, but she knew she needed to finish this case. If she didn’t find this guy, it would eat at her and likely ruin her relationship. She talked to Hope when she could, but it wasn’t near as often as they would like.

The older woman was helping Megan run things while Becky was away, with Christen assisting in whatever ways she could. Being so short-handed was taking its toll on the BAU back in Quantico and Becky had sent Lindsey back late last night in an attempt to help alleviate some of the stress on them.

Kelley is pulled from her thoughts by Becky and Tobin’s arrival back to the office. The two agents had been following a razor-thin lead that had been given to them the previous week. From the looks on their faces, it had not gone well.

“Get anything?”

Becky and Tobin look at each other, engaging in a silent conversation. Kelley can tell they are trying to decide whether or not to tell her what they found while they were out.

“Guys?”

“We found something,” Tobin finally admits.

“Okay, and?”

“And it’s not something we’ll be telling you,” Becky interjected.

Kelley stares at both women, waiting for one of them to break, but the other two agents remain silent. She grows impatient quickly.

“Seriously? Come on!”

Tobin and Becky share another look before heading for SSA Engen’s office. Kelley leans back in her chair, frustrated. She knew she wouldn’t be allowed to participate in whatever meeting was taking place. She wanted to help, but her hands were even more tied than Becky and Tobin’s.

She spots Tobin’s notepad on the desk next to the case file. She knows she shouldn’t, she’s not even allowed in the field, but she can’t help herself. She reaches for the pad and flips it open, finding the notes from this case quickly. She glances towards the closed office door, debating whether or not to risk it.

She makes the snap decision to read it. She quickly scans all of the notes Tobin has taken since they arrived, once again glad she had learned to decipher the other woman’s weird shorthand. She reaches the last page and looks up to the office door again. Finding it still closed, she looks back at the notepad.

She sees the name written and underlined and feels red-hot anger spike inside her. Something in her snaps and she stands from her desk. She slips the notebook into her pocket and grabs her gun, but leaves her badge. She isn’t thinking rashly, but there’s no time for that right now.

Right now, she had business to attend to.

* * *

_ Quantico _

Lindsey wanders into the office and thinks she has never been so glad to be in Quantico, Virginia; she really missed the rest of the team, especially Emily. She raises an eyebrow when she spots Christen sitting at Tobin’s desk, while Emily is seated in Lindsey’s. Both women appear to be busy and neither notice Lindsey approach them.

“Wow, you leave for a month and you lose your desk privileges.”

Both women’s head raise and Emily’s face lights up. “Linds! What are you doing back? Did you get the mole? Where are the others?” She stands and gives Lindsey a tight hug; this had been the longest the two had been apart since they started dating and neither one had been a fan of it.

“One question at a time, Em,” Christen reminds the shorter blonde.

“It’s alright, Chris, I’m pretty used to this by now. Becky sent me back to help you guys out. You’re sorta short-handed here, don’t you think?”

Christen nods as Emily pulls back from the hug and Lindsey keeps an arm wrapped around the shorter woman’s waist.

“Broon, Tobin, and Kelley are still in KC. They won’t be returning until they figure this thing out.”

Christen’s phone buzzes and she checks it before standing and walking towards the stairs.

“Well, I hope you’re ready to work. I’m grabbing Pinoe. Call Hope and tell her to meet us at the airstrip. Then, head to the briefing room.”

Lindsey nods and digs her phone out of her pocket, pulling up the older woman’s contact and dialing.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I just got back to Quantico. We’ve got a case. Press is about to brief me and Pinoe; meet us at the airstrip and we’ll brief you on the way.”

“Alright, sounds good. I’ll be there in ten.”

Lindsey hangs up and heads for the briefing room, slipping into the seat next to Megan as Christen stands in front of them.

“Things are about to get...interesting.”

“More so than usual?” Lindsey and Megan share a glance, both realizing they don’t have case files on the table in front of them.

“We’re going to Kansas City.”

“What? Why?”

Christen hesitates for a moment.

“Becky needs our help with Kelley.”

“I just came from there; why didn’t she just have me stay?”

“I don’t know, but I’m guessing it’s not good.”

* * *

_ Kansas City _

“Tell me again, why you just let her leave?”

“She ran out of here like the building was on fire. She didn’t say where she was going. She took her gun and a notepad.”

Becky rubs her face, fighting to keep her temper in check. She could strip the young agent of his badge for letting Kelley leave with her gun and Tobin’s notes. The entire office knew she wasn’t cleared for the field. Pulling out her phone, she calls Emily.

“Son, I need you to track Kelley’s phone.”

“Why?”

“Just do it,” Becky commands.

“Okay, it says she’s still at the Midwest field office.”

“Son, can you try calling her?”

The muffled ringtone sounds from the desk drawer and Becky closes her eyes, sighing. Figures she left it behind; Kelley doesn’t want to be followed. She’s on a mission and she doesn’t want them interfering with whatever crazy plan she’s following.

“Any ideas where she may have gone?”

Tobin shakes her head. “The location I put didn’t have an actual address, just some abandoned warehouse; I just put down the name and the guy.”

“So she’s probably trying to find someone who can point her to where she needs to go.”

“Why don’t we just go to the where we met the guy and wait?”

Becky shakes her head.

“There’s no guarantee that the location we went to will be the final location.”

“Well, we have to do something,” Tobin insists.

Becky’s phone rings and she answers.

“Press? What is it?”

“Beck, we just landed. We’re on our way to the office unless you want to meet us somewhere.”

“Wow, you got here fast.”

“We can be at the office in fifteen,” Christen replies.

“No, no,” Becky snaps her fingers at Tobin, grabbing her attention, “Heath’s sending Pinoe an address. Meet us there and we’ll get caught up.” She nods to Tobin who pulls out her phone and hands it to Becky for her to type the address out.

“Okay, we’ll see you there.”

Becky hangs up and looks at Tobin. “Press, Horan, Pinoe, and Solo have arrived. We’re meeting them in a few. Let’s roll.”

Tobin grabs her things and follows Becky out of the building. They needed to find Kelley soon, preferably before she put a bullet in someone.

* * *

Kelley slides the warehouse door open and steps inside cautiously. She clicks on the light attached to her gun and moves quickly. There is no guarantee he is even here, but if he is, she’s going to make sure he doesn’t walk out of here.

“We meet again, Agent O’Hara.”

Kelley trains her gun on the shadowed figure and steps closer. “And so we do.”

“Do you know who I am yet?”

“Where is he?”

The man steps forward into the light coming from the flashlight attached to Kelley’s gun. She would love nothing more than to wipe the smirk off of his face and quiet him. She resists the urge, knowing this man in front of her has the information she needs.

“Who?”

“Where. Is. He? Don’t make me ask again.” Her patience was thin to begin with and she doesn’t have time to play games.

“What fun is it if I just tell you?”

“That’s enough, James,” another voice sounds from deeper within the warehouse. Kelley moves to point her gun towards the other voice.

“Come out, you coward.”

“Now, now,” the man steps forward into the light and smiles at Kelley, “is that any way to greet your father?”

* * *

“She’s gone?” Christen’s eyes widen and she looks between Becky and Tobin who look half-worried and half-furious.

“She slipped out of the office with Tobin’s notes and her gun. I called you guys in because I wanted to get this finished and I needed someone to keep an eye on her,” Becky shakes her head, “Now we have to catch her, too.”

“Don’t beat yourself up, Broon,” Lindsey tells her chief.

“We need to find her. Soon,” Becky says and the team nods in agreement.

“She took her weapon, Tobin’s notes, and an SUV. She left her phone, so we can’t track her. Any ideas?” Tobin looks to her fellow squad members.

“We could call Sonny,” Lindsey suggests, “have her pull any and all security camera footage or traffic camera footage. She could find the car Kelley is using.”

Becky dials Emily. “Son, listen up. We need you to track an FBI SUV for us.”

She relays the license plate number and the team waits.

“Okay, that’s a little weird,” Emily begins.

“What? What is it?”

“The tracker puts the SUV near an abandoned warehouse about seven miles from where you guys are right now.”

“Looks like she went to the final destination after all,” Tobin says.

Becky taps her fingers against the hood of the SUV for a moment, trying to decide what to do.

“Press and Solo go back to the office and talk to Whit. We’re gonna need some reinforcements.”

Christen and Hope get into one of the SUVs and leave the lot to return to the office. 

“Son, send me the location on the tracker.”

Becky turns back to Lindsey, Tobin, and Megan.

“We need to get to that warehouse. If Kelley’s there, we need to be ready to move in as soon as possible.”

The three agents nod in understanding. They all climb into the SUV and Becky pulls up the location.

“Let’s end this.”

* * *

“My father is dead.”

“No, no, darling. Your  _ step-father _ is dead. I am very much alive.”

Kelley can feel her finger twitching to tighten around the trigger.

“Dan O’Hara was my father. You were nothing but a sperm donor.”

“I’m surprised your mother told you about me.”

“She didn’t want to,” she admits, “but I would’ve figured it out anyway.”

“Yes, I suppose that’s true. You always were a little too curious for your own good.”

“You don’t know anything about me.”

The man shakes his head, still smiling and steps closer to Kelley.

“I know  _ everything _ . Don’t you think I followed your life?”

“Why would you?”

She knows she should be asking other questions, like “who’s the rat that sold me out?” or something similar, but she can’t really help herself.

“I followed you through school, the loss of your mother and Jerry and Erin and your step-father, your time at the Academy, your time undercover.”

Kelley’s gun starts to lower subconsciously as she tries to process what is being said to her. He knew about her life; he had been keeping tabs on her.

“How did you know about my time undercover?”

“Who do you think gave you up to your friend Todd’s employers?”

Her gun is pointed completely downward and the room is spinning.

“Why?”

“Well, my dear, I love to see all of your accomplishments, but this op you’ve been on has been very bad for business. I let it slide the first time because we only lost a little stock, but then you came back.”

The room has stopped spinning, but now Kelley can’t breathe.

“Now,” he nods towards James who steps behind Kelley and knocks her gun from her hand and pins her arms behind her back before she can register what is happening, “let’s go somewhere and have a chat, shall we?”

* * *

“Okay, Horan and Heath fan to the sides and loop around to the back. Pinoe and I will take the front entrance. Whit,” Becky turns to face the lead agent, “split your squad and send a couple with Horan and a couple with Heath. Solo, you’re with the snipers. Let’s move.”

The team moves out, with Lindsey and Tobin flanking up the sides of the warehouse and moving towards the back. Hope moves to join the snipers that are already in position while Becky and Megan move to take the front.

The warehouse door is already open, so Becky and Megan move quickly inside. As they clear the front of the warehouse, Tobin and Lindsey enter from the back and clear their half.

“Broon,” Lindsey calls, nodding her head towards the side.

Becky turns and spots a gun on the floor. The flashlight attached to the gun gives it away immediately.

“That’s Kelley’s,” she says. The squad all holster their weapons and Becky crouches down, grabbing Kelley’s gun.

“She’d never willingly drop her gun, especially not with her chasing whoever this guy is,” Tobin says, shaking her head.

The entire squad is worried; one of their own is on her own and unarmed. Even worse, they have no idea where she might be. Becky walks out of the warehouse with a heavy sigh and the squad follows her out.

“Back to the office, everyone. We need to find her.”

* * *

“So if you’re in charge, why did your lackey refer to them as ‘my men’?”

“James and I are equal partners. Therefore, my men are also his men.”

“How cute,” Kelley’s voice drips with sarcasm as she leans against the wall of the semi-familiar office. She wanted nothing more than to kick this guy’s ass and get the hell out of here, but, unfortunately, James and the other henchmen are scattered throughout the place, making it impossible for her to escape.

“Won’t you take a seat? You must be tired.”

“I’d rather not.”

He shrugs with a smile. “Have it your way then.”

He tilts his head to the side, studying Kelley who wears a guarded expression and has her arms crossed rigidly.

“You look so much like your mother.”

Kelley stays silent, hand itching to reach for the gun that is no longer present in its holster. She glares at the man who dares to call himself her father and heavily debates going for him but decides to bide her time.

Before either can speak or move, James enters the room and approaches the man. He leans down and whispers something in his ear. Kelley remains in place and tries to get a read on their faces, but James is facing away from her and her “father” has his face obscured by James’ shoulder.

When he leaves, he spares a glance at her, and Kelley can see something in his eyes. It’s fleeting, but she swears she sees a hint of doubt or worry as James exits the room. She knows there is a gun strapped to the underside of the desk; after all, she had placed it there and highly doubted it had been removed. She just needs to get him out of the room and get him to leave her there, alone.

There is a loud crash from somewhere in the building. Both of them look towards the door, but neither of them moves. They lock eyes momentarily and the door opens again and James pokes his head. He jerks his head towards the outside and Kelley watches as the man seated at the desk stands and follows him out of the room. She hears the door lock from the outside and moves immediately to grab the gun strapped under the desk.

She pulls it and checks to see if it’s loaded. Finding that it is, she then moves to the window and peers through it. She knows the drop is about fifteen to twenty feet; doable but definitely not ideal assuming she can even get the window open. She hears the lock turning and sits in the chair at the desk.

James enters the room and narrows his eyes. Kelley studies him in return; she knows there is no way he’s unarmed. However, she has no idea what he might be armed with.

Deciding to push buttons, she smirks at him. “Cat got your tongue?”

“What did you do?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“You’re not funny.”

“Okay,” she says. “Ask me again.”

“What did you do?”

She shrugs. “I didn’t do anything. Don’t you think I’d be long gone if I had?”

The man standing in front of her is growing frustrated and Kelley knows her plan is working.

“What are you gonna do, James? Shoot me?”

The man pulls his gun and points it at her. The smirk on her face doesn’t waver; she knew he would be armed and know she knew what exactly he had. James did not appear to be a man that would carry more than one weapon.

“Now, now,” she chides. “Can’t we be civil?”

James’ gun is still pointed at her and Kelley can see he is trying to keep his cool. Something tells her that he is under strict instruction to not harm her, at least, not yet. Her index finger tightens around the trigger a bit. She moves slowly but makes sure the gun cannot be seen by the man yet.

She waits for him to put his gun away then stands and points her new weapon at him. James stares at her for a moment before opening his mouth to speak, but Kelley speaks first.

“Don’t even think about calling for backup unless you want me to put a bullet in you.”

“You won’t make it ten feet out this door,” he replies and Kelley smirks again.

“Who said anything about a door?”

She nods to the window and beckons him over. James approaches and she points at the window.

“Open it.” As the man works on unlocking it and opening it, Kelley reaches and takes the gun from his holster while still pointing hers at him. The window opens and James backs away from it, glaring at her.

She holsters one of the guns and keeps the other in her hand as she climbs out the window. This was not going to feel great, but she’ll take a sore body over a bullet wound. 

“Catch ya on the flip-side, Jamie-boy.”

She lands, tucking and rolling to minimize injury and pops up quickly. Apparently, all of the goons are inside the building. She moves quickly and heads for the train tracks. She knows she will be able to take cover there until she can make contact with her team. There is absolutely no way she is going back to the office; not until the mole is flushed out.

* * *

“Talk to me. Somebody, tell me they have something,” Becky says as she walks into the office. Lindsey and Tobin were looking at a map while Christen is on the phone. Hope and Megan are reading through a file. None of them say anything and Becky glances around to each of them.

“Nothing? Nothing at all?”

“Sorry, Cap. There was nothing in the warehouse to indicate where they might go. And we still don’t know how they managed to disarm Kelley,” Tobin speaks, eyes finally raising from the map.

Becky sighs and sits down. They need to find Kelley soon. She was one of the best, but an agent can only survive on their own for so long. No resources, no weapon, no way of contacting her people - Kelley’s time was running out.

The sound of a phone ringing pulls Becky from her worries. Lindsey pulls her phone out and answers it.

“Hey, Em. You’re on speaker, try to behave.”

“Or what? You’ll-”

Lindsey cuts her off.

“Don’t even  _ think _ about finishing that sentence.”

“You’re no fun.”

Lindsey closes her eyes and sighs, but Becky can see the hint of a smile on the blonde’s face.

“What do you got for us, Son?” Becky speaks up.

“I was digging through the old files from when Kelley was undercover the first time. The only place that hasn’t been cleared is an old office building down on sixteenth street. The building is scheduled to be renovated early next year, and it looks like it was a base of operations for the ring that was busted last year. I’m texting you the address and attempting to get satellite images.”

“Thanks, Sonny. Let me know if you get the images,” Becky replies.

“You got it, Cap.”

The analyst hangs up the phone and Becky turns to her squad.

“Gear up; we got a teammate to save.”

* * *

**_“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” - Friedrich Nietzche_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 ya filthy animals.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it. Chapter 7 will see the end of the KC story arc.
> 
> I hope to have it posted soon-ish


	7. Cry You An Ocean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lindsey stands too but grabs the brunette’s hand as she tries to leave. “Tobs, I’m frustrated too, believe me, I am. But we don’t know where she might be and we have to trust that Hope will make contact with Becky or Pinoe when she finds her.”
> 
> The two lock eyes and engage in a silent argument. Before one of them can come out on top though, Christen walks into the bullpen and clears her throat. The other two agents pull away and look at her.
> 
> “Am I interrupting something here?” She teases them slightly.
> 
> “Yes, please continue to interrupt,” Lindsey replies, shooting a glance at Tobin before sitting back down. Her partner glares at her for a second before taking a seat herself.
> 
> “Alright,” Christen decides not to push the issue, “well, get your gear. Beck just called; Hope made contact. You two are going to get them. We should have an exact location soon.”
> 
> The agents stand and grab their things.
> 
> “Bring her home, yeah?” Christen looks at the partners who nod in response.
> 
> “Yeah,” Lindsey replies, “let’s do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 is finally here!!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

**_“Finishing what you started is important.” - Adam Neumann_ **

* * *

_Kansas City-August 2016_

The black SUVs pulled into the empty lot next to the old building, the SWAT truck following close behind them. The agents got out of their cars and headed for the door.

“We need to get to whoever is in charge; take them out quickly and quietly,” Becky told all of her agents who nodded in response.

Hope and Megan led the first squad through the front while Lindsey and Tobin took a second around back. Meanwhile, Becky and the remaining SWAT team members fanned out, ready to get anyone who managed to get away from the other agents.

Between the two squads that breached the building, they took out five gunmen and continued to move through the building. Hope, Megan, and their squad reached the office first. Megan kicks open the door and they flood the room. There is a man lying on the floor, unconscious but still alive.

“Kelley’s handiwork?” Megan asks as she stands. Hope shakes her head; she gets the feeling there is something or someone missing from this picture. The man on the ground starts to shift and Megan moves to handcuff him before he fully wakes up. The two agents set him up against the desk in the room and wait for him to properly wake up.

“Who is this?” Becky asks as she steps into the room. Megan and Hope shrug in response.

“Dunno. Sleeping beauty here is still regaining consciousness,” Megan responds while Hope looks around the office.

“Where are Heath and Horan?” Hope looks to Becky.

“Escorting mister boss man back to the office. He mentioned Kelley but wouldn’t say anything about whereabouts or who he is.”

Before Hope can respond, the man who is handcuffed speaks up.

“Maybe,” he coughs and tries again, “maybe I can help you.”

* * *

Kelley knows she needs to find somewhere safe, where she can make contact with Becky. The only problem is, she had slightly twisted her ankle in her tuck-and-roll jump from the window. It hadn’t hurt initially, likely because of the adrenaline coursing through her. However, once she stopped, it had started to ache. And the more she continued to move on it without proper support, the worse it was becoming.

So she moves slowly, but steadily. She is in a part of town she is somewhat familiar with; there have been a few changes since she was last here, but the general layout remains the same. She had found the train tracks no problem. She had stayed for a couple of nights before continuing on. She knew she couldn’t return to the field office yet; the mole would be spooked, assuming they hadn’t been already when she had escaped her so-called father and his minions.

She hears footsteps approaching and she eases the gun out of her holster before stepping behind the concrete wall. She waits for whoever was following her to round the corner and decides to reholster her gun in favor of hand to hand combat. She points the gun, ready to fire, lowering it when she sees who had been following her.

“For the love of God, Hope,” she lets out a relieved sigh, though she is slightly irritated at being found. “Are you trying to get shot?”

“Are you trying to get caught? I’ve been tailing you for two hours.”

Kelley studies the woman in front of her for a moment, trying to figure out if she was telling the truth or not. She decides she was and curses herself for not being more careful. Sure, Hope was pretty good at tailing, rarely made, but Kelley prided herself on being able to pick up on and shaking someone when she’s being tailed.

“How’d you find me?” She asks, genuinely curious how she could have been found in the first place.

“We found the warehouse where you were taken thanks to you not remembering to turn off the tracker in the SUV you took.”

Kelley smirks. “C’mon, Hope, you know me better than that. I left it on for a reason.”

Hope just stares at her, so she keeps talking. “I knew Becky would call you guys in. I admit that I wasn’t thinking when I took off initially. But, at the moment, I really didn’t care. I kept the tracker on so you guys would find the warehouse and you’d find the two heads of this goddamn operation,” she takes a breath and lets Hope process for a second.

“Wait, two heads?”

Kelley nods and goes to speak before cutting herself off to look around them. She remembers how in the open they are still, so she beckons Hope a bit closer.

“We need to get somewhere, away from here. Somewhere we can make contact with Broon and the others.”

The taller woman just nods and follows as Kelley takes off, walking quickly. As they walk, both keep their eyes open for anything suspicious. After a couple of minutes, Hope presses the subject.

“So,” she starts, “two heads, huh?”

Kelley nods, still moving quickly and not looking at her. “Yeah, I’ll get to that. First, though, how did you guys find where I was after the warehouse?”

“Sonnett dug through the old case files from your time spent undercover and found the only place that hadn’t been cleared. So we called SWAT and breached the place. Ran into a guy who seemed really familiar with you,” Hope glances at Kelley who is still avoiding looking in her direction. The older woman notices how Kelley tenses slightly at the mention of the man they had found in the back office when they breached.

“Kelley,” she stops and waits for the younger woman to do the same.

“Don’t, Hope. We need to keep moving.” Kelley keeps looking around. “It’s not much farther, come on,”

Hope sighs but follows the smaller brunette regardless.

It was obvious something was bothering Kelley, and Hope intended on discovering just what that was.

* * *

“Hope find her yet?” Tobin sits and looks at Lindsey who shrugs in response.

“I haven’t heard anything. Broon and Pinoe are both out and Em hasn’t mentioned anything.”

Tobin hums in response, glancing around the office. She hates having to sit around while they’re unsure if their teammate had found their missing one and whether or not they are safe. She taps on the desk impatiently before standing.

“I refuse to sit around and do nothing while one of our own is out there, possibly alone and probably hurt.”

Lindsey stands too but grabs the brunette’s hand as she tries to leave. “Tobs, I’m frustrated too, believe me, I am. But we don’t know where she might be and we have to trust that Hope will make contact with Becky or Pinoe when she finds her.”

The two lock eyes and engage in a silent argument. Before one of them can come out on top though, Christen walks into the bullpen and clears her throat. The other two agents pull away and look at her.

“Am I interrupting something here?” She teases them slightly.

“Yes, please continue to interrupt,” Lindsey replies, shooting a glance at Tobin before sitting back down. Her partner glares at her for a second before taking a seat herself.

“Alright,” Christen decides not to push the issue, “well, get your gear. Beck just called; Hope made contact. You two are going to get them. We should have an exact location soon.”

The agents stand and grab their things.

“Bring her home, yeah?” Christen looks at the partners who nod in response.

“Yeah,” Lindsey replies, “let’s do it.”

* * *

“So what exactly is this place?”

“Safehouse. Off the books; the Bureau doesn’t know I have it.” Kelley checks the small apartment quickly, clearing it, before letting Hope inside and closing the door behind her. Hope decides to put a pin in the whole Bureau not knowing this place exists thing.

“So you found the warehouse, you found the goons’ hangout. But how’d you find me?”

“I know you,” is the simple response Kelley receives.

“You profiled me.”

Hope shrugs. “I did what I had to do because _somebody_ was being reckless.”

Kelley bristles slightly. She had already admitted to not thinking it through when she had taken off on her own, but she didn’t need Hope to add to it. She wasn’t stupid; she knew she was going to be in some pretty hot water with Becky (and probably the Director as well) when they got back to Washington. This had “suspension” written all over it.

She decides not to engage in this fight right now, instead, focusing on the woman in front of her. The woman she hadn’t seen in nearly two months.

“I missed you,” she says quietly. Her fingers fiddle with the hem of her t-shirt as she looks at Hope properly for the first time since they began their journey here.

“You really are an idiot sometimes, you know that?”

Kelley blinks in surprise. That wasn’t exactly the response she had been hoping for or expecting. Hope begins to pace the floor and Kelley groans, knowing what is about to come. Apparently, they _would_ be having this fight right now.

“How many times do I have to tell you that you’re not alone anymore until it’s gotten through your thick skull?” Kelley doesn’t respond; she knows Hope isn’t done yet.

“How many times am I gonna have to remind you that you have all of us here, that you have me? We’re a team, Kelley. All of us. And a team can’t operate well if one of the members has one foot out the door.”

Kelley tenses again; she gets the feeling the words coming from Hope have a double meaning. The older woman isn’t just talking about the team as a whole, professionally. She’s talking about them as a couple. Kelley feels guilty; the two of them had been happy and then Kelley had run back to Kansas City to go back undercover without consulting her girlfriend. Hope had told her she loved her and Kelley had gone back to Kansas City (again) and had put herself in danger, all for a case that could be handled without her.

Hope felt that Kelley had one foot out the door on their relationship and Kelley felt awful. She had never felt guilty or questioned her loyalty to the badge before she had met Hope. She knows she needs to fix this, on both fronts. She slowly approaches the woman who is still pacing the floor and stands in front of her, forcing her to stop.

“Hope, listen to me, please. I need you to hear me.” 

Hope nods.

“Look, I already admitted that I wasn’t exactly thinking straight when I took off.”

Hope scoffs and mutters something along the lines of “that’s for damn sure”, but Kelley keeps talking, deciding not to dwell on that.

“I act rashly when I perceive danger. When someone attacks me or comes after something or someone I care about, I snap sometimes. I see red and I get emotionally involved in the case and it’s not good. I know that, but I also know that the moment I stop caring, that will be the moment I will no longer be capable of this job.”

Hope opens her mouth to speak, but Kelley shakes her head and keeps talking.

“I know I need to get a better grip on it, but I will never _not_ care when I do this job. And, look, I’m still learning how to do this,” she gestures between the two of them, “while trying to do my job properly. I love you, Hope. I promise I love you and I promise I don’t have one foot out the door on us.”

She braves a step forward. “I’m sorry for ever making you feel that way.”

Before Hope can respond, they hear voices outside and both of them pull their weapons, training them at the door. The door opens and Kelley lowers her gun, a smile crossing her face.

“Tobs! Linds!” The two agents that had entered smile in response and holster their weapons.

“Good to see you, Kelley,” Lindsey offers while Tobin lightly smacks Kelley’s shoulder.

“You look awful.”

“Gee thanks, Heath,” Kelley laughs and rolls her eyes slightly before moving to close the door.

“Where are Broon and Pinoe?”

Tobin points towards the open door. “Waiting for us back at the office. Sent Linds and me to get you.”

Lindsey pats Kelley’s shoulder as the four head out the door. “We’ll be home soon.”

Kelley just nods.

* * *

Becky approaches her as soon as she walks through the door. Kelley braces herself for the reaming she is likely to receive, but it doesn’t come.

“O’Hara, with me,” she says before turning and walking towards one of the interrogation rooms. Kelley follows quickly, unsure of what was to come. Becky stops in front of the glass and looks at her.

“You and I will discuss your actions later. Right now, I need you to tell me everything you know about the man on the other side of that door,” she points at the guy seated at the table.

Kelley takes a deep breath before replying, “He goes by Jack White, the name Tobin wrote down, but his real name is Marcus Brand.”

Becky nods and gestures for her to continue.

“He’s my birth father. And, apparently, he and his partner-”

“The other guy we grabbed,” Becky interjects and Kelley nods.

“Yeah, him. Apparently, they are the ones running the show here. And they’re partially responsible for blowing my cover here. I don’t know who tipped them off about me being around in the first place though.”

Becky nods and then heads for the door. She grabs the handle before turning back to face Kelley.

“We’ll find the mole. I promise.”

Kelley watches Becky enter the room and take a seat. She feels someone walk up next to her and turns to see Tobin also watching the interrogation begin.

“She’ll break him, Kel. We’ve got this.” Tobin wraps an arm around her shoulders and leads her towards the other interrogation room where James is seated, shifting uncomfortably while Megan drills him for information.

“Pinoe will crack him too.” Tobin steps aside and enters the interrogation room to help Megan if needed.

Kelley’s heart is pounding in her ears and she feels suffocated. She needs to take a breather. She grabs Lindsey and practically drags her out the front door so they could take a step outside and nobody would think she was running again.

“Kel? What’s up?” Lindsey looks concerned.

“I just...I needed to get out for a second. And I didn’t want them thinking I might run off again.”

“Okay, but, like, why me?”

Kelley is still trying to keep her breath regular, so she just stares at the blonde for a second.

“I mean, like, why not take Hope or Tobin?”

Kelley waits a moment before responding.

“Hope would worry too much and would spend the entire time reprimanding me for running off. Tobin is helping Pinoe in breaking James.”

“Well, I’m honored to be your third choice,” Lindsey jokes and Kelley cracks a smile.

“I would’ve taken Sonny ahead of you, but she’s not here,” she teases back and the taller woman lets out a laugh, lightly shoving her shoulder.

Once their laughter dies, the two stand in silence for a few moments. Lindsey hums before speaking once again.

“It’s gonna work out, Kelley.”

“I know.”

* * *

Becky walks out of the interrogation room, visibly irritated. She taps twice on the window of the other room to signal Megan and Tobin to come out. The two agents step outside and look at Becky questioningly.

“Broon?” Tobin tilts her head slightly.

“We got the name.”

The agents look at each other before looking back at Becky.

“Where are O’Hara and Horan?” Becky looks around.

“Right here, Beck. What’s up?” Kelley says as the two re-enter the office.

“We got the agent who blew your cover.”

Kelley bristles and her eyes narrow.

“Who is it?”

“Special Agent Timothy Neff.”

Kelley reels at the revelation before feeling something inside her snap.

“O’Hara. Any reason you can think of for why he would do this?” Becky’s voice sounds far away.

“Kelley? Kel,” Hope waves her hand in front of the smaller woman’s face. Blinking, Kelley looks around the room before responding.

“He, uh, he was my baby brother’s childhood best friend,” she finally says, voice shaking slightly. She takes a deep breath, trying to keep her emotions in check.

“I lost contact with him a few months after the accident. I had heard when he applied to the Academy and joined the Bureau, but I never reached out. He was always stiff and angry around me after it happened…” she trails off.

“He probably blamed you because you survived. Was there any history between your brother and him?” Becky asks.

Kelley shook her head. “No, Jerry had a girlfriend. He was gonna propose.”

“Look, we can deal with the map of this guy’s mind later. Where is he?” Hope looks furious.

“I already texted Sonnett. She put a BOLO out on him and his car. Heath and Horan, go check his home. I doubt he’s there, but there may be something there to help us figure out where he may be headed. Solo and O’Hara, stay here and look into any and all contacts he may have that could help him hide or flee the country. Pinoe and I are headed back to the building. If you need or find anything, give me a call,” Becky tells them and the team splits up.

“C’mon, Kel. Let’s find this guy.”

“Oh, I intend to.”

* * *

“There’s nothing here, Tobin. Let’s get back to the office,” Lindsey says. She’s been attempting to get the brunette to leave the house for the last five minutes. They completely turned it upside down in hopes of finding something, anything, to point them to this guy’s location. They hadn’t found anything, but Tobin was refusing to leave.

“There’s gotta be something here,” she says as she keeps double and triple-checking everything. Tobin moves to the bedroom and gets on the floor, checking under the bed.

“Tobs, we’ve checked everything, like, three times. There’s nothing-”

“Found something!”

Lindsey’s mouth is still open from being cut off. It snaps shut and she joins the brunette in the bedroom just as she is crawling back out from underneath the bed and making a ‘tsk tsk’ noise as she stands back up.

“Mister Timothy Neff. Didn’t anyone ever tell him to not leave his itinerary lying around?”

Lindsey peers at the paper.

“Mexico? How unoriginal,” she remarks and Tobin nods in response before fishing out her phone to call Emily.

“Hey, Son. Can you ping who is closest to the airport?”

“You insult my mad skills, Tobito,” Emily responds. Tobin rolls her eyes and waits for the typing to stop.

“Okay, you and Linds are the closest to the airport.”

Tobin thanks Emily and hangs up. The two agents jog to the car and climb in. Tobin flicks on the sirens and they take off towards the airport.

“Tobin?”

“Yeah, Linds?”

The blonde looks towards the brunette for a second.

“Let’s end this, yeah?”

“Yeah. Let’s end this.”

* * *

Kelley’s phone begins ringing. Half of her wants to ignore it, but she answers when she sees who is calling.

“Hey, Son. What’s up?”

“Hey, I didn’t know if they told you yet, but Tobin and Lindsey grabbed Neff from the airport. They’re bringing him in.”

The door opens and Tobin and Lindsey lead the aforementioned agent inside, towards the interrogation rooms. Lindsey takes him and sits him down before exiting again.

“Yeah, thanks, Sonny,” she replies after a moment. She hangs up and heads towards the interrogation room. Tobin steps in front of her and puts a hand up.

“You’ve actually lost it if you think Broon will let you in there with him.”

“And you’ve actually lost it if you think you’re keeping me out of that room,” she retorts. Tobin opens her mouth to respond but is interrupted.

“O’Hara, with me in the room,” Becky says as she walks past them without stopping. Tobin’s brows furrow in disagreement and Kelley steps around her, following the blonde into the room.

“Mr. Neff, my name is Becky Sauerbrunn and I just have one question for you,” Becky says as she slides into the chair opposite of the man. Kelley stands in the back corner, studying the man.

“Exactly how long are you wanting to go to jail for?”

* * *

_Quantico_

“Lindsey Michelle, the next time you’re gone that long, _you’re_ the one sleeping on the couch,” Sonny says as a greeting before wrapping her girlfriend in a tight hug. The analyst moves to hug all of the team members, happy they’re all home.

“Drinks on Em,” Lindsey tells the team and the shorter blonde looks at her, confused.

“Um, I don’t remember agreeing to that. I _do_ remember agreeing to take you home for the first time in entirely too long.”

The two blondes leave hand-in-hand, while Christen heads to her office to look through case files. Tobin grabs her bag and walks towards the elevator with Megan and Becky walks to her office, pulling out her phone to make a phone call.

“So,” Kelley says, taking a step towards Hope. “Home?” She gestures towards the elevator.

Hope offers a small smile and nods.

“Home.”

* * *

**_“The thing about finishing a story is that finishing is really only the beginning” - William Herring_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a fat minute, my dudes.
> 
> My apologies. I got hit with major writer's block while attempting to write this chapter.
> 
> I hope I did an okay job!! Here's to hoping next chapter flows a little easier.


	8. Give You All I've Got

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The taller woman poured both of them coffee in travel mugs and hands one to her. They walk towards the door to leave. Kelley locks the door behind them and the two walk towards the parking lot. The air is brisk, but not too cold and Kelley loves it. Something about D.C. in the fall brought her peace.
> 
> Kelley is pulled from her thoughts as Hope gives her hand a slight squeeze. She looks at her girlfriend who is smiling slightly.
> 
> “Ready for your first day back?”
> 
> Kelley nods, a mix of nerves and excitement swirling inside her. She leans over the console in the car and kisses her girlfriend’s cheek before starting the car and beginning the drive to the office.
> 
> “Yeah,” she says, “I am.”

**_“Giving is the only way to receive more.” - Lailah Gifty Akita_ **

* * *

_ Washington - October 2016 _

Kelley woke up feeling like a kid again. It felt like the first day of school as she moved through her kitchen, turning on the coffee pot and grabbing a protein bar. She heard the bedroom door close and turned to see Hope walking towards the kitchen with a sleepy smile on her face. The three-week suspension Kelley had been hit with following their return from Kansas City had given her a lot of time to think about how to approach her job upon her return.

It also gave her the opportunity to grow as a person and for her relationship with Hope to blossom. Date nights, spending the night together, meaningful talks, they all added up and saw the couple’s relationship grow stronger. They had worked on their communication and Kelley had never felt so in love.

The couple spent most nights at Kelley’s apartment. Hope would come back from work and the two would talk about what she had done or where she had gone that week. Kelley would cook dinner and the two would wind down by watching the news and then go to bed. Kelley would be the first to fall asleep while Hope would read a book for a bit before turning off the lamp and getting comfortable next to her girlfriend.

Kelley watches her girlfriend move around the kitchen. The older brunette stepped around her, giving her hip a squeeze as she does so. Kelley offers a smile and taps Hope’s forearm as she moves out of her way.

The taller woman poured both of them coffee in travel mugs and hands one to her. They walk towards the door to leave. Kelley locks the door behind them and the two walk towards the parking lot. The air is brisk, but not too cold and Kelley loves it. Something about D.C. in the fall brought her peace.

Kelley is pulled from her thoughts as Hope gives her hand a slight squeeze. She looks at her girlfriend who is smiling slightly.

“Ready for your first day back?”

Kelley nods, a mix of nerves and excitement swirling inside her. She leans over the console in the car and kisses her girlfriend’s cheek before starting the car and beginning the drive to the office.

“Yeah,” she says, “I am.”

* * *

_ Quantico _

“Hey, hey, hey. Look who’s back,” Tobin greets with a smile. Kelley gives a smile of her own and holds her arms out as if to say “here I am”. The two hug and Kelley says hi to Lindsey as well before nearly collapsing under Emily who had jumped on her back as a way of greeting her.

“KO, welcome back!”

“Hey, Son,” Kelley greets, setting the analyst down.

The team continues talking and everyone asks Kelley what she has been up to since receiving her suspension. Before she can answer, another voice interrupts them.

“O’Hara, my office,” Becky calls down. Kelley turns to see her, her smile fading a bit. She knew this was going to happen; Becky had told her she needed to see her on her first day back.

She climbs the stairs towards her section chief’s office and enters, closing the door behind her. Becky is standing behind her desk with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Broon,” Kelley speaks, “you wanted to see me?”

“How was your time off?”

Kelley shrugs; it wasn’t like she had  _ wanted _ the time off.

“I managed.”

Becky nods, unfolding her arms and taking a seat. She gestures towards one of the seats in front of her desk but Kelley remains standing.

“I spoke with Director Lloyd and, while neither of us condones the way things were done in KC, we’re both glad to have you back with the team,” Becky begins. “That being said, you on razor-thin ice with the Bureau currently. Here at the BAU, we get some leeway, but you have been pushing those boundaries since you got here. You have got to listen to orders and do things by the book or the next time, it won’t just be a suspension.”

Kelley nods in understanding. She knew she was lucky to get away with a slap on the wrist and she knew she had to tread lightly. She couldn’t afford another slip-up.

“Are we in agreement?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Becky smiles a little, face softening.

“Don’t call me ma’am. It makes me feel old.”

Kelley flashes a smile.

“You got it, Broon.”

Becky stands and nods towards the door. The two exit and see the bullpen is empty, so they turn towards the briefing room where everyone is already seated. They walk to the room and as they enter, Christen stands and moves towards the plasma.

“What do we got, Press?”

“Los Angeles, California. It appears we have a family annihilator on our hands. The local field office has been called in and asked for our help because they have multiple agents out on assignment currently or about to be sent on assignment.”

Becky nods and looks to all of them, beginning to gather her file.

“Alright, we’ll discuss a bit more in the air. We gotta move; wheels up in twenty.”

* * *

_ Los Angeles _

“Alyssa, it’s good to see you again,” Becky says as she shakes the lead agent’s hand.

“Likewise, Becky. Just wish it could be under better circumstances,” she responds.

“Morgan and Krieger are on assignment in Redding. But, I have Harris and Long available to aid you guys in your work with the police,” Alyssa continues as all of the agents follow her up to her office.

“Ashlyn Harris and Allie Long, you remember Becky,” she begins the introductions. The agents nod before turning to the other BAU members. Becky takes over the introductions from there.

“Agents Heath, Horan, Solo, O’Hara, Rapinoe, and our communications liaison, Agent Press.” She points to each one as she rattles off their names.

“Nice to meet all of you. Let’s get to work, shall we?”

Becky nods.

“O’Hara, Solo, head to the latest crime scene,” Becky tells them. The two nod and head to leave. Alyssa points to Ashlyn and nods towards the door, signaling her to go along with them. She follows the two out the door and Becky turns to her other two agents.

“Heath, Horan, canvas the neighborhood. Take Agent Long with you; I’ll call some uniforms to join you guys.” The three agents exit the office and Becky turns back to Alyssa.

“Coroner?”

“I’ll drive.”

* * *

_ Redding _

“Did you hear Boss called in the Washington agents again? Except this time, it’s the whole team.”

Ali looks up from the desk she took over since their arrival and furrows her brow slightly.

“I mean, I guess I get it. Family annihilator, they’re profilers, you and I are out here running point on this drug bust. She could use the extra hands.”

Alex frowns. She had liked Becky and Emily when she had met the pair, but she wasn’t too keen on the thought of her field office, her home turf, being turned over to a bunch of agents from the other side of the country. She’s been hearing non-stop about the BAU and how much they’ve achieved in the past ten months since she has joined the Bureau.

“Are you sure you’re not just upset because you miss Julie and you didn’t get a proper goodbye before we left?”

Alex’s frown drops and she smiles at her partner before shoving her shoulder.

“You’re one to talk, Kriegy. If I have to spend another night hearing you sleep talk about missing Ash, I’m gonna smother you,” she replies as her partner turns slightly red and groans.

“Promise?”

“On my life. Now, where were we?” Alex moves and takes a seat next to Ali who turns back to the case file in front of them.

“About to break this case so we can get home.”

“I like the sound of that.”

* * *

_ Los Angeles _

“Where are we?” Becky asks as she walks into the bullpen followed by Alyssa.

“Linds is on the line with Sonny, making sure she’s ready,” Tobin responds.

Alyssa looks at Becky with an eyebrow raised. “Ready?”

“For the profile; the team’s ready if you are,” Becky turns to face the lead agent who blinks once before nodding.

The BAU members sit and wait for everyone to get settled before beginning.

“We believe the suspect you are looking for is a caucasian male in his mid to late thirties. He is highly organized in his killings and extremely patient as evidenced by the amount of time he spent with each family before killing them,” Becky begins.

“He shows signs of remorse with the children, but he still kills them which likely means he believes he is saving them from something or someone,” Tobin interjects. Becky nods before speaking again.

“He would have suffered abuse, physical or otherwise, throughout his entire childhood. And almost definitely at the hands of his father. His rage is amplified in his killings of the fathers.”

“He also probably envies what these families have. Wealth, love, connection - all things he grew up without experiencing. He resents the fact that he didn’t get all of that growing up and wants to make those who do have it suffer,” Lindsey cuts in this time.

“He is high functioning but something keeps him from holding a stable job for very long. He’ll be single; he won’t be able to maintain a stable relationship,” Becky continues.

“One final thing,” Megan speaks this time, “these kinds of situations do not have a track record of ending well. It is highly common for these things to end in him taking his own life or suicide-by-cop.”

The officers and agents standing around all nod in understanding.

“Right,” Alyssa speaks, “back to work everyone. We need to get this guy before he gets another family.”

* * *

Kelley and Hope walk into the room quickly, both looking for Becky. Lindsey is seated at the conference room table and looks up at the two agents.

“What’s up?”

“Have you seen Broon?” Kelley asks, leaning forward against a chair. Lindsey thinks for a moment before shaking her head. She hadn’t seen their section chief all day; last she had heard, Becky had been at the hotel still.

“Did you guys find something?”

Kelley nods, still leaning against the chair in front of her. “I think we found the unsub. I was gonna tell Becky.”

She turns to face her partner.

“Hope, call Becky and let her know our hunch. I’m gonna call Sonnett and get her to pull more info on this guy.”

Hope nods and fishes out her phone, stepping outside to make the call to their boss. Kelley takes a seat at the table and pulls out her own phone, dialing the analyst.

“Saucy Sonnett, your favorite analyst/lover at your service. How may I direct your call?”

Kelley isn’t sure if she’s glad she didn’t put the call on speakerphone or not.

“When we get back to Quantico, you and I are having a conversation about phone etiquette,” she says jokingly. Lindsey looks at her, head tilted and an eyebrow raised.

Emily is quiet for a moment.

“I thought you were Lindsey.”

“Hm, clearly.”

Lindsey pokes her and whispers to her to put the call on speaker. Kelley obeys and the analyst’s voice fills the room.

“In my defense, she’s usually the one who calls me. And I am an honest woman; I don’t flirt with others while I’m in a relationship.”

Kelley just looks at Lindsey who has closed her eyes and is shaking her head.

“Em,” Lindsey breaks in, “as much as we love your rambling, this wasn’t really a social call.”

“Right. What’s up? What do ya need?”

Kelley takes over again.

“I need you to dig into a guy by the name of Frank Pearson. Hope and I have a hunch, but I need something solid to bring to Broon.”

“You got it. I’ll hit you back when I have something,” Emily says before hanging up.

Kelley turns to Lindsey again.

“She’s something else.”

Lindsey shakes her head again, smiling fondly.

“You have no idea.”

* * *

The Bureau agents stand outside the residence of Frank Pearson, now confirmed to be their unsub. As the agents strap on their vests and put in their earpieces, Becky runs over their plan of action.

“Solo, O’Hara, go around back with Long. Heath and Horan, take the left side with Harris. Pinoe, Naeher, and I will take the front. Remember, this guy will  _ not _ go quietly. Proceed with caution, have each other’s backs.”

The agents all nod before beginning to move.

Hope, Kelley, and Allie headed around the residence, toward the back door. Tobin, Lindsey, and Ashlyn follow the trio but come to a stop at the side door. Megan, Alyssa, and Becky head towards the front door.

“On my count,” Becky says into her mic. She looks at Megan who wiggles the doorknob. Finding it unlocked, she nods at Becky.

“One...two...three, go,” Becky commands and the agents pour into the house in search of their suspect.

The agents clear the entire house, convening in the living room when they find the unsub is nowhere to be seen. Becky holsters her weapon and turns to Megan and Alyssa, but, before she can speak, she hears a voice calling for her attention.

“Broon,” Lindsey’s voice sounds from upstairs, “you’re gonna wanna see this.”

Becky makes her way up the stairs and sees Tobin who motions her over towards the room where Lindsey is. She enters the room and sees what it is that the blonde had wanted her to see. The wall is divided into sections, with each section continuing numerous photos and documents all tied to a specific family. The ones that have already been killed have been marked accordingly. Becky’s eyes finally reach a section on the wall that wasn’t marked.

“Do we know who these other families are?”

Lindsey shakes her head.

“There are no names written anywhere.”

Becky nods.

“Get pictures of the families and send them to Sonnett. We need ID’s ASAP.”

“Already done,” Lindsey says, “she said she’ll let us know as soon as she knows.”

Becky doesn’t say anything; she just takes one last look around the room before turning on her heels and heading back downstairs. She approaches Megan and motions her away from Alyssa.

“Pinoe, he’s got an entire wall sectioned off with targets. Horan sent off pictures to Sonnett and we’re waiting on IDs.”

Megan shifts her weight from foot to foot.

“Any idea how long it’ll take?”

“Broon,” Lindsey’s voice interrupts again as she descends the stairs and approaches the duo.

“Horan?”

“We got something. Em ID’ed one of the families as the Johnson’s. Apparently, neither kid has shown up for school in the last two days and both parents have unexplained absences from work,” Lindsey explains.

“Location?”

“Em just sent the home address to you and Pinoe.”

Becky nods.

“Let’s move.”

* * *

Kelley finishes gathering her things and leans against the conference room table. Tobin and Lindsey are packed and Hope is with Megan, already headed for the jet. Becky is saying bye to Alyssa before the BAU heads back to the east coast.

“Hey, O’Hara,” a voice pulls Kelley from her thoughts. She turns to find Agent Harris approaching her.

“Hey.”

“I just wanted to personally thank you for coming out here and helping us out. It’s always useful to have extra hands.”

Kelley nods in understanding.

“Always glad to help. Any idea when your fellow agents are due back?”

“They’re on their way now. Apparently traffic is killer though, cause they were supposed to be here like fifteen minutes ago.”

Becky signals to Kelley, Tobin, and Lindsey that it’s time to head out. Kelley grabs her things and faces Ashlyn one last time.

“Well, maybe we’ll meet them another time.”

“Another time,” Ashlyn agrees, offering a wave to the BAU members as they leave.

Another ten minutes and the elevator dings again. When the doors open, Ali and Alex get off and the former goes to greet her girlfriend with a hug.

“Are the BAU members still here?”

Ashlyn shakes her head.

“You guys just missed them.”

Alex frowns. She had been hoping to meet the other team members; she already liked Becky and Emily, but she hadn’t met the others yet and she had heard good things about all of them. She doesn’t even bother dropping her bag, instead, fishing out keys and holding them up.

“Well, I hope we get to meet them eventually. But, for now, I am heading home and spending some much-needed r&r with my girlfriend.”

“Have fun,” Ali tells her, patting her shoulder, “tell Julie we say hi.”

Alex flashes a smile.

“I will. Have a good night you guys.”

“You too, Al.”

* * *

_ Quantico _

They are approaching D.C. when Kelley wakes up from her nap. Her head is resting on her arm and her feet are stretched out on Hope’s lap as the older woman reads her book. Sitting up and blinking, Kelley looks around the jet. Christen and Tobin have fallen asleep on each other, Lindsey is listening to music, Megan is watching the ground below fly by, and Becky is scanning the case file, wrapping up what she can while they are in the air.

When they land and exit the jet, Kelley instinctively leans into Hope’s side and yawns.

“Broon, do you need us in the office?”

Tobin is practically holding Christen, who is still half-asleep, up. Becky shakes her head and tells them to go home - they will start fresh in the morning, likely with a brand new case. Becky goes to head inside and upstairs with Megan following suit. Lindsey pulls out her phone and calls Emily to let her know she’ll see her at home, while Tobin lightly shakes Christen in an attempt to wake her up fully.

The communications liaison groans but blinks her eyes open fully. Kelley watches the two in half-amusement and half-frustration. She really wishes these two would just figure it out already. For her part, Kelley turns to Hope, still leaning into her side and sighs.

“My place?”

“Your place,” she agrees. The two agents wave to Tobin and Christen and head for the car.

The drive to Kelley’s is quiet, as both agents are exhausted from the case and from flying from the west coast all the way back to the east. When they get back, Kelley is ready to drop, but when Hope sits at the dining table, the shorter brunette is confused.

“Hope, babe, I know you’re tired, but the bed is in the bedroom,” she says and points towards the bedroom door.

“I know, but it’s not that late and I want to talk with you, outside of the office.”

Kelley is still sort of confused, but she joins her girlfriend at the table anyway.

“Everything okay?”

Hope nods before responding.

“I just wanted to check-in. Family annihilator for your first case back? Just wanted to make sure you’re good.”

Kelley’s heart flutters. God, she loves this woman so much. She knew she had a way of bringing out Hope’s softer side, but it still made her feel like a teenager in love each time it happened. She reaches across the table and takes one of Hope’s hands in her own, softly rubbing the back of it with her thumb.

“I’m good,” she tells her, “it wasn’t easy, but it was fulfilling. Being there in time for the Johnson’s, stopping Pearson,” she shrugs with a smile. “I’ve never doubted that I’m supposed to be here, with the BAU and now, that’s just more solidified.”

Hope nods in understanding. She gets it; it can be hard to know whether or not one belongs in the BAU. With everything they see every day, more than one agent has burnt out and retired because of the heaviness. But Kelley came to them out of her own heavy assignment. Sure, she had her moments where her  _ I can only rely on myself _ mentality made its appearance, but she loved her job and she wanted to help. Hope was glad to hear that Kelley still felt this was where she belonged, and she hoped that the younger woman had learned her lesson.

Kelley pats Hope’s hand and then stands up, stretching. She glances at the clock and finds that it’s still not that late, but she feels ready to drop. Hope stands too and they head for the bedroom. The older woman tells her she is going to take a shower and Kelley just hums in response, opting to shower in the morning instead. While Hope is showering, Kelley gets ready for bed and climbs under the covers.

She’s asleep before Hope gets out of the shower. The older woman smiles fondly at her girlfriend when she sees the smaller brunette curled up underneath the covers, deep in sleep. She finishes getting ready and climbs into the bed next to Kelley. The younger woman shifts in her sleep and turns to face Hope, cuddling into her side.

As Hope drifts off to sleep, she smiles. There was something about Kelley that made her unexplainably happy. She couldn’t ask for anything better.

And if Tobin teased her the following morning at work for her “heart eyes” before genuinely telling her that happiness and love look good on her, well, who was she to disagree?

* * *

**_“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” - Khalil Gibran_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 is here, my dears!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed :)


	9. Love You Black and Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley shrugs, taking a sip of her coffee. She turns to glance at the couch where Hope is seated, reading her book and drinking her own coffee. Her girlfriend must feel her looking at her because she looks up, right at her, and flashes a small smile. Kelley sends her an overexaggerated wink in return, causing Hope to roll her eyes and turn her attention back to her book. She turns her attention back to the couple in front of her only to find them already looking at her with amused smiles on their faces.
> 
> “Linds was just commenting on how rare it is to see Hope give a soft smile,” Emily replies and Lindsey scoffs.
> 
> “That is not what happened.”
> 
> Kelley raises an eyebrow in a silent question to the blonde agent.
> 
> “I was saying it’s nice to see you guys so happy.”
> 
> Kelley can’t help the smile that slides across her face as she thinks about her girlfriend and how much she loves the woman.
> 
> “You gonna ask her to move in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Me not taking three weeks to update?
> 
> Happy Tuesday!
> 
> Happy update day!

**_“Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.” - Michael Murdock_ **

* * *

_ Quantico-December 2016 _

“Happy anniversary, Kel,” Emily says cheerfully as she enters the bullpen.

Kelley looks at the analyst, confused. She has no idea what the blonde is talking about; her one year anniversary with Hope is still about three months away.

“What?”

“You’ve been with the BAU for a year now! Time really flies, huh?”

Emily leans against Lindsey’s desk and hands her girlfriend a coffee. Kelley leans back in her chair; she hadn’t thought about the fact that she had already been with the BAU for a year now. During her time undercover, the days and weeks all sort of blurred together. Spending more than two years in that environment had felt like ten years and two weeks at the same time. It was hard to explain.

“Glad to know you’re not sick of me yet,” she jokes.

Tobin walks in, but she does nothing to greet any of the other teammates, too distracted by her phone. 

“Morning, Tobs,” Lindsey says.

The agents wait for a moment, but she still makes no move to acknowledge them. Kelley looks at Lindsey and then Hope; she picks up a pen from her desk and tosses it at the brunette, laughing when Tobin looked up and blinked in surprise.

“Good morning, Tobin. What’s got you so distracted?” Kelley raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, I was just texting Chris. She had a question about something,” she explains vaguely.

Kelley looks at Emily who is grinning mischievously at the agent whose attention has gone back to her phone.

“That was amazingly non-specific, Toby. Something you wanna tell us?”

Emily wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. Tobin just looks at her for a moment before opening her mouth to reply. Before she can say anything though, Christen’s voice sounds.

“Briefing room, guys,” she calls down from her office, typing on her phone and walking to the room.

Tobin looks back to her phone, typing away again. Emily reaches for it, but Lindsey grabs her to keep her from getting too close. Emily pouts and Tobin sticks her tongue out at the analyst before sliding her phone back into her pocket.

Kelley stands and follows Tobin and Lindsey towards the briefing room. The partners in front of her are bickering quietly and Kelley just rolls her eyes good-naturedly. They reach the room and Kelley goes to sit when she sees a mug full of coffee already in front of her chair. Hope is already seated and waiting. Lindsey and Tobin take their seats as Becky and Tobin enter the room.

“Press, where are the files?” Becky shifts in her seat and looks up at the liaison.

Christen grins and turns to the cabinet underneath the plasma, grabbing a stack of tablets. She hands one to each team member.

“Less paper, better picture quality, more organization. Welcome to the twenty-first century,” she says as the agents scroll through the tablets.

“Alright, novelty aside. Press, whenever you’re ready,” Becky speaks up.

Christen clicks the remote, pulling up the crime scene images on the plasma.

“Who’s ready to go to Miami?”

* * *

Emily shifts in the seat next to Lindsey, unable to sit still for more than two minutes. She doesn’t get to leave headquarters very often and it’s even rarer that she gets to ride on the jet with the team. When Becky had told her she was coming to Miami with them and asked if she had a go-bag, Emily was ninety percent sure the section chief was joking. Luckily, Lindsey had started bringing an extra go-bag for her to work the last couple of months.

Kelley grins at the analyst who is seated across from her and laughs a little when Lindsey looks at Emily and gives her a look, silently telling her to stop squirming.

“C’mon Horan, she’s just excited. It’s not every day our little analyst gets out of her Batcave,” Kelley teases lightly.

“I’m literally taller than you,” the blonde analyst retorts.

Kelley shrugs, taking a sip of her coffee. She turns to glance at the couch where Hope is seated, reading her book and drinking her own coffee. Her girlfriend must feel her looking at her because she looks up, right at her, and flashes a small smile. Kelley sends her an overexaggerated wink in return, causing Hope to roll her eyes and turn her attention back to her book. She turns her attention back to the couple in front of her only to find them already looking at her with amused smiles on their faces.

“What?”

“Linds was just commenting on how rare it is to see Hope give a soft smile,” Emily replies and Lindsey scoffs.

“That is  _ not _ what happened.”

Kelley raises an eyebrow in a silent question to the blonde agent.

“I was saying it’s nice to see you guys so happy.”

Kelley can’t help the smile that slides across her face as she thinks about her girlfriend and how much she loves the woman.

“You gonna ask her to move in?”

Emily’s question startles her and her eyes widen. There is an unfamiliar feeling in her stomach, one she is unable to identify. She doesn’t respond immediately and Emily keeps looking at her. Kelley suddenly feels very suffocated and unbuckles her seatbelt, standing and muttering something about needing more coffee despite the fact her mug is still half-full.

She passes Hope, but she doesn’t look at the older woman. She approaches the coffee maker and tops off her drink, taking a deep breath and telling herself to  _ get a grip _ . She doesn’t know why Emily’s question set her off like that. She loves Hope, more than anything and more than anyone. And she loves that they spend most nights in her apartment and the occasional one at Hope’s. But actually moving in  _ together _ is a huge step and it’s one that Kelley’s never done before.

She decides this is a situation that can wait to be addressed, at least until after they celebrate their anniversary. This buys her a few months to wrap her head around the idea and figure out if she is ready for that level of commitment.

She returns to her seat and Emily smiles at her apologetically. Lindsey pulls out a deck of cards and asks if anyone wants to play poker. Kelley feels a wave of relief wash over her as they play cards, grateful that neither blonde asked her about her reaction.

“Get ready to lose, Horan.”

“Bring it, O’Hara.”

* * *

_ Miami _

“There’s no way you  _ weren’t _ cheating.”

“Em, let it go. It’s not our fault you have the worst tells,” Lindsey tells her.

“But it  _ is _ your fault that you agreed to play poker with profilers,” Kelley interjects.

“Children, stop fighting,” Megan says as she walks past them.

Becky is shaking hands with the police captain and is introducing them. The three quiet down and all shake the captain’s hand in greeting. Becky then turns to the group of agents behind her.

“Heath and Horan, dumpsite with Detective Williams. Solo and O’Hara, interview the family members of the latest victim. Sonnett, you’re with me and Pinoe. Press, do what you’ve gotta do with the media and then join Heath and Horan at the crime scene.”

The team members nod and split up for their assignments. Kelley and Hope climb into one of the SUVs and input the address of the most recent victim’s family. It’s hotter than hell in Miami; it reminded Kelley of her childhood in Georgia. It had been years since she had been back there and it wasn’t likely she would return any time soon.

“You good?”

Hope’s question shakes her from her thoughts and she nods.

“Yeah, just,” she pauses, “never gets easier talking to the family, you know?”

Hope just hums in response. They spend the rest of the drive in silence as Kelley works through the victim’s past and the case details in her head. She drums her fingers against the car door, a nervous tick, only stopping when Hope reaches a hand over and taps her arm. She stills and apologizes quietly.

“You sure you’re good?”

Kelley nods.

“Yeah, I dunno. Just something about being here.”

She doesn’t explain further and Hope doesn’t push. She is grateful for that; she doesn’t want to talk about it. She can’t explain it and it would distract from the case. She takes careful care to not tap anymore as they finish the drive to the house.

When they arrive, Hope parks and looks to her.

“Ready?”

“Let’s do it.”

* * *

Kelley and Hope enter the police station and head for the cluster of desks the squad gave them to use as a workspace. Lindsey and Tobin are looking over the transcripts from the phone calls that were left to each victim’s family. Megan is studying the map of the unsub’s comfort zone and sipping on coffee and Becky and Christen are having a conversation, likely about how to bring the press into the loop. Emily is typing away on her laptop, still trying to find where the victims were when they left the messages.

“Hey, Linds,” Kelley grabs the blonde’s attention. “What was the quote that was said in each message again?”

Lindsey shuffles through some papers before responding.

“They all said ‘I ask that you forgive me for my sins and accept my penance’ right before hanging up,” she says and Kelley nods.

“Amanda Reyes’ parents said that her message said the same thing. Definitely the same unsub.”

“Okay, but then why were the M.O.’s different? This guy showed zero remorse and a whole hell of a lot of rage with the first three victims. He stabbed them over and over and massacred their faces,” Lindsey reminds her.

“Remorse, less rage, fewer wounds and nothing to her face,” Tobin adds, scratching her chin in thought.

“Okay, but the same message left to the family. These transcripts haven’t been released to the media,” Kelley states and the two agents weigh the facts.

“We could be looking at a team,” Hope suggests.

“We didn’t profile this guy as being someone who would work with a partner,” Megan speaks, turning to face them.

“I know,” Hope says, “but it’s not just the remorse and having fewer wounds. Look at the wounds themselves; they’re shallower and the way they’re angled. I think the partner is left-handed.”

Megan grabs one of the photos from the board and examines it closer. She swears under her breath before turning on her heel and walking to Becky. The two discuss something quietly before walking back over.

“Christen’s getting the captain and gathering the officers again. We need to update the profile.”

A couple of minutes later, the force is gathered and waiting for Becky to speak.

“Listen up. We’re no longer looking for a single unsub; we’re now looking for a team. A dominant and a submissive partner. The dominant is likely older perhaps a paternal figure to the submissive who appears to be younger, more hesitant. The submissive could still be in high school, or perhaps his first year of college. The dominant is likely someone he met in childhood and attached to because he didn’t have a real father figure in his life. That’s all we have, for now, thank you.”

The group breaks up and the officers return to their work, chasing down any and all leads. The BAU members return to their desks and look over their own evidence and files, trying to find something that might lead them somewhere.

After a few moments, Tobin stands and moves quickly towards the board. Everyone else looks up and watches as she erases an area and writes in big letters P E N A N C E. She turns to the team.

“I think I’ve got it. Look at the letters in ‘penance’. Each one corresponds to the first letter of the first name of each victim. Penelope Thompson, Eva Anderson, Nancy Pace, Amanda Reyes,” she explains to the team before turning back to the board.

“There’re three letters left still. How do we narrow victimology? We can’t expect Sonny to find every single woman in Miami with names starting with N, C, or E,” Lindsey says, sighing.

That would be a tall order for anyone. There was no denying that Emily was one of, if not the, best in her field. But that was unrealistic and they needed a way to narrow the victim pool. The team had yet to find a solid thing tying the victims together.

“Have we still not found anything tying the victims together?” Becky looks at her agents who all shake their heads.

Emily is still typing away, oblivious to the agents around her. After a couple of minutes, her head shoots up and she lets out a ‘whoop’, startling the agents who then look at her expectantly.

“Who’s the best analyst you know?”

“You’re the only analyst I know,” Kelley says, but Emily ignores her.

“I finally found where the calls were made from,” she continues, “this guy is good, but I’m better. Each call lasts about twenty-five minutes, as you know. And then the coroner estimated it was, what, another forty-five minutes or so until they were actually killed.”

Becky nods.

“Location?”

“Matheson Hammock Park. It’s roughly a thirty-minute drive from the dumping site, which I’m guessing is also where he kills them. That or en route. Either way-” she stops when her laptop beeps at her and her eyes go wide.

“There’s a call coming from there right now. It’s the same number as the other four murders.”

She is only halfway through the second sentence and the agents are already out the door, headed for the park. She can’t help it when her heart leaps into her throat at the thought of them going after these guys. She’s been around long enough to (unfortunately) be used to the gore they are exposed to, but it never gets easier watching them, watching  _ Lindsey _ , run headfirst into danger.

“Come back safe,” she whispers to no one in particular.

* * *

They are walking to the jet, Emily pressed into Lindsey’s side with the taller blonde’s arm wrapped around her shoulders. The agents are explaining how they arrived at the park just in time to watch the end of the phone call and to save the next would-be-victim, Nadia Warner. They were able to keep her safe, but their hands were forced in taking out one of the unsubs. Carl Tyler was taken out by Tobin and Samuel Carson surrendered without further resistance.

“So, let me get this straight,” Emily says, now adjusting in her seat next to Lindsey. “They thought they were doing other guys a favor because these women weren’t looking for love?”

Lindsey nods, explaining it for the third time, patiently. Emily appreciates it; she really doesn’t understand this whole ‘profiling’ thing and usually makes Lindsey explain things multiple times in an attempt to wrap her head around it.

At the back of the jet, Kelley is stretched out, her head on Hope’s lap as the older brunette runs her fingers through Kelley’s hair absentmindedly. Hope is reading her book again and Kelley studies her for a moment before reaching up and taking the book from her, successfully grabbing her girlfriend’s attention.

“Can I help you?” Hope raises an eyebrow at her.

“Just wanted to look at your face when it’s not unobscured by a book or a newspaper,” she teases, setting the book on the ground and keeping her head on Hope’s lap to keep her from moving to grab it again.

Hope just shakes her head fondly before glancing around the jet. She looks at Kelley before nodding her head towards Christen and Tobin who have fallen asleep on each other, again.

“Do you think they’re ever gonna figure it out?”

Kelley snorts in laughter.

“They’re like lovesick teenagers, Hope. It’s kinda sad, actually. Tobin’s so oblivious and Christen is so caught up in pining,” she laughs again, shaking her head.

“Isn’t Tobin seeing that one girl from the bar? What’s her name?”

Kelley sits up and stretches before shrugging. Tobin hadn’t introduced any of them to the girl she was seeing, and Kelley could see why. This team was like a family and there were next to no secrets among the team. Sometimes, a woman just wants to keep her private life, well, private. They all knew she was seeing someone, despite her obvious crush on Christen, but none of them even knew her name.

Hope leans down and picks her book up off the floor. Kelley frowns and snatches it away from her again. The older brunette sighs and turns to face her properly.

“You’re a child, you know that?”

“You love me.”

Hope stays silent for a moment before reaching forward to grab one of Kelley’s hands.

“I never said I don’t.”

Kelley smiles.

* * *

_ Washington _

“Remind me again why we’re double-dating with Horan and Sonnett,” Hope asks as she allows herself to be dragged into the restaurant by Kelley who rolls her eyes.

“Because Sonny and I are friends and I’m pretty sure Lindsey is still slightly intimidated by you, so she needs to get to know you better.”

Hope raises an eyebrow.

“What?”

Kelley doesn’t answer, too distracted by the two blondes who are already seated in a booth. The couple makes their way over and makes their greetings. Kelley slides into the booth first, sitting against the wall and across from Emily. Hope takes the end of the booth so it will be easier for her to get out, across from Lindsey.

“So,” Kelley starts, “what’s this I hear about you two apartment hunting?”

The two blondes smile and nod.

“Well, we already live together, but that place is too big for the two of us, especially now. As it was, Em barely spent any time in her own bedroom,” Lindsey explains and the analyst turns slightly red.

“I sleep better next to you,” she says quietly and Kelley smiles at the couple in front of them.

“Anyway, it made sense to find a smaller place, for just the two of us. One where we can continue to build our life together,” Lindsey continues.

Emily leans into Lindsey, happily and the agent’s smile automatically brightens. As Kelley watches them, she can’t help but think about her future with Hope. She certainly saw one and now, sitting here with her across from their friends, she can picture it. She can see Hope moving in, becoming a more permanent fixture in her home. Truly sharing a space, waking up next to each other every day, beginning to build a life together.

Reaching over, she intertwines her fingers with Hope’s who squeezes her hand lightly. They spend the rest of their time together discussing good places to apartment hunt, the best places to eat, and whether or not Tobin and Christen will ever figure their stuff out and get together. At one point, Hope stands to go to the bathroom. As soon as she leaves, Lindsey turns to her and tells her that she’ll send her a list of apartment listings if she’s interested. Kelley shifts in her seat, but she doesn’t respond either way.

When Hope returns, they get their bills and pay their tabs. Kelley is standing right inside the front door with Emily as they wait for Hope and Lindsey respectively to get the cars. It has started raining and their girlfriends each insisted on picking them up at the front. Kelley had rolled her eyes and insisted she was perfectly fine, but Emily had been all too happy to avoid getting rained on, so Kelley stayed with her.

As they wait, Emily tilts her head and takes a deep breath before turning to face Kelley.

“Can I ask a question?”

Kelley fights the urge to make a stupid joke, nodding.

“On the jet, when I asked if you were gonna ask Hope to move in, you tensed. Like, a lot.”

Kelley doesn’t say anything and waits for Emily to continue.

“Why was that?”

Kelley takes a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts quickly.

“I dunno, Son. I love spending time with her and having her spend the night, but actually moving in together is a huge step. I’ve never done it before.”

Lindsey’s car pulls up in front of the door and Emily goes to open the door. Before leaving, she turns back to Kelley.

“It’s scary, yeah. But, Kel, if you want something, you’ve gotta go for it. I’ve watched you dive headfirst into some of the most dangerous situations; what’s so different about this one?”

Emily leaves and hurries to her car, leaving Kelley to wait for Hope’s car to appear and ponder what the younger analyst had said.

Kelley’s quiet the entire ride home and she really appreciates Hope not asking her what’s going on. They get back to the apartment and Hope drops her off near the front before going to park the car. Kelley ascends the stairs, still racking her brain. She enters her apartment and kicks off her shoes before moving into the kitchen to pour herself a drink. She opens her liquor cabinet and her eyes fall on the bottle of whiskey that sits front and center.

It’s Hope’s bottle; Kelley drinks wine and scotch, not whiskey. She closes the cabinet, deciding she no longer wants alcohol. The front door opens and she hears Hope shuffling in the front entry, taking her shoes off and hanging her coat next to Kelley’s. Kelley makes her decision.

She waits for Hope to find her in the kitchen. Her girlfriend approaches her with an eyebrow raised questioningly. Kelley is tapping her fingers against her leg, so Hope knows she is nervous about something. She opens her mouth to speak, but Kelley speaks first.

“Move in with me?”

Hope smiles and moves forward, grabbing her and kissing her.

“I’d love to.”

* * *

**_“Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to.” - Unknown_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed chapter 9!
> 
> This one was fun to write and I am so excited for all that is to come for all of these couples!
> 
> Drop comments, come yell at me on Tumblr (@closetbidisaster), and have a wonderful day :)


	10. If I Was Bulletproof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Becky had given them the day off and told them to spend time with friends or family, the team was unsure if she was serious. But Becky had caught a flight out of National to visit St. Louis and Megan was waiting for a flight from Dulles to Seattle to visit her long-distance girlfriend. So, Kelley and Emily made plans together and decided to bring Tobin along for the ride.
> 
> Thirty minutes after Hope leaves, as she is locking the door behind her, Kelley breathes in the crisp winter air. She walks to the car and gets in, turning it on and heads for Christen’s apartment to pick her up before they go to get Emily. 
> 
> Kelley smiles as she makes her way through traffic. It is a beautiful day to spend time with friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 10!
> 
> Brief mentions of blood at the end.
> 
> Enjoy!

**_“From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate." - Socrates_**

* * *

_Washington-February 2017_

Kelley wakes up feeling refreshed. She turns over and her hand falls on still-warm covers. She sits up, stretching and squinting at the sunlight pouring in through her open blinds. She wanders out of the bedroom and finds Hope already sitting at the table, reading a newspaper and drinking coffee. There’s another mug sitting on the other side of the table; Kelley can see the steam rising from it and smiles.

Hope looks up at her as she takes a seat and smiles at her.

“Any big plans for the day off?”

Kelley hums.

“Gotta run a few errands. Running some errands with and getting lunch with Chris and Sonny. What about you?”

“Gonna go to the café. And then finally finish unpacking,” she chuckles and Kelley laughs too.

Hope had been slowly moving in since her lease finished in January. It was hard to get it all done though, with the hours they work and how often they’re not even in town. She was mostly settled now, but there were still a few boxes waiting to be unpacked.

Kelley stands from the table and puts her mug in the sink. She walks back to the table and places a kiss on Hope’s cheek before walking back to the bedroom.

“I’m gonna take a shower. Have a good time with unpacking. I’ll see you later this afternoon,” she says over her shoulder before closing the door.

She hears the front door open and close and the familiar sound of Hope’s car unlocking. A smile crosses Kelley’s face as she thinks about how great today will be. Days off are a rare occurrence in the BAU and she has every intention of making the most of it, even if she’s spending the day with coworkers. They are her friends and she loves spending time with them; plus it’s been ages since the three of them have been able to hang out. Emily’s been busy apartment hunting with Lindsey and Christen had been searching for a dog to adopt.

When Becky had given them the day off and told them to spend time with friends or family, the team was unsure if she was serious. But Becky had caught a flight out of National to visit St. Louis, and Megan was waiting for a flight from Dulles to Seattle to visit her long-distance girlfriend. So, Kelley and Emily made plans together and decided to bring Tobin along for the ride.

Thirty minutes after Hope leaves, as she is locking the door behind her, Kelley breathes in the crisp winter air. She walks to the car and gets in, turning it on and heads for Christen’s apartment to pick her up before they go to get Emily. 

Kelley smiles as she makes her way through traffic. It is a beautiful day to spend time with friends.

* * *

_Alexandria_

Lindsey finally drags herself out of bed when she smells the bacon cooking in the kitchen. She can hear Emily humming along to one of her many playlists. She rubs the sleep from her eyes and joins her girlfriend in the kitchen. She sighs in contentment and wraps her arms around the smaller blonde’s waist, resting her chin on the shorter woman’s shoulder.

“Good morning,” she hums out.

“Morning, babe. The food will be done in a second; your coffee is on the table.”

“You’re the best,” she says as she moves to sit at the table while Emily finishes cooking and comes to join her.

“I bet you say that to all the girls.”

“Only Tobin when she makes me breakfast in bed,” Lindsey replies, taking a bite of her food.

Emily just gives her girlfriend a look in response before beginning to eat her own breakfast and taking a drink of her coffee. They sit in silence for a few moments before Emily hums and grabs Lindsey’s attention.

“What time are you going to Tobin’s?”

“Soon as we’re done here; she asked for help reorganizing some stuff. When are Kelley and Christen getting here?”

There’s a knock at the door and Emily can hear Kelley’s distinct laughter on the other side. Standing, she makes her way to the door and opens it with a grin. She lets her two friends into the apartment and goes to grab her phone and wallet. She places a fleeting kiss to the top of Lindsey’s head and calls out an “I’ll see you later,” as the three make their way out the door.

They get in the car and Kelley asks where they want to go first. Christen suggests the bank and Emily just shrugs, having zero plans for how to get her list of errands done today. As they make their way to the bank, Emily leans forward from the backseat and gently pokes Kelley’s shoulder.

“Yes, Son?”

“How’s it going with Hope moving in?”

Kelley smiles.

“Slow but steady. She’s planning on finishing today. Once we get properly settled, we’ll have you guys over for dinner sometime.”

Emily lets out a small, excited squeal and then sits back properly in her seat. Kelley misses that she had swiped the aux cord and was scrolling through her playlists to find something to listen to. She finally settles on Florida Georgia Line and the two of them sing along to every song that rolls through, with Emily singing to Christen, who just shakes her head at the younger analyst’s antics and tries to hide her smile.

Arriving at the bank, Kelley is pleased to see that the parking lot is relatively empty. The three Bureau members get out of the car and head inside. Kelley and Emily stand off to the side while Christen approaches the teller’s window. She keeps an eye on the two of them, despite knowing they are more than capable of behaving. The two of them together could be a whole other story if left unattended for too long.

Emily is building a pyramid of pens that she pulled from a jar and Kelley is spinning one of the extra pens between her fingers. Something feels off for some reason, but she can’t place what it is. Her fingers are twitching nervously and she is attempting to keep them busy with the pen, but it does nothing for apprehensive feeling she has inside her. She glances around to the other people inside the bank; a young woman, likely in college, an older gentleman, and a mom with her toddler. Christen is speaking with the teller, trying to access her account and suddenly, the door to the bank manager’s office flies open.

She sees the weapon and reaches for hers before remembering that she isn’t carrying it on her. She curses under her breath and grabs Emily, pulling her behind the table as Christen ducks behind another. A masked figure steps into the area with an arm wrapped around the bank manager’s neck and the gun pointing towards the tellers. Two other masked people come in through the front doors, pointing guns as well.

Kelley grabs Christen’s attention and makes a motion for her to check her phone. She pulls her own phone out as well, cursing again when she sees NO SIGNAL on her screen. She puts her phone away and looks at Christen who shakes her head to signify that she has no signal either.

One of the new gunmen is shouting at the tellers, asking for the money, while the original one has his gun pointed at the bank manager’s head. Kelley is about to stand from her crouched position when the third man speaks.

“Everyone else, up. Come on, up.”

Everyone who had found a hiding spot now stands with their hands held in surrender. The man tosses a bag into the middle of the floor.

“Phones in the bag, now.”

They all comply and the man speaks again.

"Now, nobody moves or we shoot."

* * *

_Arlington_

Lindsey and Tobin had turned off their ringers, not wanting to be disturbed on their day off. They moved around the brunette’s apartment, tidying up and helping her finally get properly settled. After breaking down one of the many cardboard boxes that had contained a variety of things, Lindsey turns to Tobin.

“Remind me again how exactly it has taken you nearly two years to settle into this place. You moved here when I first started.”

The brunette shrugs, tossing another empty box at her.

“We’re always working. It’s hard to find time, and motivation, to get unpacked. And, believe me, Kelley’s was a lot worse.”

“Oh, I know,” Lindsey laughs out, “but Kelley hasn’t been around as long and she’s already properly settled.”

She breaks down the last box and heads to the kitchen to get them water. As she passes her phone, she sees the screen light up. She furrows her brows in confusion when she sees it’s an incoming call from Becky.

“Horan.”

“Where are you and Heath?”

“We’re at her apartment, why?”

“Get down to First National Bank in Alexandria immediately. We’ve got a bank robbery with hostages. SWAT’s already on scene; the robbers have holed up so SWAT has called us in for hostage negotiation.”

Lindsey nearly drops the phone. Tobin gives her a concerned look and Lindsey just wordlessly hands her the phone to talk to Becky. The blonde grabs her keys and tries to slow her mind down. First National Bank in Alexandria; Kelley, Christen, and Emily had been planning on stopping by there today. And she had no way of knowing if they were safe or not.

Tobin hangs up the phone and hands it back to her before pulling her shoes on. The two agents leave the apartment quickly and get into Lindsey’s car. They take off towards Alexandria, both of them dreading what is to come. Hostage negotiation is hard enough when you’re _not_ seriously emotionally involved.

Neither of them wanted to think about what loved ones were behind those doors.

* * *

_Alexandria_

Megan and Hope are already there when Tobin and Lindsey arrive. The partners approach their team members and Tobin opens her mouth to ask the question on their minds, but Megan cuts her off before she gets the words out.

“We don’t know who’s inside yet. They’re using a cell signal jammer, so our calls aren't getting through.”

“How the hell are we supposed to communicate with them then?” Hope crosses her arms.

“They have a radio they managed to tune to our frequency. That’s how we’re communicating for now,” Megan explains before motioning to Tobin.

“Heath, you’re with me. We’re gonna try and talk these guys into letting the hostages go.”

“That’s more of Solo’s territory than mine.”

“Believe me, you’re more prepared for this than you think,” Megan tells her.

The two agents make their way towards the tent SWAT had set up while the other two stay put for a moment. Lindsey checks her phone again to see if she missed a message from Emily; she hasn’t. She doesn’t bother asking Hope if she had heard from Kelley; the poorly masked worry on her face was a giveaway.

Lindsey pockets her phone and goes to join Megan and Tobin at the tent; Hope follows shortly after. The four agents stand there, waiting for the robbers to make contact.

“When is Broon getting in?” Megan doesn’t look away from the blueprints she has laid out in front of her.

“She should be here any minute. Her flight was delayed because of bad weather in the midwest. She’s coming from the airport,” Hope says as she glances towards the building.

“Where are our people?” Becky wastes no time as she approaches her team.

“Sonnett, O’Hara, and Press are believed to be three of the hostages,” Megan admits, running a hand through her hair.

“Where are we with surveillance?”

“Well, assuming they _are_ three of the hostages, that means our analyst is stuck inside,” Megan scratches her chin. “So, unless any of you have hacking skills I don’t know about, we’re gonna have to make a call.”

Becky is already pulling her phone out and dialing someone. She puts the phone to her ear and points at Megan while it rings.

“You find me a way inside that isn’t through the front door and minimizes casualties.”

Megan nods as Becky then speaks into the phone.

“I need Dahlkemper down here ASAP.”

* * *

Kelley glances out the window as best she can. They’re mostly obscured by the bank’s logo that covers most of the glass, but she can see the armored vehicles and recognizes Tobin’s truck, meaning most of the team is probably here. She can feel Emily trying not to shake beside her while Christen is looking around at the other hostages.

The gunmen are in a back corner, as far away from the doors as possible, discussing something quietly. Kelley’s fairly certain they aren’t discussing how to go about letting the hostages go free. She slowly inches her way towards Christen who moves a step closer as well.

She drops her voice to a whisper.

“What do you think they’re talking about?”

“I’m gonna go with they’re _not_ making weekend plans,” the taller brunette whispers back and Kelley nods in agreement.

“Thoughts on whether or not they’ll start shooting?”

Christen’s quiet for a moment, looking over the other hostages again. She’s not a profiler, but she spends enough time around them to have some skills.

“I’m not a stats person, but if we’re stuck here much longer,” she pauses and shakes her head, “it’s not going to end well for anyone.”

Kelley turns her head at the sound of static coming from the radio in one of the man’s hands. The man lifts and speaks into it, but he is too far away for her to be able to hear either side of the conversation. The man with the radio nods to one of his buddies who turns and quickly grabs the young woman, pointing the gun at her head.

“Whoa, hey, hey, hey. There’s no need for this,” Kelley speaks.

“The cops have forty-five minutes to get secure us safe passage out of here or we start shooting. Starting with her,” the man says, still pointing the gun at the young woman.

Christen and Kelley exchange a look.

“I’d say those chances just skyrocketed,” the taller brunette says quietly.

“Yeah, I’d say so, too.”

* * *

“Dahlkemper, do we have eyes inside yet?” 

Becky approaches the junior analyst who is working furiously inside the hostage negotiation command center.

“Almost there, Agent Sauerbrunn.”

Becky stands behind her chair, eyeing the screen and waiting for the feed to come online. The screens flicker once...twice...they flick on and they finally have picture on the screen. It’s far from the best quality but it will have to do. Becky sighs when she sees three familiar faces and a young woman with a gun being held to her head.

“Okay, I need you to screen grab the other hostages. We need to ID them, quickly. And anything you can find to help ID these gunmen.”

The junior analyst nods and gets to work. Becky makes her way back towards the other agents who were standing just outside the tent and facing the bank. She knows they need to know who all is inside the bank, but that doesn’t make it easy.

“We have confirmation on three of the six hostages,” she starts, knowing her voice has given away the reveal.

The other agents don’t even bother asking which hostages have already been confirmed. Hope and Megan’s jaws clench, Lindsey runs a hand through her hair, and Tobin reaches out, grabbing onto one of the police squad cars and leaning heavily onto it.

“I need to know that you can focus and do your jobs. I need to know that you will treat this the same as any other situation, no different.”

“No different? Those are our people in there,” Hope’s eyes flash with anger.

“I am well aware of that, Solo. But I need to know that you four won’t let personal feelings get in the way of getting _everyone_ out safely,” Becky returns, standing her ground.

The two stay in a silent stand-off for a moment before Hope finally relents.

“Any other issues?”

The other agents shake their heads, not wanting to get on Becky’s bad side. They knew she was taking this situation just as hard as the rest of them. The team is a family and they all care deeply about each other. None of them want to see anyone injured, or worse.

“What did they ask for?” Lindsey crosses her arms over her chest.

“A secure vehicle, safe passage out of the country. The usual.”

“So what are we gonna do?”

Becky looks towards the building.

“We’re gonna negotiate.”

* * *

Emily didn’t have to be a profiler to see how agitated the gunmen were becoming. She glances at the big clock behind the counter, noting that about fifteen minutes had passed since the robbers had given their demands. It had been radio silence since then and Emily was starting to worry, really worry.

The radio crackles and Emily hears a voice coming through. She is too far away to hear what is being said, but whatever it is, it isn’t what the robbers wanted to hear.

“That isn’t what we asked for,” the man with the radio says.

An indistinct response comes through.

The man turns to his buddies and whispers something to them. They eye each of the hostages which makes Emily extremely nervous. One of the men approaches the older gentleman and the other man goes to the mom and her child.

The man with the radio has his gun trained on the young woman but turns to face Kelley.

“You three are free to leave.”

The mom grabs her child and helps the old man to the door. The man with the radio uses it to let the ones outside know that they are on their way out. He then turns to Kelley.

“Are you leaving or not?”

“Let me take her place,” Kelley offers. “Take me instead and let her go with the other two.”

The man studies her for a moment before relinquishing his grip on the young woman. Kelley nods to her and points to the door. The man radios once again to let the forces outside that one more hostage is on her way out. He then motions Kelley closer; she takes a few steps closer, slowly as he trains his gun on her.

“The cops have thirty minutes and then I’m putting a bullet in your head.”

Emily looks at Christen who is eyeing the man in front of Kelley warily. The analyst can practically see the gears turning in the agent’s head. She is trying to figure out a way to get all of them out safely, but it isn’t looking too good at the moment. Emily blinks slowly and takes a deep breath.

She really wishes they had gone to get food first.

* * *

The agents aren’t surprised to see that none of the familiar faces are ones that come out from the bank. They go to meet the hostages and bring them to safety, leading them to the farthest end of the barricade as possible. They hand them off to EMT’s and return to the front lines.

“How much time is left?” Tobin hates to ask, but she can’t help herself.

“Not enough,” Becky sighs.

They had no intention of giving the robbers anything they were asking for, but they still had yet to find a way into the bank without having to breach the front doors. Becky is tapping her fingers against her leg as she tries to figure out where to go from here. Her jaw clenches tightly and she almost misses the SWAT captain approaching her.

“If we can’t find a quick and accessible, alternate route in the next five minutes, we’re going to have to breach through the front.”

“Absolutely not. I’ve got three hostages left in there; I am not about to let you get them caught in the crossfire.”

“I wasn’t asking for your permission. I have my orders.”

“To hell with your orders,” Megan cuts in, approaching the pair.

“Look, don’t make me out to be the bad guy here-”

“Then don’t send your people in and get my people killed!”

Becky turns on her heel and walks back to the other agents. She grabs the radio and calls for the robbers.

“If you’re contacting us, you’d better have everything we demanded ready to go.”

“We’re working on it. Look, we just need a little more time.”

“I gave you forty-five minutes.”

“Forty-five minutes isn’t a lot of time to pull together everything you asked for,” Becky speaks calmly, trying to keep the man from getting too agitated.

“You're feds. You can get this stuff with a snap of your fingers.”

“Safe passage out of the country for you and your friends is a taller order than a vehicle.”

The line goes quiet for a moment.

“Time’s up.”

Three gunshots ring out and the agents rush the door.

* * *

Pain.

That was the first thought through Christen’s head as she tried to come to. She was on the ground and there was a bullet wound in her abdomen. She was seeing red and she felt cold, colder than she had ever felt before. The last thing she saw as she slipped into unconsciousness was Tobin’s worried face getting closer to her.

-

Fear.

That was Emily’s first thought before the pain registered. She had heard the first shot and then felt a strange feeling followed by the most intense pain she has ever felt in her life. She can see the blood and it terrifies her; she has never seen so much blood in her life and her chest feels like it is being crushed. The last thing that registers in her mind before everything goes black is Lindsey running towards her and shouting something that Emily can’t hear.

-

Regret.

The first thing to cross Kelley’s mind as she crumples to the floor is the regrets she still has. She can feel the pain creeping in but it’s at the back of her mind. The number one thing, the thing at the forefront of her mind, is that she left without telling Hope she loves her. She can feel her energy seeping away and she can hear a familiar voice, but it sounds far away. She sees Hope approaching her and she tries to reach out, but before she can, everything fades to black.

* * *

**_“When a good man is hurt, all who would be considered good must suffer with him.” - Euripides_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Questions? Comments? Concerns? Predictions?
> 
> Feel free to drop them below!
> 
> Stay tuned for chapter 11 :)


	11. If I Was Unbreakable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first thought through Kelley’s mind is wondering how (and why) the hell she is standing in the middle of a vacant Georgetown campus. She hadn’t been here since she graduated and went to the Academy. This was the place she had decided she wanted to become an FBI agent and also the place where that dream almost died, right alongside her family. She had been avoiding returning here for many reasons.
> 
> She turns around slowly, taking in the campus and trying to get her brain to catch up. By the time she gets back to facing the way she originally had been, she is no longer alone. The ground shifts underneath her and she nearly collapses when she sees who is standing in front of her.
> 
> “Mom,” she chokes out, “Dad.”
> 
> Her voice breaks completely as her parents smile warmly at her. They look the exact same as they did the last time they were all together, beaming with pride at the thought of their daughter graduating and applying to the FBI Academy. It was something they would never see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is about 2k longer than the other chapters, but there was a lot that needed to be done. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

**_“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” - Leo F. Buscaglia_ **

* * *

_ Alexandria-February 2017 _

Christen woke up but not really. She knew she wasn’t really awake, though she is unsure how she knows it. Everything seems too bright, too clean, too...unreal. She’s standing in a seemingly empty building with absolutely no idea where she is or why she is here. She glances down and finds she’s dressed in the same outfit she wore to her graduation from the FBI Academy. She furrows her brows in confusion; she doesn’t even own this outfit anymore.

The white walls start to feel suffocating; she needs to find an exit, assuming there is one. Every direction looks the same and none of them appear to lead anywhere else. She’s seriously debating spinning in a circle with her eyes closed and pointing to choose a direction when she hears a noise.

She turns to face where it came from, but she doesn’t see anything. She’s starting to think she imagined the noise when she hears it again. She takes a few steps towards it and pauses; hearing it again, she takes another few steps in the direction it came from. She continues walking and the sound gets louder; it’s a voice, one she recognizes.

A figure comes into view and Christen feels like her heart should be pounding in her chest, but she can’t even feel her heartbeat. As she gets closer to the silhouette, she confirms it’s who she thought it was, but she is still so beyond confused about this situation.

“Channing, what…” she trails off, unable to formulate a question or statement about what the actual hell is going on.

But now, she is trying to wrap her mind around why she is standing in front of her sister who looks exactly like she did at Christen’s Academy graduation. That had been the last time they had seen each other face to face. Her sister traveled for a living and so did she (sort of). They were almost never in the same state, let alone the same city.

“Hey, Chris,” her sister speaks softly.

There are a million questions flying through her mind and she can’t think of which one to ask first. So, instead, she reaches a shaky hand forward and audibly gasps when she feels her sister grab it and squeeze it twice, the same way she used to when they were younger.

Christen’s mind is still firing on all cylinders and she still cannot wrap her mind around what’s in front of her. Channing offers a knowing smile; she had always been able to read Christen like a book. She squeezes Christen’s hand one more time.

“Let’s have a talk, shall we?”

* * *

Tobin can’t sit still. Her leg has been bouncing since she took a seat and her fingers danced nervously across every surface possible. She knows the other team members are in the waiting room as well, but she has yet to acknowledge any of them. Her heart feels like it’s about to burst out of her chest and she can hear her heartbeat in her ears.

She had a call into Christen’s parents who were currently on a flight in from California. Channing was out of the country, unplugged, and Tyler was coming in from North Carolina. Tobin didn’t know how she was going to face them when they got here. Her best friend was in surgery, fighting for her life, and she had no idea how (or if) she was going to get out of this.

Everyone was giving her space, something she appreciated. She knew Hope and Lindsey were trapped in their own personal Hells currently; Megan and Becky were worried sick as well, trying to be there for all of them while also managing their own feelings.

She starts to feel suffocated; the walls feel like they’re closing in on her and she can’t breathe. She shoots out of her chair, startling the rest of the team and nearly knocking over Becky in her haste to leave.

“I gotta-God-I need to breathe,” she mutters to herself as she wanders the halls, trying to regain her composure.

She finds herself standing in front of the hospital’s chapel. She almost laughs as a small feeling of hope comes to her and opens the door to go inside, trying to get her breathing under control. She sits in one of the pews and takes a deep breath, rubbing her hands over her face.

Her leg starts bouncing again and her mind goes completely blank. She lets out a small, frustrated groan, but she doesn’t have time to get too upset as the door creaks open. She turns and sees Becky enter the small room. As her unit chief approaches her, Tobin sees the look in her eyes and her blood runs cold.

“Chris,” her voice shakes.

“It’s not looking good, Tobin. They said they’re still doing everything they can, but that we should prepare for the worst,” Becky tells her as she sits beside her.

Tobin’s sitting in a chapel, a place that always felt like home, and she has never felt so hopeless.

* * *

Emily is so confused. She is standing in her childhood home, in Georgia, somewhere she hasn’t been since she went off to college. She’s standing in her old bedroom, to be exact, and it looks the exact same way as it did during high school, right down to the certificate she received from Emma for being “the best sister I could ask for” that she had gotten when they were nine.

She looks around the room more, remembering things she had long ago forgotten. She spots a dent in the wall and remembers the time Emma dared her to see who could do a handstand longer and she had fallen into the wall. She sees an old scuff mark on the doorframe, remembering the night her high school girlfriend broke up with her and she had thrown a framed photo of them in anger and frustration.

She hears a noise and spins around to find herself standing face to face with her grandfather. She almost bursts into tears; she had missed his funeral when a case took the team abroad to work with Interpol and she still had yet to forgive herself. Her grandfather sends her a smile and a wink like he always used to, like the two of them shared a secret no one else knew.

“Am I dead?”

She can’t help it as the words come out of her before she can even register she is saying them. Her grandfather laughs and takes a step forward.

“That’s a tricky question now isn’t it?”

“I feel like it’s pretty straightforward, actually.”

Her grandpa tilts his head to the side and studies her for a moment.

“Well, Sweetheart, it seems that you have a decision to make,” he says after a minute.

Emily’s brows knit together in confusion.

“A decision,” she echoes back and he nods.

“You can go home, or,” he gestures around the room, “you can stay here.”

Now she’s really confused.

“Why would I stay here?”

Her grandpa shrugs.

“Free from pain, free from suffering, free from responsibility.”

These all sound like nice things, but there is something tugging at the back of Emily’s mind, telling her that this is not the right decision. She’s quiet for a minute as she tries to think.

“What do you say,” her grandpa asks, reaching a hand out towards her.

Emily studies his hand for a moment and starts to reach for it.

* * *

Tobin had bolted about five minutes prior and Lindsey was still rooted in place. Part of her wanted to follow, but a bigger part of her was telling her she couldn’t leave when she didn’t know how Emily was doing. So she stayed put and watched Becky go after her after speaking with one of Christen’s surgeons. She didn’t discuss it with anyone else, but from the look on Becky’s face, whatever the surgeon had told her hadn’t been good.

Lindsey was tucked in a back corner of the waiting room, almost as if she was trying to hide in the shadows. She could feel the tenseness in her body from her head to her toes, but she couldn’t release any of it. She was physically incapable of relaxing at the moment, but she also couldn’t move, like at all. She felt frozen in place and at that moment, Tobin’s sudden claustrophobic feelings made sense to her.

Emily was lying on an operating table, floating somewhere between life and death, and Lindsey was powerless to do anything to help her. There was a hollow feeling inside her chest; she felt like her heart had dropped into her stomach, leaving an empty feeling in her.

Megan had tried to get her to eat something and drink some fluids, but even the sight of food or drink made Lindsey feel nauseous. She knew she would have to comply eventually, but for now, she stayed like a statue.

Becky was still gone, likely with Tobin, and Lindsey’s mind was split in half between worrying about her other friends and worrying about Emily. She could feel her phone vibrating in her pocket and she didn’t have to take it out to know who it was. 

Emma had been calling her nonstop since the initial phone call Lindsey had made to tell her what happened. Emily’s parents were coming up from Georgia but her twin was stuck in New York, unable to leave. She couldn’t bring herself to answer the phone every time it rang; she understood that Emma wanted constant updates, but Lindsey hadn’t seen or spoken to any of Emily’s doctors since hour one of the surgery. She couldn’t talk to Emma without an update, a real update.

She’s so caught up in her own mind that she misses the doctor approaching her. It isn’t until the surgeon is stood in front of her and clearing his throat that Lindsey finally registers his presence. She blinks, focusing and stands shakily.

“Agent Horan, I’m Dr. Thomas, one of Ms. Sonnett’s doctors.”

Lindsey doesn’t respond, her tongue feeling like lead in her mouth. The doctor offers a small, understanding smile to her.

“The surgeons are still working on Ms. Sonnett,” he starts to explain, “the bullet missed the vital organs, making her incredibly lucky.”

Lindsey takes a shaky breath, but the doctor isn’t finished talking yet.

“Barring any complications, the surgery should be done before too long. I’ll come find you when it’s done.”

She nods, still unable to speak but starting to feel a little better. The doctor’s pager starts beeping and he looks at it before looking at her once again. The smile is still present on his face, but Lindsey can see how tight it is, how fake it is. He doesn’t speak again before he’s turning on his heel and hurrying back towards the OR.

Lindsey feels the hope dissipate and be replaced by a sense of dread. It’s Emily, it has to be Emily. She can’t breathe and the room is starting to spin. She manages to get herself back into her chair as Megan makes her way towards her.

She hears Megan talking but all Lindsey can hear is the echo of Emily telling her she would see her later before she had left this morning, and all she can see is her girlfriend’s terrified face as Lindsey made her way to her in the bank.

For the first time since they arrived, Lindsey lets herself cry.

* * *

The first thought through Kelley’s mind is wondering how (and why) the hell she is standing in the middle of a vacant Georgetown campus. She hadn’t been here since she graduated and went to the Academy. This was the place she had decided she wanted to become an FBI agent and also the place where that dream almost died, right alongside her family. She had been avoiding returning here for many reasons.

She turns around slowly, taking in the campus and trying to get her brain to catch up. By the time she gets back to facing the way she originally had been, she is no longer alone. The ground shifts underneath her and she nearly collapses when she sees who is standing in front of her.

“Mom,” she chokes out, “Dad.”

Her voice breaks completely as her parents smile warmly at her. They look the exact same as they did the last time they were all together, beaming with pride at the thought of their daughter graduating and applying to the FBI Academy. It was something they would never see.

“What...how…” Kelley can’t formulate a coherent thought or sentence.

“Kelley Maureen, how you’ve grown,” her mom says, smiling at her.

“No, you-you can’t be here. You’re not-you’re,” she shakes her head, unable to say it.

“Let’s take a deep breath now, please. No sense in getting worked up.”

“No sense in getting worked up? I’m standing in the middle of Georgetown’s campus, a place I haven’t set foot on since my graduation, and you two are standing in front of me. I think I have good reason to be getting worked up.”

“Kel,” her dad speaks this time, “we don’t have very long and we have a lot to get through.”

“What are you talking about?”

Her dad takes a step forward and takes her hand.

“Let’s take a walk. There’re a couple of people who want to see you.”

* * *

Hope hasn’t sat since she got to the waiting room. She was still in her vest and her earpiece was hanging over her shoulder as she leaned back against the wall. She was acutely aware of Megan standing next to her for a while before going to Lindsey after the blonde had spoken to a surgeon. Hope felt for the younger agent; their girlfriends were fighting for their lives.

Hope had also watched Becky follow Tobin out of the room when the younger brunette had left in a hurry. She knew the other agent was struggling with how to handle her best friend being caught up in the danger they were used to facing down every day.

She was feeling slightly more hopeful than the other two appeared to be. Christen had been hit the worst, that much she knew and Tobin was clearly taking it harder than anyone else. Emily’s initial injury had looked only slightly less terrible, but Hope had thought the surgery had been going well until Lindsey started to cry. Kelley’s injury had appeared the least fatal on initial inspection. The bullet had hit her upper torso but closer to her shoulder than her heart. As the surgeons wheeled her towards surgery, they had told Hope that she lost a decent amount of blood but that she should remain optimistic.

A new surgeon came towards the group and Hope straightened slightly as he made his way towards her. He is wearing a neutral expression on his face and reaches a hand out for Hope to shake when he reaches her.

“Hello, Agent Solo. My name is Dr. Skye; I’m one of Agent O’Hara’s surgeons. I just wanted to update you on her condition,” the doctor says and Hope nods for him to continue.

“She lost a good amount of blood, but we were able to stop it before she lost too much. The bullet ricocheted into her shoulder, completely missing any major organs. It was in a bit of a tricky spot, we had to work around muscle and tissue, but we should be done soon. I’ll come get you when we’re done.”

Hope nods again but can’t bring herself to speak. She won’t be able to believe it until she sees Kelley for herself. The doctor shakes her hand one more time before heading back towards the OR at a noticeably slower pace than the surgeon who had spoken to Lindsey had.

Hope shakes her head in an attempt to clear it, if even only a little. She looks towards the blonde agent who has stopped crying but is still shaking, wrapping her arms around herself while Megan has an arm around her shoulders. Before her brain registers what she is doing, Hope’s sat on the younger agent’s other side.

She makes eye contact with Megan behind Lindsey’s back. The other agent raises an eyebrow in a silent question; Hope gives a small head nod to signal that everything seems to be going well for Kelley. Megan nods once in understanding before turning her attention fully back to Lindsey.

Hope reaches a hand out and places it on Lindsey’s knee in an offer of comfort. She hears footsteps again and looks up to see Becky and Tobin making their way over to the trio. Tobin’s eyes are bloodshot and their section chief has an arm wrapped around the brunette’s waist as she guides them towards the chairs.

They take a seat and Hope looks from them back towards Lindsey, wishing this could all be a bad dream.

* * *

“Channing, I-I gotta get home.”

“I agree,” her sister says, “but not yet.”

“What? Why not?”

“Well, we’re not done talking.”

Christen is growing really tired of these games her sister appears to be playing.

“What’s there to talk about? Apparently I’m in surgery because I got shot during a bank robbery. Tobin was the last thing I saw and...” she trails off and glares at her sister who is smiling widely.

“No, please don’t stop rambling now.”

Christen crosses her arms. If Channing wants to play games, Christen will show her that she can play games too. It seems a little childish but her patience is long gone. She glares at her older sister and waits for the other woman to speak.

“Chris, stop pouting. You’re not a child.”

“You’re the one acting like a child,” she retorts.

“Talk to me.”

“What’s there to talk about?”

“You didn’t finish your thought from earlier.”

“What?”

“You said Tobin was the last thing you saw and then you stopped talking.”

Now Christen’s more confused than frustrated.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“How long are you going to deny your feelings?”

Christen’s eyes widen and she sputters slightly as she tries to deny it, but she knows it’s no use. After all, this is  _ her _ subconscious, meaning she would just be arguing with herself if she continued to deny it.

“I almost die and this is what my subconscious latches on to,” she mutters shaking her head at herself.

“Are you going to answer my question?”

“It doesn’t matter whether I deny or accept the feelings, she’ll never feel the same.”

Channing frowns slightly and Christen knows it’s because she is once again lying to herself. She had seen the way Tobin looked at her, or at least used to. Now, she wasn’t so sure how the other brunette felt.

Channing turns around and looks behind her. Christen looks past her but sees nothing. Her sister turns back to her, still frowning but then smiles softly.

“I think it’s time for you to go, Chris. I’ll leave you with this: don’t hide behind the large pile of cases on your desk. Go after what you want. I love you, Christen,” her sister tells her, squeezing her hand before fading away.

Christen’s hand is now grasping nothing and the whiteness surrounding her is getting brighter. Her head is pounding and she hears another far away voice. It sounds familiar, a voice she has always loved hearing.

Christen blinks hard and wakes up.

* * *

“C’mon Chris, I need you to wake up. Please,” Tobin pleads with the lifeless looking form of her best friend.

The other woman had made it out of surgery, beating the odds of her making it off the table. But then the doctors had told Tobin that the hardest part was still to come: her waking up. The longer she took to wake up, the worse the probabilities became.

Christen’s parents had arrived an hour ago and had immediately joined Tobin in the waiting room. When she had been moved to recovery, Tobin had stayed in the waiting room to wait for Tyler’s arrival while Christen’s parents had gone to her room. Once her older sister arrived, the two of them joined her parents in sitting around her hospital bed and waiting for her to wake up.

Tobin’s phone was still vibrating with incoming texts and calls from her girlfriend. She hadn’t spoken to her since she and Lindsey had had to abandon their plans and gone to the bank. She knew the robbery and the report of three FBI agents being shot had been circulating the news outlets for hours, but she made no move to assure her girlfriend of her safety. She hadn’t even thought about it, entirely too concerned about Christen’s well-being.

As she sat next to her best friend, holding her hand, Tobin pushed away the old feelings that had started to resurface. She had long ago given up on trying to make a move with Christen; she was terrified of ruining their friendship and she never thought the other woman would feel the same.

So she tried to move on. She met someone at a bar and had started seeing her quietly. There were a few reasons she didn’t tell her team about her new relationship. For starters, it was still new and Tobin was unsure of the depth of her feelings for the other woman; she was worried she was still caught up on Christen. Number two, the team had a knack for profiling any new person that was introduced to the group and it sometimes scared them away. Number three, and Tobin would never admit this out loud, she was afraid of how Christen would react to the news.

She is so wrapped up in her thoughts, in trying to stop her old feelings from returning, that she nearly misses Christen’s hand twitching. It’s not much, the smallest of movements but it catches Tobin’s attention. She sits up straight, startling Christen’s family who then look at her with wide eyes.

“Chris, Chris, wake up. Wake up, please. Christen-” she gets cut off.

“Do you ever shut up?”

Christen’s voice is scratchy and quiet, but it makes Tobin smile for the first time all day and she bursts into tears. She squeezes her best friend’s hand and then moves back to let her family go to her. She watches the family interact with a smile on her face. Christen’s dad turns to face her and beckons her to join them by the bed again.

She grabs Christen’s hand again, finally feeling like things are going to be okay.

* * *

“I wanna go home.”

“Why,” he asks curiously.

Emily blinks at the question.  _ Why? _ Why is she in a rush to get back to the evils of the world, to the pain that will come with recovery, to the responsibilities of adulthood? Her brain kicks on reminding her of why she wants to go home.

“Lindsey,” she states simply and her grandpa smiles.

“I’m sorry I never got to see the two of you together.”

“I’m sorry I missed your funeral.”

Her grandpa waves her off.

“You were working.”

“But you’re family. And family  _ has _ to come before the badge.”

He offers a smile.

“Family is more than blood, Sweetheart. You were with your family, your chosen family.”

She wants to argue, but her grandfather is right. The BAU was her chosen family and she wouldn’t trade them for anything. The guilt of missing his funeral was still present, but she knew she would have to accept it and move on eventually. Her grandpa takes a step forward and hugs her and Emily can feel the tears coming. The hardest part of going back will be letting him go.

“Come visit me?”

She nods. She knows she won’t have much free time to visit, but she is determined to visit whenever she can.

“Of course. I’ll bring Lindsey.”

“I’d like that,” he smiles once again. “Now, I think it’s time for you to get home.”

“Do I need to click my heels together three times or…?”

Her grandpa laughs.

“Same old, Emily. Don’t ever change, Sweetheart.”

He lifts his hand in farewell and fades from the room. Emily takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She starts to feel heavier, being pulled back to reality and out of her dreams.

She wakes up and the first thing she sees is Lindsey.

* * *

Lindsey still wasn’t sure that this wasn’t just some nightmare. When the surgeon had rushed off back towards Emily’s surgery, she had felt her hope disappear. When he had finally returned, Lindsey had been mentally preparing herself for the “we did everything we could” speech.

It hadn’t come. Instead, the surgeon had told her that they had hit a couple of snags, but that they had been successful in getting Emily out of surgery. He did explain, however, that there was still the matter of her regaining consciousness. He told her that they were hopeful but that there was still the possibility that things could go sideways.

He then told her what room Emily was in and Lindsey had taken off towards the room before he was finished speaking. She took her phone out and sent a text to Emily’s mom to let her know the room number for when they arrived. She then texted Emma to let her know the surgery was over and that she would let her know when Emily woke up.

Arriving at the room, it took everything in Lindsey’s power to not start crying again. Emily looked so small in the hospital bed, a place Lindsey had never thought she would see her girlfriend. She still felt guilty; she knew she didn’t need to because there was no knowing that the bank would be hit while Emily was there, but she couldn’t help it.

She approached the bed and pulled a chair up next to it. Grabbing one of Emily’s hands, she brushed her thumb against the back of it before bringing it up to her lips and pressing a kiss to it. She took a deep breath and sent up a quick prayer for Emily to wake up.

Emily’s parents arrive a little while later and join her in the room. Her mom wraps Lindsey in a tight hug, expressing how glad she is that Lindsey is okay and thanking her profusely for being there for Emily the entire time. Lindsey just nods, unable to speak.

When she hears a small noise coming from her girlfriend, Lindsey’s head whips around to face her properly. She holds her breath, waiting to see if she had just imagined it. The noise comes again, a small mumbling noise that sounds a lot like Lindsey’s name.

It comes once more.

“Linds,” Emily’s form breathes out and Lindsey feels the tears coming again.

Emily’s eyes open slowly and she looks right at Lindsey who smiles and lets the tears fall, this time in relief.

* * *

It feels surreal, standing with her family in the quad. The feeling of déjà vu had made her head spin when her parents had led her here. The ground beneath had shifted again when she saw her sister and brother seated by the fountain.

When Erin started talking about how proud the four of them were of her, Kelley lost it. Her family, who she hadn’t seen since she was twenty when she had to bury them, were in front of her and telling her that they were proud of her and they loved her.

Erin and Jerry had told her that she had been an amazing sister and that they were glad she found a home, a family, with the BAU. Kelley had appreciated that but she still felt guilty about how everything went down.

“It’s my fault.”

“It’s no one’s fault, Kel. Accidents happen,” her mom attempted to soothe her, but Kelley wasn’t having it.

“If you guys hadn’t been here, if I hadn’t  _ insisted _ on you visiting, you would still be here.”

“Maybe,” Erin admits, “or maybe not. Things happen;  _ life _ happens.”

“No, it was my fault. You all canceled other plans to come here and you never made it home again,” her voice is shaking.

“Kelley, if you ever want to move on and live life to the fullest, you’ve gotta let go,” Jerry tells her.

Kelley’s unsure when her baby brother got to be so wise, especially considering his life was cut entirely too short. Her brother stands from where he is sitting next to the fountain and grabs her shoulders.

“You gotta let go,” he repeats.

“I don’t want to. I don’t wanna forget you.”

He gives her a soft smile before taking a step back to stand next to their parents. Erin stands to join them and Kelley’s heart starts to hurt.

“We’ll always be with you, baby sis,” Erin says. “But it’s time to let go of the guilt that’s been plaguing you all this time.”

“What if I don’t know how?”

“Lean on your new family. Talk to them, let them in. And when you find that special someone, lean on them too,” her mom tells her as she reaches up and cups Kelley’s cheek in a comforting way.

“I’m going to miss you, so much.”

“We’re never far away,” Jerry reminds her once more.

“It’s time to go home, Kelley. We love you, never forget that,” her dad says.

The four of them turn and begin to walk across campus. Kelley watches them until they vanish from sight, heart still slightly hurting. But she knows it is time for her to leave and return to her new family.

And so she does.

* * *

Hope was alone in Kelley’s room for a while as she waited for her to wake up. The doctors had told her that the surgery had gone well and that she should be awake soon. Kelley had been lucky, luckier than Christen and Emily.

Eventually, Becky and Megan joined Hope after making quick stops by Christen and Emily’s rooms. They arrived at Kelley’s and stayed with Hope, waiting for Kelley to wake up. It wouldn’t be long before she did, meaning Hope hadn’t budged since she got here.

It doesn’t take much more time until Kelley starts to move. Her fingers twitch and she mumbles something incoherent before blinking her eyes open a few times. Hope watches as her girlfriend starts to wake up more, becoming more aware of her surroundings and who is there with her.

“Hey, Kel. How’re you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been shot,” she responds, throat scratchy.

She coughs a little, trying to get rid of the tickle in her throat. She sees Becky and Megan stand from their seats and make their way to her bedside and flashes them a small smile.

“Hey, Cap, Pinoe,” she greets them before furrowing her brow as she remembers who’s not here. “Christen and Emily. Are they okay?”

“They woke up. It’ll be a long road, but they should be okay,” Becky tells her.

“Thank God.”

Becky and Megan leave a few minutes after, wanting to give the couple their space. Hope looks at Kelley with an unreadable expression. Kelley raises her brows at her questioningly.

“What? Do I have something on my face?”

“You are something else.”

“That’s why you love me,” she offers a cheesy smile.

Hope smiles fondly at her girlfriend and leans forward, pressing a kiss to Kelley’s forehead before grabbing one of her hands and giving it a squeeze.

“That I do.”

* * *

**_“Life is a cycle, always in motion, if good times have moved on, so will times of trouble.” - Indian Proverb_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 11 is yours :)
> 
> Thoughts, comments, concerns? Drop them below! I love getting feedback.
> 
> Stay tuned for chapter 12


	12. Solid Like a Jewel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Briefing room in two. Someone call Horan.”
> 
> The two seated agents stand and head for the room while Tobin goes to call Lindsey. They hear a ringer go off and Kelley digs in the bag next to the desk and pulls out the ringing phone. She frowns at Tobin.
> 
> “Why would she leave this here?”
> 
> Tobin doesn’t respond, just grabs the phone with a sigh and leaves the bullpen. She heads in the direction of Emily’s den and Kelley decides to just let her go. She climbs the stairs and enters the briefing room.
> 
> Becky looks up from her tablet.
> 
> “Where’s Heath and Horan?”
> 
> “Tobin went to find her.”
> 
> Becky considers this information for a second and then nods.
> 
> “Press, give the presentation. We’ll catch them up on the drive.”
> 
> Christen stands and grabs the remote for the plasma. She clicks it a few times, pulling up the photos and then looks at them. Kelley allows herself a small smile, feeling like things are finally getting back to normal(-ish).
> 
> “Destination: Navy Yard.”
> 
> Kelley closes her eyes and sighs. This was going to be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired and had three hours to kill, so here's chapter 12.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

**_“The struggles we endure today will be the ‘good old days’ we laugh about tomorrow.” - Aaron Lauritsen_ **

* * *

_Alexandria-March 2017_

It’s Christen’s first day back and she feels more nervous than she did her first day on the job. She had woken up thirty minutes before her alarm was set to go off and had spent those thirty minutes tossing and turning. Logically, she knew that today would be like any other day with the BAU. They would catch a case, travel where they were needed, and do what they do best. But Christen hadn’t set foot in the Bureau since being released from the hospital; the thought of it made her anxious.

There was also the subject of Tobin that she still had yet to fully address. When she had come out of surgery and woken up, she had seen her family and Tobin standing at her bedside and it had done things to her heart. She had always been aware of her feelings, in the back of her mind, but there had always been a million reasons to not do anything about them. 

After surviving being shot, it wasn’t that she saw Tobin in a new light. Rather, she decided it was time to accept the reality of the situation. She had feelings for her best friend and she had no clue if the other woman felt the same. Sometimes, she wishes she had become a profiler when Becky offered her the chance.

Tobin had picked her up this morning, insisting on driving her to work despite Christen telling her that she was perfectly capable of driving herself. Tobin had waved her off, reminding her that it was on the way to work, so it was no inconvenience. When she had climbed into the familiar truck, her best friend had smiled at her and handed her a cup of coffee.

“You know the way to my heart,” she jokes, breathing in the smell of fresh coffee.

“I always have, Chris.”

Tobin’s making it very difficult for Christen to bury these feelings. She isn’t really doing anything different than she normally does, other than becoming Christen’s personal chauffeur, but everything seems amplified now. She feels herself reading too much into various interactions and whenever she catches herself, she feels slightly embarrassed.

The other hurdle was avoiding the rest of the team figuring out how she feels. She knows she won’t have to hide too hard from Tobin; the brunette’s obliviousness when it came to her own feelings and other people’s potential feelings for her was oddly endearing. But the rest of the team, specifically Lindsey and Kelley, she had to be careful around.

They are pulling into the parking lot when Tobin’s phone starts ringing. She takes it out of her pocket and Christen misses the name, but she sees the contact photo that pops up on the screen. She doesn’t recognize who it is and before she knows it, there’s an uneasy feeling in her stomach over who it might be. She knows it’s possible that Tobin has friends that she doesn’t know about, except… Tobin _doesn’t_ have friends she doesn’t know about.

Tobin lets the call roll through and then texts somebody before turning her truck off and turning to face Christen. She returns the smile, albeit weakly, and then gets out of the truck and grabs her bag from the back with Tobin following closely behind. When they get on the elevator, Christen leans against the wall and closes her eyes. 

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

_Quantico_

Kelley was starting to think she would be desk-bound for the rest of her career. She had been rid of her sling for a week now and had passed the mandatory psych eval, but Becky still had yet to officially let her in the field. Part of her thought she was still being punished for Kansas City. Her chief had insisted that wasn’t the case, they were just having a quiet couple of weeks. That was true, Kelley had to admit. Every consult had been done via Skype or by only sending a member or two out to help and nothing had required the whole team’s attention.

She hears the elevator open and looks towards it. Tobin gets off first and raises a hand in greeting which Kelley returns. Then, she spots Christen and she breaks into a huge grin. She had missed the communications liaison a lot. She stands and walks to the doors to greet the pair as they come into the bullpen.

“Chris, it’s so good to have you back,” she says, giving the other woman a small hug. She took care to not hold on too tight; she knew Christen would still be in pain from the surgery.

“Hey, Kel,” Christen says, “it’s good to be back. I’m gonna head up to my office. I’ll let you know if I have anything.”

She moves around Kelley, avoiding eye contact and heads for her office. Kelley frowns slightly and then turns to Tobin.

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah, I think it’s just first day back jitters, you know?”

Tobin heads for her desk, but Kelley turns to face the liaison’s closed door. Something feels off, but she’s not sure what it is yet. She returns to her own desk, taking a seat and drumming slightly on the desktop. Hope is up in Becky’s office with her and Megan, discussing a new possible case. After a few moments, Christen’s door opens and she makes her way to the office.

“Think we’ll go anywhere? All of us, I mean,” Kelley asks Tobin who shrugs.

“Dunno,” she looks around the bullpen. “Have you seen Lindsey?”

Kelley realizes she has yet to see the blonde. She glances at her desk and sees a bag sitting next to it.

“Maybe in the Batcave with Sonny,” she suggests.

Before Tobin can speak, Becky’s door opens again and the chief steps out.

“Briefing room in two. Someone call Horan.”

The two seated agents stand and head for the room while Tobin goes to call Lindsey. They hear a ringer go off and Kelley digs in the bag next to the desk and pulls out the ringing phone. She frowns at Tobin.

“Why would she leave this here?”

Tobin doesn’t respond, just grabs the phone with a sigh and leaves the bullpen. She heads in the direction of Emily’s den and Kelley decides to just let her go. She climbs the stairs and enters the briefing room.

Becky looks up from her tablet.

“Where’s Heath and Horan?”

“Tobin went to find her.”

Becky considers this information for a second and then nods.

“Press, give the presentation. We’ll catch them up on the drive.”

Christen stands and grabs the remote for the plasma. She clicks it a few times, pulling up the photos and then looks at them. Kelley allows herself a small smile, feeling like things are finally getting back to normal(-ish).

“Destination: Navy Yard.”

Kelley closes her eyes and sighs. This was going to be interesting.

* * *

There’s a knock on the door and Lindsey stands to answer it despite Emily’s whine in protest. She opens it, surprised to find Tobin on the other side. She opens the door wider, letting her partner in. Tobin tosses her phone to her and the two walk back towards the analyst.

“Hey, Son. What’s up? What’d you kidnap Lindsey for?”

“I didn’t kidnap her. I just asked her to come spend time with me down here.”

“Any reason, in particular, she didn’t take her phone?”

Emily is quiet for a moment.

“I asked her not to.”

Tobin nods before turning to Lindsey with a raised eyebrow.

“We haven’t been busy in weeks. I figured my phone wouldn’t miss me for ten minutes,” she says.

“And how long ago did ten minutes pass?”

Lindsey doesn’t respond and Tobin pushes off the desk she is leaning on. She ruffles Emily’s hair slightly and smiles at the annoyed sound that comes from the analyst. She then faces her partner and holds up her phone.

“Never be unreachable, Linds. You know better.”

Lindsey nods, a little embarrassed.

“Alright, lovebirds. I’m sorry to say I’m here to break this up lovefest. Linds, the team needs us in the briefing room, like five minutes ago.”

Emily pouts slightly, not happy that Lindsey will be leaving. Her girlfriend hasn’t left for more than twenty-four hours since she had gotten out of the hospital. The idea of Lindsey getting back into her routine, back in the line of fire, terrified her. But she knew she had to let her go do her job.

Lindsey leans down and kisses her briefly. Emily wishes it could have been longer, but she knows Lindsey is already late.

“I love you, Em. Be home soon,” she says as she follows her partner from the room.

“I love you, too.”

She watches her girlfriend leave, frowning slightly. She then shakes her head and turns back to her computer screens. Lindsey is fine and she will continue to be fine.

Emily wishes she could believe that as easily as she believes Lindsey loves her.

* * *

_Washington Navy Yard_

The SUV containing Megan, Tobin, and Lindsey heads for the crime scene, while the one with Becky, Kelley, Hope, and Christen makes its way towards NCIS headquarters. They arrive and head through the check, receiving their visitors’ badges and head for the main floor to find the team they will be working with.

Exiting the elevator, Becky makes immediate eye contact with Christine Sinclair and points towards the director’s office. The NCIS agent goes to join her and Christen tags along with the pair, while Kelley and Hope head for the bullpen to wait with the other NCIS agents.

“Well, well, Agents O’Hara and Solo, long time no see,” Agent Quinn speaks up, arms crossed over her chest.

“Agent Quinn, always a pleasure,” Kelley says, offering a sarcastic smile.

Hope wanders through the middle of the bullpen, to the opposite side and smirks when she sees the NCIS agents are watching her like hawks. It’s almost as if they are expecting her to make a run for Autopsy or the Lab, but Hope won’t go until Becky tells her to; it’s hard enough to stay on the Navy cops’ good side without aggravating relations by doing things before they are allowed to.

“What’s the Bureau even doing here?” Agent Prince finally speaks.

“Wait, wait, wait. Don’t tell us…” Agent Lawrence cuts in with a smile, “it’s classified.”

Kelley and Hope just trade looks across the room and the former tries to think of new ways to get under Agent Quinn’s skin. If they are going to be forced to work with these guys again, she might as well have some fun with it.

“Your boss didn’t even tell you about the case, yet?” Kelley looks at Hope again, knowing her partner can see what she is doing.

“There’s not a case,” Agent Quinn says, leaning back in her chair.

“So what exactly do you think we’re doing here?”

The NCIS agent shrugs.

“Accusing one of us of something we didn’t do,” she suggests.

Kelley isn’t quite sure what she means by that but figures it was either before her time or a different section of the Bureau. She just shakes her head, instead of asking about it.

“Nah, not really our style.”

She looks to see Becky, Christen, Christine, and Director Tancredi making their way towards the group. Kelley raises her brows in question and her chief gives a small nod. Kelley grins.

“The BAU is here to help with the new case,” Director Tancredi tells her agents.

“Director,” Agent Prince speaks up, “we don’t have a case.”

“You do now. Dead Petty Officer, missing his hands and feet. Possibly connected to a string of similar-looking murders throughout the DC Metro Area.”

She turns to Becky.

“I expect to be kept up to date on everything. And don’t think this will be like time; this is our case. You’re here as a courtesy,” she turns on her heel and heads for her office again.

Kelley narrows her eyes at the NCIS director’s back. This was more than a courtesy; the Bureau had the right, and the authority, to take over this case if they wanted. But Kelley also knew Becky would do what she could to keep their relationship with NCIS as amicable as possible.

“Prince, take Agent Solo down to Autopsy. Labbé and Scott should have the body soon,” Christine instructs and the two agents make their way towards the elevator.

“Quinn, take O’Hara to Jessie’s lab. She’s had the evidence long enough, she might have something by now.”

Kelley smirks at the NCIS agent who glares at her before standing. She goes towards the back elevators and Kelley follows, trying to keep from snickering at her obvious annoyance at being stuck with Kelley again. It had been over a year since the last time they had worked together, but clearly, she had made quite the impression on the blonde.

She was going to have some fun here.

* * *

The two agents stand on opposite sides of the elevator on the way down to the lab. Kelley studies the other agent, noting that there is still a ring present on one of her fingers and a necklace still hanging around her neck. She fiddles with her own necklace, an early anniversary gift for Hope that she was wearing until she could give her girlfriend her half.

Agent Quinn turns to her and Kelley stops messing with the chain. She waits for the other agent to speak but nothing comes from the short-haired woman. Kelley sometimes enjoys getting under the other agent’s skin, but she won’t do it (entirely) unprovoked. The elevator doors open and they get off.

“Jeff,” Quinn calls out as they walk into the lab, “what do you got for us?”

“Us?” 

The forensic scientist’s voice sounds from the back room of her lab before Kelley sees her enter the front lab. Jessie sees her and stops, eyes drifting to Quinn before returning to Kelley.

“Hi, Agent O’Hara,” she sounds confused. “Can I help you?”

“We’re here for an update,” she states and Jessie looks at Quinn again.

“I’ve had the evidence for like an hour.”

“Sinc said to check-in with you.”

“She knows me so well,” she turns back around and goes to her computer, pulling up some images and readings Kelley couldn’t understand if she wanted to.

“Can you get us access to the Petty Officer’s laptop?”

Jessie nods, turning to grab it from where it is sitting next to the box of evidence.

“I cracked it twenty minutes ago. Very low-level stuff, nothing super exciting. At least, not to me.”

Kelley lets Agent Quinn carry the laptop and leans against the table, studying the plasma on the wall. The NCIS agent goes to leave and Kelley smirks, remembering what happened last time and looking forward to repeating it.

“Quinn,” she catches the short-haired woman’s attention, “she’s got more to tell us.”

* * *

Kelley is leaning against the filing cabinet in the bullpen as she and Hope wait for Becky and Christen to return from the Director’s office. This case had been relatively quick and painless, at least much as possible given the thorn in the side of the Bureau that was NCIS. Maybe Kelley was being a little unfair because Agent Quinn and her butted heads, but she knew she wouldn’t miss working with the navy cops.

More importantly, Kelley was itching to get this case closed and spend time with Hope, just the two of them. Their one year anniversary is today and Kelley wanted to spend the night with her girlfriend, drinking some wine and unwinding. And she wanted to give Hope her gift.

Becky and Christen finally make their way down the stairs from the Director’s office, just as the sun begins to properly set. They approach the group and Kelley pushes off the cabinet while Hope stands from where she was sitting in front of Christine’s desk.

“Agents, always a pleasure,” Becky says cordially before the FBI agents make their way to the elevator.

“Next time we have to work with NCIS, Pinoe, Tobin, and Lindsey get to deal with them directly,” Kelley says as they get on the elevator.

Hope and Becky crack smiles but Christen shakes her head.

“I have to deal with them regardless, so you don’t get to complain,” she points out and Kelley shrugs.

“That sounds like a ‘you’ problem.”

The drive back to Quantico is fairly quiet. Becky and Hope are in the front seats, talking quietly here and there about random things. Christen is staring out the window and Kelley can tell she is thinking a lot about something, so she pokes her in the shoulder. The other brunette turns to face her, glaring slightly at having been disturbed.

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” Christen says, eyes looking towards the front seat before returning to Kelley.

Kelley doesn’t believe her in the slightest but can tell the liaison won’t say anything in front of Becky and Hope so she lets it go.

At least, until they get back to Quantico.

* * *

_Quantico_

Hope went upstairs with Becky to discuss a few things with her and Megan before going home for the night. Kelley opted to wait down in the lobby with Christen who was waiting for Tobin to finish up her reports upstairs as well. She allowed silence for a few moments before deciding to confront Christen.

“Alright, Pressy. Out with it, what’s up with you?”

“I told you nothing.”

“You lied to me.”

Christen stares at her and Kelley holds her gaze. She cares about her friend and she can tell there is something bothering her, that there has been something bothering her for a while. She looks more stressed right here, in front of her than she did while she was out on recovery.

“It doesn’t matter, Kel. It’s not important.”

“That’s not true,” she argues.

“It’s not. Really, Kelley, please just drop it.”

“No, Chris. I’m not gonna ‘just drop it’. Whatever it is that’s bugging you is clearly important. It’s obvious that it’s preoccupying most of your thoughts.”

Christen groans slightly.

“Seriously?”

Kelley nods.

“To me, yeah. I can’t speak for the others. But if they don’t see it now, they will soon.”

Christen goes quiet. She’s watching the front door, waiting for it to open, waiting for Tobin. Kelley can see her friend is debating whether or not to talk to her about this.

“It’s Tobin,” Christen finally says quietly.

“What about Tobin?”

Christen doesn’t want to sound like a schoolgirl with a crush, so she decides to switch gears slightly.

“Is she dating someone?”

Kelley wasn’t really expecting that question.

“Uh, I-I don’t know. She hasn’t told me anything, why?”

Christen shakes her head. She feels weird talking about Tobin, trying to talk about her feelings for Tobin, with Kelley right now. And she can’t shake the uneasy feeling in her stomach at the thought of Tobin dating someone and _not telling her_. Not telling the whole team was one thing, but Tobin had never kept something from her before.

“Just...she received a call when we were on our way to work the other day and I didn’t recognize who it was in the photo.”

“Okay…” Kelley drags the word out slightly, “but why do you care?”

And she knows. She knows why Christen cares; she just never thought the other woman would admit it. She waits for Christen to speak, to admit it out loud to her.

“She’s my best friend. I care about her and I only want what’s best for her.”

Kelley thinks she sounds like she’s reciting something from memory and she didn’t miss that Christen’s voice was wavering while she was saying it.

“Look, Chris,” she makes Christen look at her, “you can tell me or you can not tell me. But whatever the real reason for you being upset over this thing with Tobin is…you’ve gotta get a grip on. You can’t afford to be distracted, not in this line of work.”

Christen nods, but before she can speak, the front door is opening and Hope and Tobin are walking out together. Kelley sends a smile to her girlfriend and the two leave hand-in-hand with Kelley giving Christen a _look_ as they walk away.

“Ready to go?”

Christen smiles tightly and nods,

“Ready.”

* * *

_Washington_

Kelley really appreciates the little things. When she and Hope had first discussed what to do for their one-year anniversary, Kelley had really hoped that her girlfriend would be okay with a lowkey night, just the two of them and some wine. When Hope had suggested getting takeout and watching a movie, Kelley had fallen more in love with her.

They had torn their way through their Chinese food and were lounging comfortably on the couch, only half paying attention to whatever movie they had put in. Kelley hadn’t been listening to the suggestions, too busy thinking about when to give Hope her gift. At about the halfway point of the movie (Kelley was guessing), she decided it was time.

She grabbed the remote and paused the movie. Hope looked at her, slightly confused. She sat up properly and reached for the chain around her neck, unclasping it and separating the two pieces. She studied the necklace for a moment; it was two puzzle pieces that fit together, one slightly larger than the other. She then offered a small smile to her girlfriend.

“I got this for you, for us,” she starts to explain, “two puzzle pieces that fit together.”

She offers the slightly larger puzzle piece to Hope who takes it gently from her hand and examines it.

“I love you, Hope. More than anything else, I love you.”

Hope leans forward and kisses her.

“I love you, too. And I got you something as well.”

Hope stands and goes to the bedroom. Kelley can hear her rummaging in her nightstand before finally returning. She’s holding a small, square box and Kelley’s heart rate spikes immediately. Hope must sense her internal reaction, or maybe she made a face, because Hope walks over and smiles.

“I’m not proposing. At least, not yet,” she tells her.

Kelley is surprised to find she feels a little disappointed. She waits for Hope to continue. The older woman opens to box to reveal nothing inside and now Kelley is just confused.

“It’s a promise,” Hope explains, “that one day, hopefully soon, there will be a ring in here. I love you, Kelley, and I want a future with you. Someday, when we’re both ready.”

Now it’s Kelley’s turn to lean forward and kiss Hope. She had meant what she said; she loves Hope more than anything and she agreed with her girlfriend. She wanted them to build a future together, when they were both ready, one that would last a lifetime.

“You’re my favorite person, you know that?”

Kelley smiles at her girlfriend before kissing her once again.

“You’re my favorite, too."

* * *

**_“Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.” - C.S. Lewis_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *is supposed to be studying for a test*
> 
> Also me: *decides to update instead*
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the latest installment!
> 
> Questions, comments, concerns? Drop 'em below!
> 
> See ya soon!


	13. Never Break the Pattern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Alright, Press, spill,” Kelley says as she takes her seat on the couch.
> 
> Christen takes a seat next to her friend and watches everyone else settle into their own seats. Her eyes linger on Tobin the longest, but they snap back towards Kelley when the shorter woman clears her throat.
> 
> “Spill,” she repeats.
> 
> “Tobin invited me out for dinner on Friday.”
> 
> “Oh?”
> 
> Christen shakes her head, glancing towards Tobin once again before returning her attention to Kelley.
> 
> “She said she has someone she wants me to meet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are we surprised it's taken me this long to update? No.
> 
> But here, have Chapter 13 :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**_“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve heard about life: it goes on.” - Robert Frost_ **

* * *

_Quantico-June 2017_

Christen finally felt like things were back to normal, at least somewhat. She had been back at work since March and had been “in the field” a handful of times, but she had been heavily restricted on what she could actually do. Becky had told her she would be fulfilling her role as communications liaison, only, nothing more until she was cleared for real fieldwork. This meant she hadn’t even carried her sidearm since February.

Admittedly, it was a bit unorthodox for a communications liaison to carry a weapon in the first place. Not even the profilers were required to carry, but they all did. So, Christen decided she should as well. Not having one on her these last couple of months had been the strangest feeling; she was used to having it attached to her right hip. And today was the first day in a long time she would have it back on her side.

Christen was relieved to have a little normalcy return to her life. She knew things were going to change after she had been shot, of course, things would change. But she itched for things to go back to how they were, if even only for a moment. Being told by Becky that she had officially been cleared on all levels and could carry her weapon again, it had made her feel like the world was becoming normal again. But, there were still other things that had changed and hadn’t returned to their normal states.

Tobin still insisted on driving her to work every morning. The brunette agent was making it extremely difficult for Christen to not give away her feelings to the entire office. She had finally confided in Kelley last month and she had been really kind to Christen about the whole thing. In fact, the whole thing had made them better friends, something everyone picked up on but no one questioned.

Christen’s looking over a potential case file she had been sent when she hears her door open. She looks up to find Tobin poking her head again. Putting the file down for a second, she leans back in her chair.

“Hey, Tobs. What’s up?”

“Hey, I was wondering if you had any plans for this Friday?”

Christen tries to keep from getting too excited.

“I might be free. Why?”

Tobin starts to look nervous and Christen’s heart rate starts to increase.

“I was wondering if you’d wanna maybe go out for dinner.”

Christen smiles and nods. Tobin smiles in return before speaking again.

“Great. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

Christen’s smile starts to fade, but she recovers quickly. She can feel the fakeness of her smile becoming more apparent so she stands and gathers the file to avoid looking at Tobin. She needed to talk to Kelley soon, maybe on the jet. Walking towards the door, Tobin opens it more and Christen walks out and towards the briefing room, still avoiding eye contact.

“Briefing room in five. Get everyone please.”

* * *

Kelley takes her seat in the briefing room, thanking Hope when she sets a cup of coffee in front of the smaller woman. She grabs her tablet and looks across the table towards Lindsey who has just taken her seat. Lindsey looks back at her, giving her a silent _what?_ look. Kelley’s eyes flick towards Tobin who was fidgeting beside the blonde. Lindsey just shook her head, not wanting to get involved.

Kelley looks at Christen who has looked at every one of them _except_ Tobin. She decides they’ll talk on the jet, meaning Hope will be kicked off the couch and will have to sit in one of the regular seats. She figures her girlfriend won’t mind too much.

“Alright, Press, whenever you’re ready,” Becky says as she takes her seat.

“Faribault, Minnesota has contacted us for help. They have a serial killer on their hands,” Christen starts, clicking through images on the plasma.

“All of the victims were found at Sakatah Lake State Park. According to M.E. reports, they all died from asphyxiation. Each victim was found a week after the previous one. The most recent one was discovered yesterday.”

“Different races, genders, ages. This guy doesn’t exactly have a type, does he,” Lindsey asks, scrolling through the photos on her tablet.

“That just means we’ll have to work harder on this guy’s profile. Find what makes him tick and why each of these victims was targeted,” Megan says.

“Could be victims of opportunity,” Kelley suggests.

“It’s possible,” Becky agrees. “Regardless, we need to get to Minnesota before he drops more bodies.”

Becky closes her tablet and starts to stand.

“Wheels up in thirty.”

* * *

“Alright, Press, spill,” Kelley says as she takes her seat on the couch.

Christen takes a seat next to her friend and watches everyone else settle into their own seats. Her eyes linger on Tobin the longest, but they snap back towards Kelley when the shorter woman clears her throat.

“Spill,” she repeats.

“Tobin invited me out for dinner on Friday.”

“Oh?”

Christen shakes her head, glancing towards Tobin once again before returning her attention to Kelley.

“She said she has someone she wants me to meet.”

“Oh,” Kelley feels bad now. “Chris, I-”

Christen waves her off; she doesn’t want pity and she doesn’t want to dwell on it very long.

“Don’t worry about it, Kelley. I’m into her, she’s in a relationship, and we’re going to be just friends for the rest of our lives.”

Kelley fights the urge to roll her eyes at her friend. She _knows_ Tobin has feelings for Christen, but she also knows that Tobin has the tendency to be rather oblivious when it comes to another person’s feelings about her. Not to mention, Tobin is now apparently in a relationship with someone else and was keeping it from the team. Well, most of the team.

She goes to speak again but gets interrupted by the sound of Emily coming online.

“Hey, hey, party people,” she greets the team in a sing-song voice.

“Alright, Son, talk to us,” Becky responds.

“Okay, local news outlets have started to run with the story and have already given this guy a name. They’re calling him the ‘Faribault Strangler’. Original, I know.”

Becky sighs. She really hates when the media gives these people nicknames; it gives them even more of a god complex.

“Great. Anything else for us?”

“I’m running financials on the latest victim, Natalie Harrington, but so far there’s nothing suspicious. I’m also running her social media to see if she found the unsub online. I’ll hit you back when I have something for you,” Emily tells them before hanging up the call.

Becky turns to her agents.

“When we land, Heath and Horan, head to the Park. Go over everything with the detectives that are already there. Solo and O’Hara, talk to the most recent victim’s family. Press, Pinoe, and I will head to the police station.”

Kelley returns to the couch with Christen and waits for the journey to be over. The sooner they solve this case and get this guy off the streets, the sooner Kelley can help Christen get past this Tobin thing. Or maybe smack Tobin upside the head and tell her to stop being a moron.

She can’t help but laugh to herself at that thought; it seemed entirely more likely to happen anyway.

* * *

_Faribault_

The humidity reminds Kelley of home again, but this time it doesn’t throw her off as much. Maybe it’s because they aren’t down south for this case, or maybe it’s because Kelley has finally started to stop running from the past. It’s still new and still more than slightly scary, but the Bureau assigned shrink she had been forced to see upon her return had actually been really helpful. In fact, she was still seeing him; she was fairly certain Becky knows but the two of them had never discussed it, something Kelley appreciated.

As they continue to drive towards the house, Hope glances at Kelley briefly.

“Am I allowed to know why you kicked me out of my seat on the jet and gave it to Press?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“What happens on the couch, stays on the couch,” Kelley says.

Hope decides to drop it for the time being. If Kelley doesn’t want to share, she won’t. Not even with Hope. It was clear that the younger woman was taking whatever Christen had told her very seriously and she didn’t want to betray the other woman’s trust. Hope’s phone starts to ring through the car’s Bluetooth and Emily’s name flashes on the screen.

“Hey, Sonnett, what’s up?”

“I just finished running financials on Natalie Harrington. She’s clean. Her social media, however, paints a different story. She had a second, secret account, and it was...interesting. I sent you the details.”

“Anything else?”

“Tobin and Lindsey finished at the crime scene and are headed to talk to the previous victim’s family. Becky wants you guys to compare notes when you two finish up with the Harringtons.”

“Alright, sounds good. Thanks, Son,” Kelley says before Hope hangs up.

The car pulls up to the house and Kelley takes out her phone, looking at what Emily had sent her. As she scrolls through the profile, she grows increasingly concerned about the victim’s apparent double life.

“Hope, are you seeing this?”

“Talk about angel in the streets, devil in the sheets,” Hope replies.

The two exit the vehicle and begin approaching the house. They reach the front door and Hope rings the doorbell and knocks on the door. The door swings open and the agents pull out their credentials, showing them to the woman standing inside.

“Mrs. Harrington, we’re with the FBI. I’m Agent Solo, this is my partner, Agent O’Hara. We’re here to talk to you about your daughter, Natalie. May we come in?”

The door opens wider and the woman lets the agents inside, leading them to the living room. The three take a seat. Kelley notes that the victim’s mother looks nervous, avoiding eye contact and fidgeting.

“Mrs. Harrington, was Natalie starting to show interest in anything unusual?”

“What do you mean by ‘unusual’?”

“Had her interests changed recently? Or her behavior. Anything out of the ordinary?”

“What? No, and I don’t think I like where this is going.”

“Mrs. Harrington, we’re not blaming Natalie for what happened to her. We’re just trying to shed some light on why she was in the park alone,” Hope tries to keep the mother calm.

“Mrs. Harrington were you aware of Natalie’s second social media account,” Kelley asks, leaning forward a little bit.

“What?”

Kelley and Hope trade a look and Kelley takes her phone out to show the woman the page. As she scrolls through the page, Kelley watches her try to keep a neutral face. After a moment, she shoves the phone back into Kelley’s hands and stands abruptly.

“I think it’s time you two leave.”

The agents stand and Hope offers her a card.

“If you need anything or can think of anything that may help us, please give me a call.”

The agents exit the house and head back to their car. They get in and Hope starts the car, heading towards the police station.

“That went well,” Kelley remarked.

“She’s a mom. Wants to believe the best about her kid, especially her dead kid who can no longer defend herself.”

“Something’s off with her. I don’t know what, but something isn’t right.”

Hope doesn’t reply but Kelley can tell she holds the same sentiment.

* * *

“Hey, Tobs, the previous victim, did she have a second social media? One that was more risqué?”

Tobin nods in response to Kelley’s question before pulling up the account on the laptop and spinning it around to show it to the other two agents.

“Toni Jackson, stereotypical college bookworm by day, mystery masquerader with a wild side by night.”

“Just like Natalie.”

Tobin nods again.

“Okay, so what does this mean for the profile? It looks like this guy is only going after the ones who are appearing to lead a double life,” Hope speaks as she sits down.

“But how does he know? These second socials weren’t exactly easy to find.”

Something clicks in Kelley’s brain following Tobin’s response to Hope. She has no idea if she’s right or completely off base, but she leans forward and dials on the desk phone to call Emily. The other two agents just watch, waiting to see what is going to happen.

“Saucy Sonny, how may I serve you today, oh great ones?”

“Hey, Son, could you do me a favor and track Tricia Harrington’s phone and financials?”

“Tricia Harrington as in the mom of Natalie Harrington?”

“That’s the one.”

Emily is silent for a second.

“Anything in particular I’m looking for?”

“Anything that doesn’t fit. Calls to burners, suspicious money movement, anything out of place.”

“On it. I’ll hit you back when I have something.”

The analyst hangs up and Kelley turns back to Tobin and Hope who are looking at her expectantly.

“Look, I don’t know if this will give us anything, but something was off with Natalie’s mom. And Lindsey said Toni’s mom was the same way when she was interviewed. And I’m willing to bet that the first victim’s family reacted the same way.”

The other agents nod in understanding. Right now, they would take whatever lead they could get. And Kelley was right; all of the mothers had reacted weirdly when questioned about their daughters’ second social media account.

“I don’t know if I hope you’re right or wrong about this,” Tobin finally says.

Kelley sits down and sighs slightly.

“I don’t know either.”

* * *

The team is finishing strapping their vests on and putting in their earpieces when Becky approaches, already ready to go. As the rest of the team finishes getting ready, the chief lays out the game plan.

“Solo, O’Hara, and Heath take the back. Horan, Pinoe, and I will take the front. Barnes is to be considered armed and dangerous, so watch your six. Clear the house and grab him if he’s here, but do not engage him alone. Understood?”

The agents nod in understanding. Becky nods once and the agents head for the house. Hope, Kelley, and Tobin go around back while Lindsey, Megan, and Becky go for the front. When they reach the door, Becky knocks.

“Alex Barnes, FBI! We have a warrant!”

Unsurprisingly, there is no answer. Becky speaks into her microphone to tell her agents to wait for her signal. She then nods to Megan who kicks open the front door.

“Go, go, go,” Becky tells the team.

The agents pour into the house and begin clearing rooms. As they move through the house and clear most of the rooms, Becky begins to worry. They had had a UC watching the house and there had been no reports of anyone coming or going. They cleared the last room and the team reconvened in the living room.

“We got nothing, Cap. He’s gone,” Kelley says, holstering her weapon.

Becky doesn’t buy it. They had good intel that Barnes was in the house, and that he didn’t leave. She glances around the living room, looking for any hint of where Barnes could be hiding. Spotting a displaced corner on an area rug, Becky signals Megan to draw her weapon and they move toward the corner of the rug.

The other agents follow suit and approach the wall. Becky sees a thin line running vertically down the wall. She nods to her agents who all train their weapons towards the wall. Becky pushes on the wall and it swings inward. 

“Alex Barnes, FBI. You’re under arrest.”

* * *

_Quantico_

Kelley stretches out on the couch, placing her feet on Hope’s lap. The older woman just looks at her before shaking her head slightly, turning her attention to her book. Kelley shifts a bit in an effort to get more comfortable and sips on her coffee. She looks around the rest of the jet at her team. Becky is working, like always, on the case report. Megan is nursing a drink and writing in a notebook. Christen is pouring a cup of coffee for herself, not too far from Kelley, and seemingly avoiding a certain profiler. Said profiler is listening to music with her eyes closed, oblivious to the world around her. Lindsey has fallen asleep under a blanket in her seat, a soft smile on her face.

Christen stays at the back of the jet despite her drink being ready. Kelley stands and wanders over to her under the guise of wanting to top off her own coffee. She offers a smile to her friend who weakly returns it.

“How’re you doing?”

Christen shrugs but doesn’t verbally respond.

“Maybe this is for the best,” Kelley starts, “this could be your chance to move on from her.”

Again, no response. 

Kelley gives Christen’s shoulder a light squeeze, a reminder that she will always be there for her. She then returns to the couch, once again stretching out. Hope pokes her leg and raises an eyebrow in question. Kelley shakes her head; it’s not her place to share.

The rest of the jet ride passes in silence. When the team lands, Lindsey is the first off the jet, already dialing Emily. Kelley watches the blonde leave and smiles; those two could be sickeningly sweet but it was cute. Tobin and Christen left together, getting into Tobin’s truck. Kelley watches them go, brows furrowed. She wanted Christen to be happy and watching these two was no fun for anyone.

Hope approaches her and a smile automatically works its way across Kelley’s face. The two leave hand in hand. When they reach the car, Kelley tosses the keys to Hope.

“I’m exhausted.”

“What if I’m exhausted?”

Kelley shrugs, climbing into the passenger seat.

“I dunno, call an Uber, take an espresso shot, drive half-asleep,” she suggests.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

Kelley just hums in response and lets herself fall asleep to the sound of Hope’s voice singing along to the radio.

* * *

_Alexandria_

Christen tugs at her shirt, trying to straighten it out for the umpteenth time in the last five minutes. To say she was nervous was the understatement of the year. She enters the restaurant and spots Tobin in a corner booth, seemingly alone. She approaches the table and smiles at her friend.

“Hey, Tobs.”

“Chris, hey. Glad you could make it; I know you like to crash after cases.”

Christen offers a tight smile and slips into the booth, trying to ignore the feeling in her stomach that came from knowing that Tobin knows pretty much everything about how she operates.

“So, who am I meeting?”

Christen figures she might as well get this over with and meet this person. Tobin opens her mouth to answer but then spots whoever it is and she smiles, standing and hugging the woman. The new person slides into the booth, sitting very close to Tobin. Christen ignores the jealousy and turns to the woman with the best genuine smile she can provide at the moment.

“Hi, I’m Christen.”

“Oh, I know,” the woman laughs lightly, “Tobin’s told me all about you.”

Christen tries to ignore the thought of Tobin telling her girlfriend about her but not telling Christen about her girlfriend.

“I’m Shirley,” the woman offers with a warm smile.

And Christen wants to hate her, she really wants to hate her. But within fifteen minutes, Shirley has completely charmed her as if Christen’s approval meant the world to her. Christen manages to forget her feelings until the end of dinner when Tobin leans back and places an arm around Shirley’s shoulders. Christen feels her smile fade slightly when the other woman leans into Tobin’s side, but she quickly recovers and tries to listen to what is being said to her.

They pay their bill, Tobin insisting on paying for everything since she had invited Christen. Shirley excuses herself to use the restroom before they leave. Christen feels like there is a pit in her stomach when she sees the way Tobin’s eyes follow Shirley all the way to the restroom and how full of affection they are.

She almost misses a new person approaching the table as she tries to get a grip on her feelings.

“Agent Press, fancy seeing you here.”

Christen looks up and makes eye contact with the assistant medical examiner from NCIS.

“Dr. Scott, hi,” she smiles.

The other woman is completely ignoring Tobin who is watching the interaction with an unreadable expression.

“I saw you from the bar. I just wanted to say what a pleasure it was to work with you guys back in March,” she says, and Christen can see what’s coming.

She hears Tobin scoff slightly and glares at her friend before turning her attention back to Desiree.

“Yes, well, we always try and do our best to help where and when we can.”

“Well, you certainly succeed, Agent Press.”

“Please, call me Christen.”

Christen is deliberately ignoring Tobin and willing to flirt with the other woman because why not. Tobin is clearly happy in her relationship and Christen isn’t going to try to get in the way of that. And she deserves to be happy, to move on from Tobin.

“Christen,” Desiree takes a sip of her drink, “I like that name. Can I buy you a drink?”

“Actually, we-” Tobin starts but Christen cuts her off.

“I’d love that.”

Something flashes in Tobin’s eyes (jealousy, anger, irritation?) as Christen stands from the booth. Christen follows Desiree to the bar, completely missing Tobin leaving with Shirley and not seeing the clenched jaw her best friend bears at the moment.

If Tobin can be happy with Shirley, Christen can find her happiness elsewhere.

* * *

**_“Don’t fear death, fear the un-lived life.” - Natalie Babbitt_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this latest installment!
> 
> Chapter 14 is already being developed but no promises on when it will actually get done.
> 
> Come yell at me on Tumblr @closetbidisaster
> 
> Comments, questions, concerns, praises, etc.? Leave 'em below :)


	14. Don't Know If This is Right or Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Alright, seriously, Tobin,” Lindsey closes both of their tablets. “What gives?”
> 
> “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tobin says, avoiding eye contact.
> 
> “You have been spaced out since we left Quantico. What the hell is going on with you? Is it your family?”
> 
> Tobin shakes her head.
> 
> “Then what is it?” Lindsey sounds exasperated and it is justified. Her partner’s spaced-out mindset could cause problems eventually. Her partner rolls her eyes but still won’t look at her properly.
> 
> “Linds, I’m-”
> 
> “I swear, if the next word out of your mouth is ‘fine’, I’m going to throttle you.”
> 
> Tobin remains silent and Lindsey knows she was right. Part of her hates to do it, but she has to ask the question.
> 
> “Is it Christen?”
> 
> Tobin’s eyes snap to hers finally and they immediately give her away. Lindsey sees something familiar in them, something she used to see in Christen’s eyes. She gives a small sigh; seriously this was beginning to feel like a soap opera with these two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 14 is now yours!!
> 
> Enjoy!

**_“Life doesn’t always give us a choice between right and wrong. Occasionally, we are forced to choose between two rights or two wrongs…” - Assegid Habtewold_ **

* * *

_Quantico-September 2017_

Christen has a bounce in her step when she enters the office that morning. Kelley sees it immediately and shoots to her feet, following the communications liaison to her office. On her way up the stairs, she catches sight of Tobin entering the bullpen with a decidedly unhappy look on her face. Kelley makes a mental note to check back on that after talking to Christen. She taps on the open door to let Christen know she is there and steps inside.

“Oh, hey Kel. How was your weekend?”

“It was good. Hope and I spent it at a hotel, just trying to get some time away from all of this. How was yours?”

Christen is smiling and Kelley can almost see the happiness coming off her friend.

“It was great. Desiree and I got dinner on Friday and then breakfast on Sunday.”

Kelley’s eyebrows raise. She hadn’t realized her friend was still seeing the assistant medical examiner from NCIS. But Christen seemed happy, like maybe she was going to move on from Tobin. So she was going to support her friend.

“Oh yeah? That’s great, Chris. When do we all get to meet her?”

“You’ve already met her,” Christen replies, slightly confused which makes Kelley laugh slightly.

“No, I meant, like, outside of work. When do we get to, you know, _meet her_?”

Oh.

It clicks for Christen what Kelley is asking. She hadn’t really thought about it; she hadn’t hidden the fact she was seeing the NCIS worker. Part of that was on purpose, to show she could find happiness elsewhere. But that also meant the team wanted to meet her, as they always do, and attempt to determine if the woman was worthy of dating their friend. They had been seeing each other for a couple of months now, but they had yet to actually put a label on it. Honestly, Christen liked it that way; it felt less stressful and way more fun.

“Well, let’s see,” she checks her watch, “today’s Monday so...never.”

She smiles at Kelley who looks unamused.

“Oh, c’mon Press. We just wanna meet her and-”

“And scare her off before I even get the chance to see if I’m serious about this? Yeah, not happening,” she responds to her friend.

“You can’t hide her forever, Chris,” Kelley says before exiting her office and heading back for the bullpen.

Arriving back at her desk, she takes a seat before tossing a pen at Tobin. The other agent glares at her, not appreciating the early morning assault. Kelley grins and retrieves the pen before tapping Tobin on the head once more with it.

“Hey, Toby. What’s up with you?”

Tobin doesn’t respond, opting to stand and pour herself a cup of coffee in the kitchenette. Kelley watches her leave and thinks the taller brunette’s scowl has very little to do with the pen and very much to do with a certain communications liaison. She sighs slightly; Tobin was clearly upset but Kelley was ninety-five percent certain she was still dating her mystery woman. The rest of the team still had yet to meet her, but Christen had. And it had clearly sparked something in the woman because she was now seeing someone.

She hears the sound of the bullpen door opening and turns around just in time to throw her hand up and deflect a pen flying through the air. Emily is standing like she had just thrown the pen and is already laughing when Kelley laughs in return.

“Morning, Son. Any particular reason you decided to throw a pen at me?”

“You threw one at Tobin. Thought it was a free for all.”

“Ah, I see,” Kelley grins, twirling a pen with her right hand. “Well, don’t start a battle you can’t win.”

Lindsey walks to her desk, shaking her head at the two of them. She was _not_ going to get involved with those two. Their childish nature could be endearing but was also potentially dangerous to anyone caught in the crossfire.

“Hey, where’s Hope?”

“Talking with Broon. Possible case in Sacramento,” Kelley replies.

Christen leaves her office and heads to Becky’s, knocking to signal her arrival before slipping inside to join the agents. The section chief’s blinds were open so Kelley and Lindsey turned to see what was happening.

“Bet on if we’re going?”

Kelley studies Becky and Hope for a moment.

“Fifteen says we go,” she eventually replies.

The two shake on it before returning their attention to Emily who is quite literally twiddling her thumbs. Kelley looks at Lindsey who stands and walks the analyst to the door of the bullpen. The two embrace and the taller blonde whispers something to the shorter one who just nods in response. Emily leaves the room and heads for her own place while Lindsey returns to her desk.

Tobin finally wanders back from the kitchenette, likely believing Kelley will leave her alone now that Lindsey is here to pester. Before anyone can say anything though, Becky’s door opens.

“Briefing room, two minutes,” Christen calls down as Becky and Hope make their way to the room.

The three agents in the bullpen stand from their desks and head for the stairs. Megan emerges from her office, coming to join them for the case presentation. Before they enter the room, Lindsey reaches into her wallet and hands Kelley her money.

“Don’t spend it all in one place.”

“Don’t tell me how to spend my money, Horan.”

The two agents continue bickering playfully until they take their seats. Kelley reaches for her coffee mug and shoots Hope a grateful smile. Lindsey makes a face at the shorter woman and Kelley sticks her tongue out in response.

“Right,” Becky says, taking a seat, “if you’re done behaving like toddlers, I believe Christen has something for us.”

The team all laughs slightly; they know Becky is coming from a place of love. But they also know when to get serious, so they all turn to face Christen who is standing. She puts crime scene photos up on the plasma and turns to face the team as they look up from their tablets.

“Sacramento PD has reached out to us for help in a series of home invasions.”

Lindsey holds up a hand before speaking.

“One unsub or a team?”

“They’re guessing team,” Christen replies. “But they’re not positive; that’s why they called us.”

“Ok, but,” Tobin speaks this time, “what makes them think they’re connected?”

Christen clicks the remote, leaving only one picture on the screen.

“Somewhere in each of the houses, this message was displayed” Christen speaks quietly.

_The world will run red and the blood will be on your hands_

“That’s inventive,” Megan remarks, leaning back in her chair. “Is it written in blood?”

Christen nods.

“Sacramento PD had it tested. Luckily, it’s pig, not human.”

“Ok, hold on,” Kelley starts, “I hate to point out the obvious, but this message, what does it have to do with breaking into a home? And there were no casualties? Who the hell is this guy? Or people, whatever.”

“That’s what we’re going to find out, hopefully before the world begins to ‘run red’, whatever that means for whoever it is,” Hope says.

Becky nods in agreement before looking at the team.

“Wheels up in twenty.”

* * *

_Sacramento_

“Heath and Horan take the latest crime scene. Pinoe, Solo, and O’Hara, I want you to talk to the original family and get a feel for the similarities between them. Press and I are headed to the station,” Becky tells them as they exit the jet.

The section chief and communications liaison get in the first SUV and leave the airstrip. Megan, Kelley, and Hope leave second. Tobin and Lindsey leave last, with the blonde climbing into the driver’s seat after winning rock-paper-scissors. The brunette simply rolled her eyes and got in the passenger seat.

As they made their way towards the most recent house, Lindsey spares a glance at her partner. The older woman is unusually still as she stares out the window and the younger one can almost hear the gears in her partner’s head turning.

“Tobs?”

“Hm?”

“You good?”

Tobin turns to face her, blinking once before responding.

“I’m fine, Linds.”

“You sure?”

Tobin sighs and looks back out the window.

“Yeah,” she sounds tired, “I’m sure.”

Lindsey doesn’t believe her one bit. It doesn’t take being a trained profiler to see how Tobin had changed since Christen had nearly died. The younger agent had been hounding the older one since she had arrived at the BAU, trying to get her to ask out the communications liaison. The older one had refused and had listed off dozens of reasons as to why she wouldn’t. 

Lindsey thought her partner was destined to pine after her best friend for the rest of her days, following her around like a puppy. And then something had changed; apparently, Tobin was seeing someone else. Lindsey _still_ hadn’t met her, hell, only Christen had. And that had been a couple of months ago.

Tobin had been seeing the woman when Christen got shot. And Lindsey knows her partner had not left her best friend’s side until she was physically forced from the room by Becky and told to go home, shower, and sleep in her own bed. She also knows Tobin had ignored her phone for nearly a week while Christen was in the hospital.

Something in the brunette had shifted once Christen had been released from the hospital. She was still seeing her mystery woman, but she was treating Christen as if _she_ was the one Tobin was dating. And, oh, it was hard to watch the liaison continue to fall while the agent was none the wiser.

Christen had met the woman at Tobin’s request when the team had returned from Minnesota. Something had happened that night, clearly, because Christen suddenly seemed a lot happier and Tobin was noticeably much unhappier. Lindsey wasn’t sure what had happened, but her partner was clearly upset about something and it definitely had something to do with her best friend.

For now, though, she decides to let it go and focus on the case.

* * *

“And nothing was stolen from you, correct?”

The woman shakes her head at Megan’s question as her husband wraps an arm around her shoulders to comfort her.

“I didn’t notice anything being gone. They just trashed the house and wrote that-that horrible message on our wall,” she tells the short-haired blonde.

As Megan continues to talk with the couple, Hope and Kelley check any possible points of entry within the house to try and find where the invader, or invaders, found their way inside. So far, they hadn’t found any indicators.

“Hope, I’m not seeing any signs of forced entry. How the hell did they break in?”

Hope’s gaze wanders from the doors to the windows and back again. Her jaw is set and her eyes narrowed as Kelley watches her partner try to deduce how in the world the house was entered without actually being broken into.

Eventually, Megan approaches them. She puts her notepad away and crosses her arms over her chest as she looks at the two of them.

“Any idea how they got in?”

Kelley shakes her head but Hope barely acknowledges Megan’s presence.

“Solo?”

“The Andersons said they have a strict schedule they follow right? Very little variation and small increments of both of them being gone?”

Megan nods in confirmation.

“What are you thinking?”

“They were being watched,” Hope says, finally turning to look at the other two. “They may have even met the unsub, or unsubs.”

“We gotta get to the station,” Kelley says and the other two agents nod.

Megan returns to the couple, thanking them once more for their time. She hands them one of her cards, instructing them to call her if they remember anything they may feel is relevant or if they have any further questions for the agents. She then rejoins Hope and Kelley by the now-open front door.

“Let’s go,” Megan says, leading the way out of the house. “The sooner we catch this guy, the better.”

* * *

Kelley doesn’t miss Tobin’s unusual spaciness upon their arrival at the station. Okay, so the agent was capable of being spacy on more than the rare occasion, but this was still more noticeable. The brunette’s mind appears to be a million miles away and Lindsey looks as if she wants to smack her partner.

Kelley wanders over and offers a small wave to the blonde before turning her attention to Tobin. She debates poking her or perhaps hitting her with a pen again, but something tells her that it will likely result in her getting beat up. So, instead, she leans against the roundtable right by Tobin and waits for the brunette to acknowledge her.

“Find anything?”

“Like Hope said with the Andersons; the Hensons were most likely being watched and might have met this guy, or these guys,” Tobin says after a moment.

“Strict schedule? Little variation?”

Tobin nods in confirmation.

“Anything missing?”

Tobin doesn’t move and Kelley decides she doesn’t have time for this so she turns to Lindsey who shakes her head.

“Nothing reported. Just a trashed house and the message.”

“Just like the Anderson house.”

Hope enters the room and walks to the desk phone, dialing Quantico.

“Sonny’s hotline for all things BAU related, how may I be of service?”

“Sonnett, I need you to run through a list I just sent you,” Hope speaks. “It’s a list of contractors. I need you to see if there is any overlap between employees and the victims’ houses.”

“On it. Anything else?”

“No, I think that-”

“I think Lindsey needs your love and affection,” Kelley cuts her partner off, smiling teasingly at the blonde.

Lindsey lightly swats at the back of Kelley’s head while the older agent laughs and they hear the analyst on the other end of the line laughing as well.

* * *

“Alright, seriously, Tobin,” Lindsey closes both of their tablets. “What gives?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tobin says, avoiding eye contact.

“You have been spaced out since we left Quantico. What the hell is going on with you? Is it your family?”

Tobin shakes her head.

“Then what is it?” Lindsey sounds exasperated and it is justified. Her partner’s spaced-out mindset could cause problems eventually. Her partner rolls her eyes but still won’t look at her properly.

“Linds, I’m-”

“I swear, if the next word out of your mouth is ‘fine’, I’m going to throttle you.”

Tobin remains silent and Lindsey knows she was right. Part of her hates to do it, but she has to ask the question.

“Is it Christen?”

Tobin’s eyes snap to hers finally and they immediately give her away. Lindsey sees something familiar in them, something she used to see in Christen’s eyes. She gives a small sigh; seriously this was beginning to feel like a soap opera with these two.

There’s no way Tobin will accept her feelings. Not while she is in a relationship; not while Christen appears to be happy without being with her. She will continue to refuse to see them or act on them unless somebody physically forces her to and that will _not_ end well.

“What about her, Tobs?”

Tobin just shrugs, tearing her eyes from Lindsey’s. Her fingers start to tap on the table and she shifts in her seat. Lindsey can tell she is about five seconds from bolting, so she reaches across and places a hand on her partner’s arm.

“Is she dating someone?”

Tobin stills for a moment. She goes to respond but is interrupted by Becky entering the room.

“You two, with me.”

“Where we going, Cap?”

“Sacramento International Airport,” the chief answers the blonde.

“Um, why?”

“TSA just detained Tyler Howard. He was attempting to board a flight to Canada on a fake passport.”

Lindsey and Tobin stand and gather their things, following their chief out of the station. Their conversation about Christen would have to wait until they got home. Right now, they had an unsub in custody, one who could lead them to the rest of the team. So, yeah, Tobin’s entirely too tiring love life could wait.

They had business to attend to.

* * *

_Quantico_

“Dasani, don’t even _think_ about throwing that pen at Kelley,” Lindsey warns her girlfriend as the enter the bullpen.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re not a child.”

“Oh, come on,” Emily protests, “I heard Becky called you and Kelley toddlers during the case presentation!”

“Who told you that?”

“Becky.”

Lindsey doesn’t respond but sighs and goes to sit at her desk, knowing Emily will need to return to her office area to finish up before they can go home. The analyst pouts slightly but leaves the bullpen and wanders towards her office to wrap up work. Lindsey feels something poke her and she turns to see Kelley grinning at her.

“Thanks for that.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I merely bought you some time. You know Em likes to defy me.”

Kelley’s smile widens and she opens her mouth, but Lindsey stands from her chair and walks towards the kitchenette.

“Nope, nope,” she says as she walks away, “don’t even start with me, O’Hara.”

She can hear Kelley laughing as she goes for the coffee pot. Christen is standing at the refrigerator, talking on the phone while she grabs creamer and offers a smile at Lindsey. The blonde returns the smile and pours herself a cup of coffee. Christen hands up the phone telling whoever is on the other end of the line that she will see them a little later, piquing Lindsey’s curiosity.

“Who was that?”

“That,” Christen smiles again, “was Desiree. We’re getting a late dinner tonight.”

Lindsey sets the coffee pot down, looking slightly confused. Had she really not been paying that much attention? She knew that the communications liaison had gone on a couple of dates with the assistant medical examiner, but she had not realized that it was still a thing. Though, she supposes it makes sense, what with Christen being happier and not stealing glances at Tobin every five seconds.

“Ah, so when do we get to meet her?”

“I’ll tell you what,” Christen takes a sip of her coffee, “I’ve got a little paperwork to finish up and I know Sonny is finishing up in her office. But, let me text Des and I’ll see if she’s cool with us double-dating tonight.”

“Wait, really? Christen, you don’t have to,” Lindsey laughs slightly. “I was just wondering when the team gets to meet her.”

“I know, Lindsey. I want you guys to join us tonight.”

Lindsey smiles.

“Alright, cool. I’ll go talk to Em. Text me the details.”

She leaves the kitchenette and tosses a pen at Kelley who glares playfully at her. The blonde smiles at the brunette, feeling proud of herself.

“What was that for?”

“Just my way of saying ‘goodnight’. I gotta grab Em and then we are gonna get dinner with Christen and Desiree,” she explains as she gathers her things.

“Wait, what? You guys get to-Chris, c’mon,” Kelley calls to the liaison who simply shrugs and walks to her office.

“Better luck next time, Kel,” Lindsey says with a grin.

She leaves the bullpen, laughing when she hears the sound of a pen hitting the door and spotting a pouting Kelley at her desk.

* * *

_Washington, D.C._

Kelley stretches out on the couch with a content sigh. Her shoes have been kicked off and she has a glass of wine in her hand. Hope is in the kitchen, heating up their food and making her own drink. After a few moments, she comes back to the living room and hands Kelley her plate with a smile.

“Your Highness,” she says teasingly.

“Oh, why thank you, my personal chef.”

Hope takes a seat next to Kelley and they begin eating. it ‘s nothing special; in fact, it is incredibly mundane. But Kelly couldn’t be happier or more in love. For once in her life, she understood the saying ‘when you know, you know’. She loved Hope more than anything and she wanted a future with her. Hope had promised her it would be one day soon and Kelley wholeheartedly believed that.

She doesn’t realize she has nearly completely zoned out from the real world until Hope pokes her leg. She shakes her head slightly, clearing it and smiles at Hope who has an eye raised in question.

“What’re you thinking about?”

“You.”

“Hm, smooth.”

Kelley sets her glass down before leaning forward to kiss her girlfriend. Her heart still fluttered just as much as it did the first time Hope had kissed her or the first time Hope had said ‘I love you’ or when Hope agreed to move in with her.

Hope felt it too, the increased heart rate. Kelley drove her a little crazy at times with her childish nature and her stubborn personality, but she still loved the younger woman. She had every intention of asking Kelley to marry her, sooner rather than later.

She is still fairly certain Kelley will be the death of her, but she figures there are worse ways to go.

* * *

**_“Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” - Unknown_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> I will be on vacation next week, so chapter 15 may be delayed, but hopefully not by much :)
> 
> See ya next time!


	15. Every Station's Playing Our Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie pours both of them a cup of coffee and the two make their way to the balcony. They sit in the chairs and watch as people come and go from their own apartments. Los Angeles is never truly quiet, there are entirely too many people living there. But, things have slowed down a little for the holiday and both Alex and Julie are enjoying the flow of life currently.
> 
> “It’s a beautiful day,” Julie says and Alex nods in agreement.
> 
> “Is it bad I sorta wanna cancel our lunch plans and just sit here and fall asleep out here?”
> 
> “If it weren’t already ten-thirty, I would encourage it.”
> 
> Alex groans a little, but it is all in good fun. She really is looking forward to seeing her friends but falling asleep in the sun also sounds like a morning well-spent. They allow themselves another ten minutes to bask in the mid-morning light before heading back inside. They put their mugs in the dishwasher and Alex wraps Julie in a hug before letting out a content sigh.
> 
> “Alright,” she breathes out, “bring on the hooligans.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are we surprised it took me longer than I said it would to update? No.
> 
> Will it happen again with the next chapter? I have no idea, maybe.
> 
> But here you go. Chapter 15! All the fluff!

**_“When I look at you, I can feel it… I’m home.” - Unknown_ **

* * *

_Washington D.C. - November 2017_

Kelley wakes up first, something that isn’t necessarily unheard of but certainly isn’t all that common. The sunlight is filtering into the room, giving it a soft glow. She could stay here forever. Okay, maybe not forever; she gets a little too antsy, but she would be perfectly content staying there for a while.

Slipping out from under the covers, she heads for the kitchen. As she closes the door behind her to allow Hope to sleep more, she glances back at her girlfriend once again and her heart flutters. She couldn’t put into words what Hope made her feel. Entering the kitchen, she turns on the coffee pot and looks in the pantry to start breakfast.

When the coffee is done, she pours two cups and sets one aside before carrying the other towards the bedroom. She opens the door quietly and takes the mug to the bedside table, setting it down and pressing a soft kiss to Hope’s forehead. She then stands and returns to the kitchen, knowing the older woman will wake soon and join her after she finishes her coffee.

Kelley turns the stove on and as she waits for it to heat up a little, she glances out the window. The leaves had almost all fallen but the ones that remained were a beautiful array of yellows, oranges, and reds. The air was getting cooler with each week and it was officially holiday season from now until the new year.

It wasn’t _technically_ their first Thanksgiving together, but it was the first one that they would actually be able to celebrate. Last year, they had been on a case and had only sort of celebrated upon returning home by grabbing drinks and then going to bed. It had been years since Kelley had even considered celebrating the holiday, feeling like it had lost its meaning after she lost her family.

She had a new family now, though. And after being kidnapped and then shot, Kelley was really starting to appreciate more things in her life. Whether it was the cheeky analyst who sent her random puppy videos or the laid back agent who took her out for casual drinks some nights or her incredible girlfriend who made her happier than she had ever been, Kelley finally, truly, understood what it meant to have a chosen family.

The sound of the bedroom door opening pulls Kelley from her thoughts. She turns, a smile instantly crossing her face when she spots Hope carrying her coffee mug into the kitchen and setting it in the sink.

“Hey,” she greets the older woman, “how’d you sleep?”

Hope gives her a smile, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Really well. Thanks for the coffee, by the way.”

“I mean, it’s not like you get me coffee nearly every day,” Kelley jokes.

“Hm, no, doesn’t sound like something I would do.”

Kelley leans back against Hope as the older woman wraps her arms around her waist. As much as she enjoyed the fast pace of her work, the constant movement, she had really come to appreciate and enjoy the quiet moments here, at home, with her girlfriend. She had never been one to like to stay in one place for too long, or get too attached, but Hope had changed that for her.

She was still learning and adjusting, but Hope kept her grounded and taught her how to slow down and appreciate what was right in front of her. She knows their job is a dangerous one and that she needs to make sure she is truly appreciating what she has. As Hope kisses the top of her head once more, Kelley thinks she finally understands where she is in life.

She has Hope, her friends, and her work: what more could she need?

* * *

_Alexandria_

Lindsey has already brewed the coffee, unloaded the dishwasher, and cooked breakfast by the time Emily finally rolls out of bed. The smaller blonde stumbles into the kitchen, still looking half asleep despite also looking mostly put together for the day, and gives the taller one a hug from behind, burying her face in between Lindsey’s shoulders and sighing.

“Good morning.”.

“Morning,” Emily mumbles into her back.

“Do you want food? Or coffee?”

Emily grunts slightly before unwrapping herself from around Lindsey and shuffling over to the coffee pot. Lindsey pokes her in the side before she can pour herself a cup and she turns to face her girlfriend, one eyebrow raised in question. Lindsey then points to her right where two coffee mugs are sitting, already filled and waiting to be drank.

The shorter blonde moves and grabs her mug, breathing in the familiar smell and smiling. She takes a sip and lets out a content sigh, her smile growing when Lindsey turns to face her.

“Food?”

“Please.”

Lindsey nods and grabs two plates from the cupboard. She sets about making both of them plates while Emily hops up on the counter and watches.

“When are your parents getting here tomorrow?”

“Mom said they’re leaving around eight, so somewhere around dinnertime. She said she’ll keep us updated,” Emily replies before drinking more of her coffee and swinging her feet.

She was excited; she hadn’t seen her parents since she and Lindsey flew to Georgia last Christmas. She missed them and was excited to be spending the holiday with them. She wishes Emma could join but her twin was with her fiancé’s family for Thanksgiving, but at least she would have her other three favorite people with her.

Lindsey moves closer and hands her a plate of food. Emily takes the plate and kisses her girlfriend in thanks before beginning to eat. The quietness of the mid-morning, the soft light coming in from the windows, everything seemed perfect. It all felt right, like this was exactly how it was always supposed to be.

They finish eating and Lindsey places both plates in the sink before returning to Emily who is still sitting on the counter. The smaller blonde wraps her arms around her girlfriend’s neck while Lindsey’s arms find her way around Emily’s waist.

“What do you want to do today?”

Emily thinks for a moment before a smile crosses her face and her eyes light up.

“I want to look for a puppy.”

They had discussed adopting a dog and now seemed as good a time as any. So, Lindsey smiles and kisses Emily once again before nodding.

“Alright. Let’s go get ourselves a puppy.”

* * *

_Los Angeles_

Alex will never tire of California’s weather. She doesn’t like the cold and if she never sees snow again, she wouldn’t be too torn up. The sun is bright and the sky is beautiful and Alex couldn’t be happier. It was the perfect weather for the holiday, in her opinion, and she got the feeling Julie felt the same.

It’s late November and they’re both stood in the kitchen in running shorts and tank tops because it is borderline hot outside. And Alex is content to be here with Julie, to have this holiday together. She is broken from her thoughts by her girlfriend’s voice.

“You ever think about how weird it is that we don’t have the stereotypical Thanksgiving weather here?”

“JJ, you’re _literally_ from Arizona.”

“So?”

Alex just shakes her head slightly while she waits for the coffee to finish brewing. She couldn’t be happier that her team _hadn’t_ drawn the short stick and instead actually got the holiday off. She loved her job, but if she missed Thanksgiving, she would be left with a rather unamused girlfriend and that would not end well for anybody.

“When are Ali and Ash coming over?”

Alex glances at the clock briefly.

“Should be here around eleven. They’re bringing Logan with them, by the way.”

Alex smiles when Julie’s eyes light up at the mention of the couple’s dog. One hundred and eighty pounds of pure canine, Logan is a big softie and Alex and Julie absolutely adored her. The couple was more than excited to be spending the holiday with their friends and adding a dog to the mix meant more chaos and more fun.

Julie pours both of them a cup of coffee and the two make their way to the balcony. They sit in the chairs and watch as people come and go from their own apartments. Los Angeles is never truly quiet, there are entirely too many people living there. But, things have slowed down a little for the holiday and both Alex and Julie are enjoying the flow of life currently.

“It’s a beautiful day,” Julie says and Alex nods in agreement.

“Is it bad I sorta wanna cancel our lunch plans and just sit here and fall asleep out here?”

“If it weren’t already ten-thirty, I would encourage it.”

Alex groans a little, but it is all in good fun. She really is looking forward to seeing her friends but falling asleep in the sun also sounds like a morning well-spent. They allow themselves another ten minutes to bask in the mid-morning light before heading back inside. They put their mugs in the dishwasher and Alex wraps Julie in a hug before letting out a content sigh.

“Alright,” she breathes out, “bring on the hooligans.”

* * *

_Alexandria_

“Linds, Linds, Linds!”

Emily grabs her girlfriend’s attention and smiles widely. She is holding a small dog in her arms and walks over quickly.

“Look at her! She’s so cute.”

Lindsey can’t help but smile at her girlfriend’s excitement. They had been entertaining the idea of adopting a dog for a few months now. Lindsey knew that Emily didn’t sleep very well when she was away on a case and she didn’t like how often Lindsey was somewhere other than home. She was hoping that if they adopted a dog, it would be the next step in their life together and that maybe the dog would help put Emily’s mind at ease and maybe allow her a better night’s sleep when she was gone.

The dog was positively adorable and Emily looked completely enthralled by her, so Lindsey was convinced. She reaches out and rubs the dog’s head, prompting her to shift slightly in Emily’s arms and Lindsey swears the dog _actually_ smiled. Looking at the two of them, she couldn’t dream of saying no to her girlfriend.

“Can we keep her?”

Lindsey smiles, nodding, and Emily breaks into an even bigger smile before turning her attention back to the dog in her arms.

“Hear that? You’re coming home with us and we’re gonna love you every day.”

Lindsey watches Emily speak to the dog as if she is a human and she knows she made the right decision. She gives herself a few more seconds before going to talk to the shelter worker and acquiring the appropriate paperwork to adopt the dog. As she fills out the sheet, she glances back at Emily who has taken to sitting on the floor while still talking to the dog.

“Em,” Lindsey grabs the smaller blonde’s attention, “what are you wanting to name her?”

“Bagel,” is the immediate answer and Lindsey’s brows raise slightly.

“Bagel?”

Emily nods, still smiling.

“Bagel Bongo.”

Knowing it is best to not question her girlfriend on her, admittedly slightly odd, naming tendencies, Lindsey turns back to the paper and jots the name down. The worker smiles at the two of them and thanks them for helping find a new home for one of their dogs. Lindsey returns to Emily and Bagel and holds out a hand to her girlfriend.

“C’mon, Em. Let’s go home.”

“Hear that Bagel? It’s time to go home.”

The three of them leave together and Lindsey smiles, knowing her and Emily’s life together is becoming more solid with each day. She wraps an arm around the smaller blonde’s shoulders and presses a kiss her temple. She could get used to this; the three of them taking walks and continuing to build their life, their family, together. They reach the car and get inside, Lindsey leaning across the center console to kiss Emily properly.

“Home?”

Emily smiles down at Bagel before looking back at Lindsey and nodding.

“Home.”

* * *

_Los Angeles_

After the third time Alex and Ashlyn nearly hit the lamp, Ali comes into the living room and takes the ball away from them before heading back for the kitchen to help Julie.

“You can have this back when you can be trusted to not break anything.”

Ash just sighs but complies. Alex, on the other hand, wants her ball back. She misses soccer, having played all the way through college, and likes to play living room soccer. Admittedly, it wasn’t always the best idea given the confined space and the fact that there was also a dog here now. She knows it is a little childish as well, but it serves as a good source of stress relief.

Julie and Ali bring the food out and the four of them sit at the table, enjoying their lunch. Logan lays at their feet, dozing, and the group sits in appreciation of the day’s peacefulness. Eventually, Ali speaks up.

“So, what are you guys doing tomorrow for the holiday?”

“We’re driving out to Diamond Bar to see my parents. We’re flying to Arizona on Friday to spend a couple of days with Julie’s parents.”

Alex smiles at Julie, knowing she is excited to be able to spend some quality family time with her parents and Alex. They hadn’t been able to go visit Julie’s family in a while and Alex knew she missed them. It could be hard for her to get time away from the Bureau though, and Julie didn’t want to spend holidays with her parents if Alex couldn’t be there with her. So, more often than not, they spent the holidays in Los Angeles and saw more of Alex’s parents.

“That’s awesome, guys. I’m glad you get to go see Julie’s parents too.”

“Me too. What about you guys? Are you gonna have Kyle over?”

Ali nods with a wide smile, excited that she gets to spend the holiday with her girlfriend and brother, her two favorite people in the whole world.

“Yeah, he’ll be over the entire day. We’re gonna watch the games and just have some fun.”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if we wake up and he’s already in the kitchen,” Ashlyn adds and the other three laugh.

“That would require him to wake up before noon,” Alex says and Ali sighs but is smiling.

“He will be awake before noon or I will drive to his place and dump a bucket of water on him.”

“Yikes,” Julie laughs, “remind me to never oversleep when we’re supposed to meet up with Ali.”

“Why do you think I set, like, three alarms and make sure we’re at least five minutes early?”

Ali swats at Alex who ducks away, laughing, while Ashlyn and Julie watch and laugh as well. Ashlyn presses a kiss to her girlfriend’s cheek, effectively ridding her of the pout she had been wearing. Alex watches the two of them with a smile before glancing at her own girlfriend, her smile growing.

After another couple of hours of chatting, joking, and trying to play living room soccer, Ali and Ashlyn leave with Logan. Alex and Julie wave farewell to the other couple before returning to their couch. Alex stretches out before opening her arms and motioning for Julie to join her.

The blonde sits down and leans into her side, sighing contently. The sun is streaming in from the windows, the temperature is perfect, and Alex is ready to fall asleep right then and there. She hears her girlfriend’s breathing deepening and evening out, signaling the blonde has fallen asleep. Alex has little desire to wake her and instead lets herself be pulled into a peaceful afternoon nap.

This is her life, her happiness, and she wouldn’t trade it for anything.

* * *

_Washington, D.C._

The music was flowing softly through the apartment while they finished cleaning their dishes. Once everything was away, the couple made their way to the couch. Hope sat down and perched her feet on the coffee table while Kelley laid down, putting her head in Hope’s lap and looking up at her girlfriend.

“Thank you,” Kelley tells her and Hope smiles down at her, kissing her forehead.

“What for?”

Kelley is silent for a moment and Hope waits patiently for her to continue.

“For always reminding me that I’m not alone, that I’ve got another family to fall back on.”

Hope threads her fingers through Kelley’s hair as the younger agent continues speaking.

“I know I can be stubborn and, honestly, I _despised_ this holiday after losing my family, but over the last year, I’ve really started to see it. The team is our family, and I love all of them, and you. So, thank you, for opening my eyes, making me see the truth of family.”

Hope smiles down at Kelley once again before leaning down and properly kissing her.

“You’re my family, too, Kel. You are the one I chose to love, the one I want to do everything with. I want this to be our first Thanksgiving of many together, as a family. I want a future with you.”

“I want a future with you, too.”

Hope removes her hand from Kelley’s head and taps her shoulder, prompting the smaller woman to sit up. The taller one disappears briefly into the bedroom before returning with a familiar-looking box. Hope fiddles with it slightly and Kelley waits for her to speak.

“I want a future with you,” she starts, taking a step closer as Kelley listens. “I want to build a life with you, a family with you. I love you, Kelley, in a way I’ve never loved anyone else. You are who I want to spend forever with.”

Opening the box, Hope gets on one knee right in front of Kelley who is trying to keep the tears from falling.

“Will you marry me?”

Kelley surges forward, nearly knocking Hope over and kisses her deeply. Her eyes are shining when she pulls away and whispers, “Yes.”

Hope smiles widely and kisses her once again before taking the ring and slipping it onto Kelley’s finger. The younger woman stares at the ring for a moment, as if trying to comprehend what had just happened. Hope gives her a minute, waiting for her to get wherever her mind is taking her.

Kelley turns to Hope, a cheeky smile on her face.

“You’re stuck with me now, you know?”

Hope lets out a small laugh and kisses Kelley’s cheek.

“I think I can handle it.”

* * *

_Alexandria_

Emily is out on the apartment balcony, pointing out random objects to Bagel when her phone starts to ring. It’s a FaceTime request from Kelley; Lindsey spots it on her way outside to join her girlfriend and their new dog and answers it.

“Hey, Kelley, what’s up?”

“Oh, hey, Linds. I thought I dialed Sonny.”

“You did, I’ve got her phone. She’s outside with Bagel right now.”

“Oh yeah! Show me the cute puppy!”

Lindsey laughs at the other woman’s excitement and walks outside to join Emily and Bagel.

“Who’re you talking to?”

Lindsey turns the phone and Emily and Kelley both light up.

“Hey, Kel! Look, look, look, we got a puppy! Her name is Bagel and she’s so cute and cuddly,” Emily rambles as Kelley coos at the dog.

“Sounds like Lindsey’s been replaced,” the brunette jokes and Lindsey rolls her eyes playfully.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

Emily then sets about recounting the events of the day and everything the two of them have already done with Bagel, including getting her a collar and a leash, buying her toys and a bed, and making an Instagram account for her.

“Not that we don’t love random FaceTimes from you,” Lindsey eventually breaks in, “but is there a reason you called?”

Kelley’s eyes get brighter again and she tells them to wait a moment before disappearing briefly. When she returns, she has Hope sitting next to her and leans into the older woman’s side. Lindsey and Emily wait for Kelley to speak again.

“So,” she starts, eyes still bright as she does a little dance while Hope smiles at her.

“Oh my God,” slips out of Lindsey’s mouth before she can stop herself.

Emily looks at her, confused, before looking back at Kelley.

“Wait, what? What did I miss?”

Lindsey stays quiet this time and waits for Kelley to reveal it herself. The older woman holds up her left hand, showing off the ring.

“We’re getting married.”

Emily squeals in excitement and Bagel lets out a small bark. Lindsey smiles as well, watching in amusement as Emily begins firing off questions and Kelley responds just as quickly. When Emily asks if she can have an additional plus one for Bagel, Lindsey decides that it’s time to let the newly engaged couple have the rest of the evening to themselves, and time for them to get ready for bed.

“Congrats again, you guys! Can’t wait to see you after the holiday,” Lindsey says.

“Can’t wait to see you two either! Happy Thanksgiving, see you Monday,” Kelley waves and hangs up.

The two blondes head back inside and set about getting ready for bed. Bagel immediately joins them on the bed, burrowing underneath the covers and making Lindsey and Emily laugh.

“Can you believe they’re engaged?”

Lindsey smiles and nods a little.

“Yeah, they’ve always had that something about them.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Emily turns to face Lindsey. “Who do you think will get married next?”

Lindsey wants to say “us, Em. I want us to get married.”

But she doesn’t. She knows she wants to spend the rest of her days loving Emily, but she also knows they’re still young and both of them have a lot of things they want to achieve before completely settling down. So, instead, Lindsey just shrugs before replying.

“I dunno, maybe Chris and Tobin. You know, assuming they ever get over themselves and figure it out.”

Emily laughs and nods in agreement before shifting closer to Lindsey and letting sleep overtake her. Lindsey glances down at her already sleeping girlfriend and kisses the top of her head softly before closing her own eyes and trying to go to sleep.

As she falls asleep to the sound of her girlfriend’s quiet breathing and their dog’s little snores, Lindsey knows she has everything she needs in life here with her now.

* * *

**_“For the two of us, home isn’t a place. It is a person. And we are finally home.” - Stephanie Perkins_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for tuning in for the latest chapter, I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Thoughts, comments, questions, concerns, declarations of love, leave 'em below!
> 
> Until next time, my dudes :)


	16. I Wish That I Did Not Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let’s get some coffee.”
> 
> Tobin sighs, visibly irritated herself, but she stands and follows the blonde out of the room and towards the kitchenette. They quickly pour two cups and Tobin turns to return to the conference room, but Lindsey is blocking her exit.
> 
> “Linds, you’re in the way.”
> 
> “You need to get over yourself.”
> 
> Tobin’s eyebrows shoot up and she blinks once.
> 
> “Excuse me?”
> 
> “Look, I obviously don’t know what’s going on with you and Christen, but you need to stop moping and tensing every time she’s even mentioned.”
> 
> Tobin goes to protest, but Lindsey keeps going.
> 
> “I’m saying this because I care about both of you. You had your chance, Tobs. You’re the one who started dating someone else first. And you can’t get mad at her for dating someone when you never said anything. And especially not when you’re still dating someone too.”
> 
> The brunette’s eyes drop to the floor briefly before returning to her partner’s.
> 
> “I’m not dating anyone right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back from the dead? This guyyyy
> 
> Welcome to chapter 16! It only took me a week and a half longer than I was hoping but it's yours now!
> 
> Enjoy!

**_“What’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?” - James Patterson_ **

* * *

_Quantico - February 2018_

Christen _hates_ Valentine’s Day, she always has. She loves the idea of love and being in love and celebrating your relationship, but to her, the marketed holiday has always seemed to cheapen the notion in her eyes. So when Desiree asked if she wanted to do anything for the holiday, she quickly declined. She would much rather spend the evening at her apartment, eating takeout and drinking wine than going to a fancy restaurant. She had been relieved when her girlfriend agreed and they had made plans for the evening.

But now, it was looking like Christen might just miss that day anyway. She is sat at her desk, going over the case file in front of her and is about two seconds away from standing to get the team when she hears a knock on her doorframe. Looking up, she sees Kelley leaning in, a bright smile on her face.

“Hey, Kel. What’s up?”

“Just seeing how my favorite media liaison is doing this fine morning.”

“Hm,” Christen hums, leaning back in her chair and studying the profiler in front of her. “What do you want?”

“Who says I want anything?”

Christen just looks at Kelley who shrugs and leans against the desk.

“Yeah, okay, you got me. I had something I wanna ask you.”

“What’s up?”

Kelley’s fingers start to tap nervously and Christen waits for the other woman to speak.

“I was wondering,” Kelley pauses before beginning again. “I mean, I don’t have my sister anymore but you girls are all like family to me and I see you like a sister most of all.”

Christen knows if she doesn’t interrupt Kelley’s rambling, they will be stuck here all day. She reaches forward and places a hand over her friend’s tapping fingers, stilling them.

“Kel.”

“Right,” the smaller woman coughs out slightly. “Well, Hope and I have started planning the wedding and we were talking about the bridal party, and I wanted to know if you would be my Maid of Honor.”

Christen smiles softly at her friend and nods, “I would be honored.”

Kelley flashes a bright smile before standing up properly and heading for the door before turning around once more.

“Thanks, Pressy. Tell Desiree I look forward to _finally_ meeting her at the wedding,” she teases.

Christen laughs along with Kelley, shaking her head at her friend and standing.

“Briefing room in two, knucklehead. Grab everyone else please.”

Kelley gives a small salute, winking as she leaves.

“You got it, boss.”

* * *

Lindsey feels a poke to her ribcage and turns to find Kelley grinning at her. Setting down the coffeepot, the younger agent goes to move around the older one and return to her seat but is blocked.

“Can I help you, Kelley?”

“Whenever we get back, do you and Son wanna double-date with me and Hope?”

Lindsey frowns slightly.

“Don’t you guys want to, you know, be alone? Valentine’s Day...you’re engaged…” she trails off.

Kelley waves her off.

“Hope and I have a lifetime of Valentine’s Days to spend together, and so do you and Sonny,” she nudges the blonde who flushes bright red.

“C’mon,” she continues, “it’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll text Em when we land to let her know.”

Kelley flashes a big smile and moves out of the way so Lindsey can finally return to her seat next to Tobin. When she takes her seat, the younger agent notices her partner looks considerably less relaxed than usual. She is sitting very stiffly and Lindsey can almost see the gears in her head turning as she takes her seat.

“Tobin?”

“Hm?”

“You good?”

The older agent nods but Lindsey takes that with a grain of salt. She lets her gaze drift towards the media liaison sat just a bit aways. Returning her gaze to her partner, she studies her. She wasn’t stupid; she knew Tobin still had feelings for the other woman and she also knew that Christen _really_ liked Desiree. Her heart hurt for her partner but she knew Christen was finally trying to move on and it just really sucked for all of them to have to watch.

Deciding this is a conversation for another time, she just pats Tobin’s knee and pulls out her tablet to review the case file before they arrived. She also let her mind wander back to Kelley’s comment from earlier. She was fairly certain it was no secret that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Emily but having someone else actually point it out just solidified it for her.

It also terrified her. But before she could dwell too much on either thought, she felt the plane beginning to descend and Becky called their attention.

“Right, when we land, Horan and Heath talk to the victim’s family. Solo and O’Hara, you’re going to the dumpsite. Pinoe, Press, and I are going to the station.”

All of the agents nod in understanding and prepare for what awaits them below.

* * *

_Detroit_

Lindsey and Tobin enter the station and make a beeline for the conference room. Entering the room, they find Megan and Becky standing at the whiteboard. Becky notices them first and turns to face them, waiting for one of them to speak.

“Apparently Eric Walters had an affinity for leaving home without informing his parents where he was going or when he would be back,” Tobin informs the other two agents, taking a seat at the table.

“His mom gave us a list of people she knew he was friends with but also said she was pretty sure there were more she didn’t know about,” Lindsey adds.

Becky nods in understanding; it wasn’t exactly uncommon for teenagers to not tell their parents about certain aspects of their lives. Unfortunately, that also meant things could get messy with the parents if something undesirable was uncovered during the investigation.

Lindsey glances around the room quickly.

“Where’s Christen?”

“Press conference. We’re trying to keep a relatively tight lid on this, but you know how the media can get,” Megan replies, still studying the whiteboard.

Lindsey then turns to her partner; she hadn’t missed the stiffness to her when she had mentioned the communications liaison. She knew something was up; it didn’t take a profiler to see and it was starting to irritate her a little. She loved her partner, but this was getting more and more ridiculous. She taps the brunette’s shoulder and motions for her to follow.

“Let’s get some coffee.”

“I don’t want coffee.”

Lindsey remains unamused and repeats herself.

“Let’s get some coffee.”

Tobin sighs, visibly irritated herself, but she stands and follows the blonde out of the room and towards the kitchenette. They quickly pour two cups and Tobin turns to return to the conference room, but Lindsey is blocking her exit.

“Linds, you’re in the way.”

“You need to get over yourself.”

Tobin’s eyebrows shoot up and she blinks once.

“Excuse me?”

“Look, I obviously don’t know what’s going on with you and Christen, but you need to stop moping and tensing every time she’s even mentioned.”

Tobin goes to protest, but Lindsey keeps going.

“I’m saying this because I care about both of you. You had your chance, Tobs. You’re the one who started dating someone else first. And you can’t get mad at her for dating someone when you never said anything. And especially not when you’re still dating someone too.”

The brunette’s eyes drop to the floor briefly before returning to her partner’s.

“I’m not dating anyone right now.”

“Wait, what? You guys broke up?”

Tobin nods.

“Last week. I broke up with her cause I wasn’t being fair to her or myself. I liked her a lot, still do. But, I don’t love her.”

Lindsey nods in understanding, relieved her partner has seemingly, finally, come to grips with her feelings for her best friend. At least somewhat; baby steps. But she was still a little upset with the older woman; Christen was happy and Lindsey liked to see her friend happy. Her heart hurt for her partner who was clearly hurting herself, but the last thing she wanted was having both of them be upset over Tobin’s behavior.

“I’m sorry, Tobs. I didn’t know.”

Tobin waves her off, a tight smile on her face.

“You know me, not exactly one for sharing my private life.”

That was true. The team had only met Shirley briefly right before Christmas when she met Tobin a the office one night after work. Reaching out, she gives Tobin’s shoulder a squeeze and offers a smile.

“I love you, you know that, right?”

Tobin cracks a smile.

“Good thing Son’s not here. Don’t want her getting jealous,” she teases and Lindsey rolls her eyes, walking out of the kitchenette.

“Shove off.”

Tobin follows her with a laugh; nothing had really been resolved, but they could worry about that later. They had a case to solve.

* * *

“Hit me with your best shot,” Emily sings, answering the phone.

Kelley looks at Lindsey who just shrugs helplessly. She knows to pick her battles and this is one of the analyst’s tamer greetings, so she was more than willing to let it slide. The other agent stifles a laugh and turns back towards the phone.

“Son, I need you to do something for me.”

“No.”

“Okay, so-did you just say _no_?”

Now Lindsey rolls her eyes and pushes off the wall, approaching the phone. She knows if she doesn’t act quickly, the two women will bicker and they won’t get the information they need.

“Em, we need some information.”

“I live to serve you.”

Lindsey decides to ignore that, but she does reach out and smack Kelley. She couldn’t see the older woman’s face, but she knew she was making a face of sorts that would warrant the smack.

“We just sent you the profile we have so far. It’s still a little broad, so we were hoping you could help us narrow it down a little.”

She can hear the typing starting but it does nothing to keep Emily from rambling.

“You guys do realize I’m not actually a profiler, right? Just cause I spend every day with you guys and I live with one-”

“Sonnett, just get it done and get back to us ASAP. We all love you and your rambling, but we have to be somewhere in five minutes,” Kelley cuts in.

“Alright, yeah. I’ll hit you back as soon as I have something worth hitting back.”

The analyst hangs up and the blonde agent turns to face the brunette.

“We don’t have anywhere to be.”

“Actually, we do. Hope just texted; we need to get down to the coroner’s.”

The two agents go to leave the room and Lindsey looks at Kelley.

“When did we switch partners?”

Kelley shrugs.

“Beats me. We’ll switch back when we get to the coroner’s. No offense, but I prefer my actual partner.”

“You know just because you say ‘no offense’, it doesn’t negate the offensiveness.”

Kelley shrugs again, unfazed. Lindsey shoves her slightly and the older woman laughs at the younger one.

“C’mon, Horan,” she snickers, “let’s go get our partners back.”

* * *

The other agents are finishing getting their vests on and putting in their earpieces when Becky approaches them with the game plan.

“Heath and Horan, you’re with Pinoe taking the front. Solo and O’Hara, you’re with me; we’re breaching the back. Remember we want this guy alive, if possible. He could lead us back to his crew. Do everything you can to keep him alive, but don’t be a hero. Got it?”

The agents nod in understanding.

“Right, let’s do this.”

The team splits and approaches the building quickly and carefully. Lindsey, Tobin, and Megan reach the front and test the door. It’s locked, so Megan crouches and quickly picks it before informing Becky that they are ready to move whenever. Hope, Kelley, and Becky reach the back and find the door open already.

“Back door’s open. Breach now,” Becky instructs and the agents enter the building.

They move through, clearing different areas. Lindsey spots a figure running and nows it isn’t one of her team members. She changes direction and follows the figure until she gets close enough to verify it’s who she thought it was: their unsub.

“George Hill, FBI. Freeze!”

The figure stops and turns to face the agent, slowly. He has his hands raised in surrender but is smirking. It makes Lindsey slightly nervous, not sure what he might have up his sleeve.

“On your knees, hands behind your head. Interlock your fingers,” she instructs him.

He obeys, still smirking. She approaches him slowly before quickly zip-tying his hands behind his back. She pulls the man to his feet and he finally speaks.

“You may have won today, but this is far from over, Agent Horan.”

Before she can say anything, or possibly shot the smirk off his face, Tobin reaches them. She sees them and glances between the two.

“You good?”

Lindsey nods once, wanting to get away from this guy as soon as possible. She shoves him towards Tobin. The brunette leads him out of the building as Becky approaches the blonde, studying her face.

“Horan,” she grabs Lindsey’s attention. “You good?”

“He knew my name,” she tells her chief as she watches the man be put into one of the squad cars.

“We’re all searchable on the Internet. You know that.”

“I dunno. Something about the way he said it was off-putting.”

“Well, did he say anything else?”

Lindsey sighs, chewing slightly on her bottom lip. She didn’t usually take the threats of an arrested unsub that seriously, but this guy had connections. She had an apprehensive feeling and she did not enjoy it.

“He said ‘you may have won today, but this is far from over’. I don’t know exactly what he means, but I certainly don’t have warm and fuzzy feelings about it.”

The two agents watch as the squad car containing the man pulls out and heads for the station. The car disappears from sight and Becky turns back to Lindsey, patting her shoulder.

“Come on,” she beckons the younger agent. “Let’s go home.”

* * *

_Washington, D.C._

Entering the bar, Kelley quickly spots an open table and makes a beeline for it, tugging Hope after her. They were the first ones here, so it was their job to secure a table. Lindsey and Emily were running late which wasn’t surprising. The analyst was a little scattered at times; Kelley’s fairly certain if it weren’t for Lindsey, Emily would be a lot more scattered.

Before long, she spots the two blondes and waves them over to their table. She then drops her hand into Hope’s and squeezes slightly. The two younger women reach the table and join them, sliding into their seats.

“You know you don’t have to wave to get our attention, Kel. Just hold up your left hand; the light will reflect off the ring enough to blind someone,” Emily jokes and the other three laugh.

Kelley doesn’t miss Lindsey eyeing the engagement ring sitting on her finger. The younger woman looks up, catching Kelley’s eye and blushes when the older one winks at her. She knows the two of them are in it for the long haul; they’ll get there someday.

“So, how’s my favorite puppy doing? I miss my baby Bagel.”

Emily groans slightly.

“She’s hitting her ‘teenage years’. She’s started ripping up things and it’s _not_ good. I hate having to punish her,” she complains.

“Dogs have teen years?”

“According to my sister,” Emily shrugs. “I didn’t know until she warned me. She tore up a pair of Lindsey’s shoes last week.”

Lindsey gives a playful glare to her girlfriend.

“You just had to get a dog.”

“You didn’t exactly stop me,” Emily retorts.

Kelley and Hope watch in amusement as the younger couple bickers playfully. Kelley feels Hope shift slightly closer and move to wrap her arm around the smaller woman. She leans into her fiancée’s side and smiles.

“You guys are cute,” Emily pulls Kelley’s attention to her.

“We know.”

“But not as cute as us.”

Kelley raises an eyebrow at the analyst.

“Is that a challenge, Sonnett?”

“Just a fact,” she responds happily, leaning into Lindsey’s side.

The taller blonde presses a kiss to the crown of the smaller one’s head, causing her to smile wider. Kelley did have to admit they were pretty cute, though she maintained her belief that she and Hope were cuter.

“Alright,” she decides to change the subject, “serious question.”

The other three look at her in anticipation and she takes a deep breath.

“Thai food or Chinese?”

* * *

_Alexandria_

The knock on the door grabs her attention. Smiling and standing, Christen makes her way towards the door to open it. Her smile shifts into a look of confusion when she finds the person on the other side is not her girlfriend.

“Tobin? What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see you.”

She’s not drunk but she certainly isn’t sober either. Christen can smell the liquor on her and gets a bad feeling.

“Why?”

“I need to tell you something.”

Christen sighs and leans against her doorframe. Part of her wants to invite the other woman in, put her on her couch, and tell her to go to sleep. But her girlfriend is on her way over and, while she loves her best friend, she was really looking forward to spending time with her girlfriend. She decides to wait for the other woman to speak, not knowing what exactly she is wanting.

“I need to tell you something,” Tobin repeats herself.

“You already said that.”

Tobin takes a step closer and Christen goes stiff.

“I broke up with Shirley.”

Christen relaxes and tilts her head to the side, studying her best friend. She didn’t seem too torn up over the break-up and appeared to be holding back so she waited for the other woman to continue.

“I broke up with her because she-I mean, she’s great, but she wasn’t,” she pauses and stares at Christen for a moment.

“She wasn’t you,” she finally whispers and Christen goes stiff again.

“She wasn’t me,” she echoes back.

“She wasn’t you and you’re who I want. And I’m sorry it took so long for me to say something. After you...almost died, I wanted to be there for you but I didn’t think you wanted me, not in that way. So I kept dating her because I liked her, I still do. She’s an amazing woman but she isn’t you,” Tobin is rambling and Christen’s stomach is filling with dread.

“I love you, Chris.”

Tobin takes a step forward and Christen steps away quickly. She doesn’t miss the flash of hurt in her best friend’s eyes. Her head was spinning; for so long she had waited to hear Tobin say those words, always thinking they would make her feel better. But, she had been wrong - they hurt. She was _finally_ getting over the other woman, was happy with someone who she genuinely liked (maybe even loved) and Tobin had just yanked the floor from underneath her.

“Chris?”

Tobin’s voice breaks through and she comes back from her head.

“I-I’m sorry, Tobin,” is all she manages to get out.

The other woman looks down at the floor and nods once. She takes a step back and Christen almost reaches for her, to comfort her, but she stops herself. She just rejected her best friend who just confessed her love for her; she is the _last_ person Tobin will want comfort from.

“I’m sorry,” Tobin whispers, still looking down. “I shouldn’t have come.”

She turns on her heels and begins to leave.

“Tobin,” Christen calls after her and the other woman turns, a tight and painful smile on her face.

“Have a good night, Chris. I’ll see you at work.”

The woman turns around again, disappearing into the night. Christen closes her door and leans against it, sighing heavily. Her head is still spinning and she isn’t sure if she wants to scream or punch something. She hears her phone chime, signifying a text message and glances down at the message. It’s Desiree, letting her know she hit traffic but would be over soon.

Christen sighs again, trying to get her emotions under control and cursing whatever higher being above let her life become a soap opera. By the time Desiree arrived, she had everything back under (relative) control and told herself she was going to enjoy a casual night with her girlfriend. She had a hard time shaking the guilt she felt, the overwhelming guilt from hurting her best friend.

When she lays in bed that night, next to her girlfriend, Christen hated herself for thinking she might have made a mistake. She cared for the woman lying next to her; she might even love her. Next thing she knows, she is cursing Tobin for coming over tonight, for telling her she loves her, for taking so long to say something.

She wakes the next morning like a zombie; half-dead and unsure of everything.

* * *

**_“It’s much easier to not know things sometimes.” - Stephen Chbosky_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and being patient with me! Online university is certainly different from in-person and it took some adjusting to get used to.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
> 
> One more thing: I have built a playlist of songs I have used for my fics. If you're interested in them, feel free to DM me on Tumblr and I'll link it to you! Available on Apple Music and Spotify :)


	17. Breakin' Through the Wires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, what was that phone call about?”
> 
> “What phone call?”
> 
> She glances at Lindsey who is staring out her window.
> 
> “The one you got when we got to the dumpsite.”
> 
> Lindsey shakes her head and mumbles, “Nobody.”
> 
> Tobin doesn’t buy it. Her partner was very clearly upset by either the caller or the nature of the call. And it certainly did not take a profiler to see how on edge the blonde was.
> 
> “C’mon, Linds. I’m your partner, and your friend; talk to me.”
> 
> Lindsey is quiet for a moment, contemplating whether to talk about it or not. On one hand, Tobin was her partner and her friend; she cared about her and knew she would listen to her. On the other hand, she didn’t want to admit she was worried, or that she might need help.
> 
> “George Hill,” she finally admits.
> 
> “George Hill…The guy from Detroit? The trafficker?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Two updates in one week? Crazy times, I tell you.
> 
> This chapter came fairly easy to me and I hope you enjoy reading it!

**_“There is not a man on earth who does what is right and never sins.” - The Book of Ecclesiastes 7:20_ **

* * *

_Quantico - May 2018_

Kelley is paying zero attention to her surroundings, far too focused on the video Emily had sent her. Bagel had taken a particular liking to another pair of Lindsey’s shoes and refused to let her have them back. The video Emily had sent was shaky from her laughing so hard while recording it, but Kelley got the gist of it just the same. Bagel was growling and nipping at Lindsey whenever she got anywhere near the doggy bed.

She’s in the middle of rewinding the video to watch it again when she bumps into someone. Blinking and looking up, she sees it was someone she doesn’t know. She looks like a kid and Kelley is unsure what she is doing in the bullpen of the BAU.

“Hi, sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. Um, I’m Kelley. Who are you?”

She reaches her hand out. The girl gives a small smile and shakes it.

“I’m Dr. Davidson; you can call me Tierna. I’m new to the Bureau; I’m supposed to be meeting Agent Sauerbrunn.”

Kelley’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Did you say Doctor?”

The girl laughs slightly and nods again.

“I did, yeah. I graduated top of my class at Stanford when I was sixteen. I actually just received my doctorate in Psychology,” she checks her watch, “two weeks ago.”

“I’m sorry, how old are you again?”

Before Tierna can respond, Kelley feels a light smack to the back of her head. She turns to find the perpetrator and sees Becky standing beside her.

“What was that for?”

“Just my way of saying ‘good morning’, O’Hara. Dr. Davidson, I’m Agent Sauerbrunn. Come to my office and we’ll get you sorted.”

The two leave for Becky’s office and Kelley watches them go. She feels someone stand next to her and turns to see Lindsey who is also watching Tierna and Becky talk through the window.

“Who’s the kid?”

“New team member apparently. Doctor Tierna Davidson.”

“Did you say _Doctor_ Davidson?”

Kelley nods and Lindsey just stares at her. Kelley can tell the younger agent doesn’t believe and honestly, she doesn’t really blame her. A Ph.D. at this young of an age, whatever the age may be, definitely sounds like she was pulling her leg.

“As of two weeks ago, yeah. Doctor Davidson.”

“Huh. Okay,” Lindsey shrugs and heads for her desk.

Tobin arrives a couple of minutes later and does a double-take when she spots Becky and Tierna talking. She doesn’t say anything, just watches as Becky’s door swings open and the two exit.

“Agents,” Becky calls down to them. “I’d like you to meet Doctor Davidson, the newest member of the BAU. You know the ropes, I trust you’ll keep the hazing to a minimum.”

“Good luck with that; the last new addition was Kelley,” Hope says, entering the area and sitting down at her desk. “She _still_ hasn’t forgiven Sonnett for what she did. She’s been dying to haze a newbie.”

“You have to admit it was a little funny,” Lindsey says, laughing when Kelley throws a pen at her.

“It was _not_ funny.”

“What did she do?”

“Well, she thought it would be funny if she-”

“One more word Horan and I will make your life miserable,” Kelley threatens.

“I’m not scared of you.”

“You should be.”

The newest member of the team watches in amusement as the two agents bicker like siblings. Becky just watches, deciding to let them figure it out themselves. Before it can descend into complete chaos, they hear a whistle and all heads turn towards the noise and find an amused Christen looking down at them.

“If you two are done being children, we have a case. Briefing room.”

Becky turns towards the rookie and flashes a smile.

“You guys can all get better acquainted on the jet. Briefing room, guys, let’s go.”

The other members stand and start walking towards the briefing room.

“Hold on,” Tierna looks at Kelley, “did she say jet?”

Kelley flashes the newbie a smile and walks towards the room. Turning around and motioning her to follow, she winks.

“Welcome to the BAU, kid.”

* * *

Kelley decides she likes Tierna, or at least likes watching her play Becky in chess. According to the rookie, she hadn’t lost a game of chess since she was six. Well, at least, not until an hour ago when Becky had absolutely thrashed her. Seeing the disbelief on the youngster’s face had been highly amusing to the other team members.

Christen was at the back of the jet, refilling her coffee when Kelley stood to get her own refill. She approaches her friend and smiles in gratitude when Christen hands her the coffee pot. She nods towards the new chess game.

“Did you know Becky played chess?”

Christen laughs, shaking her head. She had definitely not known that, but she wasn’t surprised either. Becky was highly intelligent and very logical; it made sense to her.

“Do you think the kid will ask us to play with her?”

“If you keep calling her ‘the kid’, she probably won’t ask you.”

“That sounds like a good reason to keep calling her that, then.”

Christen gives her a half-hearted eye roll before returning to her seat. Kelley turns and finds another set of eyes boring into her. She gives a small sigh and a curt nod to Tobin before taking her seat on the couch next to Hope.

She loved Tobin, she really did, but she was still upset with her. Christen had confided in Kelley, telling her what happened on Valentine’s Day. She had then begged Kelley not to say anything to Tobin, basically swearing her to secrecy. Not that it mattered; Tobin could tell that she knew. They had been rather stiff with each other since then, Kelley feeling protective of Christen, and Tobin wanting to fix things with her best friend but being blocked by Kelley. Feeling a poke to her shoulder, Kelley pulls herself from her thoughts and focuses on Hope.

“You good?”

“Yeah,” she sighs, looking at the other team members on the jet. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

Before Kelley can reply, Tobin is walking past to get more coffee. Kelley pulls out her tablet and studies the case details, refusing to look at the other agent. Hope looks between the two, offering a nod to Tobin when she walks back to her seat before poking Kelley again.

“You two need to work through whatever it is that’s going on with you.”

“There’s nothing going on.”

“Kel, come on. You think we haven’t all noticed the tension between you guys the past couple months? Whatever it is that’s got you two acting like this, it needs to be done. For the sake of your friendship and the team.”

No response.

“You know I’m right.”

Kelley groans slightly.

“I hate when you’re right.”

* * *

_Las Cruces_

Tobin has just wrapped up talking to the poor hiker who had the unfortunate luck of finding the remains when Lindsey joins her. The younger agent had received a phone call shortly after they arrived at the mountain and had stepped away to take it while Tobin interviewed the guy. When she returned, Tobin noticed she looked visibly shaken.

“You good Linds?”

When Lindsey doesn’t respond, Tobin taps her on the shoulder with her pen.

“Hm?”

“You good there?”

Lindsey gives her a smile that is clearly fake and nods her head. Tobin decides to drop it for the time being; she’ll talk to her more on the way back to the station.

“Did the hiker give us anything?”

“Only that the body couldn’t have been out here more than a few hours.”

“How could he know that?”

“Hikes out here every day. He already hiked past the dumpsite once today. He found the body on his way back down.”

The agents return to their SUV, Tobin getting into the driver’s seat and Lindsey into the passenger’s. The drive to the station is relatively quiet until Tobin decides she wants to figure out what is going on with her partner.

“Hey, what was that phone call about?”

“What phone call?”

She glances at Lindsey who is staring out her window.

“The one you got when we got to the dumpsite.”

Lindsey shakes her head and mumbles, “Nobody.”

Tobin doesn’t buy it. Her partner was very clearly upset by either the caller or the nature of the call. And it certainly did not take a profiler to see how on edge the blonde was.

“C’mon, Linds. I’m your partner, and your friend; talk to me.”

Lindsey is quiet for a moment, contemplating whether to talk about it or not. On one hand, Tobin was her partner and her friend; she cared about her and knew she would listen to her. On the other hand, she didn’t want to admit she was worried, or that she might need help.

“George Hill,” she finally admits.

“George Hill…The guy from Detroit? The trafficker?”

Lindsey nods in confirmation and Tobin frowns slightly.

“He’s in jail. How is he calling you?”

Lindsey shrugs, fingers tapping nervously against the car door.

“I dunno. But, he keeps saying that this isn’t over yet. And, obviously, we all know he has connections. Even from the inside of a jail cell. I don’t know, just sorta puts me on edge. Emily’s back in Quantico, I’m out here. A guy like that doesn’t like to lose…”

She doesn’t finish her thought, but she doesn’t have to. Tobin gets it; leaving a loved one behind and traveling for this job could be hard. Harder still was when a criminal threatened your loved one and you were still expected to leave. And this guy had the connections to pull off whatever he might be planning, so Tobin gets it.

“Who’s Sonny staying with while we’re here?”

“She and Bagel are staying with Dahlkemper ‘til I get back. I spoke with Becky already about a possible protection detail.”

The younger agent still looks incredibly worried and her mind is clearly a million miles away. Reaching over, Tobin gives her arm a pat and offers a reassuring smile.

“She’ll be okay, Linds. And we’re going to get the rest of that crew. Okay?”

“Yeah,” Lindsey nods, trying her hardest to believe her partner’s words, “okay.”

* * *

Lindsey and Tobin enter the conference room where the rest of the team is sitting and talking. The partners look at the corkboard that is already covered in various photos, connecting different aspects of the case together. Taking their seats, they wait for someone to catch them up.

Becky gets them up to speed quickly and Lindsey’s stomach fills with dread. The details are sounding too similar to Detroit for her liking. They knew the crew was national, but it didn’t bring any comfort to any of them knowing they were facing them again. She shoots off a quick text to Emily, making sure she is safe, before returning her attention to what is in front of her.

When she stands to go get another cup of coffee, she doesn’t notice when Tierna and Kelley follow her. She’s too distracted by her own worries about Emily that she nearly runs into the other two when she turns around.

“Whoa,” Kelley laughs, “careful there now, Horan. Don’t wanna deck the kid too early, now do we?”

Lindsey doesn’t laugh, or even really register what was said, and Kelley frowns. Tierna also studies the blonde in front of her, easily picking up on her tenseness and worry. Lindsey’s grip on her coffee mug was tighter than necessary and her free hand was tapping against her leg. Her shoulders were pulled tight and rigid and her jaw was set firmly, but her eyes betrayed her true feelings. The newest team member didn’t call the older agent out, it wasn’t going to help. At least, not right now.

“Linds,” Kelley tries to get her attention, “you good?”

“I’m fine.”

The blonde moves around the other two and returns to the conference room before either of them can respond. Kelley frowns, watching her friend go, before turning to Tierna whose eyes are trained on Lindsey still.

“Profiling a profiler?”

“Just making a couple observations.”

They return to the conference room just in time to receive instructions from Becky.

“Tobin, Lindsey, take Tierna with you and go talk to the victim’s known associates in El Paso. Solo and O’Hara, I want you to go to the coroner’s, make sure nothing was missed, and compare the report with the one from Detroit.”

Hope and Kelley leave first, followed by Tobin, Lindsey, and Tierna. The trio approaches their SUV and Tobin holds the keys out, offering them to the youngest one. Tierna looks at her questioningly and Lindsey lets out a sound of indignation.

“You never offer to let me drive once you’ve driven.”

Tobin shrugs, still holding the keys out towards Tierna. The youngest member considers it for a moment before reaching out and taking them. Tobin then gets into the passenger seat, laughing when Lindsey gets in the back while grumbling about being taller than her and “what happened to hazing the newbies”.

“Linds, stop pouting like a child.”

“You’re not the boss of me.”

“Don’t make me request to have Tierna as my new partner instead of you.”

“You wouldn’t,” Lindsey dismisses.

Tobin turns to face her, eyes bright with amusement.

“Wouldn’t I?”

“You guys are a little weird, but I like you,” Tierna tells them as they leave the station.

“Oh, why thank you, Dr. Davidson.”

“You should’ve given Lindsey the passenger seat though. She _is_ taller than you.”

Tobin’s jaw drops and she looks betrayed while Lindsey laughs.

“You know Tobs,” she reaches forward and pats the older woman’s shoulder, “I think Dr. Davidson here is a great addition to our partnership.”

* * *

“You saved the hostage’s life, Linds. I’m proud of you.”

Emily’s voice sounded through the speaker on the laptop. The blonde gave a weak smile, not fully accepting her girlfriend’s words. The rest of the team is gathered around the laptop, relaying the story to the analyst who had insisted on hearing it as soon as the jet took off.

Lindsey had refused to tell the story but had sat in front of the laptop so she could watch her girlfriend listen to the story. Kelley had relayed the story to her, one arm wrapped around Lindsey in an attempt to keep her grounded. She told Emily how they had tracked the unsub to an in-use warehouse where he had taken a hostage. The team had pursued him, with Lindsey reaching him first. She had tried to talk him down, not wanting to risk getting the hostage hurt or killed. But she also wanted to keep him alive; it would mean having another member of the crew in custody. Based on the profile, and the information they had on the guy, he could be a weak link in the organization.

Lindsey had gotten him to release the hostage and had convinced the rest of the team to leave them; she was confident in her ability to handle him. She had been close to getting him to put his weapon down. But then SWAT arrived and the guy panicked. Before Lindsey could react, he had pulled the trigger and taken himself out.

It hit her harder than she had thought it would. She’s not sure if it was watching the guy take his own life or knowing a potential lead had slipped through her fingers, but Lindsey was taking it pretty hard. She had refused to talk to the team other than a simple “he’s gone” and still had yet to say anything else. She had taken out unsubs before and she hadn’t been this affected since her first year. She knew it was a part of the job, but she can’t remember the last time she had been so close to talking one down before losing them.

“Linds,” Emily finally gets her attention and her eyes snap towards the analyst’s.

“You okay?”

She gives a tight smile and a small nod in return. She knows Emily doesn’t believe her, but she doesn’t want to talk right now. Eventually, they end the video call and Lindsey offers another small smile to Emily before letting out a soft “bye.”

She needs space to breathe and stands, heading to the back of the jet in search of coffee or something stronger. She decides alcohol would probably _not_ be beneficial at the moment and opts for coffee. When she turns around, she finds herself face to face with Tierna. Raising an eyebrow, Lindsey waits for the younger girl to speak.

“I don’t know you very well and you’re clearly very close with the other team members already, but, if you ever want to talk about what happened with someone, I’m available,” the younger girl offers.

She pours herself some coffee and goes to leave but Lindsey stops her.

“Wait,” she pauses and clears her throat, “um, would now be okay?”

Tierna nods and they sit across from each other, away from the rest of the team. They’re somewhere over the midwest when Lindsey starts to feel a little better. The guilt that had been weighing on her had lessened; it wasn’t gone but it was more bearable now. She was still worried about Emily and wanted to get rid of this crew as soon as possible.

Leaning back and looking out the window, Lindsey takes a deep breath and reminds herself that everything will be okay.

* * *

_Quantico_

Kelley has just finished up the last of her paperwork when Tobin comes over to her desk. Hope had gone to get the car so they could go home, making them the only two in the bullpen. Everyone else had already left for the night, including Christen who had been picked up by Desiree. Kelley leans back in her chair and looks to her friend, waiting for her to speak.

“Look, I know you know what happened and I’m not mad.”

“No offense, Tobin, but I don’t really care if you’re mad or not,” Kelley retorts and Tobin balks slightly at her harsh tone.

“Kel, please. Let me explain.”

“Explain what? How you decided to tell Christen how you feel despite knowing she was _finally_ happy with someone else? How you put your own feelings ahead of hers? What else is there to explain?”

“I get it, alright? I’m the asshole here,” Kelley scoffs and nods but Tobin ignores her and keeps going. “But I can’t take back what I said. It’s already out there and it’s the truth. The last thing I want to do is hurt her any more than I already have.”

Kelley sighs and stands, looking at the other woman.

“You want my advice?”

Tobin shrugs and nods, “Sure.”

“Back off.”

The taller brunette blinks in confusion, so Kelley continues.

“You dropped a huge bomb on her and haven’t really given her room to breathe since. You tried to backtrack and keep things so normal, you’re suffocating her. She won’t tell you that, but it’s true. She needs time and space to properly process this.”

“It’s been three months.”

Kelley nods and replies, “Three months of not being able to really process it because you were still right there.”

She gathers her bag and replies to Hope’s text asking where she was, letting her know she would be down in a couple of minutes. Tobin is sitting against Kelley’s desk still. Kelley goes to leave before pausing and turning back towards the other agent.

“I love you, Tobs. And I want you to be happy, both of you, okay? Just...trust me on this.”

Tobin doesn’t respond; she won’t even turn to look at her. Sighing slightly, Kelley turns and leaves the bullpen. The elevator arrives and she steps inside, ready to go home and unwind. When she leaves the building, she spots Hope leaning against the car and smiles. Her fiancée looks up and pushes off the car, wrapping her in a hug and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Ready to go home?”

Kelley nods and attempts to stifle a yawn. Hope laughs slightly and grabs Kelley’s bag from her, tossing it in back before getting back into the car with the smaller woman following suit.

“So I’m guessing you don’t wanna go for drinks or food,” Hope teases lightly.

“I want wine and ice cream,” Kelley mumbles, eyes closed as Hope pulls out of the parking lot.

“We can have that so long as you manage to stay awake until we get home.”

Kelley’s eyes are still closed when she hums slightly and replies, “I can do that. No problem.”

She’s asleep before they make it halfway home. Hope smiles softly at the sleeping woman in her passenger seat when she parks the car at the apartment. As much as she doesn’t want to, she knows she needs to wake the younger woman.

“Kel,” she whispers, “we’re home.”

It takes a couple of more tries, but eventually, Hope gets Kelley to open her eyes.

“We’re home,” she repeats and Kelley gives her a tired smile.

“Home,” she echoes and Hope smiles in return, nodding.

The pair head up to their apartment, beyond happy to finally be home.

* * *

_Alexandria_

Lindsey had given up on trying to sleep an hour ago. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the unsub’s face. She saw her inability to reach him, to help her team solve a case. She had slipped back out of bed, careful to not disturb her sleeping girlfriend and had headed for the balcony. The air was still, no wind blowing to cool her. She’s unsure how long she has been out there when a small noise grabs her attention. The balcony door slides and open and she hears her girlfriend’s tired voice.

“Linds? What are you doing out here?”

Turning to face the smaller woman, she is unable to stop the smile from crossing her face at Emily’s tired/confused expression.

“Why are you awake?”

Emily frowns slightly, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I got cold so I woke up. Don’t change the subject. What are you doing out here?”

“It’s nothing,” she dismisses, but Emily’s frown deepens and Lindsey knows she doesn’t believe her.

She turns back away from Emily, not wanting her to see her wavering. She hated feeling like she wasn’t strong enough to protect her, to keep her safe. She’s so focused on trying to keep her strong façade that she nearly misses Emily walking over to her and wrapping her arms around Lindsey’s waist and resting her head in between the taller blonde’s shoulder blades. Lindsey had been very stiff, but now she relaxed into her girlfriend’s touch.

“You can talk to me, you know?”

Lindsey turns, Emily’s arms still around her, to face her girlfriend and gives a small smile. She nods in understanding, knowing the smaller woman meant it.

“I know. And I will, someday. Just not tonight.”

Emily accepts her answer and unwraps from Lindsey, stepping back and reaching a hand for the taller woman to take.

“Come on. Let’s go to bed, okay?”

Lindsey nods, knowing that everything will be okay when it needs to be. Right now was about just that; the present and what they had control over. So she follows Emily back inside and gets into bed, kissing her girlfriend one final time before attempting to sleep again.

When she wakes the next morning to find Emily smiling down at her with two cups of coffee in her hands, Lindsey knows she will be okay.

* * *

**_“He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” - Friedrich Nietzsche_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright my dudes, that's it for this installment, hope you liked it.
> 
> Unsure when the next chapter will be done but my aim is for some time next week. As always, that is subject to change.
> 
> Until next time, any comments/questions/concerns, drop 'em below! I love hearing from you guys!


	18. Straight Through the Bullet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The man studies her and Lindsey keeps her bored expression. It wasn’t even a play at this point; her desire to get this over with and walk away with some new information was the only reason they hadn’t left yet. She was over his attempt at games and she was over his narcissism.
> 
> “If you want to know something, just ask,” he eventually replies with a shrug, eyes never breaking contact with Lindsey.
> 
> “Who are your connections?”
> 
> “No, no,” he holds a hand up, looking to Tierna, “she asks.”
> 
> Lindsey places her palms on the table and stands from the chair. Pocketing her notebook and pen, she walks around to the other side of the table and leans against it, right next to the man. She crosses her arms over her chest and lets out a small laugh.
> 
> “You know, I gave you adequate time and opportunity to give me some info, to help yourself out. But you thought you would play games and try and trip me up. Only, you forgot one tiny detail, Mr. Hill,” she pauses and moves quickly, pinning his face against the table and putting him in a hold, rendering him immobile, “I don’t like playing games.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go!!!
> 
> You might want some tissues for the ending. Just a suggestion.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading!

**_“Cast aside any predictions or assumptions that you have about life - what you think is going to happen never does.” - Stewart Stafford_ **

* * *

_Milan - July 2018_

When Lindsey had decided to fly to Michigan, Emily had called her crazy. And, in all honesty, she was probably right. But Lindsey was tired of the ominous phone calls about things not being over. She was tired of her and Emily living in constant worry, always looking over their shoulders. Receiving a package containing surveillance photos of the team with a Detroit return address had been the final straw for Lindsey. So, after clearing it with Becky, she and Tierna flew to Detroit and then drove to the Federal Correctional Institution Milan to see George Hill face-to-face.

At the moment, they were seated in a visiting room as they waited for the inmate to be brought in. Their backs were to the door so they couldn’t see him, but they could hear the shackles. The door buzzed open and they heard him speak but remained facing forward.

“When they told me I had a visitor, I was hoping it would be you, Agent Horan.”

The guard unshackles the man and he takes the seat across from her and gives her smile as if they are old friends. Lindsey does her best to keep her face neutral, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of knowing the effect he had on her life.

“So, how have you been, Agent Horan? What’s new? Tell me everything and do introduce me to your friend here,” he says, eyes bright as he leans forward, hands clasped in front of him.

“You act as if you don’t already know everything,” she replies dryly, trying to keep his focus on her and off of Tierna.

“Why would I know anything? I’ve been in here since you arrested me, remember?”

Lindsey had to hand it to him; he would be very convincing to just about anyone. His voice was steady and he sounded genuine. But she knew better; he was a liar and a manipulator (among other things), so she took his words with a grain of salt.

“Let’s get this over with,” she finally responds, taking out her pen and notepad.

“Who are your connections?”

The man leaned back in his chair and made a ‘tsk tsk’ noise, studying her. After a few seconds, he smiled and leaned forward again.

“You know, they say all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, Lindsey.”

“You don’t get to call me that. It’s Agent Horan to you. And I didn’t come to play, Mr. Hill, so I suggest you help me or things could get bad fast.”

“Are you threatening me, Agent Horan?”

It’s Lindsey’s turn to lean forward and offer a smile of her own.

“It’s not a threat; it’s a promise.”

* * *

_Quantico_

Kelley could feel someone watching her and looked up, immediately finding a worried pair of blue eyes trained on her. She leans back in her chair and waves the analyst over; Emily had been hovering slightly since Lindsey and Tierna left for Michigan and Kelley knew being around the team helped calm her nerves.

“Hey, Son, how’s it going?”

Emily just shrugs, leaning against the desk and tapping on it.

“How’s Bagel doing?”

Emily’s eyes light up at the mention of the dog and Kelley relaxes, knowing she has successfully distracted her for the time being. Kelley quickly exchanges a look with Tobin, silently asking if she knew anything about the two agents’ whereabouts or how things were going. The taller brunette gave a small head shake, signaling that she knew no more than the rest of them, and Kelley turned back to Emily who had pulled up new photos of the dog to show her.

“I got her a puppy neck pillow for when we fly to see Lindsey’s family,” she explains and Kelly has to laugh at the small neck pillow on the dog.

“Anyone ever tell you that Bagel is the dog version of you?”

Emily grins, finding more photos to show the agents.

“Lindsey’s mentioned it once or twice. She swears we have the same smile.”

“I bet I know which smile she prefers.”

They nod at each other, saying, “Bagel’s,” at the same time and dissolving into laughter because of it.

Hope emerges from the kitchenette, one eyebrow raised in question at the two laughing. She then turns to Tobin who shrugs, helplessly. After a few more moments of sharing dog photos and laughing at poorly thought out puns, Emily excuses herself to get to her room. The agents watch the analyst leave before speaking to each other.

“She good?” Tobin’s eyes were still trained on the analyst who hadn’t quite left their eyesight yet.

“She’s worried,” Kelley replies, understanding how the analyst feels. It can’t be easy to have to sit behind a desk every day while the people you love are running headfirst into danger.

“Horan and Davidson will be okay, and we’re going to get this crew,” Hope tells them.

The other two agents nod, knowing the team won’t rest until they do just that. Before anyone can say anything further, Becky’s office door opens, and the chief steps out to grab their attention.

“Briefing room.”

The agents exchange quick glances; they hadn’t missed the tone of Becky’s voice and it worried them slightly. She was always serious when it came to their line of work, but this seemed bigger. None of them said it out loud, but they were all wondering if it had to do with the trafficking case.

They enter the briefing room, none of them surprised to find the television was still shut off and the blinds were pulled closed. The door that was usually kept open was immediately shut when Christen and Megan joined the other team members in the room.

“I just got off the phone with the Detroit field office. They picked up chatter on possible movements of the ring. If we don’t act fast and grab them as quickly as we can, they’re going to go underground and we don’t know when they’ll resurface. Now, we know they stretch as far west as Las Cruces. And, we know they have active members here in D.C.”

The agents nod in understanding and Becky takes a deep breath before continuing.

“Pinoe and I will be flying to Detroit to assist before returning with the other two for the takedown of the D.C. sect. None of you are expected to take part but can if you so choose. If anyone doesn’t want to, feel free to leave now.”

When nobody moves to leave, Becky keeps going.

“Settled. We’ll be back before midnight.”

* * *

_Milan_

“You’re sure we’ve never met before?” It was the third time he had asked the youngest member of the BAU if they had crossed paths, despite Lindsey assuring him each time that they had not met before.

Tierna had yet to speak, which was purposeful, and Lindsey could tell it was grating on the man’s nerves. He wasn’t used to being rebelled against. As it was, Lindsey’s presence in the prison clearly made him uncomfortable; she had arrested him and put him in here, after all. Try as he might to act big and tough, she unnerved him. So he tried to engage the younger of the two and, when he couldn’t get a reaction from her, grew frustrated.

“We’ve been through this, George. The two of you have never met before today,” Lindsey states in a bored voice.

“Why don’t you let _her_ answer the question since _she’s_ the one I asked?”

‘Why don’t we quit dancing around here and get this done? You don’t want me here any more than I don’t want to be here, so shall we?”

The man studies her and Lindsey keeps her bored expression. It wasn’t even a play at this point; her desire to get this over with and walk away with some new information was the only reason they hadn’t left yet. She was over his attempt at games and she was over his narcissism.

“If you want to know something, just ask,” he eventually replies with a shrug, eyes never breaking contact with Lindsey.

“Who are your connections?”

“No, no,” he holds a hand up, looking to Tierna, “she asks.”

Lindsey places her palms on the table and stands from the chair. Pocketing her notebook and pen, she walks around to the other side of the table and leans against it, right next to the man. She crosses her arms over her chest and lets out a small laugh.

“You know, I gave you adequate time and opportunity to give me some info, to help yourself out. But you thought you would play games and try and trip me up. Only, you forgot one tiny detail, Mr. Hill,” she pauses and moves quickly, pinning his face against the table and putting him in a hold, rendering him immobile, “I don’t like playing games.”

She let the man go and backed away as Tierna signaled the guard to open the door. The buzzer sounded and the two agents exited, leaving the inmate to rub his now aching shoulder and glare after them as the guard comes in to re-shackle him and escort him back to his cell.

The agents exit the prison and head for their SUV. Tierna waits until they are off the facility’s property before saying anything.

“Becky’s not gonna be happy you assaulted a potential source.”

There is a brief pause before the youngest team member starts laughing, barely managing to get out an “it was really funny though” before dissolving into laughter once again. Lindsey laughed a little too and shook her head slightly; the kid may be a genius, but it was always nice to know she was still capable of appreciating small immature acts occasionally. After a few minutes, their laughter dies down and Tierna speaks up again.

“How long before he calls again to try and get us back out there?”

Lindsey doesn’t respond immediately because, honestly, she isn’t sure. At this point, she wouldn’t be surprised if he found a way to get into contact with the younger girl. The thought made her uneasy, but she had to consider the possibility. Her being there had piqued his interest and, assuming he really didn’t already know she is, he would likely try to find some way to her, to through the team off balance.

“I’m not sure,” she finally says, “and I’m still not sure what they’re planning, but I promise I will be the one to finish to it.”

* * *

_Detroit_

The first thing Lindsey saw when she and Tierna entered the FBI field office was a rather unamused looking Becky. She guessed word of what happened at the prison had reached her chief, but her primary thought was wondering what her chief was doing standing in the middle of the Detroit FBI field office, to begin with.

“Broon, what are you doing here?”

“What’s this I hear about you attacking George Hill?”

Lindsey scoffed; figures he would try to blow it out of proportions. At most, he would have a sore shoulder and slightly bruised section of his face in the morning. Calling it an “attack” was a far stretch.

“I slipped,” she offers as an explanation and shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, which, in her opinion, it wasn’t.

The look on Becky’s face clearly says they will be discussing this later, but they all knew they had a bigger issue at hand right now.

“Did he give you any valuable information before you ‘slipped’?”

“No. He didn’t give anything.”

Becky made an executive decision then. Taking out her phone, she quickly sent a text to Megan to inform her that she would lead the takedown of the D.C. sect and that she was sending the two younger agents back to join them. She would be staying in Detroit to oversee the takedown of this sect. Looking at her agents, she repeats her message, not surprised when both push back and insist on staying to help her.

“I’m overseeing the takedown, but my primary concern is breaking George Hill. You two are taking the jet back to D.C. and helping the team with that takedown. If I have the time, I will be there too, end of discussion.”

The other two agents look less than thrilled, but Becky knows they will listen to the order. She had been truthful; she would not be an active member of this takedown, instead opting to break the potential source that was George Hill.

“Good luck with him,” Lindsey tells her after they have given all information they have to Becky. “You’ll need it.”

“I’ve been doing this job for a long time, Horan, I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve,” Becky responds with a wry smile.

As the two agents leave the office and head for the SUV, Tierna glances towards Lindsey.

“Remind me to never lie to Broon.”

Lindsey has to laugh at the thought of any of them attempting to _actually lie_ to their chief. Becky had a knack for getting information from someone before they’ve even registered that they admitted to anything, let alone everything. So, in a way, Lindsey was sort of glad she was leaving; it gave her time to avoid the conversation about her altercation with George Hill.

“Just be glad she’s on our side, Doctor.”

Tierna lets out a laugh of her own.

“Oh, believe me, I am.”

* * *

_Quantico_

“Gear up BAU, we’ve got a trafficking sect to take down,” Megan tells the team.

Tobin, Hope, Kelley, and Christen all grab their gear and meet Megan by the elevator. Nobody asks where they are going or what they are doing for backup; they know Megan will let them know the necessary information when they need it.

“Davidson and Horan are meeting us out front; they have two SUVs ready to go for us.”

“Can we all agree the kid _doesn’t_ get to drive to the location?”

Christen reaches over and gives Kelley a slight smack upside the head. Megan turns towards the media liaison and smiles while the shorter agent lets out a sound of protest. It was one thing when Becky did it, but she didn’t appreciate Christen joining in on the assault.

“Thanks for doing that for me,” Megan says, still grinning.

“No problem.”

The agents reach the first floor and exit the building, heading for the two SUVs parked right outside. Megan signals for Christen to join her and Tobin in Lindsey’s vehicle, while Hope and Kelley join Tierna in hers. The youngest team member tosses the keys to Hope before getting back in the car, sliding into the passenger seat.

The cars leave the lot and Hope calls Megan so they can communicate.

“Hey, Pinoe, we’re right behind you. Where are we headed?”

“I sent Davidson the location of an abandoned building in Falls Church. SWAT’s gonna meet us there and we’ll breach.”

“Copy that,” Hope responds before turning to Tierna. “Dial Sonnett, I want to see if we can get satellite or location on anything going on in there.”

She does what is asked, quickly calling the analyst.

“The good doctor rings, I shall answer. What can I do for you today?”

“Hey, Sonny, I just sent you an address. We need satellite imaging or location or really anything that can give us a hint at what we’re walking into.”

“Your wish is my command; I’ll hit you back as soon as I can.”

The analyst hangs up and Hope’s eyes find Kelley’s in the review mirror. She offers a reassuring smile and a small head nod, reminding her that the whole team is in on this. The ring is going down, hard.

Kelley steels herself; she’s ready to end this.

* * *

_Falls Church_

Emily had pulled through, getting them locators on some bodies in the building. She had admitted that she was unsure if it was everyone who was inside, but she managed to catch a good number of them. The team agreed some information was better than none and laid out their gameplan.

“We breach, then off in pairs. Heath, I want you with Davidson. Horan, with Press. Solo and O’Hara and then me and Pinoe. Do not shoot unless absolutely necessary; we’re trying to keep this quiet so we can get all of them,” Becky tells them and they all nod in understanding, finishing strapping on their vests and getting their earpieces in. They were all relieved when their chief met them at the building, feeling it would actually be better to be here for her team.

Tobin and Lindsey aren’t exactly thrilled with being separated; they had been partners for a long time, but they also understood Becky’s reasoning. Tierna was still new, having only been around since May, and Christen was their media liaison. She had used a weapon before, they had all seen it, but it was a rare enough occurrence to justify pairing her with someone like Lindsey during a raid like this.

“Right,” Becky looks at her team, “we ready?”

Everyone nods and they approach the front of the building. One Becky’s count, they breach with SWAT right behind them. A man appears but he is quickly silenced by Megan, who renders him unconscious before handing him off to a SWAT guy to be taken care of. Becky gives the signal to split; she and Megan continue straight forward, Tobin and Tierna head towards the left, and Lindsey and Christen go to the right. Kelley spots a staircase and signals to Hope who nods in understanding and follows.

They slowly begin ascending the stairs and one of the doors swings open. Kelley reacts quickly and is able to subdue him before he can even speak. She lowers him to the ground and quickly searches him. He is unarmed but that doesn’t mean he isn’t dangerous, so Kelley zip-ties his hands behind his back and leaves him lying on the ground before continuing on.

They reach a branch-off section of the staircase and Hope sends a signal for them to split up. There’s a voice in the back of Kelley’s head telling her this is a bad idea, but she didn’t have a better one and they were pressed for time. So they split up and Kelley heads one way while Hope heads the other way.

“Check-in,” Becky’s voice sounds through her earpiece.

“Left is clear,” Tobin relays.

“Right’s clear now,” Lindsey confirms.

“Solo, O’Hara, check-in.”

“Clearing the stairs, but we had to split,” Kelley says.

“Copy. We’re coming for you, but keep moving.”

Kelley keeps moving but slows up, allowing the team to start reaching her. Before anyone can reach her though, she hears a loud crash. She begins moving quickly, letting the team now what she had heard.

“Be careful, O’Hara.”

“Always, Broon.”

She nears a room and hears a gunshot. She reaches the room and kicks the door open. She fires, putting three bullets in the man in front of her before turning to clear the room. Her heart drops first, then her gun. And then she runs to stop the bleeding.

“Hope, Hope, stay with me. Stay with me, please. Don’t close your eyes,” she kept talking, trying to keep the other woman awake.

Blood was flowing steadily from the wound. Kelley continued to apply pressure and speak, desperately waiting for the others to arrive. Hope coughs and Kelley’s heart sinks further when more blood comes out.

“Hey, you’re gonna be okay, okay? You’re gonna be okay and we’re gonna get married and be happy. We’re gonna spend the rest of our lives together, you and me, Hope.”

Kelley can feel Hope’s arm twitch in an effort to reach her. And she wants nothing more than to hold her hand, but she knows she cannot let go of this wound. The older woman’s eyes are a million miles away and Kelley hates it because she has seen this look before.

“You and me forever, Hope. Just like we promised.”

She hears a voice speaking, but Kelley’s head is buzzing so she doesn’t register what is being said. She wants to yell at one of them to call a bus, but she knows it will have already been done, so she stays concentrated on the woman in front of her.

“Kel,” Hope coughs out.

“Shh, shh, don’t speak. You need your strength.”

“I love you, Kel.”

Hope stills completely and breathes her last. Kelley’s world stops; it physically stops for roughly five seconds before it crashes. She can feel the others standing behind her, can feel the blood covering her hands, the hard ground digging into her knees. Her breathing gets ragged and she feels someone grabbing her and pulling her away.

She fights against the hold, wanting to get away from whoever is holding her. She strains but she is powerless as she sees her fiancée’s lifeless form. She screams, screams until her voice physically will no longer allow it. She finally turns and collapses into whoever is holding her. She doesn’t even care at this point; she just needs to literally be held up at the moment.

Her chest feels like it is crushing her, her body is shaking, the tears are still flowing. The words that are being whispered to her all go in one ear and right back out the other. None of it matters; none of it matters right now.

The only thing that remains is the fact that Hope is gone.

* * *

**_“One clear moment, one of trance/one missed step, one perfect dance/one missed shot, one and only chance/life is all...but one fleeting glance.” - Sanober Khan_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My children, it is time to mourn, but fear not: the story is just beginning.
> 
> If you want to yell at me -> Tumblr: @closetbidisaster
> 
> Or you can yell at me in the comments. I read them all and appreciate all feedback!


	19. Goodbye My Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can I get you anything?”
> 
> “Just..coffee, please.”
> 
> “Anything to eat?”
> 
> Kelley shakes her head, returning the menu to its place and giving a quiet “thank you” when her coffee is handed to her. She holds the mug with both hands, lacing her fingers and bringing it towards her mouth. She spots the ring again and pauses what she is doing, getting caught in her mind. She slowly puts the mug down but keeps her hold on it. Her shoulders are hunched over and she is trying to keep her breathing steady. Somebody sits next to her but she barely registers them until they speak.
> 
> “Coffee’s a decidedly better choice than liquor.”
> 
> Kelley turns her head, confused when she sees Christen sitting beside her.
> 
> “Chris, what are you doing here? Don’t you have a case?”
> 
> “It’s local, so we’re working from headquarters. I had Sonny ping your phone, wanted to check on you.”
> 
> Kelley turns back to her coffee.
> 
> “I’m fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dudes! Welcome to the newest installment, I hope you're ready for some sadness; it'll be here for a while.
> 
> Enjoy reading!

**_“When one person is missing the whole world seems empty” - Pat Schweibert_ **

* * *

_Alexandria - August 2018_

Kelley woke up thrashing and getting tangled in the sheets with Lindsey holding her arms and trying to soothe her from her nightmare. It was the third day in a row this had happened. The nightmares, the memories, didn’t come every night, but when they did, the result was always the same. She would shift around in the bed, mumbling in her sleep, and would eventually start moving so much that Lindsey would wake up and come in from the living room. The younger agent would grab the older one’s arms to keep from being hit and would talk to her, trying to pull her back to the waking world.

Kelley would eventually wake up, believing she was home with Hope. Once her breathing evened out, she would remember that neither of those things was true. She wasn’t in her apartment, she was at Lindsey and Emily’s. And Hope wasn’t the one trying to comfort her, Lindsey was. The events from Falls Church would come rushing back and she felt a weight pushing on her chest. She would cry, letting Lindsey hold her until she finished, and then she would become a robot. She moved stiffly around the apartment and refused eye contact with either woman.

Lindsey would make all of them breakfast and coffee, usually having to force Kelley to eat and ensure she is staying hydrated. After breakfast, Kelley would wander out to the balcony and would stay there until one of them came to get her. And today was no different.

She had relived that night, had felt she was _so_ close to saving Hope, but she hadn’t reached her in time. She had started screaming in her dream, telling Hope to stay with her, begging her to not leave. She had woken with tears already falling and Lindsey pleading with her to wake up. She had cried and then clammed up, barely eating the breakfast that was placed in front of her before disappearing into the bedroom to get cleaned up and dressed.

She had then retreated to the balcony, wishing she could spend the rest of the day out there, but she knew it wouldn’t be allowed. Today was the day and, no matter how hard she tried not to think about it, it was the only thing on her mind. Today was the day they would bury Hope and, as Kelley studied the Memorial Star in her hands, she wanted nothing more than to wake up and realize this had all been a bad dream.

She looks out towards the horizon, trying to keep from completely losing it. She hears the door sliding open but doesn’t turn around. She knows what the presence of one of them means. She looks down at the medal one last time before taking a shaky breath and blinking back the tears once again.

“It’s time, Kel,” Emily’s soft voice reaches her, and Kelley finally turns to face her.

She doesn’t say anything, just steps past the young analyst, and walks inside where Lindsey is already waiting for them by the front door. The three of them leave the apartment in silence, something Kelley appreciates. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone, she can’t yet. In fact, she had barely said a word to any of the team since that night. 

They leave the lot and Kelley places her head against the window, watching the streets pass by and dreading what was to come.

* * *

_Washington, D.C._

The team sat with Kelley at the very front. Each of them held a rose which was to be placed on the top of the casket after the flag had been removed. Kelley had managed to keep most of her composure during the service, the tears only beginning to fall when the pastor gave the final blessing. She began shaking and barely registered when Christen wrapped an arm around her.

Any composure she had left was lost when Becky came and knelt in front of her to hand her a folded American flag. She took it from her chief, tears falling harder when her eye caught sight of the engagement ring she had put on this morning. It felt like an anchor on her finger, but she couldn’t bear the thought of not wearing it.

When it was time to place the roses on the casket, the team stood and made their way to the front. Becky went first, followed by Megan, Tobin, Christen, Tierna, Emily, then Lindsey. Kelley reached the front and gently placed the flower on top of the casket before putting her hand on it. She took a few shaky breaths, letting the tears continue to flow.

“I’m so sorry,” she chokes out, “I love you, so much.”

She pulls her hand away, presses a kiss to her fingertips, then places it back on the coffin briefly before forcing herself to move over towards her team. She lets Christen grab her right hand while Tobine wraps an arm around her shoulders as they watch the coffin be lowered into the grave. Nobody asks if she is ready to leave, they know better. They lead her away from the grave and towards the cars, nobody saying a word.

Kelley gets into Lindsey’s car, still clutching the flag and waits for them to leave. They were headed for Megan’s house to be away from everyone who wasn’t a BAU member. In all honesty, Kelley wanted to go to bed. She wanted to crawl under the covers and forget what had just happened, but she knew she wouldn’t be allowed to. The team understood she was grieving, but they were going to everything they could to keep her from becoming too much of a recluse. It was part of the reason she had yet to go home, that and she didn’t know if she could handle walking inside her apartment to find it empty yet full of reminders of what was no more.

So she let Lindsey drive them towards Megan’s house. There were one or two moments where it would hit her all over again, what had happened. Her world would stop turning for a few seconds before it came screaming back to her and there would be a few seconds of sensory overload, followed by a hollow feeling blooming inside her chest.

This was another thing that had been happening fairly frequently, but she was never any more prepared for it than she had been the first time it had happened. She didn’t know what to do, so she just let it happen and tried to keep from suffocating from the hollowness inside her.

She starts fiddling with the ring on her finger as she continues staring out the window, watching as they leave D.C. behind. The feeling of the ring is equal parts reassuring and suffocating. It reminds her that she can still feel things, that she is not completely numb. But it also reminds her of a promise that will never be fulfilled, a love that had been taken from her.

She is unsure which feeling is more prominent.

* * *

_Alexandria_

Lindsey and Emily practically have to carry Kelley inside the apartment. They had tried to keep an eye on her at Megan’s to keep her from drinking too much, but she was sneaky. They had spent the better part of the day trading stories about random things, some including Hope and some not. They couldn’t _not_ mention her, but they knew better than to let it dominate the conversation; it would only upset Kelley more at the moment.

Lindsey decides she and Emily need to hide all of the liquor in the apartment. The last thing she wanted was the older agent going on a binge in an attempt to deal with her grief. They finally get through the front door and are able to get Kelley onto the bed in the guest room. She attempts to sit up, mumbling incoherently as she searches for a way to get out of her dress.

Lindsey looks at Emily who is standing by the bedroom door.

“Can you grab her some clothes to sleep in?”

Emily nods and moves to the dresser that now contained old clothes of Lindsey’s that Kelley had been borrowing since she started staying over. She quickly grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of shorts before joining the other two who have now made it to the bathroom. Kelley is seated on the edge of the bathtub while Lindsey stands in front of her.

“Kelley? Can you let me help you get changed so you can go to bed?”

“I’m fine,” she slurs in response.

“Kel, come on, let me help. The quicker we get this done, the quicker you can be comfortable and go to bed,” Lindsey attempts to coax the older agent.

Kelley shakes her head in refusal and Lindsey sighs. She hands over the clothes, knowing Kelley won’t allow her to help until she tries and fails to take care of it herself. Lindsey watches her struggle for a few seconds before turning to Emily.

“Why don’t you go on to bed? I’ve got this.”

Emily looks like she doesn’t want to leave, but she knows Kelley doesn’t want an audience, so she complies. Placing a kiss to Lindsey’s cheek and telling her goodnight, she leaves the bathroom. Lindsey turns back to Kelley who has stopped struggling and raises an eyebrow in question.

“Are you ready to let me help you?”

Kelley shakes her head and Lindsey sighs again.

“Kelley, please let me help you.”

“I don’t need your help,” Kelley suddenly snaps, catching Lindsey off guard. “I don’t need your help, I don’t need the pity, I don’t need anything!”

Lindsey lets her go, partially because she knows she needs to get it out and partially because she’s stunned that Kelley’s actually speaking. She knows lashing out is part of the grieving process and she had been expecting it eventually, she just wasn’t sure when it would happen. Kelly has finally gotten herself changed and isn’t slurring currently but the hazy look in her eyes gives away her insobriety. She has stopped speaking and won’t look at Lindsey. So the younger agent knelt beside her.

“What do you need Kelley?”

She doesn’t respond. She stands and walks past Lindsey into the bedroom, climbing in bed. Lindsey exits the bathroom as well and makes her way to the bedroom door. She shuts off the lights, looking at the agent who looks so small tucked under the covers.

Lindsey lays down on the couch, stretching out and trying to get comfortable. Her back hates her for sleeping on the couch for the past two weeks or so, but she doesn’t care. Her friend is hurting and this puts her in close enough proximity to help out if/when she can. She hears Kelley shift and holds her breath to see if she needs to get in there, letting out a relieved breath when she hears nothing.

Staring up towards the dark ceiling, Lindsey sighs one last time; she’s never felt so helpless.

* * *

_Quantico_

Tobin exits the elevator, but the sight of Christen standing in front of the Wall of Honor kept her from entering the bullpen. Instead, she made her way over towards the other woman, unsurprised to see her looking at Hope’s picture. The media liaison had spent nearly fifteen minutes every morning standing in front of the Wall and stared at the picture of their fallen family member. Tobin reaches Christen and stands next to her, again unsurprised when her presence isn’t acknowledged. After a couple of minutes, she speaks.

“We all miss her.”

“I know,” Christen’s voice sounds hollow.

“Staring at the picture won’t bring her back.”

Christen doesn’t respond; she just turns on her heel and heads for her office. Tobin glances at the picture one final time herself before entering the bullpen. She goes straight to her desk and takes a seat. Lindsey is already seated and looks ready for the day, but she’s staring at the cleaned out desk across from Kelley’s.

The younger agent is twirling a pen between her fingers and looks as if she is studying the empty desk. Tobin goes to say something to her partner, but a voice cuts her off.

“Briefing room, guys.”

The agents stand and walk to the room, hoping to regain even the smallest sense of normalcy in their lives. Becky and Christen are already in the briefing room when Tobin and Lindsey arrive with Megan and Tierna following shortly after.

“Press, when you’re ready,” Becky says.

“Not starting without me, are you?”

The agents turn to the door, all of them surprised to find Kelley standing there. She was attempting to appear mostly put together but they could see through the façade. Christen looks to Becky, unsure of what to do. The chief wordlessly stands and walks to Kelley, motioning for her to follow.

Before they leave, Becky gives a nod to Christen, signaling her to go ahead with the case presentation. She then exits the room and heads for her office, with Kelley following right behind her. When they reach her office, Becky closes the door behind her and draws the blinds. She then turns to face Kelley who is already staring her down.

“What are you doing here, O’Hara?”

“I’m _trying_ to do my job.”

Becky crosses her arms over her chest.

“I can smell the alcohol on you. I can’t have you here right now. And you need time, O’Hara. So take it.”

“I’m fine, Broon, I-”

“You are most certainly _not_ fine. You lost someone you loved, someone you gave your heart to. Nobody is expecting you to be fine right now. You’re trying to cope and I don’t agree with the method of drinking your days away, but that doesn’t negate the fact that you need time to grieve and come to terms with this, properly, before returning to work.”

Kelley looks away from her chief, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Kelley,” Becky speaks softly and Kelley’s eyes return to hers, “you need to go home, minimum six weeks of leave. I’ll get an agent to escort you.”

Kelley nods in understanding and heads for the door.

“And O’Hara,” Becky grabs her attention one last time, “if I see you back in the office before the six weeks are up, I’ll kick your ass.”

That manages to get a small half-smile from the agent who then nods and leaves the office, headed for the elevator. Becky watches her go, her heart hurting for the younger agent. It was never easy to lose someone you love and they were all still feeling the loss, and Kelley was feeling it most out of anyone.

The other team members leave the briefing room and look towards Becky in anticipation. Deciding to focus her energy on the case at hand, she looks at her team.

“Let’s go.”

* * *

_Washington D.C._

Kelley stands outside her front door, tapping her key against her palm and rocking back on her heels. When she had gotten in the car with the agent Becky sent to escort her home, she had told him her actual home address on instinct. They were halfway there before she realized what she had said.

So now she stood outside her home, unable to enter. She isn’t sure how long she stands there, but eventually, she turns on her heel and heads for her car. She can’t be here right now, can’t enter the apartment. She doesn’t want to see the shoes in the front entryway or the unfinished crossword sitting on the coffee table. She can’t bear the thought of going into the bedroom and seeing whatever book Hope had been reading on her nightstand or the folders from the wedding planner sitting on her own.

She had sobered up completely on the ride back to the apartment, so she gets in the car and starts driving. She’s not sure where she is going; all she knows is she can’t be here right now. She drives around the city for a while before finding herself in front of a diner.

She hasn’t eaten today; hell, she’s barely eaten in the past two weeks. She manages to get herself inside and approaches the counter. She takes a seat and looks at the menu, barely looking up when a waitress makes her way over.

“Can I get you anything?”

“Just..coffee, please.”

“Anything to eat?”

Kelley shakes her head, returning the menu to its place and giving a quiet “thank you” when her coffee is handed to her. She holds the mug with both hands, lacing her fingers and bringing it towards her mouth. She spots the ring again and pauses what she is doing, getting caught in her mind. She slowly puts the mug down but keeps her hold on it. Her shoulders are hunched over and she is trying to keep her breathing steady. Somebody sits next to her but she barely registers them until they speak.

“Coffee’s a decidedly better choice than liquor.”

Kelley turns her head, confused when she sees Christen sitting beside her.

“Chris, what are you doing here? Don’t you have a case?”

“It’s local, so we’re working from headquarters. I had Sonny ping your phone, wanted to check on you.”

Kelley turns back to her coffee.

“I’m fine.”

“It doesn’t take a profiler to see you’re not fine. Honestly, I’d be worried if you actually were fine. It’s okay to grieve, Kel. But liquor isn’t a good way to go about it.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“I heard Becky put you on leave.”

Kelley nods, still focusing on her drink instead of her friend.

“That’s good; you need the time. How’s it been, staying with Lindsey and Emily?”

Kelley lets out a puff of air that almost sounds like a small laugh.

“Surprised they aren’t sick of me yet.”

“Well, at least Bagel will always love you,” Christen jokes.

Kelley manages a small smile.

* * *

_Alexandria_

Kelley starts to spend more time at the dinner table. She still barely eats and says maybe five words total, but she doesn’t bail after ten minutes and Lindsey and Emily consider that a victory. She still retreats to the guest room after dinner and the other two women let her go each night. Lindsey still sleeps on the couch to be close to Kelley if she has a nightmare. Tonight was no different. Kelley sat through dinner, barely eating or speaking, and then retired to the guest room. Emily looks at Lindsey before wrapping her arms around her tightly in a hug.

“I love you.”

Lindsey presses a kiss to the top of her girlfriend’s head.

“I love you, too, Em.”

The analyst takes a shaky breath.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

Lindsey pulls back slightly and makes Emily look at her.

“None of that talk now. I’m here, you’re here, and that’s what matters.”

Emily nods in agreement then looks towards the guest room. The door has been closed and they can hear the shower running, so they know Kelley must be getting ready to go to bed. Lindsey wants nothing more than to relax with a glass of wine, sore from the case, but she knows having liquor around the apartment right now wasn’t a good idea.

“I’m really worried about her,” Emily says.

“She’ll be okay, Em.”

“But what if she’s not?”

“She will be,” Lindsey reassures Emily, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “It’ll take time, and it won’t be easy or pretty, but she’ll be okay.”

Emily’s face is still one of concern and slight doubt.

“How do you know that?”

“She’s Kelley,” Lindsey replies with a shrug.

Emily still doesn’t look completely convinced but knows this is a conversation for later. So she kisses Lindsey goodnight and goes to the bedroom to get ready to go to sleep. Lindsey waits until Kelley is completely ready for bed and the door opens, signaling the older agent is okay for now. She heads for her bedroom and quickly gets ready for bed before returning to the living room. The light in the guest room is off and a quick glance at the clock tells Lindsey that it is still relatively early, but she figures Kelley must be exhausted given the grief she is experiencing.

Lindsey doesn’t realize that Kelley is actually still awake. Her eyes are fixed towards the ceiling and she is fiddling with the ring that still sits on her finger. She has half a mind to think she’s just torturing herself by doing this, but the thought of not wearing the ring makes her feel physically sick. She starts to feel anger bubbling inside of her and slips the ring off and throws it. It dings off the wall, making enough noise to alert Lindsey. The blonde comes to the door and turns the light on. She looks at Kelley slightly confused before the ring catches her eye. Kelley’s back is to Lindsey and she makes no move to acknowledge her. Lindsey sighs and bends down, picks up the ring, and walks to put it on the desk near the bed.

She then leaves the room and shuts the light back off, wishing more than anything that she could help her friend.

* * *

**_“The reminders pull the floor from your feet...And you’re angry, and you should be, it’s not fair.” - Linkin Park_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feel free to yell at me in the comments or on Tumblr @closetbidisaster
> 
> See ya next time :)


	20. Here's to Misery That Knows No End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hello?”
> 
> “Hey, I need you to catch a ride home with Christen or someone, I’m leaving the office now.”
> 
> “What? Why? Is everything okay? You sound scattered.”
> 
> Emily doesn’t respond right away and Lindsey’s stomach drops. Christen has returned and is looking at Tobin and Tierna questioningly, wondering why Lindsey looks like she’s about to cry.
> 
> “Mrs. Lang called me. Apparently Kelley hasn’t come back yet.”
> 
> “Okay,” Lindsey frowns slightly, “she’s probably at the diner still or something.”
> 
> “She’s not, I called. They said she left hours ago. She doesn’t go anywhere other than the diner-”
> 
> Emily is rambling and it clicks for Lindsey where Kelley would have gone.
> 
> “Em, I know where she is,” she interrupts.
> 
> “You do?”
> 
> Lindsey’s eyes meet Christen, telling her everything she needs to know.
> 
> “Yeah,” she sighs, “Christen is going to get her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20 is yours.
> 
> Weird mix of different emotions. Do with that what you will.
> 
> Enjoy!

**_“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald_ **

* * *

_Alexandria - September 2018_

Kelley doesn’t wake up from nightmares as often these days. Then again, that would require her to sleep, something that is a rare occurrence right now. When she does sleep, the dreams haunt her. When she doesn’t sleep, something that happens far more often, she lies awake and stares into the darkness.

It’s not addressed but Kelley knows that Lindsey and Emily know. And that means that the whole team knows; not that it really matters. She still has three weeks of mandatory leave left before she’s even allowed back to go through a psych eval to determine if she can return or if she will need to retire.

Retirement.

It’s not the first time that thought has occurred to her. She’s still young and has been in the Bureau less than a decade. But she spent the first couple working deep cover and had been through a lot in the time she has spent with the BAU. Nobody would blame her for walking away. 

The sound of the balcony door opening pulls her from her thoughts before she can mull over the idea any more. She doesn’t turn, already knowing it’s Emily with a fresh cup of coffee. The sound of Lindsey telling them breakfast is ready reaches her ears and she stands, grabs the coffee from Emily with a small “thank you”, and walks inside.

They eat at the table. Or, at least, Lindsey and Emily eat. Kelley can feel them eyeing her as she picks at her food. It comes and goes in waves, the inability to eat. There were some days where she could eat and almost feel like everything was normal again. Other days, she would wake up and her stomach felt nonexistent. Today was one of those days. But she knows Lindsey won’t let her leave until she gets _something_ in her system, so she reaches for the fruit bowl and grabs an apple.

It tastes incredibly bland, but she eats it all the same. As soon as she’s done, she retreats back to the balcony and waits for one of them to come by and let her know that they’re headed into work. It’s Lindsey who does it today, dropping off another cup of coffee before telling her they’ll call if they need to leave town and that their neighbor, Mrs. Lang, would be by to make sure she was as okay as she could be.

Kelley nods to let Lindsey know that she acknowledged what she had told her but barely looks at her. The younger agent gives her shoulder a small squeeze, trying to remind her that she’s not alone, and leaves.

As Kelley watches the car containing the younger agent and the analyst leaves the parking lot, her mind wanders back to the thought of retirement briefly. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea, she thinks. A clean slate, a chance to start over. On the other hand, this is her life, her family she would be leaving. It’s starting to give her a headache to think about, or maybe it’s the lack of sleep that’s doing that. Either way, she’s had enough thinking for the time being.

She lets out a small sigh and watches as the city continues to come to life, wishing she had the strength to do the same.

* * *

_Quantico_

The two empty desks were a daily sight but it didn’t make it any less weird for the team to see when they arrived. Lindsey didn’t have to be on constant alert for pens flying across the bullpen, not with Kelley still out of commission. Tobin didn’t complain about someone using her creamer, not since Kelley had been gone. Christen pretty much stayed in her office if she didn’t need to be somewhere and the team wasn’t traveling; she couldn’t stand seeing the empty desks in the middle of the room. Becky and Megan spent most of their time in their respective offices as well, spending many nights holed up and trying to make things work with two members missing from their family. Emily’s smile was still bright, but it didn’t always reach her eyes. She stayed away from the bullpen more than usual and when she did come in, she did everything she could to avoid looking at the empty desks. Even Tierna’s behavior had shifted; the young doctor had only known Hope for a couple of months, but the loss was still hard for her. She mostly played chess by herself now and would turn down any offer to play against her, even from Becky.

The team was managing, but they were all hiding how big of an effect this was having on them. The Director had ordered psych evals for the entire team and they had all passed. Granted, it wasn’t necessarily hard for the agents; after all, they had helped write the evaluation and knew the proper answers to give. They were slowly coming to terms with the fact that Hope was gone and she wasn’t coming back. They knew it was part of the job, losing agents. And they knew that they were expected to keep going. So they did. And they all knew that Kelley returning for a psych eval would be looked at a lot closer than the rest of them.

For now, they all just tried to focus on the cases presented to them. And today was no different. Lindsey was twirling a pen between her fingers and watching Tobin shoot wadded up paper into a trashcan when a voice grabs their attention.

“Hey, ballers, briefing room,” Christen says, giving them a teasing smile.

The agents stand and head for the room, but not before Tobin launches another crumpled up piece of paper towards the trashcan. It manages to pull a smile out of her partner and that makes her feel a little bit better. Everything still feels majorly disjointed to all of them and Tobin’s been trying to get smiles or laughs from each member of the team at least once a day for a couple of weeks now. The quick smile that flashes across Lindsey’s face is the first of the day on Tobin’s list; she’s determined to get the others to smile at some point.

The partners enter the briefing room and take their seats. Becky is standing at the front with Christen and Megan joins the team shortly after Tobin and Lindsey sit down. Their chief takes her seat and looks towards Christen, signaling for her to go ahead with the presentation.

Christen grabs the remote and takes flicks it on, pulling up the details and turning back to the team.

“NCIS needs our help again and we’re overdue for our yearly visit,” she starts. “It’s serial and Director Tancredi called and asked for us.”

“Hold on,” Tobin interrupts, “Director Tancredi asked _us_ for help? Voluntarily?”

“Yes, Tobin, now quiet down or you can give the presentation.”

Tobin holds her hands in surrender, allowing Christen to continue.

“As I was saying, the Director asked for our help. Five bodies have been dropped throughout the DMV area, all stabbed multiple times before being dumped in back alleys. Three of them are Navy, which is why NCIS was called in. Crossing state lines makes it ours, but they want it to be a joint investigation.”

“We better move before this guy drops another body,” Becky says, closing her tablet and standing. “Meet at the SUVs in twenty.”

* * *

_Washington, D.C._

Kelley walks in the diner and sits at the counter, raising a hand to the server in greeting. She walks over with a smile and pours a mug of coffee for Kelley, handing it over before any words are exchanged. She’s spent nearly every morning here since Becky put her on leave and the same server, an older woman named Elaine, is always working when she comes in, so every morning she takes her seat and receives her coffee.

They don’t talk much outside of the waitress asking Kelley if she wants food or not. She never questions the answer and there is never a pattern to it. If Kelley wants food, she simply tells the server to surprise her and eats whatever is placed in front of her and drinks what looks like her weight in caffeine.

“Am I surprising you today or are you actually gonna look at the menu?”

This pulls a small smile out of Kelley and she takes a sip of her coffee before answering.

“If you keep making coffee like this, I might have to stick with my caffeine only diet, Elaine.”

“Yes, I know the black coffee that I don’t even make is superior to all else,” she replies dryly.

Usually, this would be when Elaine would go visit her other regulars but she doesn’t budge. Kelley sets her mug down and waits for her to speak again.

“Your friend came in the other day, asked about you.”

She doesn’t respond, not entirely sure where this is going or who the friend is, so she waits for the server to continue.

“Made me promise to try and get you to eat more often when you’re here. Sweet girl, seemed real concerned for your well-being.”

“Did my friend leave her name with you?”

“She gave me a last name to call her, said she doesn’t use her first name. The girl talked a mile a minute, too. I wasn’t sure I’d caught everything she’d said ‘til I repeated it back to her.”

Kelley manages another smile, an image of Emily rambling to Elaine crossing her mind.

“Yeah, Sonny gets that way when she’s scattered. Which is a lot,” she shrugs, taking another sip of coffee. “You get used to it.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. So am I surprising you or what?”

She is about to tell Elaine that it’s really not a big deal that she isn’t ordering food, but her stomach betrays her before she can get the words out. The low growl gives her away and the server smiles knowingly at her before turning and walking towards the kitchen.

“I’ll tell Jim to get your food going,” she calls over her shoulder.

Kelley smiles slightly and returns her attention to her coffee. She hears the door open and can see someone standing at the counter in her periphery but doesn’t really register it until the person comes and stands next to her while waiting for their takeout order to be given to them. She is surprised when she turns her head and finds the Assistant Medical Examiner from NCIS standing next to her.

“O’Hara, how are you?”

Desiree looks and sounds genuine and Kelley knows she is. The assistant ME is dating Christen, and more than that, she’s a good person. She empathizes with Kelley, hell, she knows what it’s like to lose a team member. It wasn’t the same, but it was more than a lot of people understood.

Kelley gives a noncommital sound in response and Desiree accepts the answer.

“Running errands for the office?”

The ME smiles and nods, grabbing the food and drink carrier. “Sinc and Steph swear by the coffee here and Quinn would eat their breakfast burrito every single day if she could.”

“Sounds like Sinc and Dr. Labbé have good taste in coffee. Agent Quinn could refine her tastes though; they have far better things beyond the breakfast burrito.”

“I’ll be sure to tell her that,” Desiree laughs and turns to leave, pausing before leaving. “I know Christen’s already made multiple offers, but you’re more than welcome to come over for dinner any time. A change of scenery could be good.”

“I get my change of scenery by coming here.”

“Fair enough. Just, think about it at least?”

Kelley gives a nod, agreeing to think about it but not committing to anything. The ME takes that as her cue to get going and gives a nod in farewell before leaving. As if on cue, Elaine returns with more coffee and a plate of food for her. She sets the plate down, tops off her coffee, and nods towards the door.

“You know Desi?”

“Yeah, sorta. We’ve worked together a couple of times and she’s dating one of my friends.”

Elaine nods in understanding.

“The team eats here a lot. Desiree is my favorite regulars, don’t tell anyone.”

“I thought _I_ was your favorite regular,” Kelley replies, feigning offense and feeling like herself briefly.

“Well,” Elaine shrugs and turns to walk away, calling back as she does, “I have positively no idea what could’ve given you that idea.”

* * *

_Washington Navy Yard_

The BAU team stands just outside of the bullpen as Becky shakes hands with Agent Sinclair and Director Tancredi. Things had gone relatively smooth, though Tobin and Lindsey now had a new appreciation for Kelley having handled the navy cops the last two times. They were more aggravating than the partners had remembered.

Becky gives another nod to the other agents and returns to her team. Lindsey points towards the elevators.

“Ready to go Cap?”

“Beyond ready. I wanna go home and see my cat,” Becky replies, heading for the elevator.

The other agents follow suit. The elevator ride down to the lobby is quiet, all of them too tired from the case to even bother attempting conversation. They exit the elevator and leave the building, running into another familiar face on the way out.

“Ms. Scott, nice to see you, as always,” Becky greets the assistant medical examiner.

“Nice to see you as well, Agent Sauerbrunn. Could I possibly steal Christen for a moment before you guys leave? Won’t take long.”

Becky nods and Christen and Desiree walk a bit away from the group. Becky and Megan both head for the SUVs, leaving Tierna, Lindsey, and Tobin to watch the interaction between the couple. Well, Tobin is watching the interaction and scowling while doing so. The other two are watching her.

“You know,” Lindsey says after a few seconds, “if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you don’t like Desiree.”

Her voice is teasing and gets a laugh from Tierna, though Tobin remains unamused.

“What gave you that idea Linds? They’re _obviously_ best friends,” the youngest team member jests, poking Tobin’s side.

“You are both terrible friends.”

Lindsey’s about to respond, but before she can, her phone rings. She’s slightly confused as to why Emily would be calling her right now given that she had already informed her that she would be back soon. But she knows better than to keep her girlfriend waiting, so she answers.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I need you to catch a ride home with Christen or someone, I’m leaving the office now.”

“What? Why? Is everything okay? You sound scattered.”

Emily doesn’t respond right away and Lindsey’s stomach drops. Christen has returned and is looking at Tobin and Tierna questioningly, wondering why Lindsey looks like she’s about to cry.

“Mrs. Lang called me. Apparently Kelley hasn’t come back yet.”

“Okay,” Lindsey frowns slightly, “she’s probably at the diner still or something.”

“She’s not, I called. They said she left hours ago. She doesn’t go anywhere other than the diner-”

Emily is rambling and it clicks for Lindsey where Kelley would have gone.

“Em, I know where she is,” she interrupts.

“You do?”

Lindsey’s eyes meet Christen, telling her everything she needs to know.

“Yeah,” she sighs, “Christen is going to get her.”

The liaison nodded, turning back to Desiree who was lingering outside the doorway. The two women walked to the latter’s car, getting in and leaving while the other agents approached the SUVs that had come to get them. Lindsey quickly explained that Christen was off to see Kelley, feeling only slightly guilty about twisting the words and semi-lying to her unit chief.

The team heads back for Quantico, and Lindsey prays that Christen finds Kelley unharmed, and soon.

* * *

_Washington, D.C._

Lindsey had been right and Christen isn’t sure if she was glad about that or not. On one hand, it meant she and Desiree had quickly located Kelley. On the other, what they found was _not_ what they wanted to find. Desiree stayed in the car, knowing Christen would fare better on her own.

Christen slowly makes her way towards her friend, eyes not missing the crumpled paper bag next to her as she stared at the headstone. Swearing to herself, Christen wracks her brain and tries to think of what could have set Kelley off and sent her down. She knows it’s a wide net; sometimes it only took the smallest of things, but she also knew Kelley had avoided alcohol successfully since being put on leave. At least, until now.

She reaches her friend and sits down next to her. The smaller woman doesn’t acknowledge her presence, eyes not moving from where they are staring.

“You really worried Sonny. She was frantic, not knowing where you were.”

Kelley doesn’t respond and Christen half wonders if she’s even capable of it at the moment. Judging by the smell of whiskey surrounding her friend and the half-empty bottle, it wasn’t looking promising. Thanking whatever higher being that resides above for making her overly prepared, she grabs the water bottle she had carried over with her and sets it next to Kelley.

It takes a couple of minutes, and Kelley still refuses to look at her, but she finally grabs the water bottle. Christen waits another few minutes before speaking again.

“Don’t know if Lindsey and Sonny told you, but we worked with NCIS this week. Agent Quinn asked where you were. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she missed you.”

“What’s there to miss? Still here, aren’t I?”

Kelley’s words are surprisingly coherent given the amount of alcohol she’s consumed. Her voice is low and soft, Christen would’ve missed it if she hadn’t been right next to her.

“I dunno. Are you still here?”

That gets Kelley to finally look at Christen. While she is unsurprised by the haziness in the other woman’s eyes given her insobriety, the sadness in them still hurts her heart. Seeing her friend in so much pain and knowing she is powerless to help is one of the most frustrating things she has ever had to experience.

“You’re here physically. That’s about it,” she continues. “What happened, Kel? You were doing so well avoiding using alcohol as a coping mechanism.”

Kelley’s gaze drops to her hands and that’s when Christen sees it and it clicks for her. The engagement ring was sitting on her finger still and the skin that had been underneath had a red tint to it. Christen had the sneaking suspicion that Kelley had rubbed at it so furiously that she had agitated the skin.

“One of the servers asked when he could meet the lucky person who put a ring on my finger,” Kelley’s broken voice reaches Christen and the latter’s heart clenches again.

“Kelley, I-”

“No,” Kelley cuts her off, voice stronger this time. “I don’t want your pity.”

“That’s not-”

“No, it is. It is what I would be getting and don’t patronize me by suggesting otherwise.”

Christen reaches over and grabs the bottle of whiskey before Kelley can react. She unscrews the lid and tips it over, pouring the rest of it out. Kelley lunges forward, nearly falling over as she does, and tries to grab the bottle but misses. Christen then stands and looks at her friend.

“You’re going to stand, or let me help you stand, and we’re taking you back to Lindsey and Sonny’s apartment. You’re going to sleep this off and in the morning, you’re going to a meeting.”

Kelley scoffs, still seated, “A meeting? Come on, Chris. I’m not an alcoholic.”

“You’re trying to drink your problems away and you are a federal investigator. Are you trying to drink yourself to death? Or get fired?”

“At least I’d be with Hope,” Kelley snaps and Christen’s eyes widen.

“Kelley Maureen, I _know_ you did not just suggest that,” she starts and Kelley refuses to meet her eyes.

She sits down again, forcing Kelley to look at her before speaking again.

“That isn’t the Kelley I know. You’re allowed to miss her, to grieve. You’re allowed to cry, to be sad, and not be quite sure when you’ll start feeling even remotely better. You’re allowed to be confused and angry at whatever God you may or may not believe in. But you are not, under any circumstances, allowed to give up or stop living. Hope wouldn’t want that, and I know you know that. She would want you to remember her, but she would also want you to live your life. Carry her with you, in the ring, in your memories, in your work. Whatever it may be. But don’t stop living and don’t stop fighting.”

Kelley breaks. A heart-wrenching sob comes out of her and Christen wraps her in a hug, letting her cry into her.

“I just-I miss her so much, Chris. We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together. I don’t know what to do. I can’t sleep, it feels like I can’t breathe, everything is crumbling.”

“I know, I miss her too. And I know you don’t want comfort words from someone who doesn’t know what it’s like to lose someone like that, but I want you to know that I’m always here for you. Whether it’s sitting in silence or screaming into the night about how unfair life is, I’m here. Just say the word. I promise.”

By the time Kelley is cried out, the sun has begun to dip below the horizon. They sit in silence for a few moments, watching the sun continue its descent before Christen stands again. She offers a hand to a now mostly sober Kelley and helps her stand. The taller woman continues holding the shorter one’s hand as she leads her towards the car.

“Let’s get you back to Lindsey and Sonny.”

Before they get in the car, before Desiree can hear, Kelley looks at Christen and speaks quietly.

“Chris?”

“Hm?”

“Could you maybe come with me tomorrow? And, like, wait outside the meeting for me?”

Christen gives her a small smile and squeezes her hand once in comfort, nodding.

“Like I said, I’m always here for you.”

It’s the smallest of flashes but Christen swears she saw a flicker of hope in her friend’s eye and prays it wasn't a trick of the light.

* * *

**_“It is said that the darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn.” - Thomas Fuller_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch ya next time my dudes!
> 
> As always, feel free to yell at me in the comments or on Tumblr @closetbidisaster


	21. Doing Everything I Can

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team nods at each of their assignments before dispersing. Kelley heads for the couch and pulls out her tablet, reviewing the case again. She feels someone sit next to her and looks up, seeing Emily sitting on the other end of the couch looking at her. Kelley closes her tablet and waits for the younger blonde to speak.
> 
> “You okay?”
> 
> Kelley considers the question for a moment.
> 
> “I’m as okay as I can be, I think. The, uh,” she clears her throat slightly, “the meetings have been helping a lot. And the shrink I was recommended. It’s slow, and painful at times, but I know that I’m coming to terms with it more.”
> 
> She pauses for a moment and rubs slightly at her ring finger, looking down briefly. When she looks back up, Emily’s eyes are still trained on her.
> 
> “I know my life has been altered forever, and that things will never go back to ‘normal’,” she pauses again. “But I also know that I can’t stop living.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Star Wars Day my young padawan learners.
> 
> Here is Chapter 21 for your enjoyment!

**_“It has been said ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wound remains. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” - Rose Kennedy_ **

* * *

_Quantico - October 2018_

Shifting the bag weighing on her shoulder, Kelley takes a deep breath and steps onto the elevator. Her mandatory leave had ended a week ago, but she had taken an extra week, meaning today was her first day back. She was still staying with Lindsey and Emily but had promised herself she would return to her apartment when she returned to work. She would deal with that after work today, after she got her feet back under her at the Bureau.

The other two were also on the elevator with her, but nobody spoke. The two blondes could tell the older woman was feeling a little weird, but also relieved, to be back with the team finally. She had been growing restless, knowing she needed time but also knowing she needed to be back with her BAU family.

The elevator doors open and they step out, walking towards the bullpen. Spying the Wall of Honor, Kelley pauses. She can’t see the photo from her, but she knows where it is. She feels rooted in place until Lindsey comes back over.

“Hey,” she says softly, nodding towards the glass doors. “Let’s go?”

Kelley blinks once, shaking her head slightly in an attempt to clear it and then looks at Lindsey. She nods and adjusts her bag again, following the younger agent into the bullpen and heading to her desk. She tries to keep from looking at the empty desk across from her. Logically, she knew it would be there, but that didn’t make it easier to see. Still, she knew that before long, the empty position would be filled. As it was, it was very unusual for a spot to be left open for this long. She wasn’t sure how she would react to whoever the new person was, but right now, she didn’t want to think about that.

She begins to subconsciously rub at the ring on her finger as she thinks about getting back into the swing of things. It was a habit she had picked up after Hope had proposed. Whenever Kelley started to feel nervous or overwhelmed, she would fiddle with the ring. It grounded her and reminded her that she had a wonderful support system. Now, it reminded her of what she had lost, but also, what she was remembering.

“BAU, briefing room, two minutes,” Christen calls down, as she makes her way to the room.

Kelley stands and follows Lindsey towards the briefing room. Everyone else is already in there and they all offer small nods or waves to Kelley as she takes her seat. Christen stands and clicks the remote, pulling up the case photos.

“Rock Springs, Wyoming. Four women have gone missing in the last two months. All of them roughly the same age, height, hair color, etc.”

“Any of them turn up yet?” Tobin asks, looking up.

“Not exactly,” Christen answers, pulling up a new photo. “The unsub sends the family a finger after two weeks, but no bodies have been found.”

“If he’s keeping to this pattern, he may already have his next victim,” Becky says as she starts to gather her things. “The last thing we want is for these women to turn up dead. Grab your gear, wheels up in twenty.”

Kelley stands and takes a deep breath; everything outside of the case could wait for now. As she leaves the room, she hears Becky call out to them one more time.

“Somebody grab Sonnett. We’re gonna need her with us on this one.”

* * *

After the third time Emily looks around the jet like a little kid, Lindsey pokes her in the side to get her to stop squirming.

“Hey! What was that for?” Emily pouts slightly, rubbing at her side.

“You gonna act your age?”

“Hey, I only get to travel with you guys, like, once every ten thousand years.”

Lindsey rolls her eyes but smiles as Kelley sits the seat across from Emily and smiles at her.

“Is little Sonny excited she gets to leave her Batcave again?” She asks in a teasing voice.

That pulls a laugh from the other team members, all of them relieved she is able to begin to make jokes with the team again. Emily goes to reply, but before she can, Becky pulls their attention to her.

“When we land, I want Heath and Horan to visit the latest victim’s family. Davidson and O’Hara, work up a geographic profile based on the women’s workplaces and homes. Sonnett, we’re gonna get you set up with any and all footage we have of the women from before they disappeared. Pinoe, Press, and I will meet with the police captain to see what they already know and we’ll go from there, got it?”

The team nods at each of their assignments before dispersing. Kelley heads for the couch and pulls out her tablet, reviewing the case again. She feels someone sit next to her and looks up, seeing Emily sitting on the other end of the couch looking at her. Kelley closes her tablet and waits for the younger blonde to speak.

“You okay?”

Kelley considers the question for a moment.

“I’m as okay as I can be, I think. The, uh,” she clears her throat slightly, “the meetings have been helping a lot. And the shrink I was recommended. It’s slow, and painful at times, but I know that I’m coming to terms with it more.”

She pauses for a moment and rubs slightly at her ring finger, looking down briefly. When she looks back up, Emily’s eyes are still trained on her.

“I know my life has been altered forever, and that things will never go back to ‘normal’,” she pauses again. “But I also know that I can’t stop living.”

She finishes speaking and the analyst flashes her a small smile, reaching forward and patting her on the knee. She then stands and walks to the coffee machine, pouring two cups, and bringing one to Kelley.

“A caffeinated toast then,” Emily lifts her mug a little, smiling at her friend, “to living.”

The rest of the team sees it and waits for the response. Kelley gives her own smile, a genuine one, and lifts her mug as well, feeling more like herself than she has in a long time.

“To living.”

* * *

_Rock Springs_

It is unusually hot when the team arrives in Wyoming. They branch off, Lindsey and Tobin heading off to visit the latest victim’s family while the others head for the station. When they arrive, Emily makes a beeline for the conference room and immediately starts setting up her laptop. The team lets her go while Becky makes introductions.

“Captain Stevens, I’m SSA Sauerbrunn,” she shakes the captain’s hand. “This is SSAs O’Hara and Rapinoe, Dr. Davidson, and the one who looks like a kid in a candy shop over there is our technical analyst, Emily Sonnett.” She points to each person as she introduces them and the captain nods along.

“Nice to meet you all. The conference room is all yours. If you need anything, please let me know.”

“Could you get me a couple of maps of the city and some markers?” Tierna asks and the captain nods.

“Yeah, of course. Anything else?”

“I think that’s all for now,” Becky tells him. “Thank you.”

The captain leaves to get the supplies and the team gets settled. By the time he returns, the team is completely set up, each of them holding a coffee and looking at the case file again. He pauses for a moment when he sees Tierna alternating between reading the case file and playing a game of chess against herself. After a moment, he clears his throat and holds up the supplies.

“I got you the stuff you need.”

The youngest BAU team member moves and grabs the maps from him, pinning them up and returning to the case file. The captain watches, fascinated by what she is doing. After a few minutes, she makes another move on the chessboard, mouths something to herself while reading from the file, and then walks to the map, marking an area. The captain turns to Becky, looking amused and intrigued.

“How old is she again?”

“Twenty-one as of last month.”

“And where did she come from?”

Kelley is leaning against the table and hears the question. She turns to the captain and speaks before Becky can.

“She was left on our doorstep with a lunchbox and her backpack. We tried to return her once, but they wouldn’t take her without a receipt.”

“You’re just upset because they tried to return you first,” Tierna responds without turning around.

The older agent tosses a marker at the younger one, a smile crossing her face as she then properly stands and joins her by the map. The captain turns towards the chief and nods towards the agents by the map.

“What are they doing?”  
  


“Building a geographic profile. Finding the unsub’s comfort zone and narrowing down where he lives and/or works based on the victims’ locations.”

“And how long does that usually take?”

Before Becky can respond, the other two agents turn around wearing triumphant grins.

“Got it.”

* * *

Kelley stretches and downs the last of her coffee before turning back to the whiteboard and looking at the case details. Tierna is seated at the table, looking over new details and reviewing old ones. The two of them have been going over the case repeatedly. By now, both of them know the case back to front and probably recite the details in their sleep.

She hears the door open and turns to see Lindsey and Tobin entering the room.

“Lisa Evans was found in a park. They’re moving her to the coroner’s office,” Lindsey tells her as she and Tobin take their seats at the table.

“Damn,” Kelley sighs. “When did she go missing again?”

“She was the first to go missing, two months ago.”

“When did the others go missing?”

“Shauna Colson went missing two weeks after Lisa Evans. Aimee Gomez, two weeks after that. And, Erin Taylor, two weeks after that,” Tobin confirms, looking through the files.

“So why’d he get rid of Lisa? Was it because he grabbed Erin Taylor?”

“Everything the unsub has done has been methodical and planned out. The two week period could be reminiscent of something from his life concerning women who remind the unsub of whatever triggered him. A lot of things can happen in a two-week span. The original Apollo mission could’ve occurred twice, over five thousand drivers’ licenses can be distributed by the DMV, over eleven million gallons of beer could be produced. Though, I doubt that any of those are the reason the unsub is using a two-week schedule,” Tierna rambles, speaking quickly without looking up.

The other three just look at her for a moment, waiting until the youngest team member looks up to speak.

“You are, by far, the most life-like robot I have ever seen,” Lindsey says, and Tobin and Kelley laugh.

“What button do I push to unlock the secrets of the world?” Tobin asks.

“If I told you that, I would lose one of the advantages I have on all of you.”

The older agents look at each other, amused. Tobin leans back and speaks again.

“And what advantages do you have now?”

“For starters? An IQ of 170 and a Ph.D.”

“And the humility of a nun.”

Tierna shrugs, turning back to the case file, and responding, “You asked. It’s a fact that anyone with an IQ over 160 is considered a genius.”

Lindsey laughs again, standing and pouring herself more coffee. Kelley claps Tobin on the back before standing herself.

“The doctor has a point.”

“Shove off, O’Hara.”

* * *

The team is nearly finished packing up when the captain comes to see them off. Tierna and Kelley are tearing down the maps and poking fun at Tobin while she and Lindsey pack up the tablets and team laptop. Emily has already packed her things and is sitting on the table, waiting. Becky and Megan have gone to retrieve the SUVs so they can get to the airport.

The captain enters and looks around the room at the entire team. He clears his throat slightly, grabbing their attention before speaking.

“I just wanted to thank you all again for your help. For stopping this man before he could hurt anyone else.”

“It was a group effort, Captain,” Tobin tells him. “No thanks necessary.”

The captain nods, shaking hands with each of them but doesn’t leave. The team can tell he has more questions, so Kelley walks over to him and leads him out of the room, away from the team. They stand near the elevator and she waits for the captain to speak.

“I guess I just...I don’t get why. Why did he do this?” The captain asks, genuinely baffled.

Kelley glances towards the conference room, seeing how far along the team is in getting packed up before returning her gaze to the waiting man in front of her.

“Banks suffered prolonged verbal and physical abuse at the hands of his father. He watched his mother suffer that same abuse, and so much more. He never truly knew what love felt like, just copied what he had seen from his parents.”

“And the finger? Why do that?”

“He got that from his father, and the movies we found at his place. Served as proof of life to the family. And, in his own twisted way, showed how he was taking care of them by keeping them alive. At least, until he found a new woman.”

“Did he ever think he would find what he was looking for? Whatever that was.”

“Yes, in his mind, he believed he could achieve it. But I’m afraid that what he was looking for, he would never find. His demands were too high, too specific. He was never going to get it, but he genuinely thought he would.”

The captain nods once again, but Kelley can tell he is still troubled. She glances towards the room and sees the team heading for her. Knowing they are about to leave, she offers one last thing to the captain.

“Don’t drive yourself crazy with the ‘why’. Just know that your city is safer with him off the streets.”

“Yes, of course,” he smiles as the rest of the team joins them. “Thank you all, once again. Have a safe flight home.”

They all shake his hand one final time and watch as he returns to his office. The elevator dings and the doors open, the team boarding together.

The team takes the elevator down to the first floor. They exit the building and head for the SUVs. Lindsey, Emily, and Tobin get in Megan’s vehicle, while Kelley and Tierna join Becky. The team leaves the lot and heads for the airport. They are almost there when Becky glances at Kelley briefly and asks, “Ready to go home?”

Kelley doesn’t miss the double-meaning behind the question and takes a minute before answering. When she does, it’s a firm nod and a look of confidence as she answers, “Yeah. I’m ready.”

And she knows it’s true.

* * *

_Washington, D.C._

Kelley shifts on her feet as she stares at her front door, trying to work up the courage to unlock it. She had left Quantico with Lindsey and Emily, returning to their apartment and picking up her car to head back to D.C. She had thanked them for taking care of her, for allowing her to crash at their place for so long. Both of them had offered to accompany her back to her apartment, but she had refused. She was going to have to get used to sleeping here alone, might as well get started.

She takes a deep breath and inserts the key into the lock. She unlocks the door and pushes it open, flicking on the entryway light. She catches sight of a pair of shoes on the shoe mat and she falters for a moment. Taking a shaky breath, she forces herself to move further into the apartment.

She reaches the kitchen, relieved to find that it is relatively clean, though she knows she will need to clean out her fridge and pantry. She reaches the living room and stops again. Sitting on the coffee table is a newspaper, opened to a half-finished crossword. She slowly reaches down and grabs it, folding it and carrying it with her as she nears the bedroom.

The door is closed and it looks terribly uninviting to Kelley as she reaches forward to open it. The room is cold as she enters it, and she is unsure if it’s truly cold or if it’s the apprehension of being back here. She turns the light on and her eyes fall on the book sitting on Hope’s nightstand. Kelley approaches the nightstand and lifts the book, running a hand over the cover. She opens the book to the marked page, breath hitching when she sees the bookmark.

It’s an old notecard, the handwriting nearly illegible and slightly faded, but Kelley knows what it says. After all, she had written it when she had given Hope the book nearly a year ago. The woman had read it multiple times, but Kelley had never noticed that she had kept the note as a bookmark.

_Happy birthday to my favorite person in the world! I love doing life with you. Found this a few weeks ago. Thought you might enjoy it. Love, your favorite_

She closes the book and takes it over to the bookshelf, sliding it back into place but leaving the bookmark where it was. She then goes to her nightstand and gently lifts the wedding planner, studying it and her ring. She stands still for a moment before dropping the planner on the bed and moving towards the closet. Opening the door and turning on the light, she quickly gets changed and then locates a ring box and grabs it, along with her toolbox. She returns to the bed and grabs the planner, setting inside the box. Looking at the ring on her finger, she carefully slides it off.

She opens the box and puts the ring inside. She doesn’t close the box right away, though. She stares at the ring and, in that moment, promises herself two things. She would not wear the ring anymore; the questions were too much and she knew taking it off was the first step to healing. The second promise was just as strong. She would never love again, not like she loved Hope. like she still loves Hope.

She closes the ring box and sets it next to the planner. She then kneels on the floor. She grabs a crowbar and hammer and locates the already somewhat loose floorboard and removes it. She sets the ring box inside and puts the floorboard back in place with a certain finality. She stands once again and returns the toolbox to the closet before coming back to the bed.

She grabs the planner and exits the bedroom. Reaching the hall closet, she opens the door and sets the planner on the top shelf. She closes the door, intent on heading back to the bedroom but falters when her eyes catch sight of the shoes in the entryway once again. She debates what to do for a second before shaking her head and turning back towards the bedroom. Not tonight, she thinks. She’ll deal with the rest later; for now, she only wants to sleep.

She returns to the bedroom and stares at the bed. She knows it will not be easy, but she cannot afford to sleep on the couch. How Lindsey had done it the entire time Kelley was staying with them was beyond her. She knew her back couldn’t take it, so she enters the room and approaches the bed. But before she can lay down to go to sleep, she remembers one last thing she needs to do.

She goes to the kitchen one final time and opens the liquor cabinet. It was relatively empty, to begin with; she didn’t like having a lot of alcohol around the apartment seeing as she was barely home to drink it. But there were still a few bottles sitting inside the cabinet. She grabs them and takes them to the sink, dumping out all of the contents.

She knows it will be best in the long run. The meetings were helping, that was true, but she knew the temptation was still strong. And being back in her apartment, alone, served as the perfect storm that could drive her to break her sobriety. She places the now empty bottles in the glass recycling crates and then returns to the bedroom. She climbs into bed and pulls the covers up, trying to get comfortable. She knows sleep will not come easily, but she also knows she needs to at least try.

The journey she is on will not be an easy one, but it is a necessary one, nonetheless. It would take time and there will be good days and bad, she knows this. But she also knows that, in order to move on, to heal, she must keep pushing.

It’s time to truly continue living.

* * *

**_“It doesn't take a lot of strength to hold on. It takes a lot of strength to let go.” - J.C. Watts_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is one I am very excited for!
> 
> As always, feel free to yell at me in the comments or on Tumblr @closestbidisaster
> 
> See ya next time :)


	22. Blue-Eyed and Foolish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But she also knows better than to argue with Becky in front of another team, so she simply turns on her heels and leaves the bullpen with Alex following her. They reach the SUV and Kelley holds her hand out, silently asking for the keys. Alex raises an eyebrow.
> 
> “I drive,” Kelley says.
> 
> Alex scoffs.
> 
> “I lived here my entire life. I drive.”
> 
> She moves around Kelley and gets in the SUV, turning it on. Kelley clenches her jaw but rounds the vehicle, getting in the passenger side and refusing to look at the other agent. She’s positive Becky did this on purpose, pairing her with the newbie. She had been perfectly content working with Tierna, taking the young doctor under her wing. And she knew that Becky knew that she absolutely hates change.
> 
> As they pull out of the lot and head for their destination, Kelley closes her eyes and tries to remain calm; this was not going to be easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Mario voice* here we go!
> 
> Enjoy!

**_“Every new beginning comes from another beginning’s end.” - Seneca_ **

* * *

_Quantico - December 2018_

Things were finally almost back to normal. There was still an undeniable hole in the team, highlighted by the empty desk in the bullpen, but things were getting back to normal. Kelley was living back in her apartment, sleeping in her bed, and had even started to joke a little again. She no longer had frequent nightmares, though they still popped up occasionally. There was no flip of the switch, she wasn’t magically all better. The apartment still felt empty and the nights were cold without her personal space heater. But she was sober and she showed up to work every morning carrying two coffees - one for her and one for Tierna, her partner.

The youngest BAU team member had been working her ass off the last few months, proving her worth to the team tenfold. The team never doubted her, but being a member down (two for a bit), they all had to step up. And she had done just that. Kelley felt like she had gained a younger sister in the agent, and she figured the least she could do for the walking encyclopedia was bring her a coffee before work.

The day started as any other day did recently. When Kelley entered the bullpen, she dropped the second coffee off with Tierna who was midway through her second crossword of the day and headed for her desk. Tobin was already in, twirling a pen between her fingers and staring off into space. Kelley is in the middle of debating whether or not to bother the other agent when she spots a blonde head making its way towards the bullpen. On instinct, she reaches over and grabs Tobin’s pen out of her hand, launching it at Lindsey’s head and laughing when the pen hits its target.

“You’re a child, you know?”

Kelley shrugs, blocking the pen that Lindsey had tossed back at her.

“I like to think of it as being ‘young at heart’.”

Lindsey rolls her eyes and sits at her desk.

“Yeah, sure, let’s call it that,” she scoffs before glancing at Tobin. “Did you sleepwalk to work or something?”

When Tobin doesn’t reply, Kelley takes the pen and prepares to toss it at her.

“Do that and I will break your precious pen.”

“She speaks! Also, it’s your pen.”

Tobin ignores her and stands, walking towards the kitchenette. The other two agents watch her go, wondering what could be bothering the taller brunette. Even Tierna glances up from her crossword, looking slightly puzzled by Tobin’s behavior.

“BAU, meet in the briefing room in two, please,” Christen’s voice grabs them.

The team members make their way to the briefing room. On the way, Kelley nudges Tierna.

“How was your weekend, kid?”

“It was great! I had my chess competition on Saturday and then went and caught a movie that night. How was yours?”

Kelley shrugs as they enter the room and take their seats.

“Ordered takeout. Went on a run with Sonny on Sunday. Didn’t do much else.”

“Livin’ the dream, huh?” Lindsey inserts as she takes her seat.

“One nightmare at a time.”

Tobin enters the room with Christen, the two of them talking about something in quiet voices. Nobody had noticed the new presence in the room, all too busy getting settled and catching up.

“Alright, guys,” Becky speaks, trying to get her team’s attention. “Before we get started, I have an announcement to make.”

Nobody heard as Tierna and Lindsey had been distracted by Kelley tossing a pen at Tobin again and the taller agent snapping the pen, creating a puddle of ink on the table. Becky sighs slightly and makes a mental note to deal with that in a moment. She clears her throat and finally grabs the team’s attention.

“I know a lot of us are still,” she pauses, “recovering. But, Director Lloyd has requested that we fill the vacant spot.”

Kelley doesn’t miss the not-so-subtle glances thrown her way when Becky finishes speaking. She ignores the looks and rubs slightly at her ring finger. The habit was still very much alive and kicking. The sound of Becky’s voice brings her back to the moment.

“After a lot of consideration, and interviews, Pinoe and I have made a decision,” she gestures towards the new face in the room. “This is Alex Morgan from the Los Angeles field office. Please make her feel welcome and help show her the ropes. Minimal hazing, please.”

There are small laughs from each team member as Becky then turns to Christen and nods to her.

“Alright, Press. Let’s hear what we got.”

* * *

Kelley is the last one to arrive at the jet. She had stopped by Emily’s office to inform her of the newest addition to the team. Boarding the jet, she spots everyone in their usual spots. Becky is working a crossword and Kelley can’t help but smile when she spots Tierna next to the chief in the middle of kicking Christen’s ass in a game of chess. Megan, Tobin, and Lindsey are reviewing the case files, already bouncing ideas off one another. Lindsey is also setting up the laptop for them to call Emily sometime during the flight to Los Angeles. 

Kelley’s gaze falls to the couch on the back of the jet. It’s not like they have set spots on the jet, but it was still an unspoken rule that Kelley sits on the couch, alone, on the flight over. Today, though, she finds that it is not an empty couch. Rather, the newest team member is seated there. Her feet are frozen and she struggles with what to do until Becky looks up at her.

“O’Hara, take a seat. We gotta take off.”

This spurs her back into action and she decides to sit on the couch. After all, it was her spot and she wasn’t about to sacrifice it for some newbie.

Take-off was uneventful, like always. As soon as their pilot gave the signal that they were free to move, she stood and wandered over to the coffee maker. She pours herself some coffee, tablet in hand, and then returns to her seat and begins reviewing the case.

Feeling like she is being watched, she looks up and immediately locks eyes with Alex. The new agent’s eyes are a piercing blue and they startle Kelley a little when she sees them properly. She moves past this, though, more interested in why the newbie is watching her.

“Can I help you?”

“Just practicing my profiling skills.”

Kelley bites back a comment about not profiling team members, deciding that was something for a later date. She studies Alex for a moment, unable to get a read on her. It was similar to the briefing room during Christen’s case presentation. She didn’t know anything about the younger agent and that didn’t sit well with her. After a moment, she turns her attention back to the case; she doesn’t want her routine to be interrupted. She only gets about ten seconds of silence before the voice next to her sounds again.

“How long have you been with the BAU?”

“About three years,” her voice sounds distracted as she doesn’t look up and continues reading the file.

“What made you join?”

Closing her tablet, Kelley looks at Alex once again before responding.

“They asked. What about you?”

Alex shrugs and smirks a bit, responding, “They asked.”

Kelley is _so_ annoyed right now. She cannot, for the life of her, get a read on the woman in front of her and it’s driving her insane. This is her life - she literally studies human behavior for a living. And, yet, Alex is a complete mystery. Kelley knows it will get easier with time, but she had always had a knack for reading people.

Alex tilts her head towards the other end of the jet, where Tierna has grown tired of wiping the floor with Christen and is now playing Becky.

“How old is Dr. Davidson?”

Kelley looks at the board and smiles, feeling proud, when she sees the young doctor had managed to squeak out a win. It was about time; Tierna had been floored when Becky had kicked her ass when she first joined the team and had been determined to beat her ever since.

Realizing she hasn’t answered Alex’s question yet, she returns her gaze to the newest team member.

“Twenty-one.”

Alex’s eyebrows raise in surprise.

“She’s a kid.”

Kelley stares at her for a moment.

“She’s smart as hell and a damn good profiler.”

“I never said otherwise,” Alex calmly replies.

Kelley is about to reply when the pilot’s voice sounds, telling them they are about to begin their final descent into Los Angeles. The team sits properly and buckles up, preparing for what awaits them.

Alex prepares to be home again.

* * *

_Los Angeles_

Entering the Los Angeles field office, the team approaches some familiar-looking faces. Ashlyn steps forward with a big smile.

“Well, well, well. The prodigal daughter returns,” she teases and Alex rolls her eyes.

“I’ve been gone for a week.”

“I know. We have a running tally of how many times a day Allie complains about missing you.”

The members of the two teams chuckle at that and Becky steps forward, shaking hands with Alyssa.

“Broon, it’s nice to see you. SSAs Harris and Long, who you’ve met, and Krieger.”

“Yes, it’s good to see you all again. You remember my agents - O’Hara, Rapinoe, Press, Heath, and Horan, and this young one,” she points to Tierna, “is our resident genius, Doctor Davidson.”

“Did you say doctor?” Ashlyn asks, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, I got my Ph.D. in psychology from Stanford in May and am currently working one in sociology at Georgetown.”

The Los Angeles agents all look impressed as the BAU members move and begin to get set up for the case.

“Did you bring your technical analyst this time?” Ali asks and Becky shakes her head.

“No, Sonnett doesn’t travel with the team a lot. She can get more done from her office at Quantico.”

“Speaking of,” Lindsey says, taking her phone out, “we should call her and see what she’s got.”

Becky nods, giving the go-ahead, and Lindsey dials the number. When the analyst picks up, she speaks before Lindsey gets a chance to tell her she’s on speakerphone.

“Linessi, I was beginning to think you had forgotten about me. I was about to tell you that you’ll be sleeping on the couch when you get home. Or-”

The remainder of her ramble gets drowned out by the laughter of the BAU members. Lindsey’s eyes are closed and she looks like she regrets letting Emily talk for as long as she had. The laughter subsides and Emily’s voice sounds again.

“Am I on speaker?”

“When are you not?” Kelley interjects.

“Fair point. Let me start over,” Emily clears her throat. “Your favorite all-knowing oracle of everything techy and dancy is in. How may I be of assistance today?”

“You can tell us what you’ve got for us regarding the case,” Lindsey responds.

“Not until you ask nicely.”

“Yeah, Linds, c’mon,” Tobin pokes the blonde, “be nice to your woman.”

“Please give us whatever info you have regarding the case, oh great one,” Lindsey responds dryly.

“We’ll work on your delivery later. Okay, so Liam Wallace has been missing for a little over a week, eight days to be exact. He was reported missing by his work when he didn’t show two days in a row and all attempts to reach him went unanswered. When police went to check out his place, they found evidence that linked him to a series of violent home invasions throughout the city. The robberies have stopped since he went missing, and the last one that happened before he disappeared was where things went sideways.”

“Yeah, he was violent and caused a lot of chaos, but he’d never killed before. Cameron Robbins changed that during the last invasion. He nearly overpowered him but eventually, the attacker got the upper hand and killed Robbins,” Alyssa confirms.

“He remained calm enough to clean up after himself, leaving no prints behind,” Emily tells them, “but almost immediately after he fled, Wallace dropped off the radar. So, it certainly looks like it’s him.”

“Thanks, Son, keep digging and let us know when you have more,” Becky says.

“Roger that, Cap. Back into the world of zeroes and ones I go.”

Emily hangs up and Becky looks to both teams.

“Alright, let’s find this guy. Heath and Horan, I want you to look at victimology.”

The agents nod and Alyssa gestures to Ali.

“Krieger can help you guys.”

“Davidson, geographic profile. We know where he’s struck already, see if it could give us some insight into where he’s going,” Becky continues and turns to Alyssa. “Could Harris and Long help her?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Alright, Pinoe and I want to see the most recent crime scene. Take us?”

Alyssa nods and Becky finally turns to face Kelley and Alex.

“O’Hara, take Morgan with you and check out Wallace’s home. See what you can learn.”

Kelley sets her jaw but bites her tongue to keep from going against her chief’s wishes. The truth is, she would much rather have Tierna with her in the field than the newbie. She may have been a hotshot here in LA, and Becky and Megan may think she has what it takes to fill the empty spot, but Kelley isn’t sold yet. As far as she’s concerned, there is no replacement for Hope. The sooner the team accepts that, the better.

But she also knows better than to argue with Becky in front of another team, so she simply turns on her heels and leaves the bullpen with Alex following her. They reach the SUV and Kelley holds her hand out, silently asking for the keys. Alex raises an eyebrow.

“I drive,” Kelley says.

Alex scoffs.

“I lived here my entire life. _I_ drive.”

She moves around Kelley and gets in the SUV, turning it on. Kelley clenches her jaw but rounds the vehicle, getting in the passenger side and refusing to look at the other agent. She’s positive Becky did this on purpose, pairing her with the newbie. She had been perfectly content working with Tierna, taking the young doctor under her wing. And she knew that Becky knew that she absolutely hates change.

As they pull out of the lot and head for their destination, Kelley closes her eyes and tries to remain calm; this was not going to be easy.

* * *

The agents are set to arrest Liam Wallace. They are currently stood outside of his secondary location, armed and ready to go. There was a lot of land on the property, but they already knew he was in the house. So, they all approach the front door, with Kelley and Alex in front.

“Liam Wallace! FBI, open up!” Kelley knocks on the door loudly.

She’s unsurprised when there is no answer. Glancing back at Becky, she receives the go-ahead and kicks open the door. She spots a figure slipping out through a window and calls back to her team.

“He’s going out back, I got him!”

She quickly climbs out the window and starts chasing him. She can hear someone behind her, so she knows she has backup which is good. This guy will not go easily. He enters a second building and Kelley follows, hot on his trail. She takes her gun back out when she finds him in the center of the room with his own weapon drawn and pointed at another man’s head who Liam Wallace is currently using as a human shield. Kelley curses to herself when she sees who it is - Liam’s brother, Ryan.

“Wallace, it’s over. Put the gun down.”

“From where I’m standing, you’re not in the position to be telling me what to do,” he responds.

Alex enters the room, her gun also drawn.

“Come on, Liam,” she says, “it’s over. Drop the weapon.”

The man looks at them, an unsteady look in his eyes. Kelley inches forward slightly while his eyes are on Alex but stops when he looks back at her.

“Take another step and I’ll blow his brains out.”

“Come on, Wallace, you don’t wanna do that.,” Kelley replies, trying to keep him calm. “We know you didn’t mean to kill Cameron Robbins and we know you don’t want to kill Ryan.”

“You don’t know what I want, Agent. You don’t know me. Don’t pretend you do.”

“Why don’t you let your brother go and we can talk about it?” She suggests.

Liam’s eyes flick between the agents and Kelley inches forward again, holstering her gun and reaching her hand out towards the man.

“It’s okay, Liam. We can work through this. It’ll all be okay.”

The man looks at her, studies her, and then looks at his brother. He seems to be considering her offer for a moment before he moves and responds, his eyes cold.

“Liar.”

Pushing Ryan out of the way, he turns his gun towards Kelley, but Alex fires before he can. Liam drops and Ryan screams, scrambling to his brother’s body and crying. Kelley watches the scene in front of her and the world shifts slightly beneath her feet. Alex steps next to her and grabs her shoulder lightly; Kelley flinches away from the contact, turning around and leaving the room quickly as she tries to breathe properly.

_No one can replace Hope._

“O’Hara, you good?” Becky asks and Kelley nods quickly, avoiding eye contact and shoulder burning where Alex had touched her.

_No one can replace Hope._

“I’m fine.”

_No one can replace Hope._

* * *

By the time they board the jet, Kelley has come back to reality. The ride to the airstrip had been quiet, at least she thinks it was quiet. She certainly hadn’t been paying attention to anything that might have been said, head too busy spinning. She hadn’t been able to unsee the image of Ryan Wallace sobbing over his dead brother’s body. The pain in his yells and familiarity of his words to his brother resounded in her head.

She slowly pulls herself back to reality, little by little, and by the time she steps onto the jet, she can breathe somewhat properly. Glancing around the jet, she tries to decide where to sit. Tierna has already fallen asleep on the couch, an unfinished game of chess on the table in front of her. Tobin and Christen were sitting across each other and talking quietly. The former’s body language _screamed_ shameless flirting, making Kelley roll her eyes slightly.

Megan was next to Tobin and talking to someone on her phone, presumably her fiancée, while Becky was across from her, finishing up the case report. Her gaze moves to Lindsey who is speaking to the laptop screen, meaning she’s talking to Emily, and a small smile tugs at her lips. Young love. Still, she decides it’s best for her to sit away from that for the time being.

Her eyes finally fall on Alex, who is sitting alone at the front of the jet. Her fingers are tapping against the armrest and her leg is bouncing slightly. Kelley’s feet begin moving before she even registers what she is doing and she finds herself sitting down across from the newest team member.

She briefly thinks about how the nervousness she currently sees in the other agent is the first real emotion she has been able to read since they met. Alex doesn’t acknowledge her presence at first, so Kelley waits. When Alex finally does look at her, the smile on her face twitches and doesn’t reach her eyes. In that moment, Kelley briefly forgets her hesitancy toward the newer agent.

“So, what do you think?” She asks, head tilted.

“Of?”

“This,” she gestures around the jet. “The BAU. What we do.”

“It’s,” Alex pauses, puffing out a breath, “heavy. Heavier than I thought it would be,” she shakes her head, “and, believe me, I thought it would be heavy.”

And Kelley gets it. It was the same way she had felt three years earlier when she first joined the team.

“But,” Alex continues, “I’m glad I’m here and I’m glad we got the guy before he could do any more damage, or hurt anyone else.”

Kelley nods, following her logic. She asks the next question out of necessity, knowing it will help.

“So what are you nervous about?”

Alex looks down as if she has just noticed her leg is bouncing and stops it from moving. Her fingers stop tapping as well and she sits up a little.

“I’ve, uh,” she clears her throat, “I’ve heard what this job can do to relationships…”

Kelley _knows_ what this job can do to relationships, but she also knows that a couple of her teammates found their happy endings here. She figures Alex doesn’t need negativity about her misery, so she opts against it.

“And you’re worried what it can do for you and your boyfriend,” is what she says.

Alex coughs slightly, glancing away and Kelley thinks _oh_ , she was wrong. She had assumed, which was really on her, and had thought Alex was with a guy. Apparently she had been wrong.

“Girlfriend?” She corrects herself.

A light blush crosses Alex’s face and Kelley is unable to keep a soft smile from crossing her face.

“What’s her name?”

“Julie, but she usually goes by JJ.”

Alex’s fingers begin tapping against the armrest again, prompting Kelley to reach forward and grab her hand.

“Can I give you some advice?”

Alex nods and Kelley leans forward and whispers, “Go home, take a shower, kiss your girl, and get some sleep. We’re doing this all over again sooner than you think.”

Alex nods and offers her a small smile. Kelley pats her hand and leans back in her chair.

“Now, real talk,” she gestures towards a now awake Tierna, “what are the odds you play the good doctor and beat her?”

* * *

**_“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are.” - J.P. Morgan_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> Feel free to yell at me in the comments or on Tumblr @closetbidisaster


	23. Shoot Me With a Gun of Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Beck,” Christen’s voice breaks in through the comms.
> 
> “Yeah, Press?”
> 
> “You’re gonna want to see this…”
> 
> Christen’s voice slightly worries them as the rest of the team makes their way to Christen and Tierna’s location. They find another room, walls covered in scrawled out words, and the floor littered with photographs of numerous different people.
> 
> “What the hell?” Kelley can’t help herself. “Broon, is this what I think it is?”
> 
> Becky doesn’t respond, she doesn’t need to. The majority of the team already knows what they’re looking at. Kelley is aware of Tobin standing next to her, but if the other agent speaks, she doesn’t hear anything. She’s too busy trying to keep her head from spinning too much. That is, until she manages to hear Tobin’s voice calling for Lindsey.
> 
> Turning her head, she watches the blonde heading outside. Tobin goes to follow, but Kelley reaches out and grabs her arm to stop her. She hadn’t even realized she was doing it until she curled a hand around Tobin’s forearm causing her to look back questioningly.
> 
> “Let me do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good to know my update schedule is back to being as sporadic and unpredictable as ever.
> 
> Nonetheless, here is Chapter 23 for your reading pleasure!
> 
> Enjoy!

**_“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” - Albert Einstein_ **

* * *

_January 2019 - Quantico_

Kelley’s late and she’s irritated. She hadn’t been late in months, years even, but here she is on the elevator up to the BAU’s floor and she’s late. The coffee shop’s line had been out the door when she arrived this morning and they had been short-staffed and multiple things had gone wrong while she had been waiting for her order. It wasn’t entirely the baristas’ fault, but Kelley without caffeine was _not_ someone that dealt with reason or understanding very well.

She was only a few minutes late, and she had her coffee in hand (along with Tierna and Christen’s securely in a drink carrier in the other), but it didn’t do much to lighten her mood. So when she stepped off the elevator and entered the bullpen only to be met with Alex Morgan, who had her nose buried in an old case file, and wound up spilling her own coffee on the floor...to say she was unhappy was downplaying it.

She hadn’t even seen Alex until they after they collided. All she felt was the coffee dripping down her hand and the lingering sensation of being bumped into.

“Damnit,” slipped out of her mouth before she had even really registered what had happened. Her to-go cup was on the floor and was, now, virtually empty. Luckily, Tierna and Christen’s drinks were in her other hand so she hadn’t dropped those.

“Oh, hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there,” Alex rambles, eyes wide and apologetic.

Kelley’s already irritated about being late, and now she doesn’t even have her coffee. She bites back an angry retort she knows will be mostly fueled by her lack of caffeine and just steps past the newest team member. She quickly bends down to pick up her now useless cup and tosses it in the trash bin before making her way into the bullpen. Without speaking, she drops Tierna’s coffee off for her and makes her way towards Christen’s office. She knocks lightly on the door, to signal her arrival, and cracks it open slowly.

“Hey, Kel, what’s up?” Christen asks, trying to sound upbeat but not quite getting there.

“I brought you some coffee,” she holds up the cup. “You good, Chris?”

When Christen doesn’t respond, Kelley opens the door more and slips inside the office properly. She closes the door behind her and approaches the desk, setting the coffee on it and sitting in the chair across from the media liaison.

“Chris?”

“Hm? Oh, I’m fine, just,” the curly-haired brunette gestures towards the piles of cases around her, “trying to stay afloat.”

Somehow Kelley doesn’t quite buy that as being the only reason for the liaison’s distractedness.

“You sure?”

Christen hesitates briefly before sighing and running her hand through her hair.

“Can we talk about it later?”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Kelley is a little thrown but complies, “no problem.”

She stands from the chair and makes her way towards the door, stopping only when she hears Christen’s voice again.

“Hey, Kel?”

Kelley pauses and turns around, hand on the doorknob as she looks at her friend.

“Briefing room in five. Oh, and change your shirt before you join us, please. You’ve got some coffee on yours.”

Kelley looks down at her shirt and spotting the light brown stain on her shirt, closes her eyes and sighs. She leaves the room and quickly makes a beeline for the elevator, heading for the locker room to switch out shirts.

And, if she ignores a watchful Alex Morgan on the way towards the elevator, well that’s nobody else’s business.

* * *

_Dallas_

The silence is a little awkward. It’s not _super_ awkward, but it is enough to warrant Tierna pulling out a tangled pair of earphones and queueing up her music before closing her eyes and settling in for the ride. Kelley is driving, only slightly less irritated about having Alex with her because the young doctor is also with them. If she had it her way, Becky would have only sent her and Tierna out to interview the latest victim, but the chief didn’t have time for her hesitancy and was going to do whatever necessary to get her and Alex to at least somewhat get along.

She’s driving with her right hand, her left being used to prop up her head as she navigates their way towards the address on the GPS. Tierna’s floating between consciousness and her beloved dreamland and Alex is watching the city fly by as they make their way to the house of their victim. Becky had tasked the three of them with interviewing the latest victim (the only survivor thus far) to help with victimology and gain any insight possible, while Tobin and Lindsey were responsible for the geographic profile.

They’re at a stoplight and Kelley’s fingers are drumming on the steering wheel as she waits for the glaring red light to turn green for them. The sooner they get out of the car and get more information, the better. More importantly, the sooner they get there, the sooner they can get back to the station, and Kelley gets out of this awkward situation. She’s so wrapped up in her thoughts that she takes longer than usual to hear the ringing through the car’s Bluetooth until Alex speaks.

“Kelley.”

She blinks, the sound finally reaching her ears and properly registering. Without responding, she hits the accept call button and sits up in her seat slightly.

“Broon? What’s up?”

“We just got called to a new location. Once you wrap up with Regina Silva, meet us there. We’ll get you up to speed.”

“Copy, Broon. Anything we need to know ahead of time or-”

“We’ll catch you up when you get here. Focus on Silva for now. If you can, do a cognitive interview to see what she can remember.”

“You got it, Cap. We’ll let you know when we’re on our way.”

They hang up the call and Kelley presses her foot a little farther down on the pedal, speeding up slightly. The sooner they interview Regina Silva and find out what she can provide, the better. The sooner they can get to Becky and the new location, the better. The sooner they can catch this guy, the sooner the city will feel safer.

The sooner she can have a larger buffer than the resident genius in between her and the newest team member, the less stiff she’ll feel.

* * *

“I don’t know if I’m a big fan of all the traveling this job entails.” Julie’s soft voice sounds over the phone and Alex sighs.

“J, we talked about this...This is a huge opportunity for me.”

“Doesn’t make it any easier to be okay with.”

Alex quickly glances over her shoulder to make sure none of her new teammates are around. Finding that she’s still alone, she tries to find the right words to say.

“Look, I already know it was a lot to ask you to move across the country. But I told you in advance how much traveling there would be. Chances are I’ll be in another state nearly every week.”

The other end of the line remains silent. Alex leans her back against the wall and tilts her head back, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes.

“Julie-”

“Hey, Morgan,” Kelley’s voice breaks in as she rounds the corner. “Broon wants us. We gotta deliver the profile.”

Raising her pointer finger, Alex silently asks for one second to say bye to her girlfriend.

“I have to go. Can we talk about this when I get home?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Julie’s voice tells her it was most certainly _not_ fine, but she didn’t have time for this right now.

“I love you, JJ.”

There’s a brief hesitation on the other end of the call, but it’s over so quickly that Alex is fairly certain she was just overthinking things.

“I love you, too.”

The call disconnects and Alex pockets her phone before looking to see that Kelley’s still standing there, waiting for her. Her head is tilted to the side and she’s studying Alex. She looks like she wants to say something and all Alex can think is that she hopes she’s not about to get in trouble for talking to Julie.

“You good?”

The question hadn’t quite been what she had been expecting, but she recovers quickly. A smile that Ashlyn once jokingly called her “meeting the ex’s new boo smile” reflexively crosses her face and she gives a quick nod.

“All good.”

The look on Kelley’s face lets her know she hadn’t been convincing, but she lets Alex walks past her towards the bullpen. She can feel the shorter woman’s gaze following her but doesn’t look back. Her private life was, well, private. And she didn’t want it profiled, intentional or not.

When Kelley enters the bullpen and moves to stand next to her, she gives Alex’s elbow a light squeeze in a silent signal telling her that she wouldn’t bring it up. Alex allowed herself to relax slightly, relieved that her new partner was letting her be. Logically, she knew they should probably start communicating soon, getting to know each other, and learning to trust each other.

But Alex also knew she would have to take it one step at a time.

* * *

Kelley finishes putting her gear on and glances towards Alex, who is putting on her vest. As the team waits for Becky’s instructions, she allows herself to study her new partner. The other woman had been a little off since her phone call to her girlfriend. Kelley’s not one to pry, she likes to keep her private life just that, but she needs to know she can trust her teammates. She felt a little more at ease, seeing that the taller woman looked focused on the task at hand, unbothered by whatever the earlier conversation had been about.

“Alright, let’s go,” Becky tells them.

The team approaches the warehouse door and enter quickly. As they make their way deeper into the building, they begin to branch off in pairs. Tobin and Lindsey head one way, while Tierna and Christen head another. Becky looks toward Kelley and signals for her and Alex to take the stairs. Kelley nods and the two branch off from Becky and Megan.

They ascend the stairs quickly and without confrontation. Reaching the top, Kelley makes the call.

“Stairs are clear, Becky.”

“Copy. Anything else up there?”

Kelley looks to Alex who has just re-emerged from a now clear room. Giving the all-clear signal, Kelley sighs slightly and responds to their chief.

“All clear.”

“Hey, Beck,” Christen’s voice breaks in through the comms.

“Yeah, Press?”

“You’re gonna want to see this…”

Christen’s voice slightly worries them as the rest of the team makes their way to Christen and Tierna’s location. They find another room, walls covered in scrawled out words, and the floor littered with photographs of numerous different people.

“What the hell?” Kelley can’t help herself. “Broon, is this what I think it is?”

Becky doesn’t respond, she doesn’t need to. The majority of the team already knows what they’re looking at. Kelley is aware of Tobin standing next to her, but if the other agent speaks, she doesn’t hear anything. She’s too busy trying to keep her head from spinning too much. That is, until she manages to hear Tobin’s voice calling for Lindsey.

Turning her head, she watches the blonde heading outside. Tobin goes to follow, but Kelley reaches out and grabs her arm to stop her. She hadn’t even realized she was doing it until she curled a hand around Tobin’s forearm causing her to look back questioningly.

“Let me do it.”

Tobin looks like she wants to argue. After all, Lindsey’s her partner and she’s like a little sister to her, but she nods and lets Kelley walk past her. Once she’s outside, she looks around for Lindsey. The younger woman is leaning heavily against the outside wall, eyes closed, when Kelley carefully approaches her.

“Hey, Linds,” she says softly. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t know why I thought this was over. I mean, I _knew_ it wasn’t-I knew there were other groups still operational, and we knew they stretched at least as far west as Las Cruces, but after the takedown…” she trails off

“Lindsey, nobody’s going to ask you to go back to Milan. Nobody’s going to make you talk to him again.”

Lindsey shakes her head, pushing off the wall.

“This isn’t about me and Son. This is about _you_ , Kelley.”

“Linds-”

“If I had gotten through with him earlier, if I’d been able to crack him, Hope-”

“Stop it,” Kelley cuts her off sharply. “What happened that night was not your fault.”

“Kelley…”

“Hope’s gone,” Kelley’s voice wavers slightly, and she pauses for a moment until she knows she can continue without it shaking. “But what happened that night during the raid is _not_ your fault.”

“What are we going to do about this sect?” Lindsey asks after a couple of minutes.

“We’re gonna do what we do best, Horan,” Kelley looks her dead in the eye. “Shut ‘em down.”

* * *

_Quantico_

Kelley’s tempted to not even bother going upstairs when they get back to the office. Becky had told them they could all go home and sleep in their own beds for the night. She wanted them well-rested and ready to go when they came in tomorrow morning. But Christen had stated she was going to stay a little later and do some work, meaning Kelley now had a reason to stay. The media liaison owed her an explanation.

So, she slowly drags herself to the elevator and heads up to their floor. She frowns slightly when she reaches Christen’s office to find the door closed and the blinds drawn. She knocks on the door and cracks it open.

“Pressy?”

“Yeah, Kel?” Christen’s voice sounds tired and Kelley debates leaving her be, but her curiosity ultimately wins out.

Stepping inside the office, she closes the door behind her and leans back against it, studying her friend.

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing.”

“C’mon now, Pressy. You know better than to lie to me.”

Christen sighs and leans back in her chair, gesturing for Kelley to take a seat.

“I feel like I’m in _The Godfather_ and you’re about to tell me you’re gonna make me an offer I can’t refuse.”

That manages to pull a smile out of her friend which makes Kelley feel better as she sits down and waits for Christen to speak.

“It’s Desiree,” she pauses, biting her lip as if debating whether or not to continue.

Kelley frowns slightly.

“Actually, I guess, more accurately, it’s Tobin.”

And now Kelley’s just confused.

“You lost me.”

Christen groans, rubbing her hands over her face as she leans forward. Her brain feels jumbled and she knows she needs to gather her thoughts before she continues. To Kelley’s credit, she waits patiently for Christen to regain some composure.

“I broke up with Desiree,” she finally admits.

The words are slightly muffled due to her hands still covering her face, but Kelley heard them all the same.

“Why?”

“She was in love with me and I,” she sighs and finally looks up, “I wasn’t in love with her.”

Kelley nods along understandingly. At least, of that much. She still doesn’t quite get the full picture, so she waits for Christen to continue.

“Remember when Tobin-”

“Yeah, Chris, I remember. But that was almost a year ago.”

Christen doesn’t respond and it clicks. Kelley’s temper spikes slightly. She loves Tobin, she really does, but she hated when she did something that affected Christen like this.

“She did it again, didn’t she? I swear,” she stands quickly. “Why? You were happy, you-”

“I wasn’t really living, Kel. I liked Desiree, hell I still do, but I never really fell in love with her.”

Christen’s voice is calm and Kelley reluctantly sits back down. She studies her friend again before speaking.

“Why are you so distant then?”

“I don’t know if I can date someone I work with. And Tobin’s waiting for an answer.”

“An answer?”

“She told me she loves me and told me she thinks I love her, too. I was too shocked to answer, but before she left, she told me she’d wait for my answer.”

Kelley has to remind herself to breathe steadily and not lash out.

“Okay, but, Chris. This is about you and what you want.”

“I know. But I don’t know what that is yet.”

Kelley glances at her watch, doing a double-take when she realizes how late it is. Standing, she rounds the desk and gives Christen a side hug before heading for the door. She grabs the handle and turns around to face her friend.

“Just promise me you don’t stop living, Pressy.”

“As long as you promise me the same thing, KO,” Christen smiles.

“Deal.”

* * *

_Washington, D.C._

The familiar jingle of the bell greets Kelley as she enters the diner. A smile reflexively comes across her face and she makes her way to the counter, taking a seat. It takes all of five seconds for Elaine to notice her and make her way over with a pot of coffee.

“I was beginning to think you’d forgotten about me.”

Kelley smiles, thanking her for the coffee and taking a small sip.

“Oh, Elaine, I could never forget you.”

“Sweet talker, you.”

“Only for my favorite server.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll get Jim to start your food, no need to flatter me,” she teases as she makes her way towards the kitchen.

After a few moments, the bell sounds again, signaling a new arrival. Kelley busies herself with her coffee and stretching slightly while the new person takes a seat at the other end of the counter. Looking over, Kelley’s slightly surprised to see Alex sitting there. Before she realizes it, she’s standing and making her way over to the younger woman.

“What brings you here at this time of night?”

“I could ask you the same question,” Alex quips back.

“Fair enough,” Kelley holds her hands up in surrender and takes a seat next to Alex.

Elaine brings Kelley her food and tops off her coffee before grabbing a new mug and pouring some for Alex.

“Get you something to eat?”

Alex shakes her head, smiling politely. “Just the coffee’s fine, thanks.”

Elaine nods and leaves and Kelley turns to face Alex as she begins to eat her food.

“So, I’ll ask again because I’m curious and persistent,” she smiles, “what brings you here this time of night?”

Alex takes a long drink from her mug, but Kelley’s patient. So she waits.

“Would you believe me if I told you it was the coffee?”

“Have you ever been here before tonight?”

Alex’s silence serves as answer enough and Kelley laughs.

“You have your answer then, Morgan.”

The two sit in silence for a few minutes before Alex speaks again.

“This case. I, uh, I saw the effect that room in the warehouse had on you and Lindsey.”

Kelley doesn’t respond, finding a sudden new interest in her nearly empty coffee mug.

“I heard about what happened back in July,” Alex says quietly. “The raids in Detroit and here.”

Kelley refuses to look at Alex.

“I want to do whatever I can to help this unit take this organization down. I want to catch these guys and make them pay for all the pain suffering they’ve put their victims through.”

Kelley looks up.

“Look,” Alex lets out a puff of air that almost sounds like a laugh, “it doesn’t take a profiler to see that you weren’t exactly thrilled with my assignment to this team.”

Kelley goes to protest, even though Alex was right, but the younger woman speaks before she can.

“I get it. New to the unit, which means change. Newer agent than the rest of the squad. And most importantly, filled the empty position.”

This time, Kelley doesn’t try to refute the statement.

“I can’t replace Agent Solo, and I’m not looking to. I’m looking to prove _my_ worth to the team, to show that I belong here just as much as the rest of you. But, Kelley, I promise you, I would _never_ try to replace her. In any capacity,” she shrugs. “Couldn’t even if I tried.”

Kelley allows herself a small smile.

“Got that right.”

Alex gives her a kind smile before reaching over and plucking a fry off of Kelley’s plate. By the time Kelley realizes it, the fry is already gone and Alex is laughing at the look on Kelley’s face.

“Did you just steal my food?”

“Maybe.”

“Oh, you are in for it, Morgan.”

Alex raises an eyebrow challengingly.

“Oh is that so? And what exactly is ‘it’, may I ask?”

“Well, if I told you, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise now would it?”

Alex laughs a bit and nods, conceding to Kelley’s point.

“Kelley O’Hara,” Alex raises her mug, “I get the feeling this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

Kelley raises her own mug and flashes a smile.

“I’ll cheers to that.”

* * *

**_“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” - C.S. Lewis_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well...
> 
> We gots a lot more comin' next chapter :)
> 
> Until then, my dudes. 
> 
> Ciao.


	24. Where All Broken Lovers Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley moves from the couch towards the rest of the team to be closer to the laptop as they dialed up Emily. She ends up next to Lindsey and looks at the blonde who is studying the case on the tablet as the laptop connects them back to Quantico.
> 
> “You look awful,” she says bluntly. “Did everyone sleep like shit last night?”
> 
> Lindsey doesn’t even crack a smile and Kelley frowns, but the familiar sound of Emily’s voice keeps her from pressing any further.
> 
> “Yo Broon, I got something for you. But you’re not gonna like it.”
> 
> “What is it?”
> 
> “Madison P.D. just found another body less than a mile from the last one. And, Beck,” she pauses and Becky looks up from her tablet.
> 
> “Sonnett?”
> 
> “I ran a cross-check...And, Broon, a lot of stuff from Dallas is lining up with this.”
> 
> The team exchange looks but nothing is said for a moment. They knew it was a possibility, but that doesn’t make it any easier to stomach. After a minute of silence, Becky nods and clears her throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are again with my completely unreliable update schedule. Have a chapter.
> 
> Uhhhhh I'd say sorry, but I'm not so it'd be a lie.
> 
> Enjoy!

**_“Can’t forget the way it felt when you walked out the door, so I don’t wanna love you anymore.” LANY_ **

* * *

_Washington, D.C. - February 2019_

Alex is exhausted. She hadn’t slept at all last night, for multiple reasons. They hadn’t even gotten back to town until one a.m. and they had all had a little bit of extra work left once they got back. Alex had been the first to leave and she still hadn’t left until after two. When she had gotten home, she had been more than a little surprised to find Julie still awake, sitting in the living room.

She had seriously considered telling her girlfriend that she would not be having whatever conversation this was until the morning, but she ultimately decided it would be better to do it sooner rather than later. Of course, she hadn’t known she would still be awake by the time the sun rose. But here she was, exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and head pounding as she tries to wrap her mind around what’s happening right now.

“Julie, babe, please,” she follows the blonde into the bedroom. “How many times are we going to have this conversation? We’ve spent all night talking in circles, nothing’s changed.”

“That’s the problem,” Julie responds as she makes her way towards the closet.

“What?” Alex frowns. “J-”

Julie turns around and cuts her off, “I’m going home, Alex.”

Alex’s brows furrow in confusion.

“We are home. This is home now, JJ.”

Julie shakes her head, walking past Alex again. The brunette follows, heart rate increasing when Julie starts packing a duffel bag with clothes.

“I’m happy you’re doing what you love and I’m so proud of you for getting a chance with the BAU,” Julie shakes her head, “but I don’t think I can do this.”

“Do what? Us?”

“You’re never home. You’re in a different city, hell a different state, nearly every week. It feels like you’re more in love with your job than you are with me.”

Alex blinks in surprise, her girlfriend’s words stunning her.

“That’s not fair,” she protests. “I’ve been pulling long hours since I joined the Bureau-”

“But you came home every night.”

“Julie,” she sighs, exasperated. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Julie shakes her head and gives a sad smile.

“You don’t need to say anything.”

“So what? You’re just leaving? You’re leaving me? After all we’ve been through?”

“I’m going home,” Julie responds calmly, almost as if she is reciting something from memory.

“But-”

“This will never be home to me, Alex. It’s your home now, but my home is back west.”

Julie takes a couple steps forward, reaching out and placing a hand on Alex’s cheek. Hazel blue eyes find ocean blue ones, both sets filled with unshed tears.

“It’s not that I don’t love you,” Julie whispers.

Alex doesn’t respond, too busy trying to keep from crying. Julie takes a step back, dropping her hand, and grabs the duffel. She heads for the bedroom door and Alex wants to stop her, but she’s rooted in her spot. The blonde woman pauses by the door and takes a deep breath turning around to face the brunette.

“I’m sorry, Alex. I hope you find your happiness,” with that, Julie turns back around and leaves the bedroom. 

Alex hears the front door open and close, and closes her eyes as the tears begin to fall.

* * *

_Quantico_

Kelley locks her car and heads for the front door, carrying four coffees and her bag as she does. Hearing another car lock, she turns her head and smiles brightly when she spots Christen making her way towards her. She grabs the liaison’s coffee and holds it out for her to take as they reach each other.

“Morning, Pressy.”

Christen takes a sip of her coffee and hums in contentment before replying.

“Morning, Kel.”

As they make their way inside, Kelley glances at her friend and tries to pick up any possible indicators of how things are going with her _situation_ with Tobin. The get on the elevator and Kelley is still trying to get a read when Christen calls her out.

“Kelley,” Christen’s voice is light, but there’s a tone of warning underneath it, “what have we said about profiling friends?”

Kelley sighs, feeling like a student being reprimanded for misbehaving. She leans against the back wall and takes a drink of her own coffee.

“To not do it,” she grumbles and Christen laughs slightly, nodding along playfully.

“Very good.”

“If you keep patronizing me, I will revoke your coffee privileges.”

The elevator dings, signaling they’ve arrived at the floor. The doors open and Christen exits first.

“No you won’t,” she calls over her shoulder.

Kelley pouts slightly as she makes her way to the bullpen. Christen was right; she wouldn’t revoke her coffee privileges. They had been doing this for too long; it would be wrong to stop it. Entering the bullpen, she drops Tierna’s coffee by her before spotting Alex at her desk.

The younger agent looked like she hadn’t slept and Kelley is now extremely glad she had decided to pick up her partner a coffee this morning. She reaches their desks and grabs the drink.

“Hey, Morgan,” she greets brightly, holding the drink out, “I got you a coffee.”

Alex looks at her. Or, more accurately, through her. The blank expression on her face throws Kelley off and she frowns slightly. She turns to look behind her, to see if Alex was looking at someone else. There was nobody there, so she turns back to face her partner, still frowning at the look on her face.

“Alex?” She speaks softly. “You good?”

Her partner’s eyes look hollow, empty, as if someone had reached inside her and taken out a light. Kelley hasn’t known Alex very long, but she can’t remember a time where the younger agent’s eyes didn’t have at least something of a twinkle to them.

Alex still isn’t responding, so Kelley looks to her desk, studying it. She ignores the sound of Christen’s voice in her head reminding her to not profile friends. She spots a face-down picture frame and her heart sinks. Alex had only had one picture on her desk, and that picture being placed like that could only mean one thing.

Kelley comes around to Alex’s desk and sets the drink down on it before leaning against it and looking at her partner once again.

“What happened?”

“She left me,” the younger woman finally responds, voice cracking as she does.

Kelley’s heart sinks further at the confirmation. Her mind goes back to their conversation when Alex had first joined the team. She remembers telling the younger agent to go home and kiss her girl when she had expressed concerns about what the job could do to relationships. Kelley hadn’t met Julie, but from what she had gathered, it had sounded like the two of them were in it for the long haul.

Seeing her partner, her _friend_ , hurting because of a lost love tugged at her own heart. Kelley knew how it felt to lose a love because of the job, because of the badge. She wanted to reach out and offer comfort and support to Alex, but before she can, Becky’s voice grabs all of their attention.

“BAU, briefing room in two.”

Alex stands from her desk and grabs her drink.

“Thanks for the coffee,” she says quietly.

Kelley nods in response, watching her go. Sighing, she pushes off the desk and follows the rest of the team to the briefing room. She reaches the doorway at the same time as Tobin. Nodding to the other agent, Kelley enters first. They were on better terms now, but Kelley was still a little wary.

The rest of the team takes their seats and they all grab their tablets. Becky clears her throat, adjusting in her seat and nodding to Christen.

“Press, what do we got?”

* * *

Kelley moves from the couch towards the rest of the team to be closer to the laptop as they dialed up Emily. She ends up next to Lindsey and looks at the blonde who is studying the case on the tablet as the laptop connects them back to Quantico.

“You look awful,” she says bluntly. “Did everyone sleep like shit last night?”

Lindsey doesn’t even crack a smile and Kelley frowns, but the familiar sound of Emily’s voice keeps her from pressing any further.

“Yo Broon, I got something for you. But you’re not gonna like it.”

“What is it?”

“Madison P.D. just found another body less than a mile from the last one. And, Beck,” she pauses and Becky looks up from her tablet.

“Sonnett?”

“I ran a cross-check...And, Broon, a lot of stuff from Dallas is lining up with this.”

The team exchange looks but nothing is said for a moment. They knew it was a possibility, but that doesn’t make it any easier to stomach. After a minute of silence, Becky nods and clears her throat.

“Alright, when we land, Heath and Horan, meet Madison P.D. at the latest crime scene. O’Hara, you, Morgan, and Davidson are interviewing the family. Press and I will meet the police captain at the station,” she instructs before turning her attention back to the computer screen. “Sonnett, keep digging. We need to figure out if this is connected to Dallas, and Detroit, or not.”

“You got it, Cap. I’ll hit you back when I have something.”

The call disconnects and the team disperses to different parts of the jet. Curiosity gets the best of Kelley and follows Lindsey, sitting across from her at the front of the jet. The blonde ignores her, so she reaches out and taps her knee.

“Linds. What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“I am not.”

“You really are,” Kelley waves a hand towards her. “You’re avoiding eye contact and you’ve been reading the same part of the file for the last ten minutes.”

“Maybe I’m just trying to memorize it.”

Kelley gives Lindsey a look and the younger agent sighs, closing her tablet.

“Seriously, Lindsey. What’s up?”

Lindsey chews at her bottom lip slightly, eyes darting around the jet. Kelley leans forward slightly and speaks softly.

“Hey,” Lindsey’s eyes finally settle on her, “is it Sonny?”

“She’s been having nightmares,” Lindsey confesses. “Ever since we got back from Dallas.”

She pauses, but Kelley can tell she has more to say, so she waits.

“She only sleeps, like, three or four hours a night. We stay up, talking through them, and I try to calm her down, but nothing seems to help.”

“Is she staying with someone while we’re gone?”

“Her sister’s in town this week, so she’s got her.”

Kelley nods and reaches a hand out, patting Lindsey’s knee again.

“It’ll all be okay, Linds. We’re building the task force, and we’re gonna end this. Alright?”

Lindsey nods and gives a weak smile.

“C’mon,” Kelley stands. “Let’s double-team the good doctor and see if we can do better than last week.”

Lindsey lets out a snort and stands, this time, with a real smile.

“It’d be real hard to do worse.”

* * *

_Madison_

Lindsey feels more than slightly guilty. She hadn’t been entirely truthful on the jet, and it was gnawing at her. It was true that Emily had been having nightmares, but they had been around since before Dallas. Truth be told, they had never fully stopped - they just got worse after Dallas. But that isn’t why she feels guilty.

She feels guilty for lying to Emily, the whole team really, for this long. The phone calls, the constant fear of being watched, her own nightmares. She had half a mind to talk to Tobin about it, but she didn’t want to worry her partner. They had been through worse than this together; this was nothing.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket, pulling her from her mind momentarily. She fishes it out of her pocket and frowns when she sees the caller ID is blocked. Her mind floats back to July, to Milan, to...No.

Even if the cases are connected, Hill is locked up and powerless. He was restricted, unallowed to call anyone. The call rolls through and she pockets it once again, letting out a frustrated groan when it buzzes again. She retrieves it once more and feels a prickle of dread when the same number flashes on her screen again.

No.

She lets it roll through again and puts her phone away. The third time it buzzes, she doesn’t even bother grabbing it from her pocket. It rings again and again, but she keeps ignoring it. She misses that Kelley is now standing next to her, a slightly amused look on her face.

“You gonna get that?”

“No,” she replies shortly, and Kelley’s face shifts from amused to surprised.

“Hey, Linds-”

“I’m fine, Kelley. Seriously,” she brushes off the older woman’s concern and heads for the conference room where the team is set up.

She enters the room, pausing when she sees the team looking at her.

“What?”

“Sonny’s upset you ignored her calls,” Tobin tells her.

“I’m not the only one she’s capable of calling,” she responds, rolling her eyes.

Tobin studies her intently while Becky and Megan talk to Emily. Sitting next to the younger woman, she leans over and speaks quietly.

“You okay?”

“I really wish you would all stop asking me that. I’m fine.”

Tobin looks ready to argue with her and Lindsey braces for it.

“Horan,” Becky calls her. “Go meet with Michael’s brother. He’s waiting for you at his apartment.”

Standing, Lindsey leaves the room, relieved to be getting away from the prying eyes. Still, an uneasy feeling sat in her stomach as she made her way to her SUV. Getting the feeling she’s being watched, again, she slows and scans her surroundings. She is unsurprised to find nothing, nobody, anywhere around and shakes her head, getting in her car.

The sooner they get this over with, the better.

* * *

“Hey, do you know what’s up with Lindsey?”

Kelley turns around, away from the map, towards a concerned-looking Tobin. She shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest as she tries to think of what could be bugging Lindsey. There was definitely more to the story than she had let on during the flight.

“She mentioned Sonny, but I know there’s more.”

“She just,” Tobin hesitates, “she seems really on edge lately. And she never ignores Sonny’s calls. I-” she cuts herself off suddenly.

“You…?”

“Nothing,” Tobin shakes her head. “Just worried about her being on edge lately.”

Kelley can tell Tobin is holding something back, but she knows if she presses too much, the taller brunette will shut down.

“Everything will be okay, Tobs,” she tries to reassure Tobin. “She’s a big girl, she can take care of herself.”

“I know that. I just don’t like the way things are shaping up. I’m getting real tired of this organization.”

Kelley lets out a bitter laugh, turning back to the map.

“You and me both.”

The door to the conference room opens and Alex walks in, carrying two coffee mugs. She offers a small smile to both of them, setting the mugs down. Tobin reaches for one, but Kelley’s voice stops her.

“Don’t touch my coffee, Heath,” she says without turning around.

Alex laughs at the look on Tobin’s face. She then grabs the second mug and offers it to Tobin.

“You can have this one.”

“Thanks,” she smiles before glaring at the back of Kelley’s head.

“See? That’s called ‘being nice’, you should try it sometime.”

Kelley shrugs, still studying the map.

“Alex is the newbie. She _has_ to be nice.”

“You weren’t nice when you first joined.”

_That_ gets Kelley to turn around and she looks mildly offended.

“Excuse me,” she places a hand on her chest, “I was the epitome of niceness when I joined.”

“More like the epitome of brooding and mistrusting.”

“I will hit you.”

The two quickly descend into mocking voices, though the words themselves are utter nonsense as Alex watches them, highly amused. At least, until Kelley throws the first pen and Tobin retaliates, throwing one of her own. Alex stands, trying to figure out how to get involved without getting caught in the crossfire. Tierna walks in, eyebrows raised as she watches for a few seconds before interrupting.

“You’re both children. You know that, right?

“We’re both older than you,” Tobin retorts.

“And yet, you’re the one throwing a pen.”

Kelley and Alex both grin at Tobin who is grumbling about “kids these days”. When she’s finished pouting, she sits down. Kelley grabs her tablet and opens it, looking up when she hears the familiar sound of a pen being thrown. She watches it connect with Tobin’s forehead and laughs when her head shoots up.

Tobin glares at her, eyes narrowed, and Kelley holds up her hands in surrender, still laughing.

“Wasn’t me.”

Tierna is sitting next to her, reading her own file, and looking far too innocent, making Kelley laugh once again as Tobin complains about being bullied.

* * *

Lindsey sighs, climbing back into her SUV. The interview with Michael’s brother had been rather unhelpful. She knows it was important to do it, to see if it could help, but it hadn’t. She starts the car, glancing around to make sure she’s not being watched. She hadn’t been able to shake the feeling she was being closely observed the entire time she was with Gavin. She hadn’t been followed from the station, that much she was sure of.

She shakes her head, clearing it, and pulls out of the apartment complex. Nobody follows her, literally nobody. The streets are empty, thanks to the snowy weather. Thankfully there’s not too much ice, but the weather sort of makes her miss Colorado. She’s halfway back to the station when the light starts flashing. Glancing at the dashboard, she frowns slightly when she sees it signaling low tire pressure. It’s not a huge deal seeing as it just came on, but low tire pressure has always irritated her.

She makes it only a few more miles before her tire blows. Cursing, she manages to keep control of the vehicle and hobble it over to the side of the road. She unbuckles and grabs her flashlight, getting out the car. She sighs when she sees the tire and returns to the cab of the car, leaning in to grab her phone.

When she sees the words ‘NO SIGNAL’ at the top of her screen, the uneasy feeling comes back in full force. She was on a road that she knew for a fact wasn’t a dead spot for cell signals. She looks up and scans her surroundings, making sure she hasn’t been snuck up on. Over the next few minutes, she tries to figure out how to get her cell signal back and watches a handful of cars pass by without even slowing down.

Eventually, a squad car rolls up behind her. Lindsey allows herself to breathe slightly and tries to keep from throwing her phone in frustration. The officer exits the car and makes his way over to her, waving in greeting. Lindsey can’t quite make out what he looks like because his lights are still on and blinding her.

“Help you, miss?”

“Hey, officer. Uh, yeah,” she chuckles, “I don’t have a signal and I blew a tire. Any chance you could help me?”

The officer’s silhouette nods and he steps a little closer. 

“Of course, ma’am.”

The uneasy feeling hasn’t quite subsided and Lindsey doesn’t like not being able to properly see the officer, causing her to take a step back from him.

“Great, thanks. I just need to make a call to my chief.”

“No problem,” the officer takes another step forward. “My partners and I can help you out, Agent Horan.”

Lindsey’s blood runs cold. She hadn’t seen anybody else get out of the squad car, and cops don’t operate with more than one partner. Not to mention, she never said her name. She takes another step back, reaching for her holster and cursing herself when she realizes it’s sitting in the car.

She hears movement behind her and turns, ducking just in time to avoid being punched. Moving quickly, she positions herself to be able to see both men. They both inch forward, hands raised, and ready to attack. She reminds herself that it’s likely there’s at least one more attacker somewhere near, but she can’t risk looking around with these two right in front of her.

The second man approaches her first, swinging and kicking at her with brutal force. Lindsey is on the defensive the entire time he’s coming at her. She manages to get a couple of jabs in, but it gets worse when a new attacker hits her from behind.

The first man is now simply standing back and watching as Lindsey drops to one knee, spinning away from the attackers. She jumps back to her feet quickly but doesn’t have time to catch her breath before they’re on her again, swinging and kicking once more. She manages to get the drop on one of them, but there is no time to rest on her laurels as the first attacker is still wailing at her and the fake officer has now joined the fight. She’s so focused on them that she misses the third man getting back up until he grabs her from behind and puts her in a hold.

The world slowly fades away and Lindsey feels her breath literally being taken away as it does. The last thing she hears is a fourth voice, one she hadn’t heard in nearly three years.

“Lindsey Horan, we meet once again.”

A faint alarm goes off in her head, but she’s powerless as she’s laid on the ground, the world fading to black.

* * *

**_“People change and they walk away without a single trace, leaving you with nothing but memories from yesterday...Now we’re left with the ashes where there once was a flame.” - Leah Willhite_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @daphneblue pls don't hate me.
> 
> I hope you guys don't completely hate me.
> 
> See ya next time, dudes.
> 
> Adios.


	25. Straight Through the Dagger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tom said I could commandeer you to help me get it operational.”
> 
> Lindsey chews the inside of her cheek briefly, hesitating briefly. She opts to simply nod again and Mark’s smile comes back full force.
> 
> “Great! We’re looking to be up and running by November.”
> 
> Lindsey makes mental note of that, nodding once again.
> 
> “I’m gonna go talk to Tom. I’ll be back next week and we’ll head to Germany.”
> 
> Mark turns and leaves, the smile on his face burning into Lindsey’s brain. As soon as the door closes, she shudders. This whole operation made her skin crawl and these people were absolutely repulsive. She needed to relay the new information to Tobin as soon as possible.
> 
> Three days couldn’t go by fast enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonjour my dudes.
> 
> This chapter is almost entirely set during Lindsey and Tobin's Paris assignment from waaay back when.
> 
> It ends where next chapter will begin and I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> On a separate note: Black Live Matter and have always mattered. As someone who is white, I will never understand the oppression blacks face in my country every single day. I will never understand them being subjected to unjust violence and mercilessly killed and discriminated against because of the color of their skin.
> 
> I do not understand, but I stand with you. Always.

**_“The only thing new in the world is the history you do not know.” - Harry S. Truman_ **

* * *

_Paris - August 2015_

Lindsey had always wanted to visit France. Of course, when she was younger, she thought it would be with whoever she wound up marrying. And that it would be more of a vacation than this. Being on assignment in Paris is about as far away from a romantic vacation as one could get. Nonetheless, she was here to do a job, and the sooner they got it done, the sooner they could get home.

_Home_.

Home was where her friends were, where her own bed was, where Emily was. She thinks being away from her best friend is the hardest part of this whole thing. Because it’s not just an ocean and a six-hour time difference keeping them apart. They can’t even communicate. The only member of the team Lindsey _can_ communicate with is Tobin.

They’ve only been in France for about two weeks and Lindsey already misses home more than she thought she would. And maybe she misses Emily more than everyone else, but she won’t admit that out loud.

The sound of the hotel door opening gets her attention and she looks up, nodding at Tobin when she enters the room. The older agent grins and holds up a plastic grocery bag, letting out a laugh when Lindsey throws her head back with a groan.

“Ready to go brunette?”

“No.”

Tobin shrugs and takes out the hair dye.

“Well, too bad.”

“Why do I have to do it again?” Lindsey steps back. “You’re already brunette.”

Tobin sighs, setting the hair dye on the table and taking a seat. She rubs her temple slightly and leans back in the chair. And Lindsey knows; she knows why the assignment is hers and not Tobin’s. She knows why she was tapped for it, but it doesn’t mean she’s enjoying this.

Biting her lip, Lindsey looks at the ground and kicks slightly at the floor. She hasn’t been this nervous since her first case with the BAU. But she also has never had an assignment this big before now.

“Linds,” Tobin stands, “I’ve got your back. You know that, right?”

Lindsey nods, eyes still trained on the floor.

“Nothing’s gonna happen to you, okay?”

Lindsey nods again.

“Say it.”

Lindsey looks up finally.

“Nothing’s gonna happen to me.”

Tobin smiles and nods, grabbing the hair dye once again. She shakes the box slightly, laughing again when Lindsey slightly groans.

“Ready to go brunette?”

“No, but I guess I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“Not really.”

Lindsey sighs but follows Tobin to the bathroom while the older agent starts getting the hair dye ready.

“Alright,” Tobin turns to her. “Brief quiz time. Name.”

“Mary Roberts.”

“Occupation?”

“Stock trader from the American midwest.”

“Reason for being in Paris.”

“International experience, seeing someplace new, meeting new people, broadening my horizons.”

Tobin flashes a small smile and signals for Lindsey to sit down so they can get started.

“You’re gonna be fine, Linds.”

* * *

_September 2015_

The blades on the fan were spinning slowly, providing a low noise more than actually cooling the room. Not that it mattered; Lindsey couldn’t stop shivering and her head was pounding. She was definitely getting sick and that was decidedly _not_ part of the plan. She blamed the asshole she had been responsible for keeping an eye on. He had been sick last week and had now, apparently, passed it off to her. If she didn’t have explicit instructions to capture Tom alive (and didn’t fear being killed immediately for blowing her cover), she would kill him right now for getting her sick.

She needed to make contact with Tobin soon. And not just because she was sick; there had been talks of the group expanding into Germany and/or Italy and that was not a good sign. Based on the information they had received ahead of the assignment, the operation was still relatively small. Big enough to warrant a joint task force with the Bureau and Interpol, but small enough to be retained to one country.

The door to her room opens, but Lindsey’s eyes were screwed shut as she tried to dull the throbbing pain in her head. Whoever came into her room drew closer to the bed and Lindsey finally opened one eye. Groaning internally, she opened her other eye when she saw who was standing at the foot of her bed.

“Mary, darling, how are you feeling?” To his credit, Tom looked genuinely concerned, but Lindsey knew better.

“I’m fine.”

She sits up in an effort to prove she’s fine. Her head swims and black spots dance in front of her eyes. Blinking rapidly, she tries to get her vision back to normal, but the action only makes it worse.

“Just stay in bed,” Tom tells her, walking back towards the door. “I’ll send someone to bring you meds.”

Lindsey’s asleep before the door latches.

When she wakes up a few hours later, there is a glass of water and some meds on her bedside table. She sits up slowly, extremely pleased when she finds her head doesn’t swim and there are no dancing black dots obscuring her vision. Moving just as slow as when she sat up, she stands and is once again pleased when she doesn’t immediately collapse.

She grabs the meds and tosses them in the trash bin. Better safe than sorry. She knows it’s unlikely Tom would use fake meds to take her out, but with her being sick, she’s already a weak link. She opens the door and peeks into the hallway. Finding it empty, she slips out of the room and she’s out of the house in twenty seconds.

She heads for the rendezvous point immediately, praying that Tobin was still there and not organizing a raid before they were truly ready. She checks her watch and curses when she realizes how late she is. Picking up the pace, she reaches the place rather quickly and breathes out a sigh of relief when Tobin is still sitting there.

She sits at the table next to her handler, both of them facing the bustling street.

“I was worried you wouldn’t still be here.”

“I was about to leave when I remembered you saying that _he_ was sick last week. You’re around the guy 24/7. Figured you might get sick,” Tobin fishes out a bottle from her pocket. “So I got you these.”

Tobin slips the bottle to Lindsey who quickly pockets them, nodding in thanks.

“Any new things in your life?”

Lindsey glances around at the street, making sure nobody she knew was wandering around.

“Tom wants to take a vacation,” Lindsey starts. “Italy or Germany. He hasn’t decided yet.”

Tobin nods in understanding. She scratches her chin, thinking through something before responding.

“Any reason it could be delayed?”

Lindsey shakes her head slightly.

“Nothing viable.”

Tobin nods again and stands up. She takes out her wallet and drops some money on the table, eyes still trained on the street.

“See you in three days.”

With that, she leaves the table. Lindsey watches her go, the sound of Tobin whistling ringing in her ears as she disappears around the corner. Lindsey waits another couple of minutes before standing herself and beginning the journey back to the house. The entire walk back, she couldn’t shake the feeling she was being watched, and she even took a detour in an effort to shake whatever possible tail she had, but she never saw anyone following her.

When she gets back, she walks inside and reaches her room without confrontation. She opens the door to her room and pauses when she sees someone standing in it, back facing her.

“Uh, can I help you?”

The man turns around and smiles at her.

“Mary, right?”

Lindsey nods, arms crossed over her chest. The man reaches out a hand for her to shake which Lindsey stares at until he retracts it, smile fading a little. He clears his throat, shifting on his feet.

“I’m Mark. Dunno if Tom told you about me.”

Lindsey doesn’t say anything, the silence speaking for her.

“I’ll be heading the Germany operation,” he explains and Lindsey nods slightly, signaling she understands. Though, she’s still not really sure why he’s in her room or explaining this to her.

“Sorry, but why exactly are you here?”

“Tom said I could commandeer you to help me get it operational.”

Lindsey chews the inside of her cheek briefly, hesitating briefly. She opts to simply nod again and Mark’s smile comes back full force.

“Great! We’re looking to be up and running by November.”

Lindsey makes mental note of that, nodding once again.

“I’m gonna go talk to Tom. I’ll be back next week and we’ll head to Germany.”

Mark turns and leaves, the smile on his face burning into Lindsey’s brain. As soon as the door closes, she shudders. This whole operation made her skin crawl and these people were absolutely repulsive. She needed to relay the new information to Tobin as soon as possible.

Three days couldn’t go by fast enough.

* * *

_Berlin - October 2015_

Germany hadn’t been high up on Lindsey’s list of countries to visit, and now she had little desire to return after this. At least not to Berlin, not anytime soon. Tobin had followed her and Mark to Berlin a week after they left and was in constant contact with Interpol and German authorities.

Neither Lindsey nor Tobin was thrilled with the slow rate at which they were having to move. Lindsey wants to get this over with as soon as they possibly can and she knows Tobin isn’t thrilled with how long she has been left in the operation. She wants to get Lindsey out soon; the longer she’s left in, the more of a risk she will be at during the raid.

“Mary,” Mark calls for her as he enters the room.

He finds her pulling on her shoes and a jacket in preparation to touch base with Tobin.

“Going out?”

“Running to the market. Need anything?”

She knows he doesn’t, so when he shakes his head, she nods and buttons up her jacket. She heads for the door, calling over her shoulder as she leaves.

“Be back soon.”

She doesn’t wait for a response, leaving through the front door and turning down the street. She reaches the market in ten minutes, quickly scanning the crowd when she gets there. Spotting a bright orange beanie, she rolls her eyes but makes her way over to the person wearing it. Tobin hasn’t seen her yet and startles slightly when Lindsey bumps her.

“Why are you wearing a highlighter on your head?”

“My ears are cold.”

Lindsey rolls her eyes again, shaking her head. The two begin walking side by side through the market. Neither of them are really looking at the food on display, they’re too busy studying the crowd before speaking.

“Enjoying Berlin?”

That draws a scoff from the younger woman as Tobin browses through the options in front of them.

“Tom was in town yesterday. He’s not happy with Mark, thinks he’s taking too long.”

“Behind schedule?”

Lindsey nods her head, pretending to examine some fruit.

“Tom’s already impatient. Mark’s getting close to being too far off schedule which is good in a sense. Delay the start-up, but Tom’s not in a good mood.”

“Has there been any word on Italy?”

Lindsey shakes her head once again.

“Last I heard, Tom doesn’t want to visit Italy until _after_ Germany.”

“Good,” Tobin looks around. “I gotta get back to the missus.”

Lindsey snorts at Tobin’s reference to the chain of command.

“Tell her I say ‘hi’, will you?”

Tobin nods, flashing a smile before turning and disappearing into the crowd. Lindsey turns back to the fruit, picking out some and paying before leaving herself. She begins the journey back to the house and is only a few minutes away when she feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

Her steps stutter slightly, but she keeps moving. She knows that if she’s being followed, she needs to come off as if she doesn’t know it. The same feeling she had had in Paris is inside her right now and she does not enjoy it. She picks up her pace a little; not enough to raise suspicion, but enough to make her feel slightly less shaken.

The tension in her shoulders doesn’t lessen until she’s through the front door.

* * *

_Paris - November 2015_

Being back in France gave Lindsey a weird sense of relief. Despite the fact Tom was in charge of the operation as a whole, Mark made her far more nervous. Maybe it was because she was more familiar with Tom than she was with Mark. Maybe it was knowing the takedown was happening in Paris with a follow-up in Berlin. Knowing this whole thing was finally almost over, knowing she was _so close_ to returning home, it gave her something to focus on.

She doesn’t have the exact time or date of the raid, but that was on purpose. They needed her to be detained with the rest of the crew and they needed it to be realistic to keep her cover intact. So every day, she woke up and moved about her day, wondering if it would be the day it ended. She had her meet-ups with Tobin, but her handler couldn’t tell her when the raid was coming, so Lindsey just continued to update her with as much new information as she could while she waited.

It’s a chilly, but beautiful, day in Paris. The sky reminds Lindsey of Andy’s room from _Toy Story_ and the irony of what happens in the next few hours is not lost on her. The innocence of her childhood, the simplicity life once held, before being smacked awake by the real world and crashing headfirst into the Bureau.

It was a normal day at the house; at least, mostly. Tom was letting her do whatever she pleased, as always, but she wasn’t being watched as closely as she usually was when she was on property. And she knew why that was. Tom was in a meeting, and by ‘meeting’, Lindsey knew that he was punishing Mark for slacking on the Germany operation.

She didn’t know the details, and, to be perfectly honest, she didn’t want to know. Instead, she looks to the sky and breathes deeply, taking in the peacefulness of the day.

Her eyes are still trained on the sky when the first car arrives. The chorus of sirens that follows is what captures her attention. It all happens so fast that she barely has time to register anything other than the suits and weapons. She feels someone grab her and resists on instinct, struggling the whole way to the vehicle.

The whole ride to the French Interpol headquarters was a blur. Logically, she knew she would be fine, but her nerves were through the roof at the moment. She wants to see Tobin, she wants to go home. She wants to get out of this car and speak to someone who speaks English.

When they finally arrive, they move her to a private part of the building and get her set up in an interview room. She was given instructions to sit down and relax, someone would be in momentarily to begin her debriefing process. She paced the room the entire time and was fairly certain she would burn a hole in the floor if someone didn’t come soon. When the door finally opened, Lindsey was so relieved to see Tobin, she thought she might cry.

“Hey, Linds,” Tobin greeted softly.

“Hey.”

“The agents in Germany just finished the raid and we had Italian authorities verify nothing was happening there.”

Lindsey nods, still standing but no longer pacing.

“We got ‘em, Linds. It’s over.”

“It’s over,” she echoes back.

She blinks a couple of times as the words sink in and she starts laughing with relief. When the tears come, she doesn’t even try to stop them. She just shakes her head and hugs Tobin.

“It’s over.”

Tobin hugs her a little tighter before pulling back and patting her shoulder.

“Ready to go home?”

Lindsey nods and runs a hand through her hair.

“And to go back to being blonde. I’m over being brunette, no offense.”

“Full offense taken.”

Lindsey rolls her eyes and shoves Tobin’s shoulder while the older agent laughs.

“You’re the worst,” she complains.

“Thanks, I try.”

* * *

_Quantico - December 2015_

The building doesn’t look that different than it did when Lindsey and Tobin left in August. To be fair though, it’s unlikely Lindsey would have noticed any differences. She was entirely too focused on seeing the team again. She and Tobin had landed early this morning and were both still a bit tired, but they had both agreed that they wanted to see the team more than they wanted to sleep. More specifically, Tobin wanted to see Christen, and Lindsey wanted to see Emily.

Not that either of them would ever admit those truths out loud.

Bags slung over their shoulders and fresh coffees in hand, the two of them enter the building together, moving through security quickly and getting on the elevator. The ride up to their floor is longer than Lindsey remembers, though she supposes she might just be impatient.

When they finally arrive on their floor and the door opens, Lindsey can’t help the smile that covers her face. Tobin makes an immediate break for the bullpen with Christen’s office as her final destination while Lindsey doesn’t even bother following her, heading straight for Emily’s office. She walks with a purpose and is fairly certain that the other agents milling around the hallways think she’s probably doing something important. And, to be fair, in her mind, it _is_ important, but she doubts the other agents will agree with her.

Reaching the door, she opens it slowly and pokes her head in. Her brows furrow when she finds that nobody is there. The computer screens are already up and running, and she can smell the fresh coffee. She wanders inside the office, wondering where Emily might be. She hears a noise behind her and spins around just in time catch Emily who had launched herself at Lindsey.

“You’re back!”

“Yeah, I came to find you as soon as we got here, but you weren’t here.”

Emily loosens her grip and pulls away enough to look at Lindsey, grinning.

“I was in the bullpen with the others, waiting for you guys.”

“Oh,” Lindsey supposes that makes sense. “I didn’t go to the bullpen ‘cause I thought you’d be here.”

“Funnily enough, I figured that much out myself, which was why I came back here. I guess if you live with a federal investigator for long enough, you pick up some skills along the way,” Emily jokes, and Lindsey completely lets go, stepping back.

“Way to ruin the niceness of the reunion, Son.”

Emily shrugs, still grinning. Normally, Lindsey would be annoyed, but, for whatever reason, she found Emily to be oddly charming.

“Just doing what I do best.”

“Annoying me?”

“Reminding you of why you love me,” she corrects the taller blonde.

“Oh is that so? And why do I love you?”

“You mean besides my good looks and killer dance moves?”

Lindsey rolls her eyes.

“I’m leaving.”

“Hope you enjoyed your time at Casa de Saucy Sonny. Come again soon,” Emily waves as Lindsey walks away.

“Bye, loser,” Lindsey calls over her shoulder.

“You love me, Horan! Don’t deny it!”

Emily’s laugh echoes in Lindsey’s head the entire way back to the bullpen.

* * *

_Somewhere in Wisconsin - February 2019_

The first sense to return is her hearing. It’s muffled and there’s a ringing in her hears, but she can still hear faint voices. She then registers the cold chains rubbing against her wrists and ankle and the throbbing pain in her head. When she finally finds the strength to open her eyes, it takes a minute of blinking rapidly until the picture slides into focus.

She has absolutely no idea where she is, but she does know how she got here and she’s kicking herself for letting her guard down. Her head is pounding and her ears are still ringing when she hears a door open. She doesn’t need to look to know who it is making his way to her.

“Lindsey Horan,” his voice sounds from behind her. “Or should I say, Mary Roberts? Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time.”

She doesn’t flinch, doesn’t turn around. The man continues to approach her, based on the sound of his footsteps. Eventually, he reaches her and walks in front of her, tilting his head to the side as he studies her. Lindsey looks him in the eye, unflinching. She’s isn’t scared of him, regardless of the current situation.

“You have something I want,” he says after a moment.

“I don’t have anything for you, Tom.”

“On the contrary, darling,” he lowers to one knee, getting eye level with Lindsey. “You have something I want and you’re going to give it to me-”

“Over my dead body,” she spits at him.

Tom smirks and stands. Lindsey’s blood runs cold at his next words.

“How about over Emily’s dead body?”

* * *

**_“Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.” - Cormac McCarthy_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay chapter 25!
> 
> Catch ya next time my dudes.
> 
> Au revoir.


	26. You'll Be Prince and I'm the Crying Dove

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Sonnett,” Alex tries to keep it casual for the moment. “We need your help.”
> 
> “Of course, my dudes. What can I do for you?”
> 
> The two agents exchange looks, having a silent conversation, and trying to figure out how to best phrase this. They know there is no best way to phrase it and Emily may take some calming down, but they still agree that she needs to be a part of this.
> 
> “Hey, guys,” Emily sounds from the phone again. “I can’t see you, so if you’re having a silent conversation, I’m feeling really left out right now.”
> 
> “Son,” Kelley starts, “are you sitting down?”
> 
> Emily laughs and Kelley feels so guilty knowing she’s about to take that away from her. She reminds herself that it’s necessary as Emily answers her question.
> 
> “The only time I’m not sitting down here is when I’m getting fresh coffee. What’s up, Kel?”
> 
> Kelley hesitates for a second before deciding to rip the band-aid off.
> 
> “It’s Lindsey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. Dear.
> 
> This took me a million years to return to.
> 
> Between returning to work, getting prepped for next school year, and a whole slew of other stuff, I've been hard-pressed to find time to write!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter though!
> 
> BLM

**_“Never lose hope. Storms make people stronger and never last forever.” - Roy T. Bennett_ **

* * *

_Madison - February 2019_

When Becky enters the conference room with a scowl, Kelley’s the first one to notice. She stops listening to whatever Tierna is saying and feels her own frown cross her face as Becky speaks.

“Anyone heard from Horan?”

Kelley’s frown deepens and Tobin’s head shoots up.

“She’s not back yet?” Tobin sounds worried.

Becky shakes her head.

“She told me when she was leaving Gavin’s place. That was an hour ago. Even with the snow, she should be back by now.”

Kelley crosses her arms over her chest and hums thoughtfully as she leans back in her chair.

“Have you tried calling her?”

“She’s not answering.”

Tobin reaches forward to grab the landline, but Becky stops her from dialing with a look. When Tobin raises an eyebrow in question, Becky shakes her head.

“Don’t call Sonnett. Not yet.”

“Why not?”

“She’s personally involved.”

“We’re all personally involved,” Kelley interrupts, arms still crossed.

Becky shakes her head again.

“Not like Sonnett. I don’t want her knowing yet.”

Kelley practically jumps out of her seat. Her shoulders are pulled tight, her jaw is set, and the team can practically see the anger rolling off her. And frankly, they don’t blame Kelley for her reaction.

“Why the hell not? There’s no better analyst than her, nobody will be able to work as fast as her.”

“She’s personally involved,” Becky repeats. “I’m making the executive decision to keep her off this section of the case until further notice. Do I make myself clear?”

Kelley doesn’t respond, turning on her heel and leaving the conference room before she says something she’ll regret. She can hear Becky and Tierna calling after her faintly, but the blood rushing in her ears and the fire coursing through her veins don’t make it easy for her to listen to what is being said.

She lets her feet carry her outside, only slightly worrying she might take off before someone can find her.

* * *

“Leave her out of this, Tom.”

Tom grins at Lindsey and she wants nothing more than to throttle him. Of course, she can’t because of the stupid chains rubbing against her skin. And the fact that he’s out of swinging distance.

“It’s really quite simple,” he explains like she’s a student who’s not quite understanding the lesson. “You give me what I want and I let Emily live. You don’t and,” he shrugs, “well, I think you can figure the rest out.”

“I don’t have anything for you,” she tries to explain to him again.

She knows he doesn’t believe her, but she has to keep trying and pushing him away. She _has_ to convince him that she doesn’t have the information he is looking for. To be fair, she’s still not entirely sure what exactly that information is, but he seems to be certain that she knows it.

“Lindsey, Lindsey,” he shakes his head, “I swear you used to be a better liar than this.”

“I’m not lying.”

Tom sighs, looking disappointed. He walks back to the door and knocks on it twice. Turning back to Lindsey, he shrugs.

“I tried to be nice about it. I guess some people just need a little convincing.”

The door swings open and two men enter, carrying duffel bags and briefcases. They get closer to her and begin pulling things out, setting up for something Lindsey has the feeling she will _not_ be enjoying. As they do, Tom stands beside them but his eyes are still trained on her.

“Boss wants the information now,” he tells the men. “And whatever else you can pull from her.”

“Boss?” She can’t help but smirk a little. “Not the man anymore, huh?”

Tom ignores her and turns to the two men.

“I gotta make a call. You’re allowed to get started, but keep her conscious.”

With that, he leaves the room. The door closes with a loud bang and the two men approach her. Spotting the syringe in one of their hands, she braces for the other to grab her. When he does, she fights like hell to get out of his grip. It’s not an easy task, with her being chained still. Not to mention the fact that he’s at least six inches taller than her. 

It takes roughly a minute for him to render her essentially immobile, but she continues to squirm while the other man reaches her and grabs her arm. She feels the needle enter her arm and the weirdest sensation she has ever felt comes over her.

She’s still awake, and she can feel the man still holding her, but the room is swimming. She hadn’t heard the door open again - in fact, she knows it hasn’t - but Tom’s voice rings out loud and clear in her head.

“Tell me what you know or Emily dies.”

Lindsey’s knees buckle, but the man is still holding her and keeps her from hitting the floor. Instead, he slowly lowers her to the ground and Lindsey squeezes her eyes shut as she tries to get Tom’s voice out of her head.

“Leave her alone,” she mumbles. “Leave her alone. She doesn’t know anything.”

“Go get Tom,” one of the men tells the other. “Let him know she’s ready.”

Lindsey barely registers the door opening and closing twice before she feels someone grabbing her again. She’s hauled up and sat in a chair, and her head is pounding as she keeps her eyes closed.

“Right,” Tom says and Lindsey’s eyes snap open. “Let’s try this again.”

* * *

It’s cold outside the station, but Kelley finds it oddly calming. It wakes her up, keeps her on her toes (literally), and gives her a strange feeling of peace. She doesn’t turn around when she hears someone approaching. If it’s Becky, she’ll need to focus on staying calm. If anyone else, she doesn’t really care.

“Don’t know that I’ll ever get used to a cold winter,” Alex chuckles as she reaches Kelley.

“This is the first real winter you’ve experienced, Morgan.”

“And I’m not sold on it yet, O’Hara.”

Alex stands next to her and Kelley glances sideways at her.

“Follow me out here just to talk about the cold weather?”

“Followed you out here to make sure you don’t run off to find Lindsey on your own.”

Kelley turns her body to face Alex properly. Her eyebrows raise slightly and Alex laughs at her expression.

“To say your reputation precedes you in these types of situations would be an understatement.”

Kelley doesn’t respond and it’s quiet for a couple of minutes before Alex speaks again.

“I don’t agree with Becky’s decision to leave Sonnett out of the loop either, but I get it,” she says and when Kelley looks at her, she continues.

“I get it, but, like I said, I don’t agree with it. Analysts like Sonnett don’t grow on trees and if we want to get Lindsey back, we need the best people on it and she’s the best.”

Kelley eyes Alex carefully for a moment.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Alex doesn’t answer but takes out her phone and looks at Kelley as she puts it on speaker while it rings.

“Green means go, so go.”

“Hey, Sonnett,” Alex tries to keep it casual for the moment. “We need your help.”

“Of course, my dudes. What can I do for you?”

The two agents exchange looks, having a silent conversation, and trying to figure out how to best phrase this. They know there is no _best way_ to phrase it and Emily may take some calming down, but they still agree that she needs to be a part of this.

“Hey, guys,” Emily sounds from the phone again. “I can’t see you, so if you’re having a silent conversation, I’m feeling really left out right now.”

“Son,” Kelley starts, “are you sitting down?”

Emily laughs and Kelley feels so guilty knowing she’s about to take that away from her. She reminds herself that it’s necessary as Emily answers her question.

“The only time I’m not sitting down here is when I’m getting fresh coffee. What’s up, Kel?”

Kelley hesitates for a second before deciding to rip the band-aid off.

“It’s Lindsey.”

* * *

The throbbing pain in her head might just kill her. Or maybe the dehydration would be her undoing. Then again, there was also the cut on her forehead that was bleeding a slightly concerning amount. And, of course, the men on the other side of the door who would love nothing more than to see her dead.

But none of that mattered right now. All that mattered was not giving up the information. Over the last couple of hours, Lindsey had finally realized that she _did_ have the information Tom was looking for, but she had no plans to give them to the guy. She would rather die than give them up; after all, that was she had been told was being expected from her. It was her duty to give her life before admitting the Bureau’s plans and she had every intention of following that expectation as far as necessary.

But there was also Emily to consider - would she really be willing to leave behind the one she loved most, all for the sake of the badge? A couple of years ago, the answer would be non-negotiable. Zero hesitation, she would sacrifice herself. But now…Now she cannot bear the thought of Emily having to go home alone, knowing that Lindsey would not be coming home again.

Lindsey’s pulled from her train of thought by the sound of the door. Her eyes snap open and fall on Tom as he approaches her. When he reaches her, he kneels down beside her and studies her face for a moment before standing once more and addressing his thugs.

“Still not talking, eh?”

The men shake their heads and Tom turns back to Lindsey, tapping his chin and humming thoughtfully.

“Alright, pull her up,” he instructs. “I want her standing, but don’t be afraid to stretch her arms up just enough to make it uncomfortable. We’re on a schedule.”

Lindsey has no energy in her to even try to resist when the men grab her and haul her to her feet. She stumbles slightly, but there are four hands holding her steady and keeping her upright. They then walk her a bit from the wall, far enough that the chain on her ankle pulls tighter, but not so far as to be any more uncomfortable as it had been. Two of the hands holding her disappear and Lindsey hears the familiar sound of chains moving as the other pair of hands grab her arms and lift them. Her arms lift higher and higher until she’s left barely toeing at the ground.

“She’s ready,” one of the guys grunts.

“This feels like,” Lindsey coughs, trying to clear her throat and make her voice less scratchy. “It’s like a bad action movie,” her voice breaks off and she coughs again.

Her throat is unbelievably dry; it hurt to speak, but it was worth it to see the look on Tom’s face when she said that. It even drew a small snicker out of one of his men, resulting in him glaring at both of them and the two of them leaving the room hastily. As the door closes, Tom turns back to face her and smiles.

“Now,” he steps forward, “where were we?”

* * *

“You did _what_?” Becky sounds incredulous and looks like a disappointed teacher, and, to be completely honest, it gives Kelley really weird flashbacks of her high school geometry class.

“We told Sonny what was happening and asked for her help,” Alex calmly replies to their chief.

“Did I not give you _explicit_ instructions to not do just that?”

“Broon-”

“You both _deliberately_ disobeyed me. And we’ll discuss that later,” Becky glowers at both of them momentarily. “But, for now,” she sighs and sits back down, “what did she give us?”

“Lindsey’s phone has been off since five-thirty,” Kelley finally speaks. “The signal never moved from the spot where her car was found, but her phone was never recovered either. So, we don’t know where she is right now…”

Becky leans back in her chair and sighs heavily, rubbing her hands over her face.

“Call Dahlkemper,” she tells Alex. “And I do mean Dahlkemper, not Sonnett. Tell her she’s taking over for Sonnett and then call someone to take Sonnett home.”

Alex looks like she wants to argue, and Kelley would have backed her if she had, but she simply nods and turns to leave the room. Kelley turns to Becky, crossing her arms over her chest.

“We need Sonnett on this and you know it.”

“And _you_ know that I gave you and Morgan direct orders to not bring her in on it yet. I know you don’t always agree with what I do, but as your chief, I expect you to follow my orders.”

“I have followed your orders, when they were reasonable,” Kelley counters.

“And you don’t think Sonnett’s emotional involvement could hurt this thing long term?”

“I think we’re _all_ emotionally involved and none of us are going to let any one of us be sidelined because of it,” Kelley responds before turning on her heel and leaving the room.

She quickly runs into Alex who is returning from her call with Abby. The taller brunette raises an eyebrow at Kelley’s sour expression.

“What are the odds we keep Sonny in the loop?”

Kelley knows she shouldn’t go against Becky’s orders, but she’s already lost one team member and she’s not about to lose another one. She knows how it feels to lose a loved one in the line of duty and the idea of Emily losing Lindsey in a similar way to how she lost Hope makes her sick.

“Oh, I plan on it,” Alex replies and Kelley nods.

“Good.”

* * *

Half of her body hurts, but the other half is numb. Lindsey’s not sure which is worse. Tom still had yet to get the information out of her, and was currently taking a break, but was showing no signs of stopping any time soon.

He wasn’t exactly used to being told “no”, so each time he heard it, he grew more impatient. And more violent. Lindsey’s almost one hundred percent sure that there are only two reasons she’s not dead yet. For starters, she hasn’t given up the information yet. And secondly, she’s pretty sure Tom’s under orders (from whoever is apparently above him) to keep her alive for whatever reason.

But damn does her head hurt. The last time her head hurt this much was in Paris - three years ago. And that’s not a fun memory for her to dredge back up. She’d rather stay in this limbo that she is currently in, floating somewhere between the painful reality of now and the blissful reminiscing of the past.

The pounding in her head is getting to be too much, though. The memories of the past are being drowned out by the painfulness of now. The remembrance of how things _used_ to be was being overshadowed by reminders of how things were going right now.

The cold concrete against half of her face, and being felt by roughly half of her body. The spinning sensation she felt despite lying down and keeping her eyes closed. The heat her skin was radiating off of her, in spite of the shivers running through her body. It was all _very_ present, and none of it was changing soon.

Not unless the team got here soon. 

The door opens again, but Lindsey doesn’t bother opening her eyes. She’s far too tired, and she knows it’s Tom coming in to check if she’s ready to give up the information. She knows exactly how it’s going to go because it’s gone the same way since she’s got here.

The only thing they change is how they set her up to be interrogated. Tied to a chair, hanging from the chains, on the floor - they switch it up a little. But the questions? That’s one thing that never changes.

And sure enough, it’s the exact same as it was last time.

“When and where is the next raid on our operation?”

Lindsey still doesn’t open her eyes as she takes a breath and sighs.

“Fuck off, Tom.”

* * *

The bullpen is alive with movement, but Kelley is stiffer than a statue as she waits for Becky to make her decision. She won’t budge until her captain gives word one way or another - and then she’ll go get Lindsey, regardless of Becky’s decision.

Because it’s Lindsey.

Because the thought of Emily having to live without Lindsey, live the way Kelley’s been living without Hope, is unbearable. She knows how it feels, knows what it does to someone, and she is not about to let her friend have to deal with that.

“Beck, are we ready to go or not?” Alex asks, already strapping on her vest.

“We’re just waiting for Dahlkemper to verify,” Becky responds.

The chief has yet to make any move towards getting geared up, irritating both Kelley and Alex. They wanted to tell her that Emily had already verified the location, that they were losing time. But, they also both knew that disobeying direct orders from their chief was not an unpunishable feat. Alex could see the impatience coming off of her partner and was honestly just waiting for her to break.

Kelley had held off longer than Alex had thought she would, though she suspected the shorter woman would break in a moment or so.

“C’mon, Broon, we’ve got good info on this, don’t we?” Alex asks, trying to get her chief to commit to it before Kelley snaps.

“Dahlkemper’s on the line-”

“It’s been verified,” Kelley finally cuts in. “Sonnett verified it. We’re good to move, but we gotta go fast or they’ll move her and it’ll be too late.”

Becky’s jaw sets and she crosses her arms, studying Kelley. Alex is briefly worried that Becky is about to fire Kelley, and she lets out a small sigh of relief when that isn’t the case.

“Let’s get a move on then,” Becky says. “Gear up.”

The team moves quickly, strapping on their gear and hustling toward their SUVs. Kelley, Alex, and Tierna are in the front one, leading the charge, while Becky, Megan, and Tobin are in the second, leaving Christen at the station with the police captain. The sirens are on and Kelley’s foot hasn’t let off the pedal in the slightest since they left the station.

Her jaw is clenched and her grip on the steering wheel is so tight that Alex hasn’t taken her eyes off of it since they left. The newest team member knows better than to ask, or even speak, given the vibe that her partner is currently giving off. She knows that after Hope, and given everything that’s happened since Dallas, Kelley won’t let anything get in between her and saving Lindsey. She may not have been here for very long, but she knows enough about people, and has learned enough about Kelley.

She will stop at nothing to take these guys down.

* * *

They’ve progressed past the half-pain, half-numb feeling. Now, it’s more like seventy-five percent pain, twenty-five percent numb. She would rather have it the other way. The numbness is easy to ignore - it feels weird at first, sure, but then she moves past it and ignores whatever they do to her. But the pain? The pain is getting to be unbearable.

She wants to get out of here. She wants to kill Tom. She wants to see Emily.

But she can’t move. It hurts too much, and she’s so tired. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to move, it hurts to think. It hurts to hear the door open again, and she has to hold in the groan that she wants to let out. She knows that he knows he is getting to her, but she is not about to let him know just how much he is getting to her.

When she hears the gunshots, her eyes snap open and she tries to move, immediately gasping in pain as she does. Tom tumbles through the door, making a beeline for her and picking her up. He moves her in front of him just as Alex and Kelley enter. Lindsey nearly sobs in relief, but she knows that it’s not over yet.

Tom is still behind her and she is all too aware of the gun pointed at her as Alex and Kelley hold their own steady, pointed towards Tom.

“Agents O’Hara and,” Tom pauses and Lindsey nearly kicks him when she hears the glee in his voice at the next thing that he says, “oh, I don’t believe we’ve met. You must be Agent Solo’s replacement, huh?”

Lindsey sees the anger flash in Kelley’s eyes briefly before the two of them lock eyes. The older agent nods slightly and the younger one blinks once. She elbows Tom hard and immediately drops, rolling away as she hears the gunshots. She hears the body thud on the floor and risks a glance.

Tom’s, now dim, eyes are looking in her direction and Lindsey lets the cries leave her as Kelley and Alex reach her, pulling her up. The partners are speaking to her, but the blood is rushing through Lindsey’s ears, making it impossible for her to hear what they are saying.

“Emily,” she says, cutting off whoever is speaking.

“What?” Kelley asks, voice sounding muffled until Lindsey focuses on her.

“Emily,” she repeats. “I need to see her.”

Kelley and Alex exchange a glance and nod to one another, leading Lindsey out of the room.

“Alright,” Kelley whispers to the blonde, “let’s get you home to Sonny.”

* * *

**_“If you are going through hell, keep going.” - Winston Churchill_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad to be back my dudes. We'll see how my updating for this and the Malibu Nights universe become over the next few weeks.
> 
> As always, expect inconsistency.
> 
> It is what it is.
> 
> Enjoy your life and remember to live life to the fullest!
> 
> BLM


	27. Beautiful and Battered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You gonna order food or what?” Alex asks as she reaches over and takes the menu from in front of Kelley.
> 
> “Why, so you can steal my fries like you always do?”
> 
> Alex nods, still looking at the menu.
> 
> “You know you could just order fries for yourself, right?”
> 
> Alex looks up from the menu and smiles at Kelley, eyes bright with amusement.
> 
> “Where’s the fun in that?”
> 
> “Getting to eat your own food? Not having your hand slapped away by me?”
> 
> Alex takes a sip of her coffee before replying.
> 
> “You stopped slapping my hand after a month”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my dudes, it took me ten million years to return but here we are.
> 
> We have reached the end.
> 
> Not gonna lie, it feels a little rushed, but I was honestly struggling with where else to take this story, so here it is. Take it or leave it.
> 
> Thank you for all the love and support you have given me and this story.
> 
> So, one last time.
> 
> Enjoy my dudes :)

**_“Fall seven times, stand up eight.” - Japanese Proverb_ **

* * *

_Milan--March 2019_

Alex doesn’t even bother trying to stop Kelley when she marches into the meeting room and grabs George Hill by the collar, forcing him against the wall. A brief look of fear flickered across the man’s face, but he quickly schooled his features and let out a small laugh.

“Agent O’Hara, right? Yes, I remember you.”

“Your buddy, Tom, remembered me too,” she growls, pressing him harder against the wall, “right before I put a bullet in him.”

She can feel his heart rate increase and the surprise on his face is impossible to miss. Pulling him away from the wall, she drags him to the table and shoves him back into the chair, standing right beside him.

“You had us convinced, George,” Alex finally speaks and the man’s eyes snap to the younger agent. “We thought Tom was still in charge, but Agent Horan told us he wasn’t.”

The glare George sends both of them only solidifies what they already know to be true.

“We took your organization down once,” Kelley reminds him, leaning forward, hands pressed against the table. “And we will do it again. For good.”

“You forget your place, Agent O’Hara,” he mocks. “You have no idea how far my reach is.”

“And you have no idea how far I, and my entire team, will go to end this.”

She stands up straight and turns on her heel, leaving Alex to follow her as she leaves the prison. She could feel George’s eyes on her as they left the room and knew when they were out of his line of sight because the back of her neck finally stopped tingling.

The ride back to the station was quiet, neither agent feeling like talking. Granted, even if Alex had decided to talk, Kelley would never know. The gears in her head were turning faster than ever and she was trying to keep from getting too worked up. Her white knuckles on the steering wheel were a clear indicator that she was not successful. She was tired of the games, tired of George Hill.

As they reach the station, Kelley’s phone rings, pulling her out of her own headspace. She blinks and frowns at her screen when she sees Becky’s name flashing across it.

“Cap? What’s up?”

Alex watches her, looking for any indicators as to what the nature of the call might be.

“You guys haven’t left Milan yet, have you?”

“No, we’ve gotta grab our things and go over a couple more things with the agents here,” Kelley is looking at Alex while she’s replying, the younger agent watching intently. “Why?”

“We need you to meet us in New York.”

“New York?”

“Yeah, Press sent you guys copies of the case file. Get on the next flight to New York and then meet us at the field office.”

“You got it, Broon.”

Kelley hangs up and offers a wry smile to Alex.

“So much for our weekly diner visit to Elaine.”

“I hear New York is lovely this time of year,” the younger agent comments and Kelley lets out a snort of laughter.

“Too bad it’s not Fashion Week.”

“Maybe next time.”

* * *

_New York City_

The grin Lindsey gives Kelley when she and Alex walk into the conference room confuses her slightly. She glances towards Tierna and Tobin, who are also stifling smiles, before her gaze lands on Becky.

“What? Did Alex draw on me while I was sleeping again?”

Lindsey shakes her head before responding.

“Heard you shook up Hill.”

“Who told you that?”

“His lawyer,” Becky interjects, drawing Kelley’s attention to her.

Kelley waits for the reprimand to come, but the only thing Becky offers her is a flash of a small smile, so quick she nearly misses it, before turning around to face the board.

“Heath, Horan, family interviews. Davidson, Morgan, geographic profile. O’Hara, Pinoe, go meet with the M.E. and see where they’re at.”

Kelley frowns slightly, not liking being separated from Alex. She liked working with the younger agent; she was quick, smart, and, occasionally, funny. She loved working with Megan, but she didn’t like Becky switching up partners without consulting her. Of course, she knew Becky had zero reason to let her in on her reasoning, but that did not mean she had to like it.

Nonetheless, she follows Megan to the front of the building and climbs in the SUV.

“So when do you think Tobin and Christen are finally gonna admit they’re sleeping together?”

“What?!”

Kelley’s yell makes Megan swerve slightly, but she maintains control of the vehicle and glances at Kelley quickly, a look of disapproval on her face.

“You know better than to yell like that when someone is driving.”

“You just told me Tobin and Christen are sleeping together and you expect me to _not_ react like that?” Kelley asks, incredulous.

“I thought you knew!”

“Why would I know?”

Megan’s expression becomes confused and she glances at Kelley again.

“You and Pressy are best friends, and you’re a profiler. Not to mention the fact that they’re literally shit at hiding it.”

Kelley shakes her head, mind reeling as she scrambles to remember little interactions between her two friends she may have seen recently.

“She never told me.”

“Well, again, they haven’t told anyone.”

Kelley scoffs, looking out the window, and the two ride in silence for a few moments.

“Does anyone else know?” She finally asks.

“I’m pretty sure everyone knows, even Sonny.”

Had she really been that out of tune to her friends’ lives? What else had she missed? Were Lindsey and Emily engaged? Had Megan eloped? Was Becky secretly sleeping with someone at the office? Was Alex dating again? Tierna was still a kid, right?

“Hey, Kel,” Megan squeezes her shoulder to get her attention. “Where’d you go?”

Shaking her head, Kelley clears her mind and smiles at her (temporary) partner.

“I’m good, Pinoe. Let’s go see the M.E., yeah?”

Megan nods, but Kelley can tell she is still concerned. Kelley opts to watch the landscape roll by for the remainder of the car ride and let her mind wander again, wondering once more how much she had missed as she continued to focus on getting back to “normal”. She gives her head a slight shake once more, deciding this was a problem for another day.

They had a case to solve.

* * *

_Washington, D.C._

The familiar sound of the bell ringing as the door opens and closes brings a smile to Kelley’s face. Spotting Elaine, she offers a wave and takes a seat as she waits for the server to bring her some coffee. While she waits, she keeps an eye on the door, waiting for Alex to arrive.

“You know, when I didn’t see you last night, I thought you and Alex had stood me up to go on a real date.”

Kelley tries not to flinch at the words _real date_ and offers Elaine a smile while the server pours two cups of coffee.

“We were in New York, got back early this morning. Slept all day, so we rescheduled for tonight. We’d never abandon you, Elaine. Not when you make me the best coffee in the world,” Kelley responds.

The older woman rolls her eyes slightly, shaking her head.

“I still don’t make the coffee.”

Kelley just shrugs, taking another sip of coffee and glancing over the menu Elaine had brought her while the server goes off to tend to her other patrons. The bell by the door sounds again and Kelley’s head shoots up, eyes darting in the direction of the door. A smile involuntarily crosses her face and she waves the younger woman over, gesturing to the second coffee mug.

“Aw, you got me coffee?” Alex asks as she takes the seat next to Kelley. “Better be careful, O’Hara. People might start to think you actually have a heart underneath all that darkness and brooding nature.”

Kelley raises a finger to her lips, shushing Alex, and looks around the diner before leaning closer to the younger woman.

“Don’t tell anyone or I’ll have to kill you.”

Alex laughs, eyes crinkling and shoulders shaking. Kelley can’t help but watch, at least until she spots Elaine watching the two of them out of the corner of her eye. She feels the smile on her face fade a little and she leans back from Alex a bit, finding sudden interest in her coffee.

“You gonna order food or what?” Alex asks as she reaches over and takes the menu from in front of Kelley.

“Why, so you can steal my fries like you always do?”

Alex nods, still looking at the menu.

“You know you could just order fries for yourself, right?”

Alex looks up from the menu and smiles at Kelley, eyes bright with amusement.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“Getting to eat your own food? Not having your hand slapped away by me?”

Alex takes a sip of her coffee before replying.

“You stopped slapping my hand after a month”

Kelley frowns; that can’t be right. She doesn’t share food with anyone, like, ever. She has vivid memories of being a small child and swatting her own father’s hand away when he would reach for her plate during dinner. She had swatted at Hope when they first started dating, too. The older woman had been amused, waiting to see how long it would take for Kelley to stop the involuntary action.

It had taken a month.

And now she felt like there was a rock in her stomach.

* * *

_Quantico_

It seemed criminal to have to be at work before the sun rose. Unfortunately, it wasn’t exactly an uncommon occurrence. But that didn’t mean Kelley was any more awake this time around than she was any time before when they had been called in this early.

She sat at her desk, drinking the last of her coffee and willing it to wake her up despite knowing she would need another cup before she could be even half awake. She’s so out of it, so exhausted, that she completely misses Christen walking up next to her and startles slightly when the press liaison speaks.

“So when are you going to ask her out?”

Turning to face Christen, Kelley raises an eyebrow.

“Ask who out?”

“Alex.”

Letting out a laugh of disbelief, Kelley shakes her head.

“Why would I do that?”

Now it is Christen’s turn to shake her head.

“C’mon, Kel, I’ve known you long enough by now to know when you like someone. And I know you like her.”

Kelley ignores the weird feeling in her stomach, deflecting her friend.

“Did you become a profiler without me knowing or something?”

She fights the impulse to make a comment about Christen and Tobin taking what felt like a million years to figure their own stuff out. Her best friend didn’t know that she knew about her relationship, so she bit her tongue.

“No, I didn’t become a profiler,” Christen replies, leaning against Kelley’s desk. “I just recognize the twinkle in your eye. I haven’t seen it in a while...” she trails off.

Kelley’s gaze drops to her desk and her smile fades. She can feel her heart physically twisting in her chest. She doesn’t have feelings for Alex, she _couldn’t._ There was no twinkle in her eye - absolutely not. There couldn’t be; she wouldn’t let herself fall for a coworker. Not again.

“She has the same twinkle you know?” Christen’s voice brings Kelley back to reality. “The one she used to get when she talked about her. I see it when she talks to you.”

With that, Christen pushes off her desk and heads for Becky’s office, Kelley’s eyes following her the whole way.

“Briefing room in five, Kelley,” Christen calls over her shoulder before entering the office and closing the door.

Kelley’s eyes remain trained on the closed door and she only half-realizes when Alex arrives, dropping her things at her desk.

“Hey, O’Hara, what’s got your mind running so fast?”

Kelley turns her attention to her partner and gives a cheeky smile.

“Oh, just wondering how someone could look so pretty at this hour of the morning.”

She doesn’t even register what she is saying until she’s already said it. And then, it’s out there and she doesn’t know how to recover. And with Christen’s voice echoing in her head, she finds herself studying Alex, who has now blushed a little. The younger agent’s fingers are dancing across her desk, unsure of what they should be doing, while she double-checks that she has everything she needs. She also purposely avoids looking at Kelley who has finally realized what she is doing and looks away.

The agreement to not profile each other flashes in her mind and she feels guilty. She didn’t make a habit out of profiling friends; in fact, she made it a habit to make sure she _didn’t_ profile her friends.

She also doesn’t want to lead her partner on.

She likes Alex, of course, she does. But, she likes her as a friend. The last thing Kelley wants to do is to lead the younger agent on if she actually does have feelings for her. So she goes to say something; what she goes to say, she’s not quite sure, but something needs to be said. Before she can though, Alex has moved from her desk and is walking towards the briefing room.

“Coming, Kel?”

“Right behind you, Al,” she replies as she stands and joins her partner.

She ignores the look from Christen when they enter the room together. She ignores Lindsey’s whispering voice when she heads for the coffee maker and pours two cups. She returns to her seat and hands Alex her coffee, receiving a soft squeeze on her elbow as a silent ‘thank you’. Settling in and opening her tablet, Kelley looks up to find Christen’s eyes on her and a knowing look on the press liaison’s face. Adjusting in her seat, Kelley sticks her tongue out at her friend who rolls her eyes and turns on the plasma.

“Alright, Press. Let’s hear what we’ve got.”

* * *

_Alexandria_

It feels a little weird knocking on the front door of the place she lived for a while after Hope was killed. But it would feel even weirder just walking in unannounced, especially into Lindsey and Emily’s home. Kelley had learned that lesson the hard way - really, she should have known better. After all, Lindsey and Emily were dating.

It still made her cringe.

So, she knocks and rocks back on her heel as she waits for one of them to open the door, hopefully fully clothed. She hears a muffled voice saying something that sounds an awful lot like “coming” and again, Kelley prays she’s not interrupting something.

The door swings open and Kelley finds herself face to face with a confused-looking Lindsey.

“Uh, hey,” she greets, leaning against her door frame. “What’s up? Did we have dinner plans tonight?”

Kelley shakes her head and scratches at the back of her neck, kicking at the ground. She can’t bring herself to make eye contact with Lindsey, which is ridiculous. This is the woman who stood by her when she fell apart, helped pick her up, and supported her while she put herself back together. And Kelley couldn’t look her in the eye because she was...embarrassed? Nervous? 

Both?

“Kelley?”

Lindsey’s voice prompts her and she blinks, looking over Lindsey’s shoulder towards the window straight back from the door.

“Christen thinks Alex likes me,” she blurts out.

Lindsey blinks in surprise before her expression becomes slightly confused.

“Okay? What does that mean?”

“What do you mean ‘what does that mean’? Christen thinks Alex _likes_ me.”

“I heard you the first time,” Lindsey laughs as the door opens more to reveal Emily who had wandered over to see what was going on.

“This is bad.”

“What’s bad?” Emily asks as she leans against Lindsey who wraps an arm around her shoulders.

“Apparently Christen thinks Alex likes Kelley.”

“Oh, she so does,” Emily responds casually.

“What? How do you know? Did she tell you?”

The questions tumble out of her mouth, one after another. She’s unable to stop them and feels a little ridiculous when Emily laughs at her.

“No, she didn’t tell me.”

“Then how do you know?”

Emily shrugs.

“It’s obvious.”

Frowning, Kelley turns on her heel and goes to leave.

“Kel,” Lindsey calls and she pauses. “Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“Would you like to stay forever?” Emily jokes before she can answer and Kelley can almost _hear_ the eye roll from Lindsey.

“Okay, Mulan.”

“It wasn’t Mulan who said it, Linds. It was her grandmother.”

“Whatever,” the taller blonde dismisses. “Kelley?”

The older agent turns to face them slightly and shakes her head.

“Not tonight. Thank you, though. Have a good night.”

“You, too, Kel.”

* * *

_Quantico_

Walking into the bullpen, Kelley moves like a zombie. She feels robotic, going through the motions but not really processing what she is doing. Her mind is still spinning from the takedown. It had been similar to the one where Hope had died, too similar for her liking.

_“Alright, breaching,” Becky grabs their attention as they all finish strapping on their vests. “Heath and Davidson, take the center. Horan and Press, take the left. Pinoe and I will take the right. O’Hara and Morgan, you’re on the upper level, got it?”_

_All the agents nod in understanding._

_“Alright. Let’s end this.”_

She almost walks past her desk, stopping just in time to avoid suspicion, but she remains standing. She wants nothing more than to leave the office right now. She wants to go home and go to sleep. She wants to wake up and realize this had all been a bad dream. But she couldn’t leave, not yet. They all had to be debriefed before they could be released.

_The agents approach the door behind the SWAT team members and Becky gives one final instruction._

_“Remember, no shooting unless absolutely necessary. We don’t have exact numbers on hostiles and we don’t want to shoot anyone who might be innocent.”_

_When her agents in understanding, Becky turns and gives the signal that they are ready to proceed. The door is knocked open and they enter quickly, pairing off to clear their respective sections._

_Kelley takes the lead, having Alex watch her six as they climb the stairs. She ignores the nagging voice in her head that is trying to remind her of what happened the last time she was in a similar situation like this._

Kelley watches as her team members reach their own desks, head turning to face Lindsey’s when she hears Emily’s voice sound by the door. She watches the smaller blonde launch herself at the older one and manages a small smile. Those two were going to make it; she could tell.

_The first guy they encounter is unarmed, but the swing he takes at Kelley doesn’t exactly scream innocence, so she subdues him, rendering him unconscious and then has Alex zip-tie his hands behind his back. The second guy they see has a gun, but his back is turned to them when they reach him, allowing Alex to quickly knock him out and take his weapon before zip-tying his hands behind his back as well._

Tierna opens the top drawer of her desk and puts her travel chess set away before closing the drawer and dropping her head to her desk with a groan. Kelley felt a twinge of sympathy for the young doctor. She had been with them for nearly a year now, but she was still a kid. Only 22 and helping catch some of the sickest people on the planet; Kelley still isn’t quite sure how she does it. Not to mention, she recently mentioned that she was trying to cut back on her caffeine intake, meaning she wasn’t practically mainlining coffee the way the rest of them were.

Kelley wouldn’t be surprised if Tierna fell asleep with her head on her desk right now.

_They reach the top of the stairs, in the middle of a hallway. Kelley knows what this means, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Alex signals for them to branch off, not even waiting for Kelley to agree before she takes off for the slightly longer section. Kelley curses silently, trying to keep her head clear as she moves and clears her section of the hallway._

_“Check-in,” Becky sounds through their earpieces._

_“Left is clear,” Lindsey replies._

_“Center is good,” Tobin says next._

_“Right’s clear,” Becky lets them know. “Up top? O’Hara?”_

_“We split up but I just cleared my section,” Kelley tells her chief. “I’m making my way to Morgan now.”_

_“Copy that.”_

Becky and Megan shut themselves away in their respective offices and Kelley closes her eyes with a sigh. This was going to be a long night. She finally drops into her chair and leans forward, putting her head in her hands as the guilt starts gnawing at her.

_The loud band gets her attention and she picks up the pace, heart racing. She hears another thud as she reaches a door and doesn’t hesitate to kick it open. She fires immediately, but he still manages to get a shot off before he drops. She moves quickly and kicks his gun from him before checking for a pulse._

_Turning to clear the room, she feels the ground shift beneath her feet at the familiar sight. Alex is lying on the ground, bloody from being shot. She holsters her gun quickly and reaches her partner, dropping to the floor._

_“Alex, I’m here, you okay?”_

_“Holy shit, that hurt like a bitch,” Alex groans, cradling her arm._

_“C’mon,” Kelley helps her stand up as the rest of the team reaches them. “Let’s get you home.”_

Feeling a presence next to her, Kelley looks up to find Alex standing beside her.

“Don’t beat yourself up, Kel,” she tries to comfort her. “I’m okay.”

Kelley’s gaze fixes on the sling Alex’s left arm is currently cradled in before shifting up to the nasty bruise covering a good portion of the younger agent’s face.

“It’s okay,” she repeats before pointing to her face with her good hand. “Just won’t be dining in a high-end restaurant for a couple weeks.”

Kelley doesn’t laugh.

“I should’ve moved quicker,” she whispers. “I should’ve seen it coming. I...I didn’t have your back.”

She drops her gaze again and Alex reaches out with her uninjured arm, taking her hand.

“Kelley,” she starts and Kelley’s eyes meet hers, “if you didn’t have my back, I wouldn’t be here.”

Kelley wants to argue, but before she can say anything, Becky’s voice cuts her off.

“Everyone except Morgan, go home. We’ll debrief in the morning.”

That wakes everyone up and gets them moving quickly. Lindsey and Emily leave hand-in-hand while Tobin makes her way to Christen’s office. Kelley watches them all go, letting herself smile briefly at her friends’ happiness. The sound of Tierna standing with another groan gets her to look at the younger agent and she smiles again, watching her leave and knowing the good doctor will get a good sleep tonight.

Finally, Kelley goes to stand and leave herself, glancing at the closed door to Becky’s office as she gathers her things. Her body is screaming at her to go home and get some rest, but the nagging voice in the back of her head is telling her to stay and make sure Alex gets home alright. So, she sighs and sits back down, fully packed to leave, but not going just yet.

It takes less time than she thought it would for Alex to re-emerge from Becky’s office, meaning she had only just started her paperwork when the younger woman approaches their desks. She looks exhausted as she gathers her things and glances at Kelley.

“What are you still doing here?”

“Waiting for you, princess,” Kelley teases, leaning back in her chair. “Everything good?”

Alex nods, grabbing her jacket and trying to put it on. It seems to be more difficult than she had thought it might be, so Kelley quickly stands and helps her get it on.

“Yeah, Broon just wanted to make sure I knew I’ll be deskbound for a while.”

Kelley grimaces, remembering when she had been deskbound. Something tells her that Alex will take it just about as well as she had. Leaning against the desks, Kelley points towards the exit.

“Do you need a ride home or anything? We could go see Elaine.”

Alex laughs a little, getting Kelley to smile as well, but shakes her head.

“Nah, one of my sister’s is in town. She’s already waiting for me downstairs.”

Kelley rubs at the back of her neck, unsure of what to say now. Alex grabs her bag and heads for the elevator, but Kelley pushes off the desk and returns to her own, taking a seat once more.

“Hey, Kel?” Kelley looks up from her paperwork. “You coming?”

“Oh, uh, I’ll see you tomorrow,” she gestures toward the mess of papers on her desk. “I got a couple of things I wanna finish up before I get out of here.”

“Okay,” Alex smiles easily. “See you tomorrow.”

Kelley watches the younger woman get on the elevator and watches as the door closes. She looks back at her desk, attempting to refocus on whatever she had been working on when Alex went in to meet with Becky.

She makes it roughly thirty seconds.

“Oh, fuck it,” she mumbles, tossing her pen down.

She stands and quickly slips on her leather jacket, grabbing her bag and hurrying towards the stairs. She needed to get to the parking lot before Alex left or she wouldn’t be able to do this. She reaches the lot just in time to see the younger woman getting ready to get in a car.

“Hey, Morgan!”

That gets Alex’s attention and she turns to face Kelley with a half-confused and half-amused look on her face. Kelley stops a few feet away from her and takes a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves and ignoring the fact that she currently felt like she was back in high school.

“Yes, O’Hara?”

“Would you maybe-I mean, if you’re up for it-like if you want to,” Kelley stumbles over her words, not quite sure how to say it.

And now she feels like she is back in middle school because she is pretty sure that was the last time she struggled this much with asking a girl out.

“Would I maybe…?” Alex prompts her, eyes twinkling with amusement in the lights of the parking lot.

Christen had been right.

Taking a deep breath, she tries again.

“Would you maybe like to go out sometime? With me? Like, on a date.”

Alex’s smile grows and Kelley feels one of her own cross her face.

“About damn time, O’Hara.”

The younger agent takes a few steps forward and presses a kiss to Kelley’s cheek. Kelley suddenly finds her shoes really interesting and, once again, feels like a teenager. Getting in her sister’s car, Alex offers a smile and a small wave as they pull out. Kelley watches them go, the smile still etched on her face and hand raised in farewell. When the car disappears, she drops her hand and puts it in her pocket, turning to head to her own car.

Maybe love could be good.

* * *

**_“You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.” - Oscar Wilde_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming along on this journey with me and these characters. I'm excited to have my first full-length fic finished!
> 
> Now, it's time for me to focus on my Malibu Nights universe!
> 
> As always, feel free to yell at me on Tumblr or in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the full-length Criminal Minds AU I am starting! It is a fic designed to fill in the gaps of the one-shot I wrote based on Diamond Heart by Alan Walker.


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